She Had An Affair...Who knew?

[smackie9]

I'd thought I post this thread just to see what others thought.

 

Two days ago I found out a married female employee was having an affair while working temporarily at another branch with someone who worked there. This employee was very sweet, and I have never worked with anyone that had such a kind heart, so this was a shock to me. She left the company a couple of months ago due to her husband being transferred to another province. My company supplies a cel phone to every employee, so when she quit she turned in her phone, then said phone was given to a new employee. The person that got the phone just quit the other day and left the phone with our dispatcher. Curiosity got the better of her (the dispatch) and started to go through the phone...(so you can see where this is going!). I'm at my desk and all I hear is "oh my god she was having an affair!" I got up and asked what was going on, and she proceeded to tell me and some of the personal details. My first reaction was "wow!" then I told her to keep it quiet and that's way too personal. Knowing her though she will be blabbing it to everyone. I thought about it for awhile, thinking should I let this woman know what happened? How would I tell her?, then I changed my mind. She is no longer with the company, so I'm hoping people will just forget about it....you know out of sight out of mind. Who can you blame here? Her for using a company phone for very personal use and stupidly not deleting the messages or my stupid boss for not clearing everything out of the phone before handing it over to a new employee. I thought about it, I don't think the kid that had it last even used it for he had his own phone so he never saw what was on it. I'm thinking we could have had a lawsuit on our hands if a new employee who is sensitive to the explicit details in those messages that were left on there received the phone. Out of town affairs are not uncommon in my company. I guess going away the mice will play. The crazy thing is she has moved to the same area where this affair had occurred....I wonder if she will continue it? This is kinda why I thought about warning her, that everyone know about it.

Edited August 19, 2017 by smackie9

[Bobdobalina]

are you going to give the info to the hub

[coolheadal]

That's why the evidence should have been removed. Her personal life is now exposed. The rules in your country seems a bit different than here in US. This sort of thing would have to be cleared by upper management, now on public display you all know her dirty secret, what are you doing about it? Do you have any power there at your place? I guess you didn't do anything to kill this. If this was me I would have stopped it. Nonsense for you to get involved with this you should let it go and to not contact her about this. It's none of our business. Privacy laws would kick in here in US lawsuits and such but again minor. She's at fault for not deleting the messages. Your techs there should have wipe out the phone before giving the cell to another employee. That is what you should be looking into and not about what she text on the company phone. That employee who knows the story should be told not to spread anymore news if she does it will go against her or she would be written up for it. Or go as far as to fire her. Don't you have a company policy against such behavior?

[SammySammy]

There's more than enough blame to go around here. Everyone is responsible for their own behavior. The wife for using the company phone for her personal business . Neglecting to erase the messages. She was sloppy and what happens is ultimately on her.

 

The dispatcher and manager don't get a break from me though. Unprofessional. Busybodies. Don't add yourself to this mix. Just mind your business and let the chips fall where they may.

 

What's really interesting to me is she is a "nice" and sweet woman. So often women who cheat are portrayed as monsters - mean, evil people - when often they are not. I think we all can get caught up in situations. Even nice people that you wouldn't suspect.

[Simple Logic]

The old saying "don't do the crime if you can't do the time" comes to mind. She cheated on her husband and was reckless leaving the evidence on the phone. Who knows, maybe she really doesn't care.

[smackie9]

That's why the evidence should have been removed. Her personal life is now exposed. The rules in your country seems a bit different than here in US. This sort of thing would have to be cleared by upper management, now on public display you all know her dirty secret, what are you doing about it? Do you have any power there at your place? I guess you didn't do anything to kill this. If this was me I would have stopped it. Nonsense for you to get involved with this you should let it go and to not contact her about this. It's none of our business. Privacy laws would kick in here in US lawsuits and such but again minor. She's at fault for not deleting the messages. Your techs there should have wipe out the phone before giving the cell to another employee. That is what you should be looking into and not about what she text on the company phone. That employee who knows the story should be told not to spread anymore news if she does it will go against her or she would be written up for it. Or go as far as to fire her. Don't you have a company policy against such behavior?

