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Should I be concerned about partners behavior


Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy Being unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.

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Old 24th September 2017, 8:47 AM   #16
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Originally Posted by Cupcake353 View Post
So what do I do now? I hate confrontations as well and don't want to make it awkward when we go out. Perhaps I could engineer avoidance of them for a long time to get some space in my mind and see what Sam does without her around
Even this isn't going to kill his attraction for her. He may just come out and ask her to lunch or something if he knows you guys no longer see each other. The one you need to get rid of is him.
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Old 25th September 2017, 1:43 AM   #17
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Ok on further snooping it seems she ain't so innocent!! I managed to take a look at his Facebook messages last night and before that text message exchange that I told you about, she had just randomly sent my boyfriend a GIF of a banana that is unzipping it's peel like it's doing a strip teese. I mean really?? Why would you send that?? He'd replied "very appealing"
So she is the instigator now as far as I'm concerned 😡😡😡
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Old 25th September 2017, 4:57 AM   #18
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Ok on further snooping it seems she ain't so innocent!! I managed to take a look at his Facebook messages last night and before that text message exchange that I told you about, she had just randomly sent my boyfriend a GIF of a banana that is unzipping it's peel like it's doing a strip teese. I mean really?? Why would you send that?? He'd replied "very appealing"
So she is the instigator now as far as I'm concerned 😡😡😡
OK but do not get too hung up on her, he is as much to blame here.
I am not excusing her, only you are not dating HER, you are dating HIM so try not to forget he was the one trying to set up a one to one date with her.
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Old 25th September 2017, 5:39 AM   #19
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Yes be concerned...

Yes be concerned...

If they are not already screwing it is a matter of time.

Confront and dump. All the signs are there...
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Old 25th September 2017, 6:08 AM   #20
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Originally Posted by Cupcake353 View Post
My boyfriend is a very outgoing, flirtatious person naturally but something has been bothering me.
Six subtle personality traits which mean your partner is likely to cheat on you | The Independent

Quote:
1. Flirtatiousness

It makes sense that someone who once enjoyed flirting might not like the fact that they’re expected not to do so when in a monogamous relationship.
A lot of cheaters flirt with everyone, even when they’re with their partners.
They get a rush out of the exchange, and according to the experts, “this need for validation and feeling desired can eventually lead them to cheat on you.”
Being friendly and charming is one thing, but flirting is another,
so watch out.
"When People Show You Who They Are, Believe Them."
He has shown you who he is.
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Old 25th September 2017, 8:49 AM   #21
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This was an inappropriate conversation on both
of their parts.

That your BF and his friend met her at the same
time and your BF lost out combined with the
way he looks at her is a bad sign.

Checking out women that one does not know
is different. He knows her.

I would quietly dump him.
Change my advice:

Tell that girl's boyfriend about all the flirting
and then dump your BF.
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Old 25th September 2017, 9:52 AM   #22
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Don't feel bad about snooping....

Had you not followed your gut instinct you may still be in the dark.

You are no longer in the dark. But remember that you are not dating her, you are dating him.So while her Banana GIF is tasteless, she is really not the problem.

Your boyfriend is.

Time to solve your problem by walking.
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Old 25th September 2017, 12:11 PM   #23
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By pass your BF and go right to Michelle with your concern about the conversations they been having and that it makes you uncomfortable. Set a boundary with her. Tell her to not respond or for her to say she talked to you already or cut the convo short with "I'm busy".
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Old 25th September 2017, 3:42 PM   #24
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By pass your BF and go right to Michelle with your concern about the conversations they been having and that it makes you uncomfortable. Set a boundary with her. Tell her to not respond or for her to say she talked to you already or cut the convo short with "I'm busy".
The issue is more between OP and her bf.

OP, from what you've written, he seems quite smitten with Michelle.
Especially with that "she's the female version of me" comment.
That is often what people want in a partner.

That said, if it wasn't Michelle, he'd likely do this with another girl.
In my experience, the flirty guys have always been the one's who cheat.
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Old 25th September 2017, 4:25 PM   #25
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By pass your BF and go right to Michelle with your concern about the conversations they been having and that it makes you uncomfortable. Set a boundary with her. Tell her to not respond or for her to say she talked to you already or cut the convo short with "I'm busy".
You want this other girl to back off there
is only one person that will do it. Her BF
that happens to be your BF's best friend.

