Mindy6803 Posted June 3, 2017 Share Posted June 3, 2017 I don't know what to make of the way my boyfriend acts. He was my ex from 6-7 years ago. We broke up because I found pictures from girls on is phone. From what I can tell he never cheated but didn't try to stop the texts or make it known he has a girlfriend. We've been together 7-8 months now. I have not gone through his phone but have seen a few sketchy messages where he'd tell someone he was somewhere else when he was with me. When I tried to discuss them with him, I admitted I had trust issues and needed to be reassured it was not a repeat of last time. To which all I got was "get over it" and that he isn't cheating. His Facebook still lists him as single and there is never any pictures or mention of me even when he posts pictures of places we go together. There are times to me that he's insensitive and almost seems like he's trying to make me jealous. He will call out to friends "Hey beautiful" to women in front of me. Which would not normally bother me except that he never talks to me in the same way. Only time I've gotten close to a compliment in 5 months is when I started eating healthier. He asked why and said he liked me the way I was. (I'm not overweight by any means, but do like to be healthy.) I usually do honestly compliment him even though he dismisses it. His family knows I'm his girlfriend and I've been places with them. He will introduce me to his male friends. Sometimes as his girlfriend, sometimes just by my name. I rarely get introduced to female friends unless they are married or a spouse of a male friend. He's even made a big deal about how much he cares about a female friend from his teens and still talks to her. He never lays his phone down around me and has changed it so the notifications don't show. I know I have trust issues with this guy because of the past, which I haven't normally had with other men since I've gotten older (early 30s). Other than this he does take time to spend with me and tries to help take care of things for me (house, car, etc). Am I being too sensitive or is he being a jerk? Link to post Share on other sites
enddeck Posted June 3, 2017 Share Posted June 3, 2017 He is acting exactly the same way as he did before except this time you are putting up with his ****ty behaviour.Why are you putting yourself through this torture,dump hi today. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted June 3, 2017 Share Posted June 3, 2017 I don't know what to make of the way my boyfriend acts. He was my ex from 6-7 years ago. We broke up because I found pictures from girls on is phone. From what I can tell he never cheated but didn't try to stop the texts or make it known he has a girlfriend. We've been together 7-8 months now. I have not gone through his phone but have seen a few sketchy messages where he'd tell someone he was somewhere else when he was with me. When I tried to discuss them with him, I admitted I had trust issues and needed to be reassured it was not a repeat of last time. To which all I got was "get over it" and that he isn't cheating. His Facebook still lists him as single and there is never any pictures or mention of me even when he posts pictures of places we go together. There are times to me that he's insensitive and almost seems like he's trying to make me jealous. He will call out to friends "Hey beautiful" to women in front of me. Which would not normally bother me except that he never talks to me in the same way. Only time I've gotten close to a compliment in 5 months is when I started eating healthier. He asked why and said he liked me the way I was. (I'm not overweight by any means, but do like to be healthy.) I usually do honestly compliment him even though he dismisses it. His family knows I'm his girlfriend and I've been places with them. He will introduce me to his male friends. Sometimes as his girlfriend, sometimes just by my name. I rarely get introduced to female friends unless they are married or a spouse of a male friend. He's even made a big deal about how much he cares about a female friend from his teens and still talks to her. He never lays his phone down around me and has changed it so the notifications don't show. I know I have trust issues with this guy because of the past, which I haven't normally had with other men since I've gotten older (early 30s). Other than this he does take time to spend with me and tries to help take care of things for me (house, car, etc). Am I being too sensitive or is he being a jerk? You have trust issues with him because his behavior is not that of a trustworthy person. Little banter is acceptable but he is not respectful towards you or the relationship itself. Why are you with except that you love him? There cant be love without respect ! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Phoenician Posted June 3, 2017 Share Posted June 3, 2017 he was a jerk 7 years ago, and still one dump his ass 4 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 3, 2017 Share Posted June 3, 2017 Just because you are paranoid doesn't mean that they are not talking about you. Just because you have trust issues does not mean he is not cheating on you. This guy is shady, do not put up with him for one moment longer. