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GF Vacation to Italy - How to Control My Jealousy?


Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy Being unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.

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Old 5th July 2017, 4:08 PM   #16
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Can we really control who another person has sex with? Putting your foot down?

I'm thinking she'll be faithful if she decides to be faithful. If not, no amount of ... pouting ... or whatever will mean anything.

The only thing we really control is ourselves. If you don't trust her to control herself, then it might be a good idea to reconsider having a relationship with her.

Trying to force the issue will only bring frustration - for her and you.
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Old 5th July 2017, 4:18 PM   #17
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This is a pretty messed up s test.

She is going on a trip to Italy with a female friend, no problem have fun. Then, o by the way we are going to have a romantic weekend at a villa with two of the female friends coworkers. Really, tell her to have fun and distance yourself from her. Just remember, her gf is not going with her H because he is a stick in the mud remember. And just because she is pregnant doesn't mean she won't cheat, no chance of getting pregnant you know. So if the three of them start to hook up, what is the chance your gf holds out.

Plan your trip to Cancun. Do you have a female friend at work you can invite, if so do so. Let her know that you made reservations for two and that you are taking a female coworker. Then follow through.

There is a serious lack of respect for the relationship the two of you have by her. She should have refused the weekend at the villa. If she is going to wine and dine the whole weekend with just these two men and her friend. She has no respect for you. It is no longer a matter of trust, it's shows no respect for you.
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Old 5th July 2017, 4:39 PM   #18
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USA1ah - I agree there's a certain respect you should have not to spend a weekend with strange guys. Some disagree that I am controlling by putting foot down and she can do what she wants but it comes down to respect.
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Old 5th July 2017, 4:52 PM   #19
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It doesn't have to be putting ones foot down.

Simply say, I will never tell you what you can or can't do. But if you have so little respect for our relationship that you think it is ok to spend a weekend in a villa on your trip with your friend and her two coworkers. Then I will have to re-evaluate our relationship because I would never dream of doing that to you.

Like everyone knows including you. You can not tell her what to do. Be you can choose to be in a relationship with someone that can do this to you.
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Old 5th July 2017, 4:58 PM   #20
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O and don't forget, because it never happens. What if the guys slip something in her drink and the next thing she knows is that she waking up naked in someone's bed. But nothing like this ever happens, right.
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Old 5th July 2017, 5:18 PM   #21
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O and don't forget, because it never happens. What if the guys slip something in her drink and the next thing she knows is that she waking up naked in someone's bed. But nothing like this ever happens, right.
Lord have mercy. If you're going to go with that angle then perhaps she should NEVER go anywhere without her boyfriend by her side to chaperone her every move particularly where men will roam

It's incredible to me how you're both automatically jumping to conclusions and assuming that these men are complete cavemen out to bed the OP's girl - like she's their only option. Give me a break.

It's ITALY for heaven's sake! Gorgeous women are a dime a dozen in Italy and sex is easy if they really want it with women who want to give it up.

The OP admitted he's a jealous guy despite knowing 1000% his girl would never do anything stupid.

The problem here is his jealousy not her trip necessarily.
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Old 5th July 2017, 6:15 PM   #22
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Lord have mercy. If you're going to go with that angle then perhaps she should NEVER go anywhere without her boyfriend by her side to chaperone her every move particularly where men will roam

It's incredible to me how you're both automatically jumping to conclusions and assuming that these men are complete cavemen out to bed the OP's girl - like she's their only option. Give me a break.

It's ITALY for heaven's sake! Gorgeous women are a dime a dozen in Italy and sex is easy if they really want it with women who want to give it up.

I think you're trying to put lipstick on a pig and calling it a lack of respect.

The OP admitted he's a jealous guy despite knowing 1000% his girl would never do anything stupid.

The problem here is his jealousy not her trip necessarily.

Belle I have no problem with her going to Italy. Go have fun, can't wait for you to get home.

The problem is the weekend with the men. No one that I know would be ok with this. Well maybe the couple that play around might, but they always do things together, so they might not be ok going solo.

It is respecting the one you are with. Op's GF has already gone other places with out him and he was fine with it. He is just not ok with her spending a weekend with two guys she nor he knows.
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Old 5th July 2017, 6:23 PM   #23
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Put your foot down? You don't have a leg to stand on here.
I see what you did there.

Wookin, unless you are in a traditional relationship where it's agreed that the man is the boss, DO NOT have the right to forbid a partner from doing anything. She is your partner, not your child.

You have the right to express an opinion. You have the right to walk away if you don't agree with what she's doing. But you do not have the right to make decisions on her freedom or otherwise control her.

I saw where you wrote that you were concerned that controlling her might push her away. Well, of course it will.

At this point in time, I don't think you have what it takes to date a good looking woman.
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Old 5th July 2017, 7:00 PM   #24
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We don't control if another person respects us either. It only matters if she DECIDES to respect you.

