LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Romantic > Dating > Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy

BF suddenly jealous of me & my best guy friend


Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy Being unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.

Like Tree60Likes
 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 10th February 2017, 1:33 PM   #16
Established Member
 
smackie9's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Surrey BC Canada
Posts: 10,397
Guys see "platonic" as something totally different from you. Mark may be a "friend" but guys know he still would want to bang you. Yes it's true. If you are anywhere near attractive, he still would like to have sex with you. And this is why your BF is questioning why you would still hang out with someone that at one time, and probably still does has an attraction to you.

To note, since this is your first real relaitonship, when in love, people become possessive and jealous very easily....this is the stage your BF is at. It's perfectly normal, we all have gone though it. The thought of someone you are in love with, being with others really makes us go crazy and do crazy things like snooping yer private $%^&.

The only thing you can do is have a discussion of everything that has transpired, past details of your relationship with Mark, and come to an agreement/compromise, and set boundaries that are fair for the both of you, when it comes to opposite sex friendships and on privacy/snooping. That would be the mature thing to do...so this would be your first lesson on relationships...clear honest communication with your partner.
__________________

You are a fool if you believe that having each others passwords = trust.
smackie9 is offline  
Old 10th February 2017, 10:38 PM   #17
Established Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Depends on the day
Posts: 399
If you and Mark have been meeting for drinks and coffee, could one of your BF friends have seen the two of you together. It wouldn't be to hard to find out Mark's name and for them to have told your BF. This would account of his actions as well.

"Hey man, I saw you girl out with another guy having drinks"

What would you think if one of your girlfriends said that your bf was out drinking with a beautiful girl?
usa1ah is offline  
Old 11th February 2017, 2:34 AM   #18
New Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 4
Thanks for your honest opinions, but I think I need to make something more clear. I really love my bf and would not do anything to hurt him. I met my bf about a year ago and we have an amazing connection. We spend 4-5 days out of the week together. I know that my bf also has female friends that he talks with and I havenít felt jealous of any of them yet. Iíve even met a couple of his female friends at one of our hangouts but I wasnít jealous at all because both of them are also in a relationship.

I met my best guy friend during my junior year and he is currently in an on/off relationship with someone. Iím not sure what their relationship is however, because Iíve never asked and I never met her. I think itís a fwb relationship, but Iím not sure. I only dated Mark for one summer and no actual intercourse ever occurred. We both eventually realized that we didnít want that kind of relationship, so we reverted to being friends and promised never to tell anyone about us. And this is part of the reason I wouldnít feel comfortable telling my bf about our past.

Since my guy friend lives close to me and we have the same major, we spend around 2-3 days a week studying together or having coffee before class. We text but not nearly as much as I do with my bf.

But I can assure everyone that there is nothing but friendship now between Mark and I. My feelings for him are quite different than the feelings I have for my bf. I can feel it. I feel more like a sister with my guy friend, but like an actual woman when Iím with my bf.

I was just hoping that we could trust each other and not be snooping and spying on each other. I know it might look suspicious changing my p/w but I value my privacy and I respect my bfís privacy as well. I was hoping that we could just understand that both of us might have some baggage from previous relationships, but that was in the past and should have no bearing on what we have with each other.
kdukakis is offline  
Old 11th February 2017, 3:10 AM   #19
Established Member
 
lolablue17's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 2,095
Quote:
Originally Posted by kdukakis View Post
Thanks for your honest opinions, but I think I need to make something more clear. I really love my bf and would not do anything to hurt him. I met my bf about a year ago and we have an amazing connection. We spend 4-5 days out of the week together. I know that my bf also has female friends that he talks with and I haven’t felt jealous of any of them yet. I’ve even met a couple of his female friends at one of our hangouts but I wasn’t jealous at all because both of them are also in a relationship.

I met my best guy friend during my junior year and he is currently in an on/off relationship with someone. I’m not sure what their relationship is however, because I’ve never asked and I never met her. I think it’s a fwb relationship, but I’m not sure. I only dated Mark for one summer and no actual intercourse ever occurred. We both eventually realized that we didn’t want that kind of relationship, so we reverted to being friends and promised never to tell anyone about us. And this is part of the reason I wouldn’t feel comfortable telling my bf about our past.

Since my guy friend lives close to me and we have the same major, we spend around 2-3 days a week studying together or having coffee before class. We text but not nearly as much as I do with my bf.

But I can assure everyone that there is nothing but friendship now between Mark and I. My feelings for him are quite different than the feelings I have for my bf. I can feel it. I feel more like a sister with my guy friend, but like an actual woman when I’m with my bf.

