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# of Partners - ONS vs Dating/Relationships


Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy Being unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.

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Old 21st October 2017, 3:12 PM   #16
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OP, you don't come across as secure at all with this woman. I don't really blame you. She's shown some questionable judgment and behavior, to say nothing of her getting involved with a married man with children.

I understand you feel your marriage was long over by time this woman resurfaced and gave you the final kick in the pants to dissolve your marriage. But I think you subconsciously feel more heavily invested in this woman because, on the surface, she is the reason you left your marriage and family.
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Old 21st October 2017, 5:00 PM   #17
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Indeed. The subtext, of your text, seems to say: "this woman hurt me in the past and I don't know if I can trust her now..."

Last edited by BaileyB; 21st October 2017 at 6:27 PM..
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Old 23rd October 2017, 7:12 AM   #18
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The Italy trip notwithstanding, I find ONS much worse than RLs when it comes to sex partners of a woman I'm dating. To me it shows lack of good judgement and seems to carry into other areas of their life when they have not thought things through. It's a sign of their character - regardless of how long ago it was. Also, why didn't these guys hang around?

The last girl I dated said she "thought" she was around 30 but wasn't able to give an actual number as she had forgot (she had a Groundhog Day memory - like couldn't remember anything). This estimate was littered with ONSs as was typical for her "I want to ignore concequences and only care about having fun and feeling good" attitude.

I have had very few ONSs, but my number has always been higher than any girl who told me hers.

Double standard? Perhaps. Once they start asking guys out and paying for dates I'll reevaluate my stance.
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Old 23rd October 2017, 12:57 PM   #19
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Thanks everyone. I have done a lot of thinking the past couple days. The issue is on my part, not hers.


A) It was 20+ years ago and I was the one who caused our break up then (for the most part). We talked a lot about this after we reconnected and both apologized and forgive each other.


B) Her total number is 6 which I think is below the average for most women.


My hang up is psychological. I think bc she was my everything then and I was just too young and stupid and hung around friends that were a bad influence and I messed it up. It was terribly terribly painful to see or hear about her sexual exploits right after me. I think it is a form of PTSD. I get depressed thinking of those times, what she was doing with other guys, and how I messed things up and lost out on so much with her. I get images in my head a lot of her and these guys. It confuses me that she was so in love with me and then just jumped into bed with other guys soon after me. That hurts. I just can't get it out of my head. I guess I might need professional help.
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Old 23rd October 2017, 2:11 PM   #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wookin Pa Nub View Post
B) Her total number is 6 which I think is below the average for most women.

I guess I might need professional help.
How do you know it's just 6? Were you there? I've never known women to be honest about this... in fact they are notoriously dishonest. I would bet her number is much closer to 20 based solely on her actions. Actions tell you the truth.

I'm not sure that this requires professional help. It seems like something every guy deals with. If you want to get over it... then you need to score with more women.
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Old 23rd October 2017, 3:02 PM   #21
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Whatever you have with this woman you are going to ruin it big time if you keep on down this line of thought.
I suggest you go get help ASAP.
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Old 23rd October 2017, 3:39 PM   #22
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I've gone over your other threads, OP and it certainly doesn't seem like you trust this woman, at all. You say otherwise in your posts but you have multiple threads up about the same woman and they all revolve around her behaviors that you have an issue with. So, I suggest that you do things here:

1. Take a step back and decide whether or not you truly trust her. Again, you say you do but, again, these continual posts and threads tell a different story. To be blunt, I think that you are trying to avoid being the "jealous" type and fooling yourself into thinking you have faith in her and he relationship. I get where you're coming from here, I really do. I spent many years trying to convince myself that I trusted a woman who had done nothing to earn it. I'm not saying your GF hasn't done so which leads me to my second point.

2. If you decide that you don't trust her, then you need to figure out if she is actually giving you reasons to void that trust or if you're insecure with her and the relationship. There certainly seems to be a lot of drama in this relationship; especially with the Italy debacle. There are things about her that would be red-flags for me (past infidelities, hanging out with pregnant women who screw around on their husbands, etc..etc..) but I don't know the woman or the finer details of your relationship.

But, there is one thing that sticks out in the back of my mind.. You have known this woman for over twenty years yet you are questioning her and her intentions in this relationship. That doesn't bode well, my friend.
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Old 23rd October 2017, 11:02 PM   #23
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OP, do you think you have trust issues you need to work on? I don't see logically how this woman's modest sexual history should be creating the level of suspicion and doubt you are speaking about at this point. Unless I'm missing something here, it doesn't sound like you have anything to truly worry about.
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Old 23rd October 2017, 11:07 PM   #24
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There are things about her that would be red-flags for me (past infidelities, hanging out with pregnant women who screw around on their husbands, etc..etc..) but I don't know the woman or the finer details of your relationship.
I didn't know this piece, OP. If it's true, then that would be a red flag for me too. In any case, I don't feel it's worth trying to preserve a relationship that doesn't have a healthy foundation to begin with. It's not going to magically appear one day. You have to be the one to ultimately decide if (when?) it is worth cutting your losses.
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Old 24th October 2017, 6:27 PM   #25
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You aren't thrilled she jumped into bed with someone after you split up .... but you're the one who actually cheated on her with her brother's girlfriend.

If you loved her, how could you do that. I think it's unfair and kind of hypocritical to judge her based on sleeping with a guy after you were no longer in a relationship with her.

I agree that issues are yours and your kicking yourself that you messed up back then.

It's in the past. Leave it there.
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