Doesn't know how to make time

[Taylorxo]

I met a boy last October while I was on a "break" with my ex boyfriend. We kept in constant contact (texting, FaceTime) until my ex and me got back together around January. My ex was generally not a "good guy" and this other boy has a lot of qualities I admire so I got back in touch with him once we broke up. We finally hung out and he took me on a date and right away I liked him. He recently had picked up a 2nd job so on he usually is working from 8am until almost midnight so he doesn't have a lot of free time. He also lives about 30 minutes away and I don't drive but he does. He keeps in contact with me all day and will always keeps conversation with me. About 5 days after our date he made his way over after work and spent the night and about a week later he did it again. At first I did a lot of "are you coming to see me?" and most of the time I hear that he's tired, which I totally understand. He told me he liked me and to be patient with him. So I stopped asking so I wouldn't come off so pressed and the last time we hung out it was his idea. It started to go onto another week and I was starting to get annoyed like why doesn't he want to see me? Yesterday he asked me if he could come over after work and I said sure but we cancelled last minute.

 

Today I was feeling so frustrated I kind of went off on him like how can you say you see yourself with me if you literally barely see me. He replied stuff like I like you but by the time I get off work I'm so tired and my house is 10 minutes away vs driving over 30 minutes to yours. I'm kept going off and asking stuff like if you don't like me you don't have to text me out of pity or boredom because you're just confusing me, you wanna text and FaceTime all day but you are physically barely here. He told me it's up to me on what I want to do, he can't keep telling me he really likes me if I don't believe him. I keep putting things in his perspective and I do understand that he is tired. I work 8am-3pm and a lot of the time I don't do much after work because I'm tired so I couldn't imagine adding almost 9 more hours to my day. My ex did not work and he was just kind of a bum so I really respect him for going out there and busting his ass and I believe someone like him would be good for me cause I'm a hard worker and it be nice to be with someone who could build with me.

 

My question I guess is.. what can you do in this situation? I understand where he is coming from but I also believe if you really wanna see someone being tired is a dumb excuse. I need more affection and I need more time. And I don't wanna keep bringing this up cause it will push him away but at the same time it feels like this whole thing is a waste of time. I don't know if he actually likes me or is just texting me to pass his work day and I'm very sick of having to think "does guy like me?" Cause when I'm with him it seems like he's so into me but I'm barely with him and I guess I need more reassurance?! Am I being selfish or bratty?

[Zip Silver]

How often do you actually see each other? In the past month how many dates or sleepovers have you had?

 

You just don't sound compatible. Like you say, it feels more like a text buddy than a partner who's there in person. It doesn't mean it's anyone's fault, he could be too busy to date. But instead of going with the flow and enjoying this new relationship and growing closer you're stressed and feeling rejected and he sounds like he feels pressured and exhausted. Sometimes it's just not meant to be.

[d0nnivain]

You are being bratty & selfish.

 

 

This guy works 2 jobs from 8 a.m. until midnight. He hung around since last October waiting for you while you were getting your head out of your @$$ taking breaks with you EX & dangling this poor guy by a string. He manages to talk to you all day via text (which is a sure way for him to get fired) yet you keep demanding more of the time he doesn't have.

 

 

People don't work 2 jobs because it's fun. The guy probably needs the money. Your EX was a bum & you admit you are tired after working only 1/2 as much as your BF.

 

 

If he's giving you the majority of his days off, celebrate how important you are to him. If you can't do that break up with him because your expectations are unrealistic. This guy has financial priorities that exceed his fledgling romance with you.

[coolheadal]

I met a boy last October while I was on a "break" with my ex boyfriend. We kept in constant contact (texting, FaceTime) until my ex and me got back together around January. My ex was generally not a "good guy" and this other boy has a lot of qualities I admire so I got back in touch with him once we broke up. We finally hung out and he took me on a date and right away I liked him. He recently had picked up a 2nd job so on he usually is working from 8am until almost midnight so he doesn't have a lot of free time. He also lives about 30 minutes away and I don't drive but he does. He keeps in contact with me all day and will always keeps conversation with me. About 5 days after our date he made his way over after work and spent the night and about a week later he did it again. At first I did a lot of "are you coming to see me?" and most of the time I hear that he's tired, which I totally understand. He told me he liked me and to be patient with him. So I stopped asking so I wouldn't come off so pressed and the last time we hung out it was his idea. It started to go onto another week and I was starting to get annoyed like why doesn't he want to see me? Yesterday he asked me if he could come over after work and I said sure but we cancelled last minute.