Whoa whoa whoa! HEY< I'm the one that stepped in and told them to shut it down and said that it was private! I didn't ask what was in the messages! I just ask who they were talking about....I had no idea how they found out until after . She blurted out one comment about what was said in a message and I said ENOUGH OF THAT! It was only the three of us there in the warehouse that knows. And you don't know the structure of our company....we don't have "techs" to deal with our phones. When the supervisor isn't there, the next in line is the dispatcher, so she had every right to deal with the phone. As for privacy, the lady in question is no long an employee, so you can gossip about them all you want and there is no law or policy against it. If she was still working there both her and the dispatcher would be reprimanded. Can't be using a company phone for personal use like that. As for firing someone, they have to go through a process of 5 strikes your out...2 verbal, 3 written, it's in the labor code of Provincial law. As for what happens in personal lives, if it has nothing to do with company business, there is nothing they can do.

 

 

She is on our FB so we all are in contact with her. ***I wanted to warn her because I was worried someone would contact her husband...you know those people that say "I would want to know if my spouse was cheating..." I wanted to protect her and her privacy. Word travels fast among branches and possibly her lover catching wind of the rumor....making this into a horrible mess. I don't know who this person is she had an affair with, he could be married too, his wife might even work for the company for all I know.

 

 

I will be having a conversation with my supervisor (he wasn't there btw) about this incident and recommend making sure to tell an employee that has given notice the opportunity to delete everything off their phone before handing it over. And for him to check it before the next person gets it. We have been going through a huge turn over which has put a lot of stress on all of us, so I'm assuming he forgot to check. I'm close with my supervisor so he will listen to what I tell him.

Edited August 20, 2017 by smackie9

[bachdude]

Yep, and I hate to say it, but it doesn't surprise me in the least. I've known far too many women and men, I'd never in a million years suspect, have hanky panky on the side.

 

Here is my partial list;

 

1. A nice woman with kids i know recently ran off with another man she barely knows (she propositioned me a few months before she did this),

 

2. A "sweet" "nice" woman my parents know was caught in an affair.

 

3. A man my family knew growing up was caught in a 3 year affair with another woman, all happening while he had a baby with his wife.

 

4. A female friend of mine currently has a lover on the side

 

5. A female friend of mine is recently divorced because her husband ran off with another woman

 

6. My first wife had a two year long affair

 

I could go on. It's men and women both endulging in the forbidden fruit on the side. The majority of people I know that have had affairs i never would have suspected.

 

Look up the stats on marital infidelity. There's between a 40 and 50% chance ever married person will be the victim of an affair.

[coolheadal]

Whoa whoa whoa! HEY< I'm the one that stepped in and told them to shut it down and said that it was private! I didn't ask what was in the messages! I just ask who they were talking about....I had no idea how they found out until after . She blurted out one comment about what was said in a message and I said ENOUGH OF THAT! It was only the three of us there in the warehouse that knows. And you don't know the structure of our company....we don't have "techs" to deal with our phones. When the supervisor isn't there, the next in line is the dispatcher, so she had every right to deal with the phone. As for privacy, the lady in question is no long an employee, so you can gossip about them all you want and there is no law or policy against it. If she was still working there both her and the dispatcher would be reprimanded. Can't be using a company phone for personal use like that. As for firing someone, they have to go through a process of 5 strikes your out...2 verbal, 3 written, it's in the labor code of Provincial law. As for what happens in personal lives, if it has nothing to do with company business, there is nothing they can do.

 

 

She is on our FB so we all are in contact with her. ***I wanted to warn her because I was worried someone would contact her husband...you know those people that say "I would want to know if my spouse was cheating..." I wanted to protect her and her privacy. Word travels fast among branches and possibly her lover catching wind of the rumor....making this into a horrible mess. I don't know who this person is she had an affair with, he could be married too, his wife might even work for the company for all I know.

 

 

I will be having a conversation with my supervisor (he wasn't there btw) about this incident and recommend making sure to tell an employee that has given notice the opportunity to delete everything off their phone before handing it over. And for him to check it before the next person gets it. We have been going through a huge turn over which has put a lot of stress on all of us, so I'm assuming he forgot to check. I'm close with my supervisor so he will listen to what I tell him.

 

I have a great deal of respect for you here on LS, but I was concern about this issue with the cell. Thanks for explaining your part in this. I feel you shouldn't get involved any further because really nothing to do with you. Warning her for what I am sure her husband knows what she's up too. Heck they could be swingers or have open marriage. Your life and mine are different we all do different things. Good advice you and I give others who seek the truth an answers to their social personal life. Sometime there is a line in the sand we shouldn't cross over like with this situation. I wouldn't even say a word to the former employee..Just get on with your life!

