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Crush on married boss and think the feeling is mutual


Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy Being unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.

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Old 12th September 2017, 7:59 AM   #91
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mickeyd

If your marriage is bad & your husband is the louse you paint him to be in this thread, just get a divorce already.

As for your boss, you may be over reading it because you are enjoying the attention, the fantasy & the idea that a man finds you attractive again. That seems to be missing from your marriage. If your boss is trying to groom you for an affair, that makes him a louse too. Since you are vulnerable & starting to succumb to the idea that cheating would solve your problems, steer clear of any alone time with the boss. If you don't want to talk to him or report him, just avoid him. Never have closed door meetings alone with him. Find reasons to exit rooms if it's only the 2 of you. Don't work late with just him. At this point I don't think that you are strong enough to say no if the boss makes a move so you have to manipulate the situation so that he never had the opportunity to try.
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Old 12th September 2017, 8:39 AM   #92
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Originally Posted by mickeyd View Post
No we had our kids then he saw them as a burden. Also, I am not actually doing anything. My boss is the one "doing" things.... all I said was that I found him attractive. How come I come out being the bad one?
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Originally Posted by mickeyd View Post
I am not considering banging him. I said I find him attractive and I think he is flirting with me. Who said I wanted to sleep with him? Or have a relationship with him? He is the one "doing" I have done nothing!
What about you letting him getting all touchy feely?

What about you letting him continually letting him
increase the level of touching?

What about him making sure you two are spending
more time alone at work?

What about you and him ramping up the personal
sharing in your talks?

What about you increasingly liking his attention?

What about you more and more finding ways to
tell us that you have a bad husband?

All those questions represent red flags warning that
an affair is starting.

Or do you post here because you love to play with
words?
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Old 12th September 2017, 9:11 AM   #93
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Or do you post here because you love to play with
words?
.

I consider "Words with Friends" on social media one of the most prominent vehicles for infidelity. They get plenty of practice when they have to keep spelling "Denial". lol
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Old 12th September 2017, 11:22 AM   #94
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Hi Mickeyed, you've been asked one question and advised about one thing in particular and that is " Why do you not divorce your husband if he is so bad"? Forget for a moment what is going on with your boss and just matter of exactly answer this question.

The thing is your reluctance to answer or respond to suggestions about this one important matter lead me to believe that the situation with your husband may not be so bad as you are trying to make it out to be. I don't know how old you are but from the way you have written it appears you are in your late twenties or early thirties. You seem to be getting a terrific kick out of your boss paying attention to you and for that you are prepared to toss all self respect and common sense apart from the aspect of hurting two families very badly just for some butterflies in your stomach. Once you've crossed the boundary line you will never be able to step back. You will always be branded as a cheater. You say you are doing nothing and whatever is happening is happening from your OM's side but but the fact is that you ate passively encouraging him on and as time passes he is getting more and more emboldened. Soon he will give you a kiss and then one thing will lead to another and he will get in your pants. Affairs are one way streets. You can go down them but can never retrace your steps. So before you proceed think very carefully what you want and what is in your best interests. Also, please do answer the question at the beginning of my post. Warm wishes.
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Old 12th September 2017, 11:40 AM   #95
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Be prepared that if you do have sex with your boss sooner or later you will not only lose your husband but your job as well. He may not want to look at you once he's finished.
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Old 12th September 2017, 12:15 PM   #96
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Be prepared that if you do have sex with your boss sooner or later you will not only lose your husband but your job as well. He may not want to look at you once he's finished.
Exactly.Spot on.

The guy is trying to get laid. If he gets caught and his job is at stake he sure as hell is not going to fall on his sword for OP. He will throw her under the bus in a New York Minute. He isn't going to up and get divorced because OP pines away for him while he is under investigation by Human Resources.

I do not think OP understands this. She is seeing the Skittles Unicorn Rainbow and not the reality of the situation, Hence why she is so unwilling to answer the question that has been posed to her time and again.

She is in for a shock.
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Old 12th September 2017, 12:17 PM   #97
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Originally Posted by Just a Guy View Post
Hi Mickeyed, you've been asked one question and advised about one thing in particular and that is " Why do you not divorce your husband if he is so bad"? Forget for a moment what is going on with your boss and just matter of exactly answer this question.

The thing is your reluctance to answer or respond to suggestions about this one important matter lead me to believe that the situation with your husband may not be so bad as you are trying to make it out to be. I don't know how old you are but from the way you have written it appears you are in your late twenties or early thirties. You seem to be getting a terrific kick out of your boss paying attention to you and for that you are prepared to toss all self respect and common sense apart from the aspect of hurting two families very badly just for some butterflies in your stomach. Once you've crossed the boundary line you will never be able to step back. You will always be branded as a cheater. You say you are doing nothing and whatever is happening is happening from your OM's side but but the fact is that you ate passively encouraging him on and as time passes he is getting more and more emboldened. Soon he will give you a kiss and then one thing will lead to another and he will get in your pants. Affairs are one way streets. You can go down them but can never retrace your steps. So before you proceed think very carefully what you want and what is in your best interests. Also, please do answer the question at the beginning of my post. Warm wishes.
Ok so I don't want to divorce my husband because for my kids sake. So even though he's not a great husband or father he is STILL their father. I've answered your question.
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Old 12th September 2017, 12:20 PM   #98
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Exactly.Spot on.