I was just hoping that we could trust each other and not be snooping and spying on each other. I know it might look suspicious changing my p/w but I value my privacy and I respect my bf’s privacy as well. I was hoping that we could just understand that both of us might have some baggage from previous relationships, but that was in the past and should have no bearing on what we have with each other.
I advice you to talk with you Bf and tell him EVERYTHING you mentioned here in your last comment. It's pretty convincing to me, and it's 100% honest. If you're 100% honest with your Bf, he will sense it, and will calm down with his insecurities.

You caused this situation by not being honest, and even though you do not want to expose your past, I think only being 100% honest and transparent will fix it. Good luck.
lolablue17 is offline  
Old 11th February 2017, 11:51 AM   #20
Established Member
 
smackie9's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Surrey BC Canada
Posts: 10,397
Quote:
Originally Posted by kdukakis View Post
Thanks for your honest opinions, but I think I need to make something more clear. I really love my bf and would not do anything to hurt him. I met my bf about a year ago and we have an amazing connection. We spend 4-5 days out of the week together. I know that my bf also has female friends that he talks with and I haven’t felt jealous of any of them yet. I’ve even met a couple of his female friends at one of our hangouts but I wasn’t jealous at all because both of them are also in a relationship.

I met my best guy friend during my junior year and he is currently in an on/off relationship with someone. I’m not sure what their relationship is however, because I’ve never asked and I never met her. I think it’s a fwb relationship, but I’m not sure. I only dated Mark for one summer and no actual intercourse ever occurred. We both eventually realized that we didn’t want that kind of relationship, so we reverted to being friends and promised never to tell anyone about us. And this is part of the reason I wouldn’t feel comfortable telling my bf about our past.

Since my guy friend lives close to me and we have the same major, we spend around 2-3 days a week studying together or having coffee before class. We text but not nearly as much as I do with my bf.

But I can assure everyone that there is nothing but friendship now between Mark and I. My feelings for him are quite different than the feelings I have for my bf. I can feel it. I feel more like a sister with my guy friend, but like an actual woman when I’m with my bf.

I was just hoping that we could trust each other and not be snooping and spying on each other. I know it might look suspicious changing my p/w but I value my privacy and I respect my bf’s privacy as well. I was hoping that we could just understand that both of us might have some baggage from previous relationships, but that was in the past and should have no bearing on what we have with each other.
You are not getting it....you don't need to convince us of anything nor are we questioning your feelings for your BF, We are advising you from your BF's perspective and how he feels about it.

Your shady behavior: You never revealed details about Mark and purposely don't mention him being in your group for reason...because you know he would be upset about it if he knew all the past details and probably would make sure you completely limit or cut off things with Mark. To add, oral and heavy petting is still sex whether his penis made it into you or not. It's still sharing a sexual experience together that can lead to orgasm.

Anyways, The moral of the story is, respecting your partners feelings, making compromises, or even sacrifices when in a relationship.

So if you think your BF is being unfair or out of line, then this will be the demises of your relationship. I know what you are doing....you hiding details, and keeping things on the down low hoping your BF will just get over it, so you can carry on like nothing happened. Well sista that ain't gonna happen. Your BF is not going to let this go, and the longer you avoid it, the more likely your BF is going to dump you over it. You can see how the guys on here have reacted...your BF won't be much different.

Last edited by smackie9; 11th February 2017 at 11:54 AM..
smackie9 is offline  
Old 11th February 2017, 12:05 PM   #21
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 860
My advice is that you've complicated things too much and are WAY to vested in excusing your interactions with Mark. Heck, you promised Mark to never telling anyone about your relationship? Seriously? That doesn't fly to a new partner.

Mark isn't your BF (anymore) and you can't have the Mark cake and the current BF cake and eat them both.

Your ommisions have now complicated things so completely that you need to level with your current BF and kick Mark out of the picture by RAPIDLY limiting your time with Mark and sidelining him (my saying: you don't tie two dogs to the same tree). You don't know it, but the reactor has already melted down with Mark and the only way to stop it and save your relationship is to seal Mark away.

Its either this, find yourself single, or let your BF go.
smackie9 and JS84 like this.
fireflywy is offline  
Old 11th February 2017, 12:23 PM   #22
Established Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 9,078
You lied by omission, OP.

Seeing how often you study and have coffee with this Mark, your boyfriend has a right to question your trustworthiness given that you failed to mention this friendship at all.

We don't care how much you claim to love your boyfriend. He does. And your actions tell a very different story than your words. That's why you're in hot water now.

