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I have been through so much crap


Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy Being unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.

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Old 21st December 2017, 12:11 PM   #1
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I have been through so much crap

Ok, so here goes. I have posted on here about a guy im dating. He was hiding his phone and what not and it drove me insane. It didn't help my ex was a sociopath and a cheater. I felt like crap because my insecurities were everywhere. Eventually I did find things. He was sitting online with other women sexting, flirting, talking about sex and I ended up figuring everything out. During the time I was insecure, he made me think it was all me when It really was him. He lied so much to me and at one point I was going to dump him. I went into therapy with him and tried to work on things because he said he would have done anything to fix things. I have not seen anything in 7 months and he says he has not done anything,, but my trust issues are still there. I fought so hard and really wanted to work things out with him. Now I have a crush on someone. I screwed up and kissed him. I know this is wrong, but I'm not sure what I need to do at this point. I mean, is there a way to come back from the trust issues? Can't it take some time to trust someone? I'm just lost.
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Old 21st December 2017, 12:18 PM   #2
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I'm trying to figure out why on earth either one of you should trust the other.


But one way to help rebuild trust would be to stop ****ing around.
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Old 21st December 2017, 12:20 PM   #3
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This relationship, is as unhealthy as they come.

Infidelity, for both partners. I don't think you are meant to be together.

I'm not sure that you have trust issues as much as you have had very untrustworthy partners. Your picker is way off...

I would suggest that you find a good counsellor to learn what it is to have a healthy relationship. You need a counsellor, more than a boyfriend, at this point.
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Old 21st December 2017, 1:32 PM   #4
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Date trustworthy people.


If you see bad behavior ask that it stops. When you get gas lighting in response to such a request, walk away.
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Old 21st December 2017, 2:10 PM   #5
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Dump them, not fix them. You just don't have the smarts to know what's right, and worth working on. IMO you are beating a dead horse. You do have self esteem issues, because you wanted your ego boosted by receiving the affections from another guy. You have loss of control.

You need to breakup with your BF and take a break from relationships for awhile. Get your head on straight.
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Old 22nd December 2017, 4:44 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kittiehehe676 View Post
Ok, so here goes. I have posted on here about a guy im dating. He was hiding his phone and what not and it drove me insane. It didn't help my ex was a sociopath and a cheater. I felt like crap because my insecurities were everywhere. Eventually I did find things. He was sitting online with other women sexting, flirting, talking about sex and I ended up figuring everything out. During the time I was insecure, he made me think it was all me when It really was him. He lied so much to me and at one point I was going to dump him. I went into therapy with him and tried to work on things because he said he would have done anything to fix things. I have not seen anything in 7 months and he says he has not done anything,, but my trust issues are still there. I fought so hard and really wanted to work things out with him. Now I have a crush on someone. I screwed up and kissed him. I know this is wrong, but I'm not sure what I need to do at this point. I mean, is there a way to come back from the trust issues? Can't it take some time to trust someone? I'm just lost.
Yes it takes time...

and NO, he wasn't shown anything in 7 months because he never had any intention to. He cried crocodile tears in order for you to let him off the hook.

You got the "Say Anything" excuse for cheating

When people say they will say or do "Anything" or "Everything" to make it right, rest assured they feel that way until the first difficulty arises in "Anything".

Your couples counseling was wasted time and wasted money.

He has no intention of changing his behaviors because he has had no real consequence for them. His only intention is to continue as normal for him until you get mad again, then he will lather, rinse, repeat.

Words are cheap. Actions are everything.

Please understand it will be a minimum of 2 years at best for him to be able to make himself a trustworthy and safe partner. He has already shown he can;t or won't do the work.

He showed you who he is and will continue to be. Believe him and give yourself the best Xmas present you can and become single this very night or you will regret it.
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Old 25th December 2017, 11:10 PM   #7
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For clarification, you say he has not done the work. Are you saying that because I said " I have not seen anything?"
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Old 26th December 2017, 1:51 AM   #8
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For clarification, you say he has not done the work. Are you saying that because I said " I have not seen anything?"
No,

I said that because of the TOTALITY of your post. H e has not shown you anything because he feels no need. Because he really has not had much consequence for anything...other than you kissed someone. But in reality that all it did for you was to basically let yourself down...not him. I know it is "just a kiss"...but don't sink to this guy's level.

What I am trying to say is that taken as a whole, life is FAR too short to have this much drama in yours, or in fact ANY relationship.

Read around here, in this subforum in particular It reads like a script at least twice a day.

Boy or Girl is in relationship, one is hiding the phone, doing God knows what Lo down stuff...making the poster think they are crazy for even being here.

The details are invariably similar. We tell the poster what we think, give him or her advice based on our experiences. And we tell them life is too short...get rid of him/her...And rarely do new arrivals listen the very first time. Which is understandable. What do we know? We are just a bunch of jaded bitter whiners. However usually those very same people come back after attempting it THEIR WAY and getting the same result.

I am not very diplomatic, but terribly long winded.

So I'll Wrap It Up. lol

I, and most everyone else dispenses advice because we have been in a similar position to you at least once in our lives. I just don't want to see someone make the same mistakes that we did. Prolonging emotional agony by not believing somebody when they show you who they truly are is a shame. There are men (and women) who would love to be in a relationship with someone like you. This guy ain't it.

Please please please go see what(or who) is out there waiting for someone like you to come along.. Don't settle. You should never have to.

Merry Christmas and Good Luck.
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