Feeling Used

[Fooled Again10]

Sorry if I jump around, I'm a mess.After several years apart I started seeing my ex fiance again after he came up to me while I was shopping. hadn't thought about him in a long time, hes in his 50s, I'm in my 40s. We talked and laughed. When I broke up those years ago with him the engagement was less then a year. He started to bully me, told me I couldnt have any men friends, and had to check in with him when I was out without him. At first I thought it was cute but his anger was getting worse and he threatened to hit me if I didn't straighten up, he accused me of cheating. I knew he was insecure, but this was to much, so I broke up with him. He pleaded and begged for me to come back that he could change, he apologized for his threats saying he never hurt me. Stupid me believed him. After a few weeks he went right back to controlling. I still tried to see if he could change, but it was hopeless. So I went no contact, blocked him, and didn't see him again until last year.

He called me a few days after we remet, an asked if he could see me. I was surprised but curious to. We went out and the sparks flew and I forgot why I broke it off back when because he was so sweet with his words, after a few dates we had sex and it was great, but the next few days I could tell something was bugging him. Turns out he was thinking about a woman he met online in a chat forum a year ago, she lives a few thousand miles away. He wanted to be honorable and tell me about her. I was surprised, and probably should have dumped him but he made it sound like she was a maniac and he did tell me. From what he told me they had a steamy relationship but it was weird to. There was a lot of fighting, and he would try to break it off, but she kept calling him or emailing him back. He tried blocking but she kept working around his blocks using a phone app to change the number and using different email addresses. He said she make plans to fly out, but never did. She kept him dangling.

I asked him if he was still talking to her, he said no because she was crazy. When I asked the last time they talked, he said it been quite a few months. I still went out with him, but I wondered about this woman. The few times I asked, he kind of answer my questions, make a few snide remarks about her then change the subject. I asked her name he said her name wasnt important, i insisted he told me Amy. No idea if that's her name or not. I guess it didn't matter at the moment, he kept talking about her and I started to think he was still in contact with her. I thought we were exclusive we talked and acted like we were but wasnt sure anymore. I should have dumped him right then, stupid me.

I stopped seeing him so much because of this woman an he didn't call as often when he did he seemed upset and I stupdily comforted him. We would hook up, and then it would cool off it happend a number of times. A few nights ago, I spent the night which didnt happen to often. I got up real early and went to the kitchen. His phone was there and I got up the nerve looked at it he didnt lock it and i read several very recent texts between he and this Amy, he lied and it sickened me. They sexted had phone sex she sent him photos. He was telling her what he would do to her. Ugh. I took screen shots, I was mad. I looked through his phone and saw several naked photos of her. Blonde bimbo, and emails how he and her would live together. I found his email account, and he was logged in. I couldn't believe what I saw. He told her about me, and what I was supposedly saying about her. I was threatening to leave him if he didnt break up with her. She'd get mad and he would lie to her and she believed it. Other emails showed the two talked continuosly broke it off several times she couldnt stop and neither could he from what it looks like its been going on and off for a few years. Turns out she did fly out and meet him last spring, and they had sex, the after emails were sickening to me. He even had a camera set up and took pictures. I dont think she knew. He sent emails to his friends showing in his words the fine A$$ he was tapping. I felt so stupid, so used violated and Amy wasnt her name.

I didnt confront or nothing just got dressed and left. Hes been trying to contact me wondering why I left, at first angry then crying then he got drunk this weekend and called me names for not talking. I havent responded so hurt it was like I was just a filler for him to get off. I feel betrayed and used and I wonder if he took photos of me. I dont know if i should go no contact now or confront or what to do I feel like posting their pics on a cheating website. but I dont want to lower myself. and dont want to talk to this woman ever.

 

I'm such a mess.I am done with him forever, never want to speak with him again but I feel like revenge.

[Space Ritual]

I'm such a mess.I am done with him forever, never want to speak with him again but I feel like revenge.

 

Why waste your time.

 

Jesus you are in your 40's and he is in his 50's and had you not mentioned that I'd have sworn you both were in your early 20's. You are too old to be dealing with this crap.

 

Do yourself a favor . Delete him from your life, make him insignificant.

 

The opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference. Immerse yourself in your career or something else that does not involve having to have a romantic relationship. Being single at your age is really not that bad of a thing. Christ, I'm in my fifties now and date casually and am having the time of my life because I don't expect too much out of anyone. When there are no strings, it is easy to be able to move forward and not get emotionally attached. It took me a lot of years to figure that out. I wish I had done so in my 20's.

 

This guy is a child in a man's body. You should remember that and run for the hills and never look back. Life is way to short.

