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My girlfriend is still in contact with her ex after they sexted each other


Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy Being unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.

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Old 18th October 2017, 7:54 AM   #16
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Originally Posted by smackie9 View Post
Just read the first line....dump her.
I read up to the fourth post.

Do you want my opinion?

Dump her. She has never stopped cheating
and never will stop cheating. She does not
respect you.
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Old 19th October 2017, 10:10 PM   #17
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We talked about it. I asked her straight up when the last time she talked to him was. Maybe she had a hunch that I knew but she came right out and said it, which I appreciated. She said that she doesnt know why she does it, they were together for such a long time, he was her childhood, she definitely does not want to be with him, she minimizes things in her head, and a few other things. It was late so I told her to go home.

She called me about an hour later and broke up with me because this isnt fair to me, that she isnt respecting me or our relationship, and that i deserve so much better than her. I told her that I wouldnt want to continue until she figures out why she keeps contacting him and what she really wants in life right now. So we are taking a break to figure things out (her stuff and if I want to continue our relationship), though, we agreed to not see other people while on it. Im fully prepared for us to break up by the end of it.

Did I do something wrong?
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Old 19th October 2017, 10:23 PM   #18
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Girlfriend likes every single photo of this one guy

My [24m] girlfriend [22f] of 2 years consistently likes this one guys photos on Instagram. Every. Single. One. No exaggeration.

Many of them are of him shirtless showing off his muscles. I never really get jealous at anything but for some reason this one has gotten to me. My jealousy has been amplified when we were looking through her computers photos and a screenshot of a chat between them popped up and it was something about how she was bored in her dorm room and how he could "save her." She replied, "You totally could have" the next day (she fell asleep before she could respond). They dont seem to talk now, though.

Should I talk to her about this? It seems like she is totally virtually flirting with him through all the likes. Am I being totally unreasonable about this?
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Old 19th October 2017, 10:35 PM   #19
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Originally Posted by fidelcashflow View Post
We talked about it. I asked her straight up when the last time she talked to him was. Maybe she had a hunch that I knew but she came right out and said it, which I appreciated. She said that she doesnt know why she does it, they were together for such a long time, he was her childhood, she definitely does not want to be with him, she minimizes things in her head, and a few other things. It was late so I told her to go home.

She called me about an hour later and broke up with me because this isnt fair to me, that she isnt respecting me or our relationship, and that i deserve so much better than her. I told her that I wouldnt want to continue until she figures out why she keeps contacting him and what she really wants in life right now. So we are taking a break to figure things out (her stuff and if I want to continue our relationship), though, we agreed to not see other people while on it. Im fully prepared for us to break up by the end of it.

Did I do something wrong?
I think you did the right thing and handled it pretty well.
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Old 19th October 2017, 11:50 PM   #20
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OP if she’s had to having dialogue like that she’s Already hooked up with him. I wouldn’t be surprised. When it comes to cheating always prepare for the worst because it’s usually worse than what you think. Or don’t Say anything and gather more evidence. Then confront her because if you do without evidence she’ll talk your way out of it, monitor everything she doing on all of her social media. Protect yourself and prepare yourself mentally for your relationship to end.
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Old 20th October 2017, 12:13 AM   #21
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She DM'ed a random IG guy with thoughts laden with sexual innuendos.

At the very least seems like she's emotionally cheating.

That said, she's in college. Not surprising that she's curious and sounds like she might be getting bored in your relationship.
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Old 20th October 2017, 12:57 AM   #22
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End the relationship now. Not tomorrow, not in 1 hour, now. No break - end it. Just dump her. It doesn't matter how you do it. Text her. It doesn't matter. If I were you I would literally block her number and ghost her with no explanation.

She's not attracted to you and is invested in her old relationship. You can't compete with the bond/attachment she has to this guy. This girl will be hung up on this guy for many many years. You're being strung along and much of your relationship has been a lie, she has no respect for you and is not emotionally invested in you, she has been thinking about her ex and thinking about having sex with him and being with him.

You were an experimental rebound phase that many young girls sadly put themselves through after a traumatic breakup. I'm seeing this happen at a ridiculous frequency recently. First love cheats on girl, girl loses her mind and has experimental phase for attention and rebellion, realizes she's still in love with ex and men and dumps the experimental rebound. She's not lesbian, she's not into girls, she lost her mind after her breakup with this guy and got with you in an act of rebellion. There is ZERO future with her.

If you don't take this advice you are in for an absolute world of pain when this "break" ends and she either tells you she's not "ready for a relationship right now", or she gets back with you purely because her ex is with a new girl and she wants to be on equal playing field to him, where she will continue to contact him, think about him, dream about being with him while you sleep next to her. It's not about you. She is invested in him and there's nothing you can do.

Her formative years were spent with this guy, she lost her virginity to him, fell in love with him, and he cheated on her which sadly has mentally damaged her to a degree you can't understand, and rendered her relationship-off-limits for the forseeable future because she is most definitely still in love with him and probably more so than ever now that it's a "taboo" or "forbidden" thing.

Please end it after you read this message and understand why you have to do so.

Last edited by hunk; 20th October 2017 at 1:02 AM..
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Old 20th October 2017, 3:50 AM   #23
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I'm not sure if your GF was the OW (other womab) or her Ex's new girl is... but it doesn't really matter.

You seem to be way more into her than she's into you.
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Old 20th October 2017, 6:54 AM   #24
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Originally Posted by fidelcashflow View Post
We talked about it. I asked her straight up when the last time she talked to him was. Maybe she had a hunch that I knew but she came right out and said it, which I appreciated. She said that she doesnt know why she does it, they were together for such a long time, he was her childhood, she definitely does not want to be with him, she minimizes things in her head, and a few other things. It was late so I told her to go home.