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mindy6803 Posted June 3, 2017 Author Share Posted June 3, 2017 Thank you @enddeck, @mikeylo, @Phoenician, & @elaine567. Hard to judge when I know I have the issues, but glad to know I'm not just crazy and jealous I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 3, 2017 Share Posted June 3, 2017 Since you apparently have received some strong advice, I have a question: How did things go with the guy or guys you dated in the six or so years between your last breakup and getting back together? I ask because his behaviors are completely outside of your control but your behaviors and perceptions are completely within your control. If you 'dump him', as advised here, your question remains.... are you too sensitive or is he (or any man you date) a jerk? Do you see any patterns here? Why or why not? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mindy6803 Posted June 3, 2017 Author Share Posted June 3, 2017 (edited) Since you apparently have received some strong advice, I have a question: How did things go with the guy or guys you dated in the six or so years between your last breakup and getting back together? I ask because his behaviors are completely outside of your control but your behaviors and perceptions are completely within your control. If you 'dump him', as advised here, your question remains.... are you too sensitive or is he (or any man you date) a jerk? Do you see any patterns here? Why or why not? I dated one guy after my ex. Can't remember ever fighting about these issues. He actually gave me some of my confidence back somehow. The guy after that I ended up marrying who was a soldier and since passed away. My husband never made me insecure over anything let alone other women. I've had moments the beginning of these where I wondered if we were only seeing each other. The last time I can remember actually be really insecure or jealous was back in my early twenties. Edited June 3, 2017 by Mindy6803 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 4, 2017 Share Posted June 4, 2017 He's a total jerk saying "hello beautiful" to women at all, much less in front of his supposed girlfriend? You can do better. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 4, 2017 Share Posted June 4, 2017 I dated one guy after my ex. Can't remember ever fighting about these issues. He actually gave me some of my confidence back somehow. The guy after that I ended up marrying who was a soldier and since passed away. My husband never made me insecure over anything let alone other women. My condolences for your loss. Reading, it sounds like you've had some healthy experiences so I'd tend to view the situation more as a healthy response to actions or words that breach your boundaries. Can you settle on that as an explanation and erase those old tapes with the ex as the past and this being the new you, augmented by life experience and an apparently good marriage? I've had moments the beginning of these where I wondered if we were only seeing each other. The last time I can remember actually be really insecure or jealous was back in my early twenties. My experience in life has been that no woman I dated was 'only with me' at the beginning. Invariably there were dating and some even having sex with other men, or so they shared. I had to learn to deal with that, else the alternative was a lot more alone time than was already on the plate. Your experience may have differed. I'm a lot older. My biggest spate of feelings of jealousy in my 20's was with one lady whom I was very into but something just seemed off and, yeah, it was; she turned out to be married. So, lesson, trust instincts. Know yourself. Accept your experiences and style as valid. Things work out with some people and not with others. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted June 4, 2017 Share Posted June 4, 2017 Am I being too sensitive or is he being a jerk? Sorry Mindy, but he was an Ex for a reason once, and he should be again. Some people can be perfectly above board in almost anything they do social wise, but have one character flaw that is a deal breaker. It seems your BF's character flaw remains the same as it did years ago, and frankly, expecting it to magically change is an exercise in futility. We all have our own lines in the sand that we don't want other's to cross. The question is, are you willing to let your BF cross that same line in the sand you punted him for years ago? I don't think you are being too sensitive at all. I'd give him one serious chance to clean up his act in public, knowing he probably will be incapable of it. That way , you can walk away form him knowing you gave him a chance. I doubt anything will change though. I'd have to give him the Heave Ho in your shoes. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 4, 2017 Share Posted June 4, 2017 He was your ex for a reason. You deserve someone who will tell you and show you that you are beautiful. You deserve someone who is worthy of your love and affection and will see it as the gift that it is... Doesn't sound like he is the one. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted June 4, 2017 Share Posted June 4, 2017 He is acting exactly the same way as he did before except this time you are putting up with his ****ty behaviour.Why are you putting yourself through this torture,dump hi today. HELLO! This^^^^^^ 100% You don't have trust issues you have low self esteem issues to put up with this type of man. Get out now! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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