LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Romantic > Dating > Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy

Should I tell?


Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy Being unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.

Like Tree38Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 20th October 2017, 12:02 PM   #31
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 776
Quote:
Originally Posted by usa1ah View Post
You had your bf hanging out with the guy you were cheating with?

Damn thatís cold.

I believe you should tell your bf. Give him a chance at least.
Absolutely agree.

Silver, this is going to pi$$ him off bigtime. I mean, he is going to come unglued when he pieces that together. Be prepared to have fury come at you...

You seem like you want to do the right thing, and I applaud you on that. But take it from someone who has been cheated on, you have no idea the amount of work you are going to have to do. Think of the worse, and multiply by 10. Being cheated on is not an overnight fix. It is months and sometimes years of work to overcome.

I hope you learned something from it...
usa1ah likes this.
frigginlost is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20th October 2017, 12:31 PM   #32
Established Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 1,388
I think once the full truth comes out you need to prepare yourself for being single. The longer you wait to tell him the worse off it will be for him. I don't want to sound mean but the fact that you did it over five months says everything about how little you really care for him feelings. You should break up regardless so he can go on with his life have find a woman ready to have a real relationship.

I really find it hard to believe that there are decent people out there anymore after reading things like this.
Clay is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20th October 2017, 1:06 PM   #33
Established Member
 
smackie9's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Surrey BC Canada
Posts: 11,819
Quote:
Originally Posted by S2B View Post
If life was just that easy... unfortunately, the past can't be undone...and the feelings that go along with what has happened.
Nothing in my post says it will be "undone". What I meant was, sometimes people can put it behind them and move forward. I know many couples that had suffered way worse infidelity, and after time apart, they reunited, worked through it and now are happily married with no other incidence.

it's not always cut and dry. Sometimes it increases the bond, not tear it apart. Depends on the individual. Not everyone is willing to completely write off a relationship over a indiscretion, or even an affair. Life is just like that.
__________________

You are a fool if you believe that having each others passwords = trust.
smackie9 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20th October 2017, 1:12 PM   #34
Established Member
 
smackie9's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Surrey BC Canada
Posts: 11,819
Quote:
Originally Posted by Silver10 View Post
Thank you to everyone for your replies. I value your opinions.
The outcome with be difficult, but I truly believe you are ready to deal with whatever consequences. Best of luck Silver10.

We will be here, well I will be here to give you support if you need it. take care.
S2B and usa1ah like this.
smackie9 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20th October 2017, 1:52 PM   #35
Established Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,603
did you get tested for stds? Did you use protection? are you pregnant?

you could write a timeline of the A for your B/F and give it to him.

make one detailed and the other the summary.

Do not have him interact any more with your B/F. that is extremely cruel.

if you do care about your B/F, start protecting him and have NC with the OM.

complete NC.

also, start protecting your relationship and your B/F and stop protecting the OM. Tell his girlfriend what happened.

Be honest with your B/F.

How would you feel if he dated and had sex with someone else for several months? Would you be hurt?

Do not marry him. You have destroyed him. He will never forget this.

good luck, but stay away from the OM. He cheated on his girlfriend. He used you for sex. He does not love you.

Tell your boyfriend soon. The OM has been bragging on campus about his sex with you with all of his buddies.
S2B likes this.
harrybrown is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20th October 2017, 2:35 PM   #36
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 76
Quote:
Originally Posted by Silver10 View Post
I will see my BF this weekend.

Thoughts on beginning pre-marital counseling?
Perhaps the counselor could help guide the confession?
I have never seen a counselor before, so I am unsure of how it all works, but I am interested in seeing someone.
Others have said it already, but I agree. Pre-marital counseling is not the answer here. This was your decision to cheat. Not once in a manner that could perhaps be forgiven over time because of poor judgment, call it moment of weakness, crime of passion, drunken mistake, etc. etc. But four more times. You had time to think about it and did it again. So working through this doesn't have to do with him and this relationship. It has to do with you. You are broken and you need to look deep to find out why you would think it all right to do this to someone.

While your level of recognition in your posts that you are in the wrong is the right place to be, you are also showing to be quite casual about the idea that you are likely (and hopefully, no offense) going to lose the love of your life. Perhaps its just the nature of you you come across in writing, but it makes me think that you think you love him, but in words only when in fact you are quite disconnected from him emotionally already.

And I say "hopefully" you will lose him because what you have described is a heavy indicator that this is going down a bad path for both of you. You, because you are not in a mentally stable enough position to marry someone if you let yourself put your own needs so selfishly in front of the person you think you love. And him, because he is in for a world of hurt, from finding out that the woman he loves betrayed him, numerous times in a calculated way, that she likely will not take herself out of the environment where her fling is (speaks volumes to your priorities and lack of commitment to work at saving the relationship and make your BF feel safe), and the years he will be tormented by this potentially happening again before you discover why you chose to repeatedly sacrifice your relationship. Even if he does try to forgive you, regaining that trust will quite literally take years and years, and that's no way for either of you to be spending your first years as a married couple instead of being lost in love with each other.

