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Should I tell?


Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy Being unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.

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Old 21st October 2017, 10:59 PM   #46
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Did you tell yet?
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Old 22nd October 2017, 1:59 AM   #47
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OP, you have learned something very important: you are most definitely not in love with your boyfriend anymore.

This was an emotional-turned-physical affair. That is a different ball of wax than a random one-night betrayal after a wild night out, for example. The level you reached is a scary one, but it indicates that you are not being honest with yourself or your boyfriend about how much you love him. This was active, ongoing deception.

What this suggests to me, unfortunately, is that you are so checked out of your relationship that you are likely to cheat again. Even if you promise him never to do so, it doesn't undo the bigger problem which is that you are not committed to him and are curious about other guys to the point of acting on your desires. In my opinion, you and your boyfriend are far too young and inexperienced to stay together forever at this point. My advice would be yes, tell him, and prepare to separate.
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Old 22nd October 2017, 2:49 PM   #48
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Nothing in my post says it will be "undone". What I meant was, sometimes people can put it behind them and move forward. I know many couples that had suffered way worse infidelity, and after time apart, they reunited, worked through it and now are happily married with no other incidence.

it's not always cut and dry. Sometimes it increases the bond, not tear it apart. Depends on the individual. Not everyone is willing to completely write off a relationship over a indiscretion, or even an affair. Life is just like that.
Smackie, you do make a good point.

I, who am an absolutist "burn the witches" type am also well aware that for some, this type of thing is not a deal breaker, and in some cases it has for odd reasons, allowed some couples to survive and thrive.

The only thing I would add to your statement is that in my opinion, most of those who do survive these things and thrive in their relationship do so because hey take the bull by the horns and work on themselves to become a safe person to be around, regardless of the outcome

I do not think OP will be one of them.

Had it been a one night stand or a drunken romp one time, then I could see where the relationship may survive if she had been forthcoming right away.

Op,though, is trying to control the outcome in order to suffer the least amount of damage to herself regardless of the fact that in her opinion, what she did is at the end of the day, not that bad.

And that is why I doubt not only that will the relationship survive, but also why I don't think OP really has a clue as to exactly why what she has done will merit a scorched earth reaction from her poor boyfriend.

It's almost as if her underlying theme is "Yeah I banged this guy 5 times, but it was just a physical need being fulfilled. So it's only a bad thing if somebody gets hurt. But since he is none the wiser right now, he isn't really hurt.


PLUS

"I don't want to be screwed out of a long term engagement just because I screwed somebody else 5 times. It's not like I am in love with them".

You and I have had the luxury of being here long enough that we do occasionally see a happy ending to these stories, albeit few and far between.

This won't be one of them.
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Old 22nd October 2017, 9:53 PM   #49
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Smackie, you do make a good point.

I, who am an absolutist "burn the witches" type am also well aware that for some, this type of thing is not a deal breaker, and in some cases it has for odd reasons, allowed some couples to survive and thrive.

The only thing I would add to your statement is that in my opinion, most of those who do survive these things and thrive in their relationship do so because hey take the bull by the horns and work on themselves to become a safe person to be around, regardless of the outcome

I do not think OP will be one of them.

Had it been a one night stand or a drunken romp one time, then I could see where the relationship may survive if she had been forthcoming right away.

Op,though, is trying to control the outcome in order to suffer the least amount of damage to herself regardless of the fact that in her opinion, what she did is at the end of the day, not that bad.

And that is why I doubt not only that will the relationship survive, but also why I don't think OP really has a clue as to exactly why what she has done will merit a scorched earth reaction from her poor boyfriend.

It's almost as if her underlying theme is "Yeah I banged this guy 5 times, but it was just a physical need being fulfilled. So it's only a bad thing if somebody gets hurt. But since he is none the wiser right now, he isn't really hurt.


PLUS

"I don't want to be screwed out of a long term engagement just because I screwed somebody else 5 times. It's not like I am in love with them".

You and I have had the luxury of being here long enough that we do occasionally see a happy ending to these stories, albeit few and far between.

This won't be one of them.
We cannot know how the BS will react to this OP.

Many past versions of this story has had the BS
forgive and marry the WGF. Have the kids, mortgage
on the house. Then the WGF steps out again and
now is a WW.
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Old 22nd October 2017, 10:50 PM   #50
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Well, it is Sunday night and nary a word from the OP. I think this is a clue that her loving bf didn't react very well to the news that what he was taking out of her for the past half year was what another man was putting into her...
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Old 22nd October 2017, 11:20 PM   #51
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Well, it is Sunday night and nary a word from the OP. I think this is a clue that her loving bf didn't react very well to the news that what he was taking out of her for the past half year was what another man was putting into her...


Or maybe she didn't even tell him.

OP - how did your weekend go?
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Old 22nd October 2017, 11:26 PM   #52
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I believe she did tell him and it is going to be a few day for her to get back with LS if she ever does.
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Old 22nd October 2017, 11:54 PM   #53
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I believe she did tell him and it is going to be a few day for her to get back with LS if she ever does.

Could be. I would bet that if she did see him this weekend even if she didn't spill the beans that she may have been acting squirrelly enough that he may have an inkling that something is rotten in Denmark.
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Old 23rd October 2017, 12:01 AM   #54
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We cannot know how the BS will react to this OP.
.

Yeah I can actually relate. I never dreamed I'd go berzerk and beat my fiance and my best friend within an inch of their lives. Looking back now I was totally clueless it was going on. Sure I walked in on them banging in my house. I do wonder sometimes if I had a clue it was going on if I'd have reacted differently if I had been armed with the info.

That was always the biggest thing for me to let go of, that feeling of utter cluelessness. I some ways I don't think I ever got past that part even 30 years later
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Old 23rd October 2017, 1:02 AM   #55
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I hope she is ok. 😢
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Old 23rd October 2017, 11:15 AM   #56
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I believe she did tell him and it is going to be a few day for her to get back with LS if she ever does.
That seems overly optimistic. Judging by the way she was looking for an easy way to break this news to him... I think she will avoid it as much as possible.
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Old 23rd October 2017, 10:50 PM   #57
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Give OP some credit, she knows she is in the wrong.

Families are best friends and she has done something that more then likely break the families apart.

So she is ready to do the right thing that will hurt a lot of people who she loves.
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Old 24th October 2017, 1:57 PM   #58
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Failies are best friends and she has done something that more then likely break the families apart.
Which makes it all the more probable that no admission was, is , or will be forthcoming in the near future. At least not until her hand was forced.

OP was looking for any respondent to tell her to keep her trap shut. She really didn't get what she was seeking, and basically got called out on it. I guess anything is possible, but I don't see a fully transparent confession in the offing.
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Old 24th October 2017, 2:51 PM   #59
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We haven't seen Silver....I bet money on it, they are choosing to keep silent about it.
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Old 24th October 2017, 4:17 PM   #60
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My money is on "she didn't tell".
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