Though once you tell her BF, your BF and
him will be ex-friends fast.
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Old 26th September 2017, 3:42 AM   #26
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The issue is more between OP and her bf.

OP, from what you've written, he seems quite smitten with Michelle.
Especially with that "she's the female version of me" comment.
That is often what people want in a partner.

That said, if it wasn't Michelle, he'd likely do this with another girl.
In my experience, the flirty guys have always been the one's who cheat.
yeah i don't think she is anything special. She isn't even good looking or anything. She is also in her late 30s. He has always flirted with everything that moves - waitresses, old and (especially) young women. I can cope with that but I can't cope with messages going on behind my back.

We ended up going out in the end. Those two stayed away from each other, although he did keep pointing out women that he found attractive to her and her partner, which was humiliating for me.

I have since had a talk with him and he insists that he was only bantering with her; he loves me and he wants to spend his life with me. I am in two minds whether to just let this one drop and try and put some distance between us and this couple for a while.
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Old 26th September 2017, 5:53 AM   #27
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yeah i don't think she is anything special. She isn't even good looking or anything. She is also in her late 30s. He has always flirted with everything that moves - waitresses, old and (especially) young women. I can cope with that but I can't cope with messages going on behind my back.

We ended up going out in the end. Those two stayed away from each other, although he did keep pointing out women that he found attractive to her and her partner, which was humiliating for me.

I have since had a talk with him and he insists that he was only bantering with her; he loves me and he wants to spend his life with me. I am in two minds whether to just let this one drop and try and put some distance between us and this couple for a while.
OK, so now he is disrespecting you and humiliating you even more by pointing out the "hotties".
I do not care what her SAYS about wanting to spend his life with you, look at his actions instead.
He tried to set up a date with your friend's gf and now he is lusting after every woman around, humiliating you in front of your long time friend Danny and his gf...
...and your solution is to let it drop... smh
Wake up and smell the coffee.
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Old 26th September 2017, 9:51 AM   #28
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Originally Posted by olivetree View Post
The issue is more between OP and her bf.

OP, from what you've written, he seems quite smitten with Michelle.
Especially with that "she's the female version of me" comment.
That is often what people want in a partner.

That said, if it wasn't Michelle, he'd likely do this with another girl.
In my experience, the flirty guys have always been the one's who cheat.
OP doesn't want to go forward with this with her BF ....yet. So I made a suggestion to try first and see if that stuffs things out. And also to get Michelle's perspective on this. See if he has made any advances on her, or if anything he has said makes her uncomfortable, etc. You know woman to woman.

I never said Michelle was the issue ever. I know she isn't the issue.

We don't know if he is a serial fishing /cheater. This could very well be an isolated event.

lets try and help the OP, not give her more anxiety based on assumption.

Last edited by smackie9; 26th September 2017 at 9:54 AM..
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Old 26th September 2017, 9:55 AM   #29
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Originally Posted by Cupcake353 View Post
He has always flirted with everything that moves - waitresses, old and (especially) young women.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Cupcake353 View Post
Those two stayed away from each other, although he did keep pointing out women that he found attractive to her and her partner, which was humiliating for me.
It's actually concerning that they stayed away from each other.
They knew their exchange was wrong.

It's humiliating when he points out the attractive women but not when he is actively flirting with them?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cupcake353 View Post
I have since had a talk with him and he insists that he was only bantering with her; he loves me and he wants to spend his life with me.
Talk is cheap.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cupcake353 View Post
I am in two minds whether to just let this one drop and try and put some distance between us and this couple for a while.
The other couple is not really the problem.

I know you're not the jealous type, but dating a man that only flirts with you is soooooo much better.
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Old 26th September 2017, 9:55 AM   #30
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yeah i don't think she is anything special. She isn't even good looking or anything. She is also in her late 30s
Sadly, if you are around here long enough, you'll not only discover that in most cases, people affair down, but that also looks don't mean a whole lot when it comes to cheating. Basically people are searching for ego kibbles of some sort, so as long as they get that, they could flirt with a bridge troll if the Bridge Troll had an iota of game.



So please do not feel like you have to compare yourself to this other girl. It's all ears for some.

Anyone can talk somebody's pants off if they put their mind to it, and if the conditions exists to successfully do so. regardless of who it is.

I implore you to not see this chick as the threat. Your BF is the only true threat to your sanity. Get rid of him or you'll regret it.
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