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Almost out from retroactive jealousy but there is one more thing


Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy Being unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.

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Old 8th January 2017, 9:56 AM   #1
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Almost out from retroactive jealousy but there is one more thing

Hi happy new year, RJ hit me like a train after I had "the talk" with my girlfriend about past relationship (she only got one relationship during 6 month at highschool, not a big deal you may say but you know what it is).


After 2 month of struggling with that condition i started to read 2 book about RJ and they helped me a lot (Retroactive Jealousy: Finally, I'm Out by Joshua Fletcher; Overcoming retraoctive jealousy by Zachary Stockill)
After 5 month of works I think I'm almost out from that s**t but something keeps me in it even if I'm much more better than some month ago.


My girlfriend lose her virginity with her "first boyfriend" even if it was to do like everybody an I understand it at 20 years old you want to experience sex. After all the works I have done like mindfulness, re-adjusting thoughts, obeserving the thoughts for what they really are forgiveness for her and myself etc... I can now observe the thoughts (if I have some) and feel nothing. But the last thing which keep me in is that she gave her virginity to her ex and without speaking about intrusive thoughts or something else I now that THIS HAPPENED and that's what is keeping me in.


Does any one have any suggestions ? How to get over that and finally beat that retroactive jealousy.


Sorry for my bad english Wish you the best
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Old 8th January 2017, 10:55 AM   #2
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Were you a virgin when you got together? If not, then you have a double standard, but I commend you for trying so hard to work through it. Even if you can't get past this and break up with her, almost anyone else you date could trigger the same issue. It's simply not realistic to expect otherwise - and of course, anyone else you date could have exes that are bigger, or better, or handsomer. That does NOT matter. What matters is that they are choosing to be with you now, and vice versa.
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Old 8th January 2017, 12:01 PM   #3
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Were you a virgin when you got together?
I tryied one time but I didn't even finish.
The fact is that i came 6 month to late, she wouldn't knew this guy
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Old 8th January 2017, 1:14 PM   #4
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This is why you do not ask a woman about her past relationships.


Exceptions:
Are you a single mom - because raising another man's kid is a deal breaker for some men.
She's 40 and has not been married or had a BF - why, was she into women before, or other issues that need to be avoided.
She's 40 and has been married 3 time already - has she been the BW 3 times or the WW 3 times.


To have those issues dealt with, the new BF does not need to know is he the best in bed, has the best equipment, was he the best looking, makes the most money, what age she had her "gift box" opened, how many times it was opened, or how many different men got to open her "gift box".
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Old 8th January 2017, 4:32 PM   #5
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sex is just sex.......take it off that pedestal you have it on.
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Old 8th January 2017, 5:44 PM   #6
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sex is just sex.......take it off that pedestal you have it on.

Smackie9, usually I like the stuff you post, but this is nonsense. As soon as I read it, the old saying that a woman would be just as likely to give me a bj as shake my hand came to mind and I know for a fact that that isn't true...
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Old 8th January 2017, 7:09 PM   #7
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No you are taking it out of context. Sex is simple natural an act of pleasure to be enjoyed, not hold it under glass to be looked at and and only handled by the museum curator. You are making it out to be more than what it is.
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Old 8th January 2017, 8:46 PM   #8
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sex is just sex.......take it off that pedestal you have it on.
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Smackie9, usually I like the stuff you post, but this is nonsense. As soon as I read it, the old saying that a woman would be just as likely to give me a bj as shake my hand came to mind and I know for a fact that that isn't true...
Not even comparing apples to oranges. Giving a handshake is not the same as giving a handjob.
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Old 8th January 2017, 9:12 PM   #9
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No you are taking it out of context. Sex is simple natural an act of pleasure to be enjoyed, not hold it under glass to be looked at and and only handled by the museum curator. You are making it out to be more than what it is.
No, I'm not. Animals enjoy sex - last week I sprayed water on a pair of dogs humping on my driveway. Animals are slaves to their DNA programming. Humans don't have to be, if they make the effort. If sex were only enjoyable, then there would be no posts on this board of people complaining that their partners are not putting out... So, you stated an opinion as if it were a fact, and I simply made note of it. BTW, I am interested in applying for the job of the museum curator of which you spoke. Where might I apply?
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Old 13th January 2017, 11:32 PM   #10
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No you are taking it out of context. Sex is simple natural an act of pleasure to be enjoyed, not hold it under glass to be looked at and and only handled by the museum curator. You are making it out to be more than what it is.
Well, sex is also an intimate thing that most people only share with a reduced number of other people. Almost everything you do with your partner you also do with yours friends. Except sex.

When a virgin gets into a relationship with a non-virgin and they have sex, the virgin is giving something that the other one isn't: 100% exclusivity of use, guaranteed.

Some people won't give a s**t about that. Some people will. No one can tell them they shouldn't care about the past. They shouldn't feel like they feel. Caring about this is impractical for sure. But it's legitimate still.
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