[central]

are you going to give the info to the hub

 

That would violate privacy laws, and open the OP and the company up to lawsuits - they'd probably lose, too.

[road]

I'd thought I post this thread just to see what others thought.

 

Two days ago I found out a married female employee was having an affair while working temporarily at another branch with someone who worked there. This employee was very sweet, and I have never worked with anyone that had such a kind heart, so this was a shock to me. She left the company a couple of months ago due to her husband being transferred to another province. My company supplies a cel phone to every employee, so when she quit she turned in her phone, then said phone was given to a new employee. The person that got the phone just quit the other day and left the phone with our dispatcher. Curiosity got the better of her (the dispatch) and started to go through the phone...(so you can see where this is going!). I'm at my desk and all I hear is "oh my god she was having an affair!" I got up and asked what was going on, and she proceeded to tell me and some of the personal details. My first reaction was "wow!" then I told her to keep it quiet and that's way too personal. Knowing her though she will be blabbing it to everyone. I thought about it for awhile, thinking should I let this woman know what happened? How would I tell her?, then I changed my mind. She is no longer with the company, so I'm hoping people will just forget about it....you know out of sight out of mind. Who can you blame here? Her for using a company phone for very personal use and stupidly not deleting the messages or my stupid boss for not clearing everything out of the phone before handing it over to a new employee. I thought about it, I don't think the kid that had it last even used it for he had his own phone so he never saw what was on it. I'm thinking we could have had a lawsuit on our hands if a new employee who is sensitive to the explicit details in those messages that were left on there received the phone. Out of town affairs are not uncommon in my company. I guess going away the mice will play. The crazy thing is she has moved to the same area where this affair had occurred....I wonder if she will continue it? This is kinda why I thought about warning her, that everyone know about it.

 

 

How about telling her BH?

And, the other BW?

[sandylee1]

Reminds me of a situation at work. A married guy and a single woman were at it.

 

I was alerted about high cell phone calls between them. Turns out he was using his work phone because his wife saw messages between them on his personal phone and he switched.

 

We used the text messages in the disciplinary investigation.

 

Everyone thought he was a lovely guy and that the OW was nice and sweet. The messages say otherwise.

 

Affairs are ten a penny these days. Not surprising many people (men especially) don't want to get married any more.

[Space Ritual]

Totally

Her for using a company phone for very personal use and stupidly not deleting the messages.

 

Fools like that deserve everything they get

[SammySammy]

How about telling her BH?

And, the other BW?

 

I don't believe in that. Telling.

 

I just don't believe in getting involved in people's marriages on that level. It's not something a man should do in my opinion. Or a woman.

 

It's part of what I consider being a busybody. A messy gossip.

 

I've never done it. Don't think I ever will.

[Space Ritual]

I don't believe in that. Telling.

 

I just don't believe in getting involved in people's marriages on that level. It's not something a man should do in my opinion. Or a woman.

 

It's part of what I consider being a busybody. A messy gossip.

 

I've never done it. Don't think I ever will.

 

I would have given my left nut to have known beforehand my fiance was screwing my best friend in my house while I was at work instead of having to walk in on it. Other friends of mine knew, but since they didn't want to get involved, they decided to not tell me. Didn't want to get involved.

 

I found out about that while sitting in Prison. I decided the people who kept that nugget of vital information from me would have to be confronted when I was released. And confronted they were, after 4 long years in the worst way possible. I think I got my point across to them about the feeling of betrayal.

[smackie9]

I have a great deal of respect for you here on LS, but I was concern about this issue with the cell. Thanks for explaining your part in this. I feel you shouldn't get involved any further because really nothing to do with you. Warning her for what I am sure her husband knows what she's up too. Heck they could be swingers or have open marriage. Your life and mine are different we all do different things. Good advice you and I give others who seek the truth an answers to their social personal life. Sometime there is a line in the sand we shouldn't cross over like with this situation. I wouldn't even say a word to the former employee..Just get on with your life!