You can spin it however you like on this forum. Your boyfriend clearly isn't buying it.
ExpatInItaly is offline  
Old 11th February 2017, 12:25 PM   #23
Established Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 9,078
Quote:
Originally Posted by anna121 View Post
Hm. There is something familiar about this story.
Good catch. Just noticed this too.
ExpatInItaly is offline  
Old 11th February 2017, 12:35 PM   #24
Established Member
 
smackie9's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Surrey BC Canada
Posts: 10,397
Quote:
Originally Posted by ExpatInItaly View Post
Good catch. Just noticed this too.
We have a link?
smackie9 is offline  
Old 11th February 2017, 1:26 PM   #25
Established Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 791
Let me do some role play here. I'll be you bf... (heh heh). I have this gf, I really love her. But, I see this other girl Trudy maybe 3 -4 time a week. Sometimes we study together. Sometimes we go out for a cup of coffee... sometimes dinner. Anyway, Trudy used to be my gf back in the day. We never had intercourse, but we made out, kissed, and did oral (what does that mean...) on each other. I have never told my present gf about Trudy because it would just be too complicated. So now my present gf somehow found out about Trudy and is jealous, and asking all sorts of questions about my past that both me and my old gf would rather not answer. She doesn't trust me, and I think it is so unfair. How could my now gf be so jealous over my then gf Trudy? We only still regularly see each other, and though we have had oral (I will refuse to call it sex), we both know that it is in the past. Why can't my now gf just trust me and Trudy?

Yeah, right. Also, though you mention your bf is seeing other girls platonically and how you aren't jealous about it, were any of these girls he sees ones he has had sex with in the past? If I were your boyfriend for real, I would begin to pull away and eventually break up with you, as opposed to making myself crazy because of your secretive past with Mark... Also, I couldn't help but notice that although you have mentioned Mark by name many times, your BF is just 'bf'. Have you even thought to mention him(bf) by name even once (if you did it is lost in the noise of your rationalizations)? Nope, just Mark... I think Mark is your real boyfriend, not the guy you claim is you 'bf'.
Poutrew is offline  
Old 11th February 2017, 2:19 PM   #26
Established Member
 
Space Ritual's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Chicago
Posts: 2,027
Quote:
Originally Posted by kdukakis View Post
Thanks for your honest opinions, but I think I need to make something more clear. I really love my bf and would not do anything to hurt him. I met my bf about a year ago and we have an amazing connection. We spend 4-5 days out of the week together. I know that my bf also has female friends that he talks with and I havenít felt jealous of any of them yet. Iíve even met a couple of his female friends at one of our hangouts but I wasnít jealous at all because both of them are also in a relationship.

I met my best guy friend during my junior year and he is currently in an on/off relationship with someone. Iím not sure what their relationship is however, because Iíve never asked and I never met her. I think itís a fwb relationship, but Iím not sure. I only dated Mark for one summer and no actual intercourse ever occurred. We both eventually realized that we didnít want that kind of relationship, so we reverted to being friends and promised never to tell anyone about us. And this is part of the reason I wouldnít feel comfortable telling my bf about our past.

Since my guy friend lives close to me and we have the same major, we spend around 2-3 days a week studying together or having coffee before class. We text but not nearly as much as I do with my bf.

But I can assure everyone that there is nothing but friendship now between Mark and I. My feelings for him are quite different than the feelings I have for my bf. I can feel it. I feel more like a sister with my guy friend, but like an actual woman when Iím with my bf.

I was just hoping that we could trust each other and not be snooping and spying on each other. I know it might look suspicious changing my p/w but I value my privacy and I respect my bfís privacy as well. I was hoping that we could just understand that both of us might have some baggage from previous relationships, but that was in the past and should have no bearing on what we have with each other.
I sure hope somebody else isn't paying for your college. If this is the result of the critical thinking skills you have attained thus far through higher education, I would suggest they ask for a refund.

You simply do not get it. Your BF will never trust you because you have given him a major reason not to trust you. The onus is on you to prove that you actually are a safe person to be around. If I were you, the best course of action at this point would be to end the relationship. Because going forward, your behavior will call other aspects of your relationship into question, and you will be at a loss to understand why they do. And you will never arrive at the point where you figure out the fault lies not with others, but yourself.

I feel very sorry for your boyfriend.
__________________
The measure of a person is not based upon the words that they speak, but upon the choices that they make.
If they keep stabbing you in the back, then quit handing them the knife.
Space Ritual is offline  
Old 11th February 2017, 5:03 PM   #27
Established Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Depends on the day
Posts: 399
Quote:
Originally Posted by kdukakis View Post
Thanks for your honest opinions, but I think I need to make something more clear. I really love my bf and would not do anything to hurt him. I met my bf about a year ago and we have an amazing connection. We spend 4-5 days out of the week together. I know that my bf also has female friends that he talks with and I havenít felt jealous of any of them yet. Iíve even met a couple of his female friends at one of our hangouts but I wasnít jealous at all because both of them are also in a relationship.