So I apologize for being harsh, but bottom line....
- You purposefully took multiple actions to ruin your relationship
- A part of me actually thinks you are ok with having ruined it, and may not even regret this outcome deep inside
- He should really leave you, for both your sakes
- You need focused counselling to understand why you would actively ruin a healthy relationship, and also explore whether you even love at all.

I hope things work out for you. I really do. You just have a bit of a road in front of you on figuring things out I think. It will come.
BMI03 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20th October 2017, 3:04 PM   #37
Established Member
 
Space Ritual's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Chicago
Posts: 2,373
Quote:
Originally Posted by Silver10 View Post
I will see my BF this weekend.

Thoughts on beginning pre-marital counseling?
Perhaps the counselor could help guide the confession?
I have never seen a counselor before, so I am unsure of how it all works, but I am interested in seeing someone.

NO!!!

Again, You are making decisions for him you have ZERO right to make.

Do you not understand that it is your decision making process for him and for the relationship that got you into this mess in the first place?

Another attempt to cover your ass to assuage your own guilt and get somebody to tell you this isn't your fault.

You don't need a counselor, you need the guts you had to cheat on him to turn into the guts you need to be honest and not trying to control the outcome.


You are still thinking only for yourself.

You don't need a counselor, you need your big girl panties and take responsibility for it by being honest TO EFFING DAY!

I know it is scary, but look at my tagline.....you need to show action not words.
__________________
The measure of a person is not based upon the words that they speak, but upon the choices that they make.
If they keep stabbing you in the back, then quit handing them the knife.
Space Ritual is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20th October 2017, 3:20 PM   #38
Established Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Depends on the day
Posts: 761
Quote:
Originally Posted by Silver10 View Post
I will see my BF this weekend.

Thoughts on beginning pre-marital counseling?
Perhaps the counselor could help guide the confession?
I have never seen a counselor before, so I am unsure of how it all works, but I am interested in seeing someone.
This would be the best way to go if you were seeing the counselor this weekend. Just let him know the two of you need to talk. Don’t pretend that everything is ok. Meet him at his house and get it over with. Keep it simple and do not tell him who yet if able.

You might also do it by writing a letter to him and giving it to him. This was you can say everything you want with out the fear of breaking down.

Last edited by usa1ah; 20th October 2017 at 3:24 PM..
usa1ah is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20th October 2017, 3:28 PM   #39
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 431
Quote:
Originally Posted by Silver10 View Post
I will see my BF this weekend.
Thoughts on beginning pre-marital counseling?
Perhaps the counselor could help guide the confession?
I have never seen a counselor before, so I am unsure of how it all works, but I am interested in seeing someone.
Honestly... I feel like you are trying to make this easier for yourself and harder for him. It literally feels like you are luring him into a situation where you have an ally to confront him... and try to trick him into trying to work on the relationship. It's a stupid idea, because he will think about it later and realize how you tricked him.

If you can't be honest with him without a counselor present... how can he trust you to be honest at all? Do you plan to be in therapy forever?

Stop wasting time and tell him. Then suggest some Pre-Marital counseling.
Cobra_X is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20th October 2017, 6:10 PM   #40
S2B
Established Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 3,323
Quote:
Originally Posted by usa1ah View Post
This would be the best way to go if you were seeing the counselor this weekend. Just let him know the two of you need to talk. Donít pretend that everything is ok. Meet him at his house and get it over with. Keep it simple and do not tell him who yet if able.

You might also do it by writing a letter to him and giving it to him. This was you can say everything you want with out the fear of breaking down.
I disagree with keeping ANY info from your BF. Tell him. Tell all.

And I think it's important to do it now - not this weekend. He and you should be tested for diseases.
S2B is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20th October 2017, 6:13 PM   #41
S2B
Established Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 3,323
How many months went by while you were with this OM?
S2B is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20th October 2017, 6:39 PM   #42
Established Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Depends on the day
Posts: 761
Quote:
Originally Posted by S2B View Post
I disagree with keeping ANY info from your BF. Tell him. Tell all.

And I think it's important to do it now - not this weekend. He and you should be tested for diseases.
It is the weekend 😁.

Itís not to keep things from him. It is a chance to get past the first round of anger so he doesnít do something stupid.
usa1ah is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20th October 2017, 8:23 PM   #43
Established Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 5,914
Silver10, it takes two to five years to recover
from an affair.

Can you do the emotional roller coaster for five
years with your betrayed BF?
road is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20th October 2017, 8:39 PM   #44
Established Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 434
You should tell him immediately. How, I'm not sure. I'm trying to think, as a man, how I'd like to hear about it. I think I'd appreciate a heartfelt letter more than words in person. Then, I could process what I was reading and decide if I ever even wanted to speak to you again. The relationship would be over permanently for me. Seriously, how could he ever trust you again? You threw it all away.
Highndry is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 21st October 2017, 8:41 AM   #45
Established Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Depends on the day
Posts: 761
What have you decided Silver10?

Donít drag this on. The longer you take the harder it will be and you will hurt your fiancť even more.
usa1ah is offline   Reply With Quote
 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 4:31 AM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.