The guy is trying to get laid. If he gets caught and his job is at stake he sure as hell is not going to fall on his sword for OP. He will throw her under the bus in a New York Minute. He isn't going to up and get divorced because OP pines away for him while he is under investigation by Human Resources.

I do not think OP understands this. She is seeing the Skittles Unicorn Rainbow and not the reality of the situation, Hence why she is so unwilling to answer the question that has been posed to her time and again.

She is in for a shock.
I am a little confused. Since when are you not allowed to have a relationship with someone you work with? I know lots of people that work together and have a relationship.
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Old 12th September 2017, 12:23 PM   #99
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Ok so I don't want to divorce my husband because for my kids sake. So even though he's not a great husband or father he is STILL their father. I've answered your question.
Don't have an affair for your kids sake as well. It wouldn't be pretty their mom getting kicked out for having sex with another man.
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Old 12th September 2017, 12:24 PM   #100
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I am a little confused. Since when are you not allowed to have a relationship with someone you work with? I know lots of people that work together and have a relationship.
Friendly working relationships are fine. Having a sexual relationship with your Boss while married is not.
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Old 12th September 2017, 12:29 PM   #101
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I am a little confused. Since when are you not allowed to have a relationship with someone you work with? I know lots of people that work together and have a relationship.
This thread is a minefield, but I wanted to respond to this.

First off, this is not a co-worker or someone from another team. This is your Boss. I don't care if you work the counter at Burger King, that is not appropriate, and I am sure that while a lot of HR guidelines do not prohibit inter company relations, I know every company I have worked for has strict rules about this due to nepotism, abuse of power etc etc.

What if your co-workers found out? What if he gave you a promotion over them? I can guarantee HR would find out so fast your head would spin.

With that said. If you find the light flirting gratifying, then so be it. Just be careful.

Also, in regards to your comment about staying together for the kids. I can appreciate that. But... What if this did turn in to an affair and you get found out? Pretty sure that would be more damaging to the kids in the long run than a divorce. And if you lost your job as well as having to deal with the drama and divorce? Totally not worth this mild thrill you are getting from the attention from your boss in my opinion.

But its just my opinion. Good luck!
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Old 12th September 2017, 1:26 PM   #102
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I am a little confused. Since when are you not allowed to have a relationship with someone you work with? I know lots of people that work together and have a relationship.

Since you're both married.

And you're the one that posted here, so you obviously know it's not 100% ok.
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Old 12th September 2017, 2:02 PM   #103
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I am a little confused. Since when are you not allowed to have a relationship with someone you work with? I know lots of people that work together and have a relationship.
Why exactly are you here? Are you looking for absolution from somebody before you Nuke your marriage? If so you probably are better off asking these questions in the OM/OW thread.

You seem as if you are totally unaware that some firms have a Code of Conduct when it comes to how employees interact in and outside of work.

This isn't a little crush on your pimple faced supervisor at Dairy Queen. You are potentially painting yourself into a corner professionally, all the while doing so with your eyes wide open and ready to double down on a losing hand.

Not much more to say so I will bow out of this insane thread and spare myself the head scratching.

I don't know whether you are attempting to get a rise out of us here, or choosing to be blissfully ignorant of the situation you find yourself in. But all of us have pretty much offered you the same response to your initial post. There is really no purpose in replying to you if you are going to just continue to wonder aloud about things that fly in the face of common sense.

We don't do this for monetary or popularity purposes. We do it because we care, and many of us have been victims of someone who served us a Crap Sandwich and expected us to be thankful for the meal. Much like the Crap Sandwich you are preparing to heat and serve unbeknownst to your husband and that poor wife

You are free to discount any advice dispensed, but there is really no point in dispensing any more at this point. There are plenty of other new arrivals who are trying to get out of infidelity, as opposed to trying to get into it. And it is those who are deserving of our collective wisdom. And not someone who is intent on crossing the Rubicon with reckless abandon like they just got done reading a Harlequin Romance Novel.

I feel sorry for your husband. If you act this flighty around him he knows there is something rotten in Denmark. And I hope someone can get through to you before you totally destroy your marriage, your current employment, and any future employment. Because crap floats downhill, And if you get your ass in trouble at this job and get canned over some pipe dream, you would be well advised that HR departments do keep copious records. Although publicly they may not be allowed to disclose reasons for dismissals, they will be more than happy to tell a potential employer off the record that they would be better off passing on hiring a toxic employee.

Last edited by Space Ritual; 12th September 2017 at 2:04 PM..
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Old 12th September 2017, 2:19 PM   #104
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Ok so I don't want to divorce my husband because for my kids sake. So even though he's not a great husband or father he is STILL their father.

If you don't want a divorce, that is fine. But don't have an affair either.


I think the kids could respect a parent for divorcing but they may be hard pressed to accept a parent who is a cheater. Teach them by example to honor their commitments.
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Old 12th September 2017, 11:08 PM   #105
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No we had our kids then he saw them as a burden. Also, I am not actually doing anything. My boss is the one "doing" things.... all I said was that I found him attractive. How come I come out being the bad one?
Your not the bad guy. But you also don't know what your going to do if he tries anything.

All we are trying to do is keep you from doing something you will regret.
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