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Crush on married boss and think the feeling is mutual


Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy Being unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.

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Old 8th September 2017, 1:11 PM   #16
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Blame it on the dopamine that is being released in your brain. It's as addicting as heroin. This is why people like yourself find themselves in this type of situation....something you would never thought you had the ability to do. If you understand it more as to what is actually going on with you, the easier it will be to control it. Help yourself by reading some articles about it. Make sense of it before you start making poor choices.
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Old 8th September 2017, 2:17 PM   #17
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I doubt you will actually hear much from those of us who have been down this road, but ask yourself a few questions..1) what is the best possible outcome of getting involved with this guy. 2) how will it improve your situation. 3) how would you feel if your husband was in this position.
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Old 8th September 2017, 2:43 PM   #18
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There are some things that you just don't do and this is one of them.


An affair will not fix any problems in your marriage but instead, escalate them.


If you are unhappy with your husband then I suggest you take some steps to fix that- whatever those steps may be.


Your boss is not the answer to your problems.
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Old 8th September 2017, 3:10 PM   #19
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This guy could be a predator. He is in a authoritative postilion, he's probably had a few office flings before so this is not new to him, OP you are newly hired/fresh meat...see where I'm going with this? He's grooming you for an office affair. He probably senses your weakness and is playing on it. He will probably start asking you personal questions about your marriage, etc. Once he knows you are unhappy, he's gonna turn up the attention, ask you out for drinks after work etc.

You need to get that fantasy out of your head that you two are tow lost souls in unhappy marriages. He's just working on your weakness to get you into the sack nothing more.
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Old 8th September 2017, 3:16 PM   #20
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I will say this once and only once, as a former boss who had a secretary with a big crush on me. It never ends well, never. My first experienced started out with my secretary yelling out, "Now I know why they call you the boss.", and ending in her divorce.

I got stalked by one secretary because I would not have sex with her. Had to move out of State due to no stalking laws or caller ID back in the old days.

My best friend's wife had an affair with her boss, got caught but her boss did not want her and her three kids moving into his home and ruining his single life.

Another thing you should know, the married guy will almost always choose his wife over you. Not worth the divorce and sex with someone new only stays exciting for a short while. You may think that one night of sex is harmless as I once did but I got a parting gift, an STD from a married women who I assumed was clean because she only had sex with her husband who she was separated from. I was her revenge sex but the joke was on her. Her husband was cheating on her and got an STD that she got from him but had no symptoms of. It never ends well.
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Old 8th September 2017, 6:01 PM   #21
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Thanks everyone for your responses. Please don't judge me in what I am about to say. I don't even know if I want a relationship with this man. At this point I just find him attractive and the flirting is exciting. As for my husband, I have tried absolutely everything to fix things but there are issues with him that he won't fix. My children have always come first and always will do that is not even a consideration. Like I said, quite a few men I have worked with have tried to hit on me but I've never been interested. This guy had me interested from the first time I met him at the interview. Then when he started flirting with me it just started driving me crazy. I guess what I am trying to figure out if he is actually flirting with the things he is doing. I just don't want to misinterpret anything.
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Old 8th September 2017, 9:13 PM   #22
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Originally Posted by mickeyd View Post
Thanks everyone for your responses. Please don't judge me in what I am about to say. I don't even know if I want a relationship with this man. At this point I just find him attractive and the flirting is exciting. As for my husband, I have tried absolutely everything to fix things but there are issues with him that he won't fix. My children have always come first and always will do that is not even a consideration. Like I said, quite a few men I have worked with have tried to hit on me but I've never been interested. This guy had me interested from the first time I met him at the interview. Then when he started flirting with me it just started driving me crazy. I guess what I am trying to figure out if he is actually flirting with the things he is doing. I just don't want to misinterpret anything.
Man here.

There is no up side to this unprofessional work
behavior.

You allowing this OM to touch you has now turned
your EA into a PA.

This man is a predator. You are not special to him
except that he see's you as an easy mark. Men and
this man will say anything to get into a woman's
pants.

