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Do you think I can trust him?


Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy Being unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.

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Old 10th January 2017, 9:18 PM   #1
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Should I trust him?

I met a guy through AA that I am crazy about. I met him years ago, but he was with someone so it never went anyway. I saw him again (he called me and asked me to go to a AA meeting with him which we are both still involved in) I did, we hung out a few times. He told me he was broke up with ex. I made him wait for sex, and I got pregnant the first time we had sex. I drove to his work and told him and he was happy, nervous in shock but happy.

His GF found out (guess they were not broke up and I do admit he did tell me they still hung out together sometimes but I didn't think it was serious) and facebooked me asking how long i had been dating her bf and if was I pregnant. I told her he told me it was over months ago. She sent me all the texts between them proving he was lying to me. He lied to me OUR entire relationship. They were together the whole time. He took her out on an extravagant dinner/hot tub weekend for her birthday (which by the way is the same DAY as mine) and on our actual birthday, he took me to the movies.

Anyway, obviously I was very upset with him, he said he would not do it again. Then I found out he went over her house and spent the night - the DAY after our relationship had gone PUBLIC Facebook official - and was sending her love texts and songs saying how much he missed her and that he was confused. I left him again, and again he professed his love for me and our upcoming baby, saying that was most important to him. He swore he would never mess up again even changed his phone number to prove that he would not talk to her anymore and I know she does not have it.

Then I found out, yet again, that he was still talking to her and they had met for lunch. I took him back AGAIN and now he is no longer speaking with his ex. We spent Christmas together with his family and my family. He is now living with me now and I am 14 [weeks] pregnant.

PLEASE BE HONEST what do you think the chances of this relationship working out? I love him and he is wonderful to me and we still go to AA meetings together and he has been sober now since the last night he had spent with his ex and slept with her. He is now about 6 weeks sober.

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 12th January 2017 at 2:03 PM.. Reason: changed "months" to "weeks" after clarification from threadstarter ~6
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Old 10th January 2017, 10:39 PM   #2
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He is now about 6 weeks sober.
I have over 20 years of sobriety under my belt.

You ask if you can trust him?

Look at what you wrote.

I am not trying to be mean here, but you answered your own question by your post.
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Old 10th January 2017, 10:46 PM   #3
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I met a guy through AA that I am crazy about. I met him years ago, but he was with someone so it never went anyway. I saw him again (he called me and asked me to go to a AA meeting with him which we are both still involved in) I did, we hung out a few times. He told me he was broke up with ex. I made him wait for sex, and I got pregnant the first time we had sex. I drove to his work and told him and he was happy, nervous in shock but happy.

His GF found out (guess they were not broke up and I do admit he did tell me they still hung out together sometimes but I didn't think it was serious) and facebooked me asking how long i had been dating her bf and if was I pregnant. I told her he told me it was over months ago. She sent me all the texts between them proving he was lying to me. He lied to me OUR entire relationship. They were together the whole time. He took her out on an extravagant dinner/hot tub weekend for her birthday (which by the way is the same DAY as mine) and on our actual birthday, he took me to the movies.

Anyway, obviously I was very upset with him, he said he would not do it again. Then I found out he went over her house and spent the night - the DAY after our relationship had gone PUBLIC Facebook official - and was sending her love texts and songs saying how much he missed her and that he was confused. I left him again, and again he professed his love for me and our upcoming baby, saying that was most important to him. He swore he would never mess up again even changed his phone number to prove that he would not talk to her anymore and I know she does not have it.

Then I found out, yet again, that he was still talking to her and they had met for lunch. I took him back AGAIN and now he is no longer speaking with his ex. We spent Christmas together with his family and my family. He is now living with me now and I am 14 [weeks] pregnant.

PLEASE BE HONEST what do you think the chances of this relationship working out? I love him and he is wonderful to me and we still go to AA meetings together and he has been sober now since the last night he had spent with his ex and slept with her. He is now about 6 weeks sober.
So you really acceptng the word of an unemployed substance abuser?.

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Old 10th January 2017, 10:59 PM   #4
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Oh my God.

I am kind of shocked that this is a serious question (not to offend you, sorry if this sounds nasty).

A man who cheats WITH you and then cheats ON you can absolutely never be trusted.

Look some things can be fixed, such as addictions; they are never fixed but can be controlled.

Cheated? It is an inbuilt personality trait. This man is who he is at this age. He will never change. At the off chance he WANTS to commit to the one woman and wants to know how to control his impulses to cheat - he will need YEARS of work.

Or maybe he is not into either of you and settled because he cannot do any better, became attached to you but is still open to the right woman? In this case he is still a MASSIVE A - HOLE.

HELL NO you cannot trust him! Get a decent job, go back to school if need be, and welcome to being a single parent. Demand child support, and BE SINGLE and wait for a guy who does not cheat on his partner with you, and then continue to cheat ON you with said woman

God it is unbelievable what some women tolerate and need to even question.
Been and l8estnews like this.
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Old 10th January 2017, 11:09 PM   #5
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In all honesty. No. I don't see it working out for you. And this is why: you started out as a girl on the side to him. He lied to you about his status, but just because he lied doesn't make you #1. She was #1. Now if he broke up with her and moved on with you and never strayed back to her then I would say you have a chance.

