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My girlfriend is still in contact with her ex after they sexted each other


Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy Being unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.

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Old 16th October 2017, 10:53 PM   #1
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Girlfriend is staying in contact with her ex after they sexted

This time last year I [24f] found out that my girlfriend [22f] of 2 years was sexting her ex. It was a one time event and nothing physical ever happened. I confronted her about it and she agreed to block him.

Things were good for another 6 months when I noticed a message pop up from him on her phone. Apparently she ran into him on campus and his grandparents died and she wanted to comfort him. She showed me the messages and they were strictly platonic. We almost broke up then but I gave her another chance. She, again, blocked him as well as taking the extra step in deleting his number. She also started going to counseling to figure out what the problem was and it seemed to really help. She has stopped going, though.

Before she deleted his number, I wrote it down. A couple of months ago, curiosity got the best of me and i checked to see if he was still deleted. His number was saved under the name, "G". He was, however, still blocked so I didnt bring it up.

A couple of nights ago I noticed "G" under her recent texts. I didnt say anything then and when i looked later, the messages were deleted. I have a feeling what they were about. That day, Facebook showed her a "memory" of my gf and her exes new gf (who he cheated on her with, causing their breakup). So im guessing she sent him that.

I dont know what to do. I really do love this girl and want to be with her for the rest of my life and she feels the same way about me. She constantly tells me how she wants to marry me, we talk about what we will name our kids, and were about to inquire about a house last week!

The thought of losing her breaks my heart but I need to have some self respect. I almost wish that their follow up texts were also bad so that this decision was a lot easier.

They were high school sweethearts, were together for 5 years, and were each others first love. I understand why she would want to know whats going on in his life but IDK what world she is living in where she thinks its ok to maintain a platonic relationship with her affair partner!

Last edited by fidelcashflow; 16th October 2017 at 10:56 PM.. Reason: Added stuff
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Old 16th October 2017, 11:25 PM   #2
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My girlfriend is still in contact with her ex after they sexted each other

This time last year I [24f] found out that my girlfriend [22f] of 2 years was sexting her ex. It was a one time event and nothing physical ever happened. I confronted her about it and she agreed to block him.

Things were good for another 6 months when I noticed a message pop up from him on her phone. Apparently she ran into him on campus and his grandparents died and she wanted to comfort him. She showed me the messages and they were strictly platonic. We almost broke up then but I gave her another chance. She, again, blocked him as well as taking the extra step in deleting his number. She also started going to counseling to figure out what the problem was and it seemed to really help. She has stopped going, though.

Before she deleted his number, I wrote it down. A couple of months ago, curiosity got the best of me and i checked to see if he was still deleted. His number was saved under the name, "G". He was, however, still blocked so I didnt bring it up.

A couple of nights ago I noticed "G" under her recent texts. I didnt say anything then and when i looked later, the messages were deleted. I have a feeling what they were about. That day, Facebook showed her a "memory" of my gf and her exes new gf (who he cheated on her with, causing their breakup). So im guessing she sent him that.

I dont know what to do. I really do love this girl and want to be with her for the rest of my life and she feels the same way about me. She constantly tells me how she wants to marry me, we talk about what we will name our kids, and were about to inquire about a house last week!

The thought of losing her breaks my heart but I need to have some self respect. I almost wish that their follow up texts were also bad so that this decision was a lot easier.

They were high school sweethearts, were together for 5 years, and were each others first love. I understand why she would want to know whats going on in his life but IDK what world she is living in where she thinks its ok to maintain a platonic relationship with her affair partner!
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Old 16th October 2017, 11:45 PM   #3
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Your girl was dishonest. She said she deleted the number but really didn't. Now she called him - for what, it doesn't matter. Bottom line is she never really got over him, which also means she has never been fully committed to you. You know what you have to do... If not, be prepared for this guy to pop up again and again in your relationship, like a bad weed. My bet is within 2 weeks of you dumping her, she will be back in his arms and it'll be like you never existed. You, friend, were a rebound...
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Old 17th October 2017, 1:14 AM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fidelcashflow View Post
This time last year I [24f] found out that my girlfriend [22f] of 2 years was sexting her ex. It was a one time event and nothing physical ever happened. I confronted her about it and she agreed to block him.

Things were good for another 6 months when I noticed a message pop up from him on her phone. Apparently she ran into him on campus and his grandparents died and she wanted to comfort him. She showed me the messages and they were strictly platonic. We almost broke up then but I gave her another chance. She, again, blocked him as well as taking the extra step in deleting his number. She also started going to counseling to figure out what the problem was and it seemed to really help. She has stopped going, though.

Before she deleted his number, I wrote it down. A couple of months ago, curiosity got the best of me and i checked to see if he was still deleted. His number was saved under the name, "G". He was, however, still blocked so I didnt bring it up.

A couple of nights ago I noticed "G" under her recent texts. I didnt say anything then and when i looked later, the messages were deleted. I have a feeling what they were about. That day, Facebook showed her a "memory" of my gf and her exes new gf (who he cheated on her with, causing their breakup). So im guessing she sent him that.

I dont know what to do. I really do love this girl and want to be with her for the rest of my life and she feels the same way about me. She constantly tells me how she wants to marry me, we talk about what we will name our kids, and were about to inquire about a house last week!