[Fooled Again10]

Thank you for replying. It's early here and I couldn't sleep thinking about what this man put me through again.

Your words got me wondering and your right, to old to be dealing with this child in a mans body. I get it. All the time I was with him, it was all about him like he had to prove something. He could be so nice then be a complete jerk. If I put his moods to the emails I found it makes so much sense. How could I be so stupid? He would ignore me then when he did talk it was my fault. He hasn't changed one bit. This was a wake up call. I always wondered why he never married so painfully obvious. I am done. No more she can have him and his problems. I am so done.

I am mad at myself for falling back into this. Life is to short to be wasted on this insecure idiot. He is blocked, and I will never speak to him again. He made me forget why, that is my fault.

 

Thank you, moving forward

[d0nnivain]

You didn't really fall back into anything. He had one set of problems when you broke up the 1st time. This is another set of problems.

 

 

It sucks that the same guy foiled you twice but . . . it wasn't on you. You were looking for anger issues not cheating.

 

 

At least you found out sooner rather than later.

 

 

Just be done with him for good.

 

 

You will get through this. {{{hugs}}}

[Fooled Again10]

The more I look at it it was an ego trip for him. He used both of us. He had his cake and frosting. It hurts a lot but I'll get past it. While we were apart I had several dates, so no worries there. Just so mad that he charmed me back into his world, looking back so many things I overlooked. She can have him.

 

After a few weeks of no contact I'll be okay. Just feel foolish and stupid. I should've known better.

 

Thanks for the hug and support

[smackie9]

Remember gut instincts next time before lust clouds your better judgement. IMO exes are exes for a reason

 

In times like these I go shopping for a nice pair of shoes AND a purse lol

[mikeylo]

Most guys over 50 who've never had a long term relationship , are single for the wrong reasons. They usually have a sob story to tell.

 

At least you found out otherwise it would have been too late if you had developed deeper feelings for him. Now you can finally move on.

[coolheadal]

It was a shame this happen to you and know you know have learn about this experience forever. Never take the ex back unless there was goodness in the first half But this guy depict the ages doesn't matter here. What matters is his attitude and behavior the second time he was able to lore in you again. He seems that is his way about him dirty hands never come clean as the old saying goes..

 

Again chalk this up has experience you can put aside and move on with your life here are so many wonderful men out there just waiting to be with you and show you the kind of loving, loyalty and respect you desire.

[Samhain]

He hadn't actually changed from the first time you were in a relationship with him. Name calling because he isn't getting what he wants is just as much a form of being abusive as threatening to smack you is.

 

He has a controlling personality and those types of people thrive off of drama so of course he would not let this other woman go. She sounds like she creates and revels in as much drama as he does.

 

Going for revenge is just keeping more drama ongoing for them both and you should be the better person out of the three here. Continue NC for good, forget about him and if you're ever unfortunate enough to run into him again remember that liars and abusive people can turn on the charm like a light switch to manipulate people into getting them where they want them. That's exactly what he did to you this last time, making you falsely assume he had changed. Forgetting about him and moving on in your life is the best revenge.

[Fooled Again10]

Remember gut instincts next time before lust clouds your better judgement. IMO exes are exes for a reason

 

In times like these I go shopping for a nice pair of shoes AND a purse lol

 

 

This made me smile. Shopping will soothe me. :-)

 

How could I be so stupid to fall for his lines again? They are exes for a reason. He is pathetic a bully. My hurt is becoming anger. Anger at him, his real girlfriend and myself. I get it now. I wasted months thank God it wasn't years.

[Fooled Again10]

Most guys over 50 who've never had a long term relationship , are single for the wrong reasons. They usually have a sob story to tell.

 

At least you found out otherwise it would have been too late if you had developed deeper feelings for him. Now you can finally move on.

 

When we first met he was in his 40s. He had a child, he told me he dumped the mother because she was controlling. I'm certain he's lieing. He had many relationships but he was the one to end them. I ended our engagement. I believe those other women wised up and dumped him.

 

Sob story is right but it still hurts you think a person changed and it is lies.

[Fooled Again10]

He hadn't actually changed from the first time you were in a relationship with him. Name calling because he isn't getting what he wants is just as much a form of being abusive as threatening to smack you is.

 

He has a controlling personality and those types of people thrive off of drama so of course he would not let this other woman go. She sounds like she creates and revels in as much drama as he does.

 

Going for revenge is just keeping more drama ongoing for them both and you should be the better person out of the three here. Continue NC for good, forget about him and if you're ever unfortunate enough to run into him again remember that liars and abusive people can turn on the charm like a light switch to manipulate people into getting them where they want them. That's exactly what he did to you this last time, making you falsely assume he had changed. Forgetting about him and moving on in your life is the best revenge.

