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Round Two- now he accuses me.


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some of you might remember my earlier post about my boyfriend flirting with the girl at the thrift store. i had listened to your advice and done what i could to let this go- I decided to focus on my own thoughts before tackling his, and have an appointment with a therapist this week. our relationship took a pretty bad turn and then a good turn- unrelated to this girl, just over other things- and we were trying to give it all a fresh start yesterday.

 

then, after work, he checked the phone messages. there was a message on there for ME from a guy. he handed me the phone and was getting upset. i listened to it; it was an ex-coworker. i had gone out for drinks with a female ex-coworker a few weeks ago, and she'd invited this guy along. He'd given both of us his number and said we should all go out again sometime. he was calling to invite me to go hang out. i didn't know how he'd gotten my number but only assumed female coworker had given it to him.

 

boyfriend gets upset and starts questioning me. i start to blow up. he doesnt't believe me when i say i had not given this guy my number. after the thrift store thing, and after having given him NO reason to even imagine that i have ever cheated on him during our years together, this was too much. i stupidly brought up the girl again and said that if anyone had any reason to be suspicious it was me.

 

i then emailed female coworker and asked her about the phone call, and printed out her response and left it for boyfriend to read. i was right- it's perfectly innocent. this guy had called her to go out and asked for my number so he could invite me too.

 

boyfriend is not talking to me. i'm in a rock and a hard place. not only did i get mad at him about flirting with this girl, but he also thinks I'm cheating, and i don't know if he'll believe the truth even with female coworker's email.

 

i have no idea where to take this.

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I had a boyfriend act like this once. He was trying to get me to break up with him. I wouldn't break up with him (*I was a big stupid*) and tried to fight for the relationship, so he just dumped me.

 

I don't think you and your boyfriend have enough trust in one another for this relationship to work :( Besides, if you're having problems now, what's it going to be like if you get engaged? You'll be trying to plan a wedding to this guy who's flirting with your bridesmaids and accusing you of sleeping with the preacher!

 

And after you're married, God forbid that one of you has to work late :(

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i think he's suspicious of me because 1. he says i 'acted weird' when he told me about the message- which i'm sure i did, considering i didn't even know who it was from at first, and i had not given this guy my number secondly; and 2. he seems to think that i am trying to dump him whenever we fight, even if the fight is about him needing to do his own laundry.

 

i agree, this is going downhill fast.

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Luxie, I think that going to counselling will help you to clarify a few things in your mind. Be warned, it can sometimes result in people making fairly major life decisions.

 

What's your boyfriend's view on you going to a therapist? Has he considered booking an appointment too? From your previous posts, it sounded as though a lot of the relationship problems were coming from him depending financially on you. Any progress there?

 

I don't suppose he would consider going along for a couple of counselling sessions with you? It does sound as if you guys are going through a bad patch just now.

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