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I think my sister is sleeping with my ex


Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy Being unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.

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Old 8th February 2017, 10:37 AM   #16
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Originally Posted by angel.eyes View Post
He's been an ex for a few years now. It's very unhealthy to remain so obsessed with the details of his life--who he dates, who his FB friends are, and what he's doing with his life. As an ex, he shouldn't occupy so much head space that you're still having panic attacks about who he might be dating years after your breakup.

I would recommend individual counseling to help you understand why you remain so stuck and to help with the process of detaching emotionally and moving on.

I want nothing to do with my ex, there's no obsession lol. He's been with other people and so have I. The problem is that despite everything he did, cheating, disappearing, etc. My SISTER reached out to him first and when they talk,they talk about ME (from the convos I read). And she played a victim when she told me he asked her out. She opened a door to him sending me harassing Facebook messages that he could only send me because his mutual friend was my sister. If this seemed platonic to them, I truly wouldn't care. But he has no concern for others as I saw in our relationship. And most importantly my sister should know and care about that. This is about to destroy our sisterhood, she told me he asked her out and felt so hurt for me, but I'm learning she plays a huge part in this.
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Old 8th February 2017, 11:20 AM   #17
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I want nothing to do with my ex, there's no obsession lol. He's been with other people and so have I. The problem is that despite everything he did, cheating, disappearing, etc. My SISTER reached out to him first and when they talk,they talk about ME (from the convos I read). And she played a victim when she told me he asked her out. She opened a door to him sending me harassing Facebook messages that he could only send me because his mutual friend was my sister. If this seemed platonic to them, I truly wouldn't care. But he has no concern for others as I saw in our relationship. And most importantly my sister should know and care about that. This is about to destroy our sisterhood, she told me he asked her out and felt so hurt for me, but I'm learning she plays a huge part in this.
What if you looked at this another way. He's trying to destroy your sisterhood because he knows it will hurt you and he seems like the kind of guy that would do something like that from what I've read.

Maybe try to see that for what it is...that he's purposefully trying to put a wedge between you.

And then don't let it happen. Don't let him win. Turn the other cheek and just step back and not care about their involvement. Tell your sister not to talk to you about him, and not to talk to him about YOU.

IT would be hard, but just a thought.
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Old 8th February 2017, 11:27 AM   #18
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It's more than likely him she's seeing at hotels. I would feel betrayed too.
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Old 8th February 2017, 1:57 PM   #19
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It's more than likely him she's seeing at hotels. I would feel betrayed too.
Tho I do sympathize with your situation being that it is your sister,....BUT they are both single adults and they can do whatever they want.

I had a friend that started dating my ex soon after we split....I thought to myself when I found out, she can have 'atter and enjoy the problems he comes with.

You can think the same way with your sister....she will find out soon enough what she is getting herself into. If she wants to fool around with a d-bag, let her have 'atter!!
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Old 8th February 2017, 2:20 PM   #20
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Tho I do sympathize with your situation being that it is your sister,....BUT they are both single adults and they can do whatever they want.
The question becomes whether or not the OP wants to live with a backstabbing sister in her life... sure, adults can do "what they want." But whether it's right or wrong is something else.
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Old 8th February 2017, 4:04 PM   #21
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The thing is....there is nothing she can do about it. Her sister will keep seeing him regardless of moral issues.

OP needs to get some lady balls and slam it to her sister....cutting off their relationship and detach.

Then after that, she needs to not stress and twist herself out of shape over it....it's NOT worth it. Let the sister make her own bed and sleep in it.
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Old 8th February 2017, 9:42 PM   #22
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It's easy to see how OP might be jealous and feel disrespected... but how much can she really expect to control other people's lives? After several year have passed I don't know that she should feel like she has right of first refusal or anything like that. How far does the expectation extend with her sister? Any guy she's been out with, any she sort of likes, any she's turned down? Should she make a list of all the guys in town who are off limits to her sister?

Ideally the sister would be more respectful of OP's feelings, but if they're competitive rather than cooperative I don't know that OP has much recourse other than to throw a hissy fit, and while it might be amusing it has no power whatsoever.

