CreativeZen Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 Long story short: been dating a girl for a few months, at one point during this she hung out one-on-one with one of her friends, who is also close friends with her brother. During this, he proceeds to kiss her, she pushes him away. She tells me a few weeks after it happened. Now that did not bother me that much (although sometimes I wonder "well how did it even get to him kissing you anyway, normally a kiss is preceded by other stuff") but I told her I'd let it go and I'd move on. I still worry about it sometimes. However, last week she messaged him and they talked for a little bit since her brother got in an accident and he was asking her about it. This was the first time they talked in like two months. I was upset by it, since I don't feel like she should be talking to someone who is clearly into her. I brought it up o her, but she told him she had been ignoring up to this point, that she is not interested at all, and that she is happy with me. All fair points. Also, I do not want to make a big deal about it, since I don't want to create drama when it is not necessary. Do I have any reason to be upset here or should I just let it go? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 He's her brother's friend & the brother was in an accident. That is a pretty out of the ordinary circumstance. She didn't call this guy just to chat & say hi. If you believe it was what I would classify as an ambush kiss, try to let it go. Other than this contact about her brother's accident she seems to be putting distance in here so try to be OK with it. This guy isn't going to stop being her brother's friend so some how you have to all co-exist. If you can't, you have to end things with her. You can't force her brother to give up this friendship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CreativeZen Posted March 10, 2017 Author Share Posted March 10, 2017 If you believe it was what I would classify as an ambush kiss, try to let it go. I think deep inside I'm not sure it was an "ambush kiss," and maybe that's making me extra sensitive about the situation. I trust she did not reciprocate, but in my mind it just seems a bit sketchy, at least how it all led up to it. Like a month before it happened she said there was this guy that she used to really like, but that she would not see him because she was so into me. This was the guy that kissed her. Apparently she and some friends hung out with him, they all left, and at some point after that he kissed her. She also told me she felt really bad after the kiss. Then after the kiss happened she saw him a few more times (although I'm not sure what the occasions were), but nothing else happened. But for me it's a bit like, why are you still hanging out with the guy when you know he is into you? Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 Like a month before it happened she said there was this guy that she used to really like, but that she would not see him because she was so into me. This was the guy that kissed her. Apparently she and some friends hung out with him, they all left, and at some point after that he kissed her. She also told me she felt really bad after the kiss. Then after the kiss happened she saw him a few more times (although I'm not sure what the occasions were), but nothing else happened. But for me it's a bit like, why are you still hanging out with the guy when you know he is into you? Ugh..... You are getting trickle truth already this early in a relationship? Felt really bad about it yet continued to hang out with him and it slipped her mind to tell you? My younger self would probably take the same tack originally as you did. My older self would have already disabused my younger self of such a notion. She is already showing you show she really is at an early stage. Use the rule of 3's with this one. It was originally written by Martha Stout in her book "The Sociopath Next Door". "When considering a relationship of any kind, practice the Rule of Threes regarding the claims and promises a person makes, and the responsibilities he or she has. One lie usually means one broken promise or a single neglected responsibility or may be a misunderstanding instead. Two lies may involve a serious mistake. But three lies says you’re dealing with a liar, and deceit is the lynchpin of conscienceless behaviour. Cut your losses and get out as soon as you can. Leaving, though it may be hard, will be easier now than later, and less costly. Do not give your money, your work, your secrets or your affection to a three-timer." If you get another fish tale regarding this chick and this guy you'll know what to do. Good Luck 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 She drew the line in the sand with him and he stayed away. She should have simply told you that she was going to message him in regards to her brother's accident...fine. Just tell her to have the common courtesy to tell you first so it doesn't feel like she is doing it behind your back. Pretty simple to just discuss boundaries so you both understand each others expectations. Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 she messaged him My friend. My dear dear friend. First off you were right about the kiss. First off they have history, and they have the worst kind of history because it's the unresolved feelings kind of history. That kiss didn't materialise out of thin air, that's after a night of hanging out, most likely flirting but the telling part they were left alone or at least in a one on one situation where the opportunity to kiss presented itself, and it doesn't sound like it was an "oh my god what the hell are you doing?" kind of kiss, more like a we shouldn't be doing this I feel a little guilty (note she didn't tell you straight away but weeks later) Never the less, she told you, you let it go...but Brother gets into a wreck..fine, but she contacts him. She contacts him, then she talks about the kiss and please note this is not her buddy or someone she sees as a brother, this was a dude who wants to bang her, she wanted to bang him..again this unresolved feelings BS, no doubt it's been playing on her mind because she used her brother's wreck as an excuse to hit him up to talk about the kiss. My friend, my dear friend. Don't ever be fooled into taking this, I don't want to be a jealous boyfriend trap or I want to be trusting. You have an orbiter, dudes that hang around (and when they get an opportunity move in for the kill) even worse it seems your girlfriend orbits him, she's curious and she hasn't totally cut the cord to him which means trouble for you. End of the day you can protest but unless she wants to cut the cord then you cant force her. Jealous boyfriend and dude that wants her really does wonders for the ego. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 One ambush kiss and a conversation about her brother's accident is something to let go. Her being into him before she got together with you + hanging out with him after dating you + the ambush kiss (which is a lot more suspect now) + hanging out with him again after the kiss = something you need to pay more attention to. Guess what? He knew she was into him & didn't care. All of a sudden you came along & because another guy wanted her she got so much hotter in his eyes. She wants to be loyal but she really wants to date him & given that he is her brother's friend he's gonna be around. Proceed with caution & keep your eyes open. Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 why are you still hanging out with the guy when you know he is into you? So after the kiss she was hanging out with him? And you're ok with it?? This must bother you the most. Another thing... you say "Then after the kiss happened she saw him a few more times". Why would you call it "a kiss"? If someone is trying to kiss me, she wouldn't have the chance to touch my lips without me cooperating with this. I will move my head, or turn it back, or to any direction, and that's it, no kiss. When she calls it "the kiss", it means that she were fully cooperating with it for at least few seconds. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DrReplyInRhymes Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 Also, I do not want to make a big deal about it, since I don't want to create drama when it is not necessary The drama has already been created and not by you. Yes, I'd be pissed she's handling it the way she is, but maybe that's why I'm single. I have bad experiences with things like this and I'd certainly turn it into a big deal. Personally, I think Space Ritual has it right. Trickle truthed you about everything means you probably don't have the truth about anything. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted March 12, 2017 Share Posted March 12, 2017 Not married. No kids together. Why on earth do you think it's a good idea to put up with her $hit and go through all this drama? Tell her it's been real and go find other girls to play with. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted March 13, 2017 Share Posted March 13, 2017 I'm looking at the timeline here... You've been dating a few months. She told you about it a few weeks after it happened, and it's been 2 months since they spoke. That means it's at least 2.5 months since this kiss happened, right? So it happened right as the beginning of your dating. Were you even exclusive at that point? If not then what does it matter whether she reciprocated or not, she had made no commitment to you, she had a right to reciprocate and kiss someone else if she wanted, right? She does seem to be minimising it but that's not really all that rare, especially considering your reaction to it... Link to post Share on other sites
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