I'm not going to contact her, I was thinking about doing it for about a couple of hours, and thought differently afterwards. On many occasions I have kept my mouth shut when finding out the going on between staff members and their hanky panky. Only if it affects the workplace and abuse of their position do I alert my supervisor. The only reason I was going to alert her is because I consider her as my friend. We worked together for 4 years and I care about her. This is the thing about my job. I have been here for 27 years and I have developed many close friendships. Some I consider as family. Also my supervisor depends on me to let him know what is going on, especially when he is away. I'm his mole and he respects my input. I don't gossip, I go out of my way to make sure things are kept fair and professional before they escalate into something else. I am one of the few senior employees left, and the higher ups do expect me to help in situations like this.

[kendahke]

No. I'd say let her fall into the quicksand on her own. She dug the pit.

[umirano]

If I had a personal relationship with the victim of the affair I would seriously consider informing them. Otherwise rather not.

[smackie9]

How about telling her BH?

And, the other BW?

I don't know her BH, nor do I know who the person she was with. I would never contact them if I did know them. Not getting involved is the best approach and that is how I have always handled these situations, even with family. I just feel sad for her, that she resorted to such a thing. She is not some evil manipulative person, she's older, not attractive, chunky. I think she's lonely in her marriage, and got all caught up in the emotions, because someone gave her attention. That prob made her feel something she hasn't felt in 25 years. When that dopamine hits, it's like heroin.

 

 

So far there has been no word about it since that day. It has been laid to rest (haha). I am so relieved. I just hope in future, all phones will be wiped clean before handing over to a new employee. Like I said, if it fell into the wrong hands, and that person was sensitive to that kind of content in those messages, my company could have been seeing a lawsuit. Yes there are people out there that would even take advantage of the opportunity to place a sexual harassment complaint and work on receiving compensation $$$. We just had one quit on us recently. A week into her employment and she was trying to make a compo claim. She would have sued us for sure.

[SevenCity]

I don't know her BH, nor do I know who the person she was with. I would never contact them if I did know them. Not getting involved is the best approach and that is how I have always handled these situations, even with family. I just feel sad for her, that she resorted to such a thing. She is not some evil manipulative person, she's older, not attractive, chunky. I think she's lonely in her marriage, and got all caught up in the emotions, because someone gave her attention. That prob made her feel something she hasn't felt in 25 years. When that dopamine hits, it's like heroin.

 

 

 

So far there has been no word about it since that day. It has been laid to rest (haha). I am so relieved. I just hope in future, all phones will be wiped clean before handing over to a new employee. Like I said, if it fell into the wrong hands, and that person was sensitive to that kind of content in those messages, my company could have been seeing a lawsuit. Yes there are people out there that would even take advantage of the opportunity to place a sexual harassment complaint and work on receiving compensation $$$. We just had one quit on us recently. A week into her employment and she was trying to make a compo claim. She would have sued us for sure.

 

I'm not so sure about the company liability. When you use company property you release your right to privacy. You know that message that no one reads when you log in to your PC? That is basically saying you have no legal right to privacy because you are using company equipment.

 

Many employers routinely monitor your computer usage (sites, searches, etc.) and they have every right to do so. It's sort of like living with your parents - their house, their rules. I've seen the reports / heard the stories of people who they are tracking. Security can go in on the weekend and bug / put a camera in your office so small you can't see it even if is pointed out to you.

 

I think you are right not to get involved. You would be no one's hero.

 

Reminds me of my old company where a few people were caught in affairs after using their company credit card to book hotel rooms. They were fired and held responsible to pay back the charges.

 

You have no expectation of privacy on your employee's systems (phone, laptop, intranet, etc.). That's why I always use my personal stuff for, well, personal stuff.

[smackie9]

Our computers are monitored by the company yes, and certain websites are blocked (like social media) BUT no one can log onto your computer but you. Everyone has a PW that only you know and the computers log off automatically if there is no activity for 10-15 mins. As for the phones, they monitor internet usage but not texting. We are a 24-7 service company, and we all have to answer our phone for company business no matter what. So the trade off is that we can use it for personal use. Some people abuse it some don't and have their own phone.

 

As for security cameras, employers have to notify their employees, by law, that they are being monitored BUT they don't have to reveal where the cameras are. And obviously can't be in personal areas like washrooms.

 

Some people use their company phone for affairs because more than likely the SO either doesn't know they have company phone or it's left at work, or they never think it would be used for personal use.

 

Whatever, I'm sure this won't be the last time I hear about someone's affair. There have been plenty over the years that's for sure. Some even got married and are quite happy.