 

Today I was feeling so frustrated I kind of went off on him like how can you say you see yourself with me if you literally barely see me. He replied stuff like I like you but by the time I get off work I'm so tired and my house is 10 minutes away vs driving over 30 minutes to yours. I'm kept going off and asking stuff like if you don't like me you don't have to text me out of pity or boredom because you're just confusing me, you wanna text and FaceTime all day but you are physically barely here. He told me it's up to me on what I want to do, he can't keep telling me he really likes me if I don't believe him. I keep putting things in his perspective and I do understand that he is tired. I work 8am-3pm and a lot of the time I don't do much after work because I'm tired so I couldn't imagine adding almost 9 more hours to my day. My ex did not work and he was just kind of a bum so I really respect him for going out there and busting his ass and I believe someone like him would be good for me cause I'm a hard worker and it be nice to be with someone who could build with me.

 

My question I guess is.. what can you do in this situation? I understand where he is coming from but I also believe if you really wanna see someone being tired is a dumb excuse. I need more affection and I need more time. And I don't wanna keep bringing this up cause it will push him away but at the same time it feels like this whole thing is a waste of time. I don't know if he actually likes me or is just texting me to pass his work day and I'm very sick of having to think "does guy like me?" Cause when I'm with him it seems like he's so into me but I'm barely with him and I guess I need more reassurance?! Am I being selfish or bratty?

 

My child, you just don't know a good thing until it bites your on your arms sound better. But in a way you want so much more if you wanted a guy who had made enough money with one job he would give you the time of day. This guy works two jobs because pay scale is lower. You should be happy to know he wants to be with you. Can't you see that! Why in the world do you type some nonsense to use here saying he doesn't bla, and more bla this. You just being a small brat and you should quit it because you'll loose this guy and end up back with the loser jerk you had to take care of with your hard earn money you work for. I really do you see the picture now. Enjoy the time you have, go do something creative instead of bitching about. Of the nerve to complain about a guy who's working his butt off to give you things and pay his bills...

[Tribble]

How often do you actually, physically see each other?

 

I think people are being a little harsh. The last guy I was seeing, I barely saw him. He worked a lot, could never tell me when he was going to be off work and it made me feel quite insecure like he wasn't that bothered about me.

 

However, it did feel like he wasn't that bothered even when he wasn't at work. Other things seemed to take priority. In the end, I ended it. My feelings weren't going anywhere because I wasn't seeing him and it made me feel incredibly insecure.

 

Turns out I was right. A couple of months after we split up and he started seeing her all the time. He still works lots of hours but finds the time.

 

You need to figure out which camp your guy is in. Works a lot and literally cannot see you any more or works a lot and doesn't mind not seeing you very often.

 

The thing is, you can't control how you feel. He can't see you often and you need to decide if you can deal with that. If you need to see someone you're dating often (nothing wrong with that, I do), then this isn't the guy for you. He isn't doing anything wrong but the compatibility just isn't there.

[preraph]

I know what it's like working two jobs because I've done it for a long time and I only have maybe 4 hours a month for socializing and haven't even had a full day off this month at all and all I want to do is stay in bed.

 

It's exhausting. He doesn't have energy for you or anyone else. If he's a good guy, you should keep seeing him when he has energy for it. You should also get a car and be the one who drives to him since you have more time. Take Uber or whatever. Even then, he's still not going to want you over there all the time because he just needs to crash and burn and is exhausted.

Meanwhile, feel free to do what you'd do if you didn't have a boyfriend which is go out with your girlfriends. And maybe if you didn't text him all day, he'd get more work done and be able to get out of there earlier.

[Redhead14]

Cause when I'm with him it seems like he's so into me -- Of course, he seems into you, he's likely gonna get laid.

 

And I don't wanna keep bringing this up -- You don't keep bringing it up. You make a clear statement about what it is you want and need for a relationship in general once and for all PERIOD. If he does not at least attempt to accommodate or at least negotiate, over a period of time (set a mental time limit for yourself), you end things with him on the basis that the relationship isn't what you need and wish him well.

 

My ex did not work and he was just kind of a bum so I really respect him for going out there and busting his ass -- The result of being with either of these two types of men is the same -- you are neglected and used and feeling unhappy . . .

 

Doesn't know how to make time -- It's one thing to not know how to make time for a woman but the really important thing is that HE WANTS TO. If he really wants to, he will figure it out.

 

Find yourself a guy who is kinda in between these two types. A guy who can balance his life for you.

Edited June 9, 2017 by Redhead14

[Space Ritual]

Am I being selfish or bratty?

