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Girlfriend of two years kissed an ex boyfriend


Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy Being unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.

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Old 15th February 2017, 10:04 AM   #16
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I think she has learned a very valuable lesson, and I doubt very much she is going to do any sort of thing again. That is what life is all about....learning from our mistakes, growing more mature from the experience, and move on making better choices in situations we will find ourselves in.
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Old 15th February 2017, 2:49 PM   #17
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Honestly, she cheated on you and I doubt that she told you the truth about everything that happened. I would break up with her, but if you decide to stay in this relationship, be cautious.
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Old 15th February 2017, 5:20 PM   #18
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Yes, you should give her another chance.


She stopped him. She told you.


He's in another country. Be happy she is honest.


Find a way to work through this.
I would agree but my friend did the same thing, and the truth was she was making out with the guy all night and just wanted to tell her bf half assed truth.
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Old 15th February 2017, 5:44 PM   #19
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Thanks so much guys.

No she didn't know this guy would be there and yes drinking is no excuse, though a lot of drink does effect you to a certain extent!

I am happy though to hear thoughts along what I was thinking, I know she has done a bad thing in kissing the guy for ten seconds or so, but for the most part I know she didn't initiate any of it and certainly didn't want it to happen.

She is still, as we speak, in a lot of stress and crying her heart out in the next room, but I really feel I should give her another chance also. Not as I'm feeling sorry for her in such pain (though I am) but we have such a great relationship I think its just worth another chance.

I will have a hard time getting over that she kissed the guy for a short period of time and I know she might have been more forceful to say no but thats me. I just hope I can get over this.

Thinking to just basically banish the whole thing to the depths of earth and never talk of it again, would you think that would be the best option going forward?
Get a stopwatch.

Put your hand to your mouth.

Start stopwatch and count 10 seconds.

10 seconds of pure kissing. That's a long time. She may have regretted it but what would worry me was after the first kiss she was curious enough to let the second longer kiss happen.

Now your dilemma is, she's sort of cheated once and you'll probably forgive her but being young and having the ability to attract dudes there might come a time there's a guy she's attracted to and she's already tested out the waters of curiosity to see what it's like and she gotten away with it, as the saying goes

Cheating is always easier the second time around.
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Old 16th February 2017, 7:47 AM   #20
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Lots of mixed responses, which is to be expected I suppose and kind of where my head is at right now!

So over the last day or so I'm more than happy that she has told me absolutely everything and trust me she has been interrogated! So theres good points an bad such as yes she confessed, no she didn't initiate or pursue it and she pushed him off and realised it was really wrong, along with being very drunk as a minor thing that doesn't help.

Bad things though, which are the fact she did just kind of give in and make out with the guy for a short period of time and I'm not stupid enough to not realise she probably didn't mind it at this point. Also lets face it past feelings may have been in the way and she has admitted since this may have confused her but now she knows for sure that he means nothing and she was desperate with guilt and regret since waking up that morning.

Non of that is good, I mean, next time i see an ex and get old feelings coming back am I supposed to get drunk and kiss her, no of course not!

Hand on heart I know she knows how awful a mistake this was and she is willing to do anything to work this out, even practical things like speaking to someone about this, not drinking so much ever again etc

I think my main thoughts are that before this we had been in such an amazing relationship, best friends, living together and even planning the long term future, I was sure I was going to be with her forever, so I really want to work this out and I'm hoping I can get over it.

One side of me says she is a selfish, arsehole for doing this and maybe she doesn't love me as much as she thinks. The other side is saying everyone messes up and makes mistakes, like a lot of us do, and if you can't forgive her and give it a chance I'm a idiot.

I'm just struggling to move forward with this, does anyone have any advise of practice things I can do to get past it?

She has also mentioned she would get in touch with the guy (with me seeing) and telling him I know, just so he doesn't think about contacting in the future, as he works in the same company albeit on a different continent. (He is not on any of her social media or had contact anyway in years) Is that a good idea or not? I mean it may make him very nervous to what I would do and he might confess to his wife which may break up a marriage, but hey the guy knew what he was doing didn't he.

Thanks again everyone for all your help!
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Old 16th February 2017, 9:58 AM   #21
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She said saying she will tell him so you don't confront him and get the real story. If he reached out to you what would it matter if you already know?

She's controlling the scenario to hide something.
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Old 16th February 2017, 10:18 AM   #22
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She said saying she will tell him so you don't confront him and get the real story. If he reached out to you what would it matter if you already know?

She's controlling the scenario to hide something.
My thoughts exactly after reading his last post. She is totally out in front of this thing which leads me to think she is experienced in this department or she is trying to control information.

She is willing to do anything? Suggest a polygraph and watch her reaction. If she is being honest the odds are high she will agree without hesitation. If she is hiding things she will likely get upset begin to gaslight or turn it around on you likely something about trust.

I know the urge is to believe her and take her word on face value, but cheaters lie, most very convincingly, couple that with you wanting to believe it's a recipe for a long horrible relationship.
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Old 16th February 2017, 11:23 AM   #23
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Sorry guys, probably mis-led you all a bit there. I suggested she do that so he knows he's been caught out and tbh just for a bit of petty revenge, she then said yes she will do that and would be happy to do pretty much anything else I asked.

I did suggest crazy things like a polygraph and as I keep saying she is happy to do anything.