But he keeps straying back to her....his primary relationship. If he can never close that one mentally and physically, then to him...you will always be secondary. It's just more complicated now because you are carrying his baby.

Relationships that start out in affairs (even unbeknownst to you) don't usually last. Especially when there is a lot of back and forth and uncertainty.

I would advise you to get your affairs in order. Arrange for child support. And plan for yourself and your child without depending on him at all.

I'm sorry

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Old 11th January 2017, 1:06 AM   #6
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seriously, it sounds like you are setting yourself up for some big heartache.
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Old 11th January 2017, 6:50 AM   #7
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yes 14 weeks pregnant

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it has been almost one month since they have spoke. Do you think I have to worry about him going back to her in the future???

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Old 11th January 2017, 6:52 AM   #8
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ooops typo

yes i meant 14 weeks pregnant not 14 months lol
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Old 11th January 2017, 10:04 AM   #9
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it has been almost one month since they have spoke. Do you think I have to worry about him going back to her in the future???
Yes...he is probably doing it now. Come on, you know you deserve better.

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Old 11th January 2017, 10:07 AM   #10
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I know you want to hear us say differently.....but you know we are right.

Please protect yourself financially and legally
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Old 11th January 2017, 11:11 AM   #11
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it has been almost one month since they have spoke. Do you think I have to worry about him going back to her in the future???
Absolutely. In fact I'd put money on it.

Look, he is a liar and a cheat. He told you that they haven't spoken for a month, but he has told you plenty of lies in the past so why do you believe this? He's probably got a burner phone, a secret gmail, etc etc.
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Old 11th January 2017, 2:22 PM   #12
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No, of course you can't trust him.

It's really that simple. He isn't wonderful to you - he lies to you over and over.
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Old 11th January 2017, 2:47 PM   #13
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it has been almost one month since they have spoke. Do you think I have to worry about him going back to her in the future???
That means little to nothing.

Let me give you an analogy from my drinking and drugging days.

Me being a recovering alcoholic and drug addict, I will ALWAYS be in recovery.

I will also ALWAYS be an alcoholic and an addict.

I do not tempt fate by going into bars and ordering a Club Soda. Or going to crackhouses and smoking Camel Lights.

It is not something that is immediate, there are generally many relapses for a person as they tend to get on and fall off the wagon multiple times before they "get it". I was no different.

At only a month out, your boyfriend is one boring afternoon away from a bender. Maybe he'll start thinking of being tied down with a kid for the next 18 years and the fact that fatherhood usually does not mean a lot of fun nights out at the club, so what better excuse than to go down to the old watering hole, have a Seven Up, see his buddies and test himself.


What could possibly go wrong with this plan?


Plenty

As he takes that first drink someone buys him, he'll have another one, and another one and another...and pretty soon he'll remember that his ex always understood him, and she was a good piece of ass...he'll want to go get apiece of ass from somebody who isn't pregnant and he can feel like "himself" for awhile.

Your boyfriend has only been sober a month. A frickin month. That s white knuckling time. He is setting the table for a Heapin Helpin of disaster.

Look, it takes YEARS of doing the hard work of learning to cope with life's curveballs without resorting to substances. It is always a work in progress.

I am not without my problems. Even after over 2 decades I can safely say I am always one drink away from disaster.

So no, you can't trust him. You can't trust him to stay away from an ex for more than a month, how the hell can you trust him to stay sober and stick around with you and be a father?
Been likes this.

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Old 11th January 2017, 4:25 PM   #14
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Has he broken up with her? Does he see the wrongness of what he has done in the past? If he is currently living with you, is he committed to you and to your baby? Or is this a convenient choice "for now"? If you have not had a conversation with him, where he knows that he cannot continue the behavior, that he sees all the things that were wrong with his actions and is willing to be accountable to you for his time and his actions, than I am not sure you can trust him. I know marriage is another subject, but there is never security in living together. That is just a convenient option for people unwilling to commit. Will you ever feel secure? Do you think he has changed, can change? Do you see him as a long term, committed, friend and spouse?
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Old 11th January 2017, 4:49 PM   #15
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beeshine....

Yes they have broken up. He has called her in front of me to prove it. He has showed me an email she wrote, where she said good bye and obviously was upset that he choose me over her.

He is commited to our baby. He was living with his parents (I'm 37 he is 34 and his x is 48) His whole family is involved with the upcoming baby. His ex is horrible and treated him badly. They lived together for over a year, but he moved out back to his parents when I met him. Though I think he was staying most of the week with her even so. But now he is living with me. I drive him back and forth to work (he has no license yet, but will soon, from 2 past duis from years ago)

I really just want to know if like the guy said just before you, if he really might go out drinking again (we are both in aa that is how we met) without me and end up in her bed again. I feel like since he is committed, changed his number, has not talked to her, and that they are OVER that we have a chance. He says he will never leave and so far he hasn't. Isn't a month long enough to be over her?
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