So just to be clear (because maybe you didn't read the entire thing) my ex and I have both been with different people, I could care less about who he is or isn't seeing, what hurts me. Is that it's my SISTER. Who tells him that he's forgiven for what he did (to me). This also wasn't a friendly breakup. It was a breakup that ended in cheating, and disappearing completely after a three year serious relationship.

My sister is 13 months younger than me, and has competed with me with just about everything-- she's quick to be jealous, incredibly manipulative and controlling.

SHE brought up to ME that he asked her out. I've had nothing to do with it except take a lot of time to move on from the hurt he caused me.

It's really laughable that you call this a 'hissy fit over anyone my ex dates'... I have more than one ex, and their dating lives mean nothing to me.

If you don't live under a rock, dating your family's ex is a no no.
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Old 8th February 2017, 10:44 PM   #23
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SHE brought up to ME that he asked her out
Which makes it exponentially worse.
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Old 8th February 2017, 10:53 PM   #24
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The point isn't about what i can or cannot do, my sister is my blood and it would be unforgivable if she did something like that.

Either way your option is just to accept it if she is and if she isn't good
That's definitely a tough one sorry
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Old 8th February 2017, 11:09 PM   #25
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My sister is 13 months younger than me, and has competed with me with just about everything-- she's quick to be jealous, incredibly manipulative and controlling.
I guessed it was something like this... you have a toxic relationship with your sister. So when you get someone new she'll want that too?
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Old 8th February 2017, 11:27 PM   #26
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I guessed it was something like this... you have a toxic relationship with your sister. So when you get someone new she'll want that too?
Actually she made my last boyfriend incredibly uncomfortable by judging him and telling my family he shouldn't be invited over for holidays, parties, etc. because he was 'rude'. It was a huge part of my fights with my last bf and I had to end things with him.

I went to a paint and wine night with a friend and she assumed it was a date, and called me a slut to my face and on the phone with a friend in the other room so I could hear it...

The problem isn't with my ex, it's my sister. Sometimes I think she might be bipolar or have some sort of mental issue. She's also a medical nurse... scary
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Old 9th February 2017, 1:00 AM   #27
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You have strong circumstantial evidence. Your sister says they are not friends anymore on Facebook. You checked and it seemed good but you had a friend check from their account and they were. In other words she is specifically blocking you from seeing that she and him are friends. It doesn't mean she is cheating, but more times than not what do you think it is? This is an awful thing to do to a family. Someday you and your sister will have children and you will be the BLOOD aunts of those kids. Your children will be first cousins. Don't let a former loser ex get in the way of that sort of thing, and this is something your sister should know.


It is your sister, and your ex, and yes it does matter if they date and no you are not obsessed with him if you don't want him with your sister. That is your past and you don't want your future kids to call a bad part of your past "Uncle".
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Old 9th February 2017, 6:17 PM   #28
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Thank you for saying exactly how I've felt. I would never even begin to think I'm 'obsessed'. If I was always upset over anyone my ex dated, that would be a crazy obsession.

The issue here and the hurt here comes from my SISTER, who has gone out of her way to create a lot of this. And my ex, who is notorious for being a chronic cheater, and overall scumbag.

My sister has a lot of problems with feeling good enough, so I chalk all this up to that. I don't think I'll have to ever call my ex my brother in law... but even if she has been emotionally/romantically talking to him... it would be enough to realize she doesn't love or care about me--and feels she has something to prove.
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Old 9th February 2017, 6:55 PM   #29
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2 family members?

he's a player - with no standards

I can see into the distance (am old) he will hurt more women than you 2
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Old 9th February 2017, 7:06 PM   #30
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He's a chronic cheater. Throughout our relationship girls would send him nasty messages, apparently one of them keyed his car, and another actually burned his childhood teddy bear and posted it on YouTube. His mom told me "well my son is just very good looking and girls don't like it when he's not interested"... hardly. Women don't like to get into relationships with cheating men that will disappear instead of acting like an adult.

I chose not to take the low road, I let him send me a breakup email and (although it took some time) I healed. He'll try to send me angry messages to get my attention... but now this?

I'm not mad at my ex, every time he does something lower than before, I let it go and laugh it off. When MY SISTER jumps in though, I feel like I have egg on my face.
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