Having sex will not solve any of your problems
in your marriage. Instead your affair will only add
to your problems and wind up creating havoc
in your childrens lives.

How do I know? Well being here I have seen countless
women just like you telling the same story. Then
I get to watch their marriages fall apart.
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Old 8th September 2017, 9:44 PM   #23
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Originally Posted by road View Post
Man here.

There is no up side to this unprofessional work
behavior.

You allowing this OM to touch you has now turned
your EA into a PA.

This man is a predator. You are not special to him
except that he see's you as an easy mark. Men and
this man will say anything to get into a woman's
pants.

Having sex will not solve any of your problems
in your marriage. Instead your affair will only add
to your problems and wind up creating havoc
in your childrens lives.

How do I know? Well being here I have seen countless
women just like you telling the same story. Then
I get to watch their marriages fall apart.
Sorry I don't understand your acronyms! OM, EA, PA?
Also, he is the one touching me yet you say I allowed him to touch me? What am
Supposed to do? This also has nothing to do with my children
I keep them well away from my work life.
But thank you for the advice. Also, I don't get how people
just assume he is only after sex?? Am I that naive?
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Old 9th September 2017, 4:24 AM   #24
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mickeyd View Post
I have a crush on my married boss and think the feeling is mutual. I too am married and we both have children. I have only been working with him for 3 months now. I work part time and at least once a fortnight he wants me to work late with him. He winks at me, at first he used to touch my arm now he is touching my shoulder. He is extremely nice to me and never gets upset. Every time we have meetings together he gets really close to me and several times his leg has touched mine - not sure if it is on purpose. Is he flirting with me? What do I make of the situation?
Hahaha No he's not flirting with you, and no you will not be having sex when he accidentally goes up inside you. It's all a mistake
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Old 9th September 2017, 4:55 AM   #25
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Originally Posted by Darren Steez View Post
Hahaha No he's not flirting with you, and no you will not be having sex when he accidentally goes up inside you. It's all a mistake
These were seriously genuine questions!! Because I don't want
to misinterpret someone who is just being "friendly". Why the sarcasm?
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Old 9th September 2017, 7:31 AM   #26
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Originally Posted by mickeyd View Post
Sorry I don't understand your acronyms! OM, EA, PA?
Also, he is the one touching me yet you say I allowed him to touch me? What am
Supposed to do? This also has nothing to do with my children
I keep them well away from my work life.
But thank you for the advice. Also, I don't get how people
just assume he is only after sex?? Am I that naive?
OM other man AKA AP affair partner

Emotional Affair

Physical Affair

You have allowed him to touch you, and

You have allowed the touching to escalate

Report the boss to human resources, HR for
sexual harassment

You not shutting down the OM is you allowing
the OM to continually escalate this PA until
he has you in bed

Your affair discovered by your BH, and

Your BH filing for divorce, and

You ask how is my affair going to affect
my kids

You're unbelievable when you deny any
wrong doing or that the OM is trying to nail
you

You must live in Egypt, the land of DENIAL
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Old 9th September 2017, 7:52 AM   #27
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Quote:
Originally Posted by road View Post
OM other man AKA AP affair partner

Emotional Affair

Physical Affair

You have allowed him to touch you, and

You have allowed the touching to escalate

Report the boss to human resources, HR for
sexual harassment

You not shutting down the OM is you allowing
the OM to continually escalate this PA until
he has you in bed

Your affair discovered by your BH, and

Your BH filing for divorce, and

You ask how is my affair going to affect
my kids

You're unbelievable when you deny any
wrong doing or that the OM is trying to nail
you

You must live in Egypt, the land of DENIAL
I am actually not denying anything. That's why I posted originally.
I wasn't sure if he was just being "friendly" or if this is something
men do in the workplace to get you in bed. Obviously from people's
comments it's the latter. I really don't know what to do to stop
it now. I honestly don't want to get anyone in trouble.
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Old 9th September 2017, 7:59 AM   #28
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mickeyd View Post
Sorry I don't understand your acronyms! OM, EA, PA?
Also, he is the one touching me yet you say I allowed him to touch me? What am
Supposed to do? This also has nothing to do with my children
I keep them well away from my work life.
But thank you for the advice. Also, I don't get how people
just assume he is only after sex?? Am I that naive?
You are an adult. You should be setting a boundary. If another male colleague that you weren't attracted to started touching you, I'd bet you'd speak up. The reason why you chose not to with this one is because you like the attention. So don't play the helpless card.