The thought of losing her breaks my heart but I need to have some self respect. I almost wish that their follow up texts were also bad so that this decision was a lot easier.

They were high school sweethearts, were together for 5 years, and were each others first love. I understand why she would want to know whats going on in his life but IDK what world she is living in where she thinks its ok to maintain a platonic relationship with her affair partner!
Are you really in love with her or who you think she is?

She has lied to you.

She is STILL in contact with the ex she sexted with (which is a form of cheating).

Now she is deleting the text between them.

Ask her for her phone so you can retrieve the deleted texts. Let her know that you know she is still in contact with ex. If she refuses end the relationship. Let her know that your will never marry someone that canít be honest and faithful in a relationship. Let her know that lying about not being in contact with her ex and then deleting the text makes her someone you could never marry.

Be a man about it. You have to be willing to lose the relationship to save it. Be a man about it and have some self respect.

If she says that she will cut contact. Tell her she has lied about that already, why should you believe her now?
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Old 17th October 2017, 1:38 AM   #5
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You said it yourself:

They were high school sweethearts, were together for 5 years, and were each others first love. I understand why she would want to know whats going on in his life but IDK what world she is living in where she thinks its ok to maintain a platonic relationship with her affair partner!

That's why it's happening.. First love is not easy to let go and he's still after her. Your just the guy she has for backup. She can block him all he wants too Under G you say, so she's still talking to him. What do you do nothing. I would pack-up and leave if she's in your place send her back to her family. She's really into him not you. She can deny it all she wants too with you. But when she can she'll want to be with him. If he's texting still she's talking to him still. Running into each yeah right they have that planned. Your being lied too. Don't stand for this but you don't have a leg to stand on she knows him longer than you and trust him over you. You can leave she can go and still be with him no matter what you say or do!
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Old 17th October 2017, 1:48 AM   #6
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You should break up with her!!! Omgosh, you should have the first time she cheated.
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Old 17th October 2017, 1:52 AM   #7
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You should break up with her!!! Omgosh, you should have the first time she cheated.
I have to agree with cookie! Good one cookie! She cheated on him! I myself don't like those who cheat just feel cheated. It happen too me 2x times ( ex-wife and the ex-after gf (thrown her out of my house here (welll drove to the bus depot yes paid for the one-way ticket) after the ex-wife (drove off back to my house 1500 miles but it worth it) ouch.
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Old 17th October 2017, 10:29 AM   #8
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Just read the first line....dump her.
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Old 17th October 2017, 11:20 AM   #9
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So he was her first and you are the second one she has been with. Unfortunately at that young age the only way she may learn how wrong it is, is for you to break up with her and move on. Sometimes the only way someone learns is the hard way, that way it sticks because they get to feel the consequences. You won't be able to trust her again as you've already given her enough chances. Tell her what you know, that you just won't be able to trust her again because of it and end it.
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Old 17th October 2017, 11:33 AM   #10
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Yes, sometimes it's ok to remain in platonic contact with an ex, but only when your current bf is ok with it, and only if you have no feelings or unresolved issues with this ex. The sexting proves that it's not platonic, and her behavior proves that there are unresolved issues.

On the other hand - No, it's never ok to cheat, it's never ok to lie especially after committing to block him and stay NC. No, it's not ok to delete messages from the one you committed to block. No, it's never ok!!!

She faild the most important tests - loyalty, honesty, keeping her word. I will just say this - If you choose to stay, next time is on you, young man... You will have the right tp blame yourself only.
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Old 17th October 2017, 11:48 AM   #11
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Quote:
I almost wish that their follow up texts were also bad so that this decision was a lot easier.
How much worse does it need to be to know that you're dealing with a willful, deceitful liar?

And you have to ask yourself: do you like the person you have to become in order to be with her?

She's not the only woman on the planet, you know.
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Old 17th October 2017, 11:52 AM   #12
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I really do love this girl and want to be with her for the rest of my life and she feels the same way about me. She constantly tells me how she wants to marry me, we talk about what we will name our kids, and were about to inquire about a house last week!
No more conversations about the future.

Stop investing in this chick like this. You can't build anything without trust and you can't trust liars.

And let her know you know that she's been lying to you all along.

Asking about the phone is a waste of time--she could have another phone you don't even know about or is carrying on email conversations with him on her work computer that you will never have access to.
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Old 17th October 2017, 12:20 PM   #13
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She is 22.

She has been with you 2 years which makes her 20 back then

She dated him for 5 years right before you so she was with him from 15 to 20 years old. You cannot compete against that. She is ready to lie to you to keep him in her life. I think you should step aside and let them be together. She can say she wants to spend the rest of her life with you all she wants, her actions aren't a testimony of that.

* Like a previous poster said she needs to learn consequences of her actions

* You need to find a better suited and more serious partner.

* Do not date people just out of relationships.
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Old 17th October 2017, 1:07 PM   #14
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Before you assume the worst, have a discussion or discussions about it with her. If you fear this will make her run away, then it would answer your question now wouldn't it.
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Old 18th October 2017, 7:28 AM   #15
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You know that she doesn't really love you. You're a stopover until she can get back with her ex. Talk is easy, so I wouldn't put much importance on marriage talk and all that BS. I think you should leave her but I also know it's easy for me to say. But really, leave her. She is playing you.
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