She called me about an hour later and broke up with me because this isnt fair to me, that she isnt respecting me or our relationship, and that i deserve so much better than her. I told her that I wouldnt want to continue until she figures out why she keeps contacting him and what she really wants in life right now. So we are taking a break to figure things out (her stuff and if I want to continue our relationship), though, we agreed to not see other people while on it. Im fully prepared for us to break up by the end of it.

Did I do something wrong?
You did nothing wrong.

Now from now on remember to not date women just out of relationships.

Her break request is a break-up is disguise. Return her stuff and make it a real break up. It's unfair to you to wait around while she'll be running to her ex with no care in the world.
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Old 20th October 2017, 7:12 AM   #25
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Based on the timeline pointed out, you are the rebound after a first love...those first ones are doozies when the breakup happens. She met someone new, and of course wants serious, marriage, etc., but you're not him, and she still seems too attached to him and what they had. I think breakup is inevitable, and she's not prepared yet to move on from this guy. She will have to suffer consequences, and not from just you but other guys, and learn on her own to move on from this guy. She'll have to learn on her own whether he's permanent or a jerk. She could get back together with him, only to be cheated on again.

She has to move on, on her own. She'll probably go through a lot of dates and relationships before she meets the one, and who knows how many relationships will be sabotaged by this past relationship and these actions of hers. You were just, presumably, the first, or the first that stuck long-term.

You need to find someone who's ready to truly move forward with you. We all have our past loves. We don't cling to them and maintain contact, let alone sext. He seems to be playing with her as well, not drawing boundaries either...it's just not a good situation. He doesn't really want her, but he's still hanging on to a degree. It's a push-pull, and it's messing with her - it's really her that has to put up that boundary and let him go as someone who isn't good for her, but until she's ready, this will be a continuous problem.

Don't wait for the break to be over. Make it permanent now.
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Old 20th October 2017, 7:19 AM   #26
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Originally Posted by fidelcashflow View Post
We talked about it. I asked her straight up when the last time she talked to him was. Maybe she had a hunch that I knew but she came right out and said it, which I appreciated. She said that she doesnt know why she does it, they were together for such a long time, he was her childhood, she definitely does not want to be with him, she minimizes things in her head, and a few other things. It was late so I told her to go home.

She called me about an hour later and broke up with me because this isnt fair to me, that she isnt respecting me or our relationship, and that i deserve so much better than her. I told her that I wouldnt want to continue until she figures out why she keeps contacting him and what she really wants in life right now. So we are taking a break to figure things out (her stuff and if I want to continue our relationship), though, we agreed to not see other people while on it. Im fully prepared for us to break up by the end of it.

Did I do something wrong?
You should have used that conversation to break up with her. She cheated on you and doest really want to be with you, but with her ex. He won't be with her, so she's with you.. Your ego and/or heart may struggle with that, but the signs are clear as can be and you will continue to get hurt if you don't wise up to them. You should walk away.
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Last edited by Cookiesandough; 20th October 2017 at 7:21 AM..
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Old 20th October 2017, 8:34 AM   #27
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This time last year I [24f] found out that my girlfriend [22f] of 2 years was sexting her ex.

Ummm. OP, are you female? Everyone answered like you are male. When you put 24f was that an error?
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Old 20th October 2017, 9:11 AM   #28
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Not at all...

Quote:
Originally Posted by fidelcashflow View Post
Did I do something wrong?
Not at all... However the one thing that you maybe could have done better is completely dump her.

She knows that you know. And of course, you know she has been sleeping with him, right? And, you also know that the BS about not seeing other people is just that, complete and total BS.

So you are better off starting to date now, or at least put the vibe out that you are available, because let's face it, she is already gone and she has been.

Don't sit around and wait for her to tell you that she chose her ex or someone else, because that is what is going to happen...
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Old 20th October 2017, 9:26 AM   #29
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Originally Posted by fidelcashflow View Post
We talked about it. I asked her straight up when the last time she talked to him was. Maybe she had a hunch that I knew but she came right out and said it, which I appreciated. She said that she doesnt know why she does it, they were together for such a long time, he was her childhood, she definitely does not want to be with him, she minimizes things in her head, and a few other things. It was late so I told her to go home.

She called me about an hour later and broke up with me because this isnt fair to me, that she isnt respecting me or our relationship, and that i deserve so much better than her. I told her that I wouldnt want to continue until she figures out why she keeps contacting him and what she really wants in life right now. So we are taking a break to figure things out (her stuff and if I want to continue our relationship), though, we agreed to not see other people while on it. Im fully prepared for us to break up by the end of it.

Did I do something wrong?
No. You did nothing wrong.

There's no such thing as "a break". You're broken up; therefore, you are free to see others, so don't agree to not see anyone else.

She's going to be seeing him--she probably called him on her way home and talked to him and that's why she ended it.

If she wanted to be with you, she never would have suggested ending things.

You dodged a bullet.

Date others.
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Old 20th October 2017, 1:04 PM   #30
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A couple of questions:

1) Everybody is saying that I shouldnt date right after she leaves a relationship. But we started half a year after they broke up. Whats the right amount of time?

2) Everybody is saying "She wants to be with him" or "He doesnt want to be with her so she is with you" but he literally told her that he would break up with his current gf to be with her. And she told him no and that she wants to be with me. So im not really seeing the connection there...

And yes, that was a typo. Im a guy
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