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Cause for Concern?


Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy Being unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.

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Old 9th February 2017, 10:47 AM   #1
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Cause for Concern?

Hi all,

Been with my current girlfriend for several years now. We currently live together. Was wondering if my thoughts are substantiated and a cause for concern or am I dealing with insecurity.

As I said, we live together, but her best friend since high school lives in a different state. She loves traveling to that state to "hang out with her best friend" and has been there a total of 4 times (two times I was in attendance) with the intention of going back multiple times in the future (I won't be in attendance) in addition to a Vegas trip with "just girls" (I wasn't invited.. she stated that she was going). She loves to party and sometimes gets a bit too drunk. She's told me that she would never cheat on me etc. etc., but living such a lifestyle (i.e. Staying out till 2A.M.+, occasionally not keeping in contact when she's away traveling and partying) doesn't exactly reassure me especially when she's far away and I have no real way of actually verifying what she says. That being said said, whenever we're at home she doesn't have the same urge to party so hard. This makes me think there is something "enticing" in the state in which her friend loves but which isn't her best friend necessarily...

I'm not sure what to think as I want to continue the relationship and it is good for me but I don't want to be wasting my time (and resources) to continue a relationship which I have a bad gut feeling for. Note: we both used to party pretty hard but I've since calmed down a bit. I Understand the urge to party but seeing as this is evolving into a semi-serious relationship I don't understand why she would need to travel out of state so often to party with her best friend, thus having the potential to jeopardize what we have.

Tl;dr
Girlfriend parties when she travels to her best friend which is turning out to be often. I have a bad gut feeling about it especially since she says the "people are fun". Not sure what to think
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Old 9th February 2017, 10:51 AM   #2
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Just because she is not with you, not answering her phone &/or drinking does not mean she is cheating. She's partying. They are actually different vices.


If you aren't crazy about the partying talk to her about that but don't confusing partying with cheating.
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Old 9th February 2017, 11:29 AM   #3
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Yes she is cheating...

Yes she is cheating...

This is how it goes. Trust your gut.
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Old 9th February 2017, 1:22 PM   #4
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Have you ever talked to her about your concerns and the fact that you feel uncomfortable with her hanging out with him + traveling there + partying?
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Old 9th February 2017, 1:36 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Badaboom1357 View Post
Hi all,

Been with my current girlfriend for several years now. We currently live together. Was wondering if my thoughts are substantiated and a cause for concern or am I dealing with insecurity.

As I said, we live together, but her best friend since high school lives in a different state. She loves traveling to that state to "hang out with her best friend" and has been there a total of 4 times (two times I was in attendance) with the intention of going back multiple times in the future (I won't be in attendance) in addition to a Vegas trip with "just girls" (I wasn't invited.. she stated that she was going). She loves to party and sometimes gets a bit too drunk. She's told me that she would never cheat on me etc. etc., but living such a lifestyle (i.e. Staying out till 2A.M.+, occasionally not keeping in contact when she's away traveling and partying) doesn't exactly reassure me especially when she's far away and I have no real way of actually verifying what she says. That being said said, whenever we're at home she doesn't have the same urge to party so hard. This makes me think there is something "enticing" in the state in which her friend loves but which isn't her best friend necessarily...

I'm not sure what to think as I want to continue the relationship and it is good for me but I don't want to be wasting my time (and resources) to continue a relationship which I have a bad gut feeling for. Note: we both used to party pretty hard but I've since calmed down a bit. I Understand the urge to party but seeing as this is evolving into a semi-serious relationship I don't understand why she would need to travel out of state so often to party with her best friend, thus having the potential to jeopardize what we have.

Tl;dr
Girlfriend parties when she travels to her best friend which is turning out to be often. I have a bad gut feeling about it especially since she says the "people are fun". Not sure what to think
A quick question, was her attitude toward going to Vegas such that it put a gut feeling into you?

Reason I ask is because there are more than just a few stories on these threads about 3 situations where someone usually is concerned about their significant other acting up.

Vegas Weekends
Spring Break
Cruises

Also let me ask you something. When you are talking "hard partying" are you talking just drinking or are we talking drinking and other party favors?

I'll be honest in order to better help you can you be a little mo specific as far as her recent demeanor? something does not smell right with this one.
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Old 9th February 2017, 1:46 PM   #6
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Single detail that i didn't catch....is the Best Friend male or female and is she staying with the bestie when traveling?
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Old 9th February 2017, 1:47 PM   #7
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Badaboom1357,
Yes, it is more insecurity from within you that you are experiencing. Once you have built your own self-esteem and high sense of self that is independent of anyone or anything outside of you, then this will no longer be an issue for you.

That your girlfriend enjoys this type of activity/partying almost exclusively with those specific groups of friends, is actually quite reasonable and to be expected -
- it is just a measure and demonstration of their history together, with those dynamics, patterns and habits of how they feel about and best relate with and to each other.

If there is nothing else that gives you any cause for alarm or cause to not 100% trust her, implicitly and explicitly, then this is an 'inside job' to be fixed by you. (Not saying that you cannot ask for her help, but to ask her to change the nature and fabric of her long-time, valuable and valued friendships - that would only be you opening up the space and potential for her to gradually build up resentment and anger against you.)
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Old 9th February 2017, 2:54 PM   #8
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You slowed down, so once in awhile she will go let off some steam with the girlies....

I'm 52 and I still go somewhere once a year or twice a year with the girlies to party my face off. My husband doesn't party, he might go to the drag races with my brother for his entertainment. Never had a problem with it.

10 years ago I was going to the bar/clubbing/dinner with the girlies about one night a week sometimes less. Still there was no issue. We both always had lives/activities outside our relationship....maybe you should do the same.
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