LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Romantic > Dating > Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy

Crush on married boss and think the feeling is mutual


Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy Being unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.

Like Tree136Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 8th September 2017, 8:35 AM   #1
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 28
Crush on married boss and think the feeling is mutual

I have a crush on my married boss and think the feeling is mutual. I too am married and we both have children. I have only been working with him for 3 months now. I work part time and at least once a fortnight he wants me to work late with him. He winks at me, at first he used to touch my arm now he is touching my shoulder. He is extremely nice to me and never gets upset. Every time we have meetings together he gets really close to me and several times his leg has touched mine - not sure if it is on purpose. Is he flirting with me? What do I make of the situation?
mickeyd is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th September 2017, 8:50 AM   #2
Established Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 8,040
Quote:
Originally Posted by mickeyd View Post
I have a crush on my married boss and think the feeling is mutual. I too am married and we both have children. I have only been working with him for 3 months now. I work part time and at least once a fortnight he wants me to work late with him. He winks at me, at first he used to touch my arm now he is touching my shoulder. He is extremely nice to me and never gets upset. Every time we have meetings together he gets really close to me and several times his leg has touched mine - not sure if it is on purpose. Is he flirting with me? What do I make of the situation?
You are playing with fire. I experienced a colleague once in your situation and the incredible pain she had to endure until she had to leave her job due to her inability to cope with her emotions, the gossip around the office and the downfall of her marriage after the boss' wife went straight to her husband and revealed the affair.

Step away and get yourself out of the short lived excitement.

Yes he is flirting with you. You already know this. You create better boundaries for yourself and think about your family and why you're distracted by such a man.
__________________
One regret, my dear world, that I am determined not to have when I am lying on my deathbed is that I did not kiss you enough ~ Hafiz
Zahara is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th September 2017, 8:55 AM   #3
Established Member
 
d0nnivain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Northeastern USA
Posts: 24,627
Remind yourself that this is a VERY BAD idea on multiple levels. Don't work late alone with him. Don't talk on the phone with him outside of work about non work things. When he moves closer to you, move away. Don't worry about what it looks like. Do your job. Be professional. Do not engage. If you can't do all that, get a new job.
d0nnivain is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th September 2017, 9:02 AM   #4
Established Member
 
caveman621's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Central VA
Posts: 149
I agree with both prior posters. If it is a "crush" you have to quash it right now!!!

But if you want to proceed with this, here's what you do. Both get divorced and at least one of you get a job at another company. That's the right way to handle it. If you both are not OK with double divorce and a job change in order to pursue this "crush" then, there's your answer.

Are you unhappy in your marriage?
caveman621 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th September 2017, 9:11 AM   #5
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 28
Of course I am unhappy in my marriage otherwise I wouldn't have a crush on another man. If he was also happy in his marriage I don't think he would be flirting either - am I right? Can I get a man's opinion?
mickeyd is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th September 2017, 9:14 AM   #6
Established Member
 
d0nnivain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Northeastern USA
Posts: 24,627
I'm not a man but I don't think crushes are solely a function of an unhappy marriage. Unhappiness & dissatisfaction are factors but not the only driving force. For women the longing for love & acceptance drives the decisions. Not so for a man. This guy could be perfectly happy in his marriage but still want something on the side because he likes conquest & it's a stroke to his ego.

If your marriage is bad, fix it or divorce. Don't make it worse by cheating.
d0nnivain is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th September 2017, 9:26 AM   #7
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by d0nnivain View Post
I'm not a man but I don't think crushes are solely a function of an unhappy marriage. Unhappiness & dissatisfaction are factors but not the only driving force. For women the longing for love & acceptance drives the decisions. Not so for a man. This guy could be perfectly happy in his marriage but still want something on the side because he likes conquest & it's a stroke to his ego.

If your marriage is bad, fix it or divorce. Don't make it worse by cheating.

Thanks for this. I get that men are driven by ego and he may just want something on the side. I just can't help the way I feel. Believe me I thought I would be the last person to even consider cheating on my husband but I don't know why I feel this way. I have had a few co-workers hit on me in the past but never felt the same way. This time I feel differently I don't know why.
mickeyd is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th September 2017, 9:40 AM   #8
Established Member
 
Space Ritual's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Chicago
Posts: 2,280
Quote:
Originally Posted by mickeyd View Post
What do I make of the situation?
Think for more than 30 seconds about the consequences of pursuing this. And use the energy you are wasting on your boss and put that into your own marriage. Are you in Junior High or are you in committed marriage?

Stop using your head for something other than a hat rack. THAT'S what you make of the situation.

Being unhappy in a marriage is normal. It is also normal to communicate this with your husband and lay out that there are concrete consequences for not taking actions, leading up to and including divorce.

But going right to cheating is a cowardly action. Instead of claiming you are unhappy in your marriage and thinking this to be a viable option, look in the mirror and ask yourself what YOU could be doing to improve your marriage instead of seeking outside validation. It is foolhardy to not consider the consequences of such actions. There will be plenty, because you don't come off as someone who will be able to keep a secret, or an affair, secret for very long. You are using the rationale of a 12 year old

You are responsible for 50 percent of your marriage...however you will be 100 percent responsible for cheating.