I know all of this is pure speculation, as lets face it even if I am 99% certain she has told me everything we will never know for sure. All I can go on is how she usually behaves etc, and this is really not in line with it. Again we can speculate that she may be the worlds best liar but at the end of the day I think you have to go with your gut, and my gut tells me she is being truthful. She didn't have to tell me, which I think was a really good sign as if I was a cheater why would I own up to it?


...... Also just to add I actually just asked if I can contact him directly and she has no problem if thats what I want to do.

Last edited by Davidh22; 16th February 2017 at 11:25 AM..
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Old 16th February 2017, 11:45 AM   #24
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An innocuous kiss perhaps, trust was still broken at some level.

I've had some experience in this regard, in the end, it was a "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me" outcome.

If you can pinpoint the cause(s) behind the betrayal perhaps trust can be rebuilt, collaboratively.
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Old 16th February 2017, 2:52 PM   #25
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She has also mentioned she would get in touch with the guy (with me seeing) and telling him I know, just so he doesn't think about contacting in the future, as he works in the same company albeit on a different continent. (He is not on any of her social media or had contact anyway in years) Is that a good idea or not? I mean it may make him very nervous to what I would do and he might confess to his wife which may break up a marriage, but hey the guy knew what he was doing didn't he.
What the hell are you thinking?

Dude, this guy is not the problem, it's your GF who is the problem.

This guy could give 2 craps what you think. Why would your GF even put out there such an insane idea?

He isn't scared of a single thing and I still doubt very highly you have the full story. You think he is going to up and tell his wife because he thinks you know? LMFAO!!!!

You need to understand a couple of things.

1. Unless you are prepared to actually follow through with threats like this, don't put them out there. Obviously you are not in much of a position to be threatening anything being you are basing all of this on what your girlfriend sheepishly told you. again, this guy does not give a whit about you knowing nor does he even think you will expose him.


2. Allowing her to remain in contact with him is doing just that. Allowing them to remain in contact. They work for the same company, which regardless of the difference in location, is very disheartening. Aside from that, what specific proactive actions is she going to take in order to "do anything" to make this right?


Look, you may think we are just a bunch of bitter people but myself and others who are asking you to be cautious have seen a lot of stories like yours come through here that started off with just a kiss. Those stories then progressed to "well we were together but didn't have sex". and then it became 'well we had sex once, but we used protection". Then it finally comes out that "we had sex multiple times that night, and no we didn't use protection."

I am just pointing out to you that from where I sit this is all a bit too neat and tidy and you seem more ready to just wrap this up and sweep it under the rug.

Her contacting him again is asking for them to get a on the same page with a story in the event you do call her bluff.
In any event, by showing your hand you stand a good chance to be gaslit and this may happen again. Alcohol is no excuse and what your gf did was not a mistake.

I am afraid you are in for a world of hurt in the future.
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Last edited by Space Ritual; 16th February 2017 at 2:54 PM..
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Old 16th February 2017, 5:45 PM   #26
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I am afraid you are in for a world of hurt in the future.
But what do you really think?

I know you are here to give the harsh advice but I know it is also difficult when you don't get to see the full situation. I came on here mainly as I didn't have an outlet or anyone to discuss this with and I really appreciate all the comments. I'm taking them all on board and hopefully I can make the right decision, if there is one.

Any more advise or comments though would be great and hopefully I can get back on here in the coming weeks and let you know how it turned out!
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Old 16th February 2017, 6:51 PM   #27
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The ball is in your court now......it's all up to you.
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Old 17th February 2017, 5:35 AM   #28
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Please be advised that rarely does somebody get the actual true story the first time around.

Sitting on it for a week shows more of a knack for hoping it goes away as opposed to feeling very awful about it.

You say this guy has zero links to you, then if that is the case why even say anything to you at all? If she had a week to sit on it she would ave been just as eager to never tell you. If I were you I would wonder if someone perhaps saw it or knew about it and threatened to tell you if she didn't, nd you gt the PG version of it in hopes she could stem the tide.

Again, people expose themselves usually not out of guilt, but as a means to get out ahead of something for fear of somebody spilling the beans on them. Again, a week of keeping her mouth shut and all of a sudden she admits to a kiss? I would not be buying that. Especially with drinking involved.


I would be very suspicious given how she went about it that it ended with a 10 second kiss. You only know what she told you. You weren't there.
Years of watching life leads me to say: dump her cheating butt.
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Old 17th February 2017, 6:24 AM   #29
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Years of watching life leads me to say: dump her cheating butt.
So this would be regardless of who the person was, relationship, situation, etc? As this seems the logic of a couple of others I suppose it leads me to ask: Is there any cases where someone who cheats, even be it like this situation here, can then go on without ever doing it again? Does anyone have experience of this happening? Or is it always pretty much 99% a lost cause?

I'd like to think there are cases where a SO has cheated, then by realising their error made sure this never happens again, does anyone have any experience of this? Or are you basically saying I should start warming up the car?
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Old 17th February 2017, 6:38 AM   #30
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So this would be regardless of who the person was, relationship, situation, etc? As this seems the logic of a couple of others I suppose it leads me to ask: Is there any cases where someone who cheats, even be it like this situation here, can then go on without ever doing it again? Does anyone have experience of this happening? Or is it always pretty much 99% a lost cause?

I'd like to think there are cases where a SO has cheated, then by realising their error made sure this never happens again, does anyone have any experience of this? Or are you basically saying I should start warming up the car?
The thing is many of us here are pretty confident you do not have the full story. So we are kind of working with different information. Those of us that have been down this road know we will likely never know the true whole story.
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