 

Your right on everything Back when I thought I could fix him. I made changes to help his anxiety. I didn't like who I was and realized I was losing myself. When I stood up he got mad and accused me of stuff.

I'm stupid for falling for it again there wont be a next time

[Fooled Again10]

Has anyone else been so completely fooled? It makes me sick and I feel so stupid.

[mikeylo]

People like him ( believe me, it's not just men but there are women also like this), have little to no regard for others except themselves.

 

You are not stupid or foolish. He is.

 

Can you talk to someone close to you. Don't beat yourself up. You could be in a state of disbelief or shock. Take care. Now is the time to take care of yourself the most.

[Fooled Again10]

This week was rough the anger at him and me followed by how could I be so stupid is rough. I unblocked him and read his emails how sorry he was how much he loves me and more then he get mad and be nasty That Amy was a narcissist b&tch and he hates her but cant stop himself. He wished he never wrote to her. I mean really? I didn't respond

Hes reblocked. I still feel stupid and foolish. I have talked with friends family and they told me the same thing from years ago. Run

I'm running ugh

[Fooled Again10]

Just an update. Ex used a different phone to contact me. Instead of it going to voicemail I answered. He pleaded not to hang up he said his friend died. I knew his friend who was a troublemaker. I didn't like him at all.

After he cried for a bit he asked if he could come by I said HELL NO and told him to talk to Amy.

He got irritated at me, started being belligerent then in a snarky voice said she said sorry about that. OMG Before he said another word I hung up and blocked.

What did I ever see in him, I thought he had integrity.

Wrong. He used his friend to try and get to me then blurts out he is still talking to this Amy.

Who does this?

[kidm]

Just an update. Ex used a different phone to contact me. Instead of it going to voicemail I answered. He pleaded not to hang up he said his friend died. I knew his friend who was a troublemaker. I didn't like him at all.

After he cried for a bit he asked if he could come by I said HELL NO and told him to talk to Amy.

He got irritated at me, started being belligerent then in a snarky voice said she said sorry about that. OMG Before he said another word I hung up and blocked.

What did I ever see in him, I thought he had integrity.

Wrong. He used his friend to try and get to me then blurts out he is still talking to this Amy.

Who does this?

 

The minute you heard his voice, you should have blocked him. You already know he is dishonest and a manipulator. Do not engage with him ever again and move on with your life unless you enjoy the drama. Sheesh.

[Zahara]

Who does this?

 

Your past with him was riddled with dysfunction. I'm not sure why you're still surprised and questioning.

 

I had an ex that was manipulative. Anytime a call came in that wasn't in my contacts or was unknown, I'd never pick it up. I didn't want to subject myself to any drama, just incase it was him calling.

 

Deep down, people pick up because they're hoping it's contact from an ex. If you truly wanted to self-preserve, you'd ignore any unknown calls. Let calls go to voicemail.

[Fooled Again10]

You both are right I should've let it go to voicemail. I wasn't thinking. I dont like drama but you wouldn't believe it reading this. I'll be careful. I still feel stupid making mistakes with this arrogant a$$.

 

No more manipulation, I will not let his drama into my life any more.

[mikeylo]

He is a fool. Just repeat this everyday.

 

You fell in love with the guy he presented himself to be but wasn't. He was just another loser , a cheater with lose morals , no integrity who presented as a decent guy.

 

Ask him to undo what he did then he can come to you. If he can't , then he can stay where he belongs -- other equally low moral women.

 

Your kept your dignity. He never had one !

[Fooled Again10]

I wont contact him. There's nothing he could say. He presented himself differently then who he actually is. I like that. There was a voicemail from a number I didn't recognize this morning. It was him. The second heard his voice delted it blocked the number. He called around two in the morning.

 

Thanks for the good advice, appreciate it.

[smackie9]

What a jerk! He only thinks about himself and never once considered your feelings in all of this...good riddance I say!

[Fooled Again10]

I've been doing okay with NC. He's been emailing using different addresses. Hard to block I gave up. I can read the first sentence without opening when I recognizes its from him I delete. He called me b&tch c&nt cheater and more. I got so angry but now realize he's got nothing. No honor, surehes got a long distance pos, but he has nothing worth anything my anger is pretty much gone replaced by indifference.

I laughed hard when the subject was we're done got another one. He can't make me angry or hurt me. I won't let him anymore. Amy and this new one can have him.

Off to the mall its calling me.

Thanks everyone.

[drifter777]

He'll either get tired of trying or get nasty. Either way you should consider a Order of Protection. This is what serious people do when they are being stalked like this.