 

I work 3 jobs and put in about 60 hours on average a week. I am in my fifties. I never thought I would have to do it but even old ex cons like myself need to eat.

 

My former lifestyle put me into a huge financial mess. It has literally taken me close to 30 years to see light at the end of the tunnel.

 

That being said I do make time to socialize with my current GF, even as tired as I am. Of course I am only dating and not committed, as she is almost 20 years my junior and other than the physical attraction to each other we don't have a lot in common...but we are both aware of that and we will ride each other out until we don't. Or until she finds somebody she likes better than me, which at my age is probable. 33 year old women with Bodies made by Rolls Royce tend to not want to stay with 52 year old guys who work 3 jobs and don't have a pot to piss in for very long. lol. It is just a fact of life. I am comfortable with it though, as is she...for now.

 

Just remember that some people, for whatever reason, do not hold socializing or relationships in a high priority in their lives. Also consider that this guy obviously knows that you were with someone else when you met him, so he may also feel that you aren't anything other than causal to him, and not relationship material.

 

Maybe you have some growing up to do, sure. But that does not mean you feelings are unimportant. I have come to learn that right or wrong, you feel what you feel. If this is unworkable then you are well within you right to move forward with somebody else. Please just make sure if you make that choice to tell him so the risk of hurting him needlessly is minimized.

 

Good Luck.

[Rach_and_roll]

I met a boy last October while I was on a "break" with my ex boyfriend. We kept in constant contact (texting, FaceTime) until my ex and me got back together around January. My ex was generally not a "good guy" and this other boy has a lot of qualities I admire so I got back in touch with him once we broke up. We finally hung out and he took me on a date and right away I liked him. He recently had picked up a 2nd job so on he usually is working from 8am until almost midnight so he doesn't have a lot of free time. He also lives about 30 minutes away and I don't drive but he does. He keeps in contact with me all day and will always keeps conversation with me. About 5 days after our date he made his way over after work and spent the night and about a week later he did it again. At first I did a lot of "are you coming to see me?" and most of the time I hear that he's tired, which I totally understand. He told me he liked me and to be patient with him. So I stopped asking so I wouldn't come off so pressed and the last time we hung out it was his idea. It started to go onto another week and I was starting to get annoyed like why doesn't he want to see me? Yesterday he asked me if he could come over after work and I said sure but we cancelled last minute.

 

Today I was feeling so frustrated I kind of went off on him like how can you say you see yourself with me if you literally barely see me. He replied stuff like I like you but by the time I get off work I'm so tired and my house is 10 minutes away vs driving over 30 minutes to yours. I'm kept going off and asking stuff like if you don't like me you don't have to text me out of pity or boredom because you're just confusing me, you wanna text and FaceTime all day but you are physically barely here. He told me it's up to me on what I want to do, he can't keep telling me he really likes me if I don't believe him. I keep putting things in his perspective and I do understand that he is tired. I work 8am-3pm and a lot of the time I don't do much after work because I'm tired so I couldn't imagine adding almost 9 more hours to my day. My ex did not work and he was just kind of a bum so I really respect him for going out there and busting his ass and I believe someone like him would be good for me cause I'm a hard worker and it be nice to be with someone who could build with me.

 

My question I guess is.. what can you do in this situation? I understand where he is coming from but I also believe if you really wanna see someone being tired is a dumb excuse. I need more affection and I need more time. And I don't wanna keep bringing this up cause it will push him away but at the same time it feels like this whole thing is a waste of time. I don't know if he actually likes me or is just texting me to pass his work day and I'm very sick of having to think "does guy like me?" Cause when I'm with him it seems like he's so into me but I'm barely with him and I guess I need more reassurance?! Am I being selfish or bratty?

Im gonna try to be respectful here. But he has two jobs and works his ass off. I understand your frustraition but you didnt seem empathetic to his needs. its not his fault you dont have a car. Why is he bearing that weight alone? but you are reasonable in your trying to understand. if your needs arent met idk what to say

Edited June 10, 2017 by Rach_and_roll
to harsh

[Javelin]

He lives 30 minutes away.

 

I don't drive but he does.

 

he picked up a 2nd job

 

Today I was feeling so frustrated I kind of went off on him like how can you say you see yourself with me if you literally barely see me.

 

Am I being selfish or bratty?

 

You can't be serious right now?

 

You'd see each other twice as much if you hada car and went to see HIM for a change.

Edited June 16, 2017 by Javelin

[smackie9]

get a car...get a car!

 

-Joe Jack Talcum