Going through all of these emotional contortions to try to manipulate her into doing what you want or to get her back is childish and a waste of time.

Just watch what a person does, then decide if it is workable in your relationship. If not, move on.

You can't make a person be considerate, respectful, or faithful. Or anything else. That's not how life works.
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Old 5th July 2017, 7:58 PM   #25
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Some disagree that I am controlling by putting foot down and she can do what she wants but it comes down to respect.
OK, I'm one of those who says that 'putting your foot down' is controlling. As is 'allowing' a partner to do a thing.

But perhaps you are using words in a different context to what I would. Could it be that you're not actually thinking of telling her that she can't do it and you're more aiming to say that you're uncomfortable with the situation?
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Old 5th July 2017, 11:30 PM   #26
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Jealousy is a self fulfilling prophecy. If your gf is gonna cheat she's gonna cheat. Nothing you can do.
Quoted for Truth.

OP, I am afraid there is literally NOTHING you can do about it, unless you want to dump her before she goes. Sounds like this internally is somewhat of a dealbreaker for you, but you are hesitant to pull the plug because she has a hot body and fake tits.

Newsflash:There are A LOT of women out there that have a hot body and fake tits. You can always find another one if you choose

A conundrum you have, friend. Do you clam up because you want to keep that showpiece hottie, or will this totally go against your scruples?

Look, I date girls 20 + years my junior. Some have smokin bodies so I understand just how you may feel a pang of jealousy. However, because I am in my fifties i know these are short stays in Stripperville because some younger guy will eventually come along better looking and have more in common other than sex. lol

What I am trying to say is that You are more than entitled to have your dealbreakers.

Also I think you want somebody, in fact, anyone to tell you that you are just thinking malarkey, because you mention more than once the time honored kiss of death "I know she won't cheat"

Yeah buddy, a lot of us who populate these subforums said the same thing once upon a time.

Life is too short to be dealing with this nonsense. In your shoes I'd pull the plug, but I would never have gotten into this position so me being in your shoes is a moot point.

Dump her or always wonder and drive yourself nuts....Make a decision and stick to it. Because Hot women with Fake Tits are actually pretty common these days.

Good Luck
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Old 6th July 2017, 2:17 AM   #27
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Then I will have to re-evaluate our relationship because I would never dream of doing that to you.

.
This is the crux of it.

Forget about putting your foot down and all that nonsense because if you think she'll cheat she might just say f*ck it he doesn't trust me anyway might as well do it.

Co-workers or not these are strangers, they are not in a big group but a small and intimate group, these guys have no obligation to you, for all you know this villa could be their "slaughtering" ground"

But aside from the scare stories what it boils down to are your conflicting values (maybe these values reinforced themselves when you cheated because you know how easy it is)

Regardless or not whether her marriage was "bad" she still cheated. That's what scares you the most

*note* having read a previous thread this now makes a lot of sense

Getting over GF's Sexual Past, ONS
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Old 6th July 2017, 10:10 AM   #28
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OK, I'm one of those who says that 'putting your foot down' is controlling. As is 'allowing' a partner to do a thing.

But perhaps you are using words in a different context to what I would. Could it be that you're not actually thinking of telling her that she can't do it and you're more aiming to say that you're uncomfortable with the situation?
Yes when she asked my opinion if she should go, I said it is a great opportunity and I want her to have fun. She is going thru divorce now. She was also concerned about lost yoga teaching income while she's gone.


I told her that being gone 8 days is long time and costly and I would miss her too much. That I would take her to Italy in 2 years.


I never put my foot down at this point. Then after she told me she decided to go, she brought up the weekend seaside villa with 2 guys. I told her that I was not ok with that. We never concluded on what she was going to do. We both just dropped it.


I have a feeling this villa weekend is already set and either she goes to villa, finds her own lodging (not likely) or she cancels her trip and she holds that against me.
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Old 6th July 2017, 10:17 AM   #29
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Space Ritual:


The hot body and fake tits are just a bonus to show off. Its not that. We were best friends in college and have picked up right where we left off. We share something special between us. We both have acknowledged that.


If I ended the relationship over this trip, i'd miss her friendship 1000X more than her hot body.
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Old 6th July 2017, 10:27 AM   #30
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Space Ritual:


The hot body and fake tits are just a bonus to show off. Its not that. We were best friends in college and have picked up right where we left off. We share something special between us. We both have acknowledged that.


If I ended the relationship over this trip, i'd miss her friendship 1000X more than her hot body.
Then keep her as a friend. Sorry but catching up on your post it is obvious she has a problem with commitment. You have reasons to worry that she won't be faithful no matter what you say on here.

Make sure you schedule your Cancun trip the same week she is gone.

Does the husband of the friend know about the villa?
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