Wake up before you do irreparable damage to your life.
__________________
The measure of a person is not based upon the words that they speak, but upon the choices that they make.
If they keep stabbing you in the back, then quit handing them the knife.
Space Ritual is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th September 2017, 9:43 AM   #9
Established Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: 8,885 feet above sea level
Posts: 2,392
Quote:
Originally Posted by mickeyd View Post
Of course I am unhappy in my marriage otherwise I wouldn't have a crush on another man. If he was also happy in his marriage I don't think he would be flirting either - am I right? Can I get a man's opinion?
Man here. No. A man can be happy in his marriage and still have crushes. Depending on the moral caliber of the man, he can also flirt, love and have affairs/sex. Never underestimate the compartmentalization capacity of a man.

Also, and I am sorry to say this, if he's willing to flirt and do more with you, never trust a single word he says. He will tell you what he thinks you need to hear (unhappy marriage, no sex with wife) without batting an eyelash regardless of whether it is true or not.
__________________
2014 No Contact Guide
Mrin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th September 2017, 9:44 AM   #10
Established Member
 
Space Ritual's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Chicago
Posts: 2,280
Quote:
Originally Posted by mickeyd View Post
This time I feel differently I don't know why.
Because you are being driven by emotion as opposed to common sense.

Think about it.
Space Ritual is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th September 2017, 9:48 AM   #11
Established Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: 8,885 feet above sea level
Posts: 2,392
Quote:
Originally Posted by mickeyd View Post
Thanks for this. I get that men are driven by ego and he may just want something on the side. I just can't help the way I feel. Believe me I thought I would be the last person to even consider cheating on my husband but I don't know why I feel this way. I have had a few co-workers hit on me in the past but never felt the same way. This time I feel differently I don't know why.
Let me suggest that there is a difference in your mind between co-workers and boss. The power disparity perhapsor perhaps it is the he has more to lose so it must be true idea?
Mrin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th September 2017, 10:04 AM   #12
Established Member
 
caveman621's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Central VA
Posts: 149
Man here!

I was never very good with the ladies when I was single. You know. Pressure to be cool and fear of rejection.

But, after I was married, flirting for fun became easy. If I'm not trying to pursue a woman, no "skin in the game", confidence is high and talking and flirting is easy. I find it fun. That doesn't mean there was ever any true intent behind the flirting.

If this is driving you crazy, I think you need to talk to him about it. It might be painful, but if he's just passing time at work by flirting with a pretty female, you might be all twisted up over nothing.
caveman621 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th September 2017, 10:17 AM   #13
Established Member
 
knabe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 1,175
If you have morals or character, you will stop this before it starts.

Do you have morals or character?
__________________
“Here's what is truly at the heart of wholeheartedness: Worthy now, not if, not when, we're worthy of love and belonging now. Right this minute. As is.”
― Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection
knabe is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th September 2017, 11:01 AM   #14
Established Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 7,936
Quote:
Originally Posted by mickeyd View Post
Thanks for this. I get that men are driven by ego and he may just want something on the side. I just can't help the way I feel. Believe me I thought I would be the last person to even consider cheating on my husband but I don't know why I feel this way. I have had a few co-workers hit on me in the past but never felt the same way. This time I feel differently I don't know why.
Someone is paying attention to you and you are having your ego stroked and he's probably getting the same thing out of it. Don't get into a situation where you're stroking something else and sh*tting where you eat.

If you need attention, talk to your husband and/or file for divorce. Then you can start looking elsewhere. If you have children, you need to be thinking about them and their home. They are your #1 priority. If you don't have children, just leave the husband.
Redhead14 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th September 2017, 11:47 AM   #15
Established Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 502
Another man's point of view here.
He's flirting. I do this all the time (and yes, I know I shouldn't). I enjoy it, it makes work more enjoyable, and to be honest the attention is nice. I enjoy going out for one-on-one lunches with these married ladies too. However that's as far as I take it.
I don't know how far this man is prepared to take it. Maybe his limit is the office flirting. Maybe he'll enjoy going out for lunches like me. Maybe he'll go further and be prepared to start a proper affair. But I very much doubt if he'll go so far as to leave his wife for you. Men don't, usually, no matter what they say. There will come a point where you want more from him than he's prepared to give and then, depending on how far it has gone, you will end up hurt.
Enjoy the flirting while it's harmless but go no further, is my advice.
Davey L is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
sigh. crush on married friend/boss jenny2013 Friends and Lovers 270 22nd March 2016 2:31 AM
! I feel like I fell in love with my much older boss, and I think it is mutual. Legaleagle89 Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy 4 13th October 2014 4:45 PM
Mutual Crush gone bad! Holly2004 Friends and Lovers 0 19th April 2014 7:55 PM
I have a crush on my married boss . . . Sally522114 Business and Professional Relationships 9 1st February 2011 6:47 PM
Crush on the married boss gone wrong...how do I deal with this?? SadandConfusedWA The Other Man / Woman 8 13th January 2007 7:25 AM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 3:01 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.