He's a predator. He's grooming you. He's seeing how far he can go with you. And since you've shown him that you're receptive to his advances and attention, he will slowly take it a step further because he knows you have poor boundaries. That in itself has already shown him that you're weak and can be easily manipulated. He knows you're an easy target.

You're incredible short sighted and in some regard selfish to think that entangling yourself with another man will have no bearing on your children. Read my initial post on this thread. These things never end well. I've been on LS long enough to see the pain of the aftermath.

You're giddy from the attention. That's all going to be very short lived. Once you get entangled, the pain of getting out will be too much and the guilt of hurting your family will eat at you. It's not worth it. Cheating is never a solution to fixing an unhappy marriage.
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Last edited by Zahara; 9th September 2017 at 8:06 AM..
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Old 9th September 2017, 8:06 AM   #29
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I think it's obvious to all of us where this EA is headed (yes, OP, you are actively in an EA).

You say that your children come first no matter what. But once the non-stop texting starts, the sneaking off to the other room or into the locked bathroom to text your OM starts, I want you to remember what you said about your kids. Once you're sneaking around town, "staying late at work" , going out of town supposedly for work, once all this starts, and based on the tone of your posts, this is exactly where you're headed, I want you to ask yourself if you're still putting your kids first. You'll try to rationalize it that you're still a good mom, you still love your kids more than anything, but deep down you will know, that this affair is taking so much time away from them. And they will notice it too. They'll start detaching from you and bonding more with your H. This will anger you, you'll want to know why your kids are turning on you. And again, deep down, you will know why. But you won't stop. You won't. Not until your family is destroyed. And maybe not even then, bc you should have a right to make yourself happy, to do something for you for once, right?

When all of this is happening, I want you to remember telling us here that you always put your kids first. And then ask yourself if that's still true.

Last edited by GoldenR; 9th September 2017 at 8:18 AM..
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Old 9th September 2017, 9:47 AM   #30
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Originally Posted by GoldenR View Post
I think it's obvious to all of us where this EA is headed (yes, OP, you are actively in an EA).

You say that your children come first no matter what. But once the non-stop texting starts, the sneaking off to the other room or into the locked bathroom to text your OM starts, I want you to remember what you said about your kids. Once you're sneaking around town, "staying late at work" , going out of town supposedly for work, once all this starts, and based on the tone of your posts, this is exactly where you're headed, I want you to ask yourself if you're still putting your kids first. You'll try to rationalize it that you're still a good mom, you still love your kids more than anything, but deep down you will know, that this affair is taking so much time away from them. And they will notice it too. They'll start detaching from you and bonding more with your H. This will anger you, you'll want to know why your kids are turning on you. And again, deep down, you will know why. But you won't stop. You won't. Not until your family is destroyed. And maybe not even then, bc you should have a right to make yourself happy, to do something for you for once, right?

When all of this is happening, I want you to remember telling us here that you always put your kids first. And then ask yourself if that's still true.
Ok just to get some things straight. My husband pays me no attention, works late and secretly texts - I wouldn't be surprised if he is having an affair. He is emotionally detached, spends no time with his kids and only thinks about himself. I do everything for my kids and have a very close relationship with them - they are my priority. But yeah you are right - I think I have a right to make myself happy for once. Yeah I get it my boss may just want sex but who says I wanted anything more? And I do feel bad for his wife but that's his decision right? I hear a lot of double standards from your responses on this.
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