I met my best guy friend during my junior year and he is currently in an on/off relationship with someone. Iím not sure what their relationship is however, because Iíve never asked and I never met her. I think itís a fwb relationship, but Iím not sure. I only dated Mark for one summer and no actual intercourse ever occurred. We both eventually realized that we didnít want that kind of relationship, so we reverted to being friends and promised never to tell anyone about us. And this is part of the reason I wouldnít feel comfortable telling my bf about our past.

Since my guy friend lives close to me and we have the same major, we spend around 2-3 days a week studying together or having coffee before class. We text but not nearly as much as I do with my bf.

But I can assure everyone that there is nothing but friendship now between Mark and I. My feelings for him are quite different than the feelings I have for my bf. I can feel it. I feel more like a sister with my guy friend, but like an actual woman when Iím with my bf.

I was just hoping that we could trust each other and not be snooping and spying on each other. I know it might look suspicious changing my p/w but I value my privacy and I respect my bfís privacy as well. I was hoping that we could just understand that both of us might have some baggage from previous relationships, but that was in the past and should have no bearing on what we have with each other.
I believe you. What I am saying is that one of your bf's friend could have seen you and your friend and said " they didn't look like just friends to me".

Something has set off your bf gut feeling that something is wrong. What was it?
usa1ah is offline  
Old 11th February 2017, 5:11 PM   #28
Established Member
 
darkmoon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 3,350
touching, a little oral, etc?

the oral especially would upset me if I knew about it

dump Mark, Saint Mark, as you seem to see him, oooh, stop sticking up for him
darkmoon is offline  
Old 11th February 2017, 6:36 PM   #29
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 155
Quote:
Originally Posted by kdukakis View Post
Thanks for your honest opinions, but I think I need to make something more clear. I really love my bf and would not do anything to hurt him. I met my bf about a year ago and we have an amazing connection. We spend 4-5 days out of the week together. I know that my bf also has female friends that he talks with and I havenít felt jealous of any of them yet. Iíve even met a couple of his female friends at one of our hangouts but I wasnít jealous at all because both of them are also in a relationship.

I met my best guy friend during my junior year and he is currently in an on/off relationship with someone. Iím not sure what their relationship is however, because Iíve never asked and I never met her. I think itís a fwb relationship, but Iím not sure. I only dated Mark for one summer and no actual intercourse ever occurred. We both eventually realized that we didnít want that kind of relationship, so we reverted to being friends and promised never to tell anyone about us. And this is part of the reason I wouldnít feel comfortable telling my bf about our past.

Since my guy friend lives close to me and we have the same major, we spend around 2-3 days a week studying together or having coffee before class. We text but not nearly as much as I do with my bf.

But I can assure everyone that there is nothing but friendship now between Mark and I. My feelings for him are quite different than the feelings I have for my bf. I can feel it. I feel more like a sister with my guy friend, but like an actual woman when Iím with my bf.

I was just hoping that we could trust each other and not be snooping and spying on each other. I know it might look suspicious changing my p/w but I value my privacy and I respect my bfís privacy as well. I was hoping that we could just understand that both of us might have some baggage from previous relationships, but that was in the past and should have no bearing on what we have with each other.
Yep you sound exactly like my ex the more you ignore his feelings the more he will feel you don't care!
4x4storm is offline  
Old 12th February 2017, 1:05 AM   #30
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 39
Quote:
Originally Posted by kdukakis View Post
But I can assure everyone that there is nothing but friendship now between Mark and I. My feelings for him are quite different than the feelings I have for my bf. I can feel it. I feel more like a sister with my guy friend, but like an actual woman when I’m with my bf.
Quote:
Originally Posted by kdukakis View Post
I know for a fact that Mark and I are platonic friends because we’ve discussed this issue many times and it was definitely flirting before I met my BF. But I’ve noticed that since I’ve been with my BF I have toned down on the flirting and am now acting a lot more friendly towards him.
That's uhh.. not quite normal sisterly behavior.
hermitcrab is offline  
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Female friend suddenly wants me now that I am dating someone else??? leafguy Dating 5 31st October 2015 10:02 AM
Now she suddenly only sees me as a friend!? gatorsuperman Breaks and Breaking Up 6 14th August 2014 7:11 PM
Why is this friend acting different suddenly? Aedra Friendship 3 25th May 2014 7:32 AM
Can they really just suddenly see you as a friend? josyjosy Breaks and Breaking Up 6 13th December 2010 10:33 AM
why is my friend suddenly quiet? Bob47 Friendship 5 8th April 2005 11:48 AM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 12:22 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.