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Giving each other a free pass


Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy Being unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.

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Old 7th January 2017, 5:16 PM   #1
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Question Giving each other a free pass

I put this in the cheating forum because it was the closest I could find. My husband and I have been together for almost 6 years been married for about 3 months and we had a baby 6 months ago. I'm only 22 years old so we started dating at 16. Because of this we never got a chance to "experience" life. We recently started making friends with this couple whom I have known for many many years. I haven't been close with them until now but I have known the male for a very long time. These past few weeks we've been hanging out, we've both noticed some serious sexual tension. I love my husband more than anything in this world and I want to be with him and raise my kids with him. I feel our sex has been a little dull and I've read a lot of forums and I get a lot of 50/50. I've brought up this to my husband how I want to sleep with this guy just once and he is not mad at me or anything. He at first said yes and then the next time he saw this guy he got jealous. He keeps going back and forth with how he feels about it. I don't have feelings for this guy and a part of me thinks releasing this will help our relationship. He's 100% okay with me sleeping with someone else but the fact that this guy is our friend is what bothers him. He'd be okay with a random stranger which would honestly scare me very much for obvious reasons. I guess I'm just getting your opinions on what you think of it. Just getting this off my chest to my husband has started to help. And I know for a fact if this situation was reversed I would not care at all if he wanted a one time thing with his wife. I would trust her more than a random stranger, I guess it's a territorial thing with guys. I do want to do this with this guy a lot and I'm pretty sure he feels the same way. I know it would be a one time thing and I have no feelings for him. So what do you guys think??
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Old 7th January 2017, 5:28 PM   #2
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I think you need to grow up.

Part of being an adult is accepting responsibility for our actions. You have only been married 3 months.

You are another one of those people who felt they missed out on life. Then why have a baby and why get married in the first place?

You have no business being married if you are already bandying this crap about.

Having sex with someone outside of your marriage thinking that will strengthen it is for people who have totally open marriages.

Those types of relationship take total trust and communication and boundaries that cannot be crossed if they are to be successful.

Some people are successful at them, but again they take a lot of work and they take a lot of compromise. I doubt very highly your marriage possesses the requisites

Your initial post shows you have no conception of any of this.

Bang this guy at your own peril.
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Old 7th January 2017, 7:56 PM   #3
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Well, if you bang the guy friend, you also need to make sure your husband gets to do the wife. It's the only way to keep the relationship equal. If your husband takes his free pass outside the neighborhood, then the risk he will develop a permanent mistress is high. Personally however, I feel once you two let the sex genii out of the bottle, it will never get put back in. Inside of a few years of beginning this type of thing, you will divorce. Is that what your want? If not, keep you legs closed and open your mouth only for your husband. I'd be willing to bet what you both need is some spice in the bedroom - don't let things get dull, and if you run out of ideas, just ask love shack for some ideas - I'm sure there will be many here who would be willing to be your sex coach
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Old 8th January 2017, 3:22 AM   #4
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Your husband isn't worried about you having feelings for the guy, he is concerned that another guy being intimate with his wife, and might end up being better in bed. He's not feeling very desired, and is thinking he has failed satisfying you enough to not desire other men.

He's not on board with this, but he is worried that if he doesn't agree, he is going to lose you.


Instead of looking outside the marriage to spice things up, why not try other things first, like introducing toys, having sex in public or roll playing.
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Old 8th January 2017, 3:25 AM   #5
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Inevitable...

The fact you are now seriously wanting to **** another guy means that it will happen, maybe not with this guy now but with another and soon. Even if this swinging situation passed, you will subconsciously engineer a future situation were you happen to be 'blind drunk' and **** another guy 'by mistake'. That what we place in our subconscious comes to pass. Unless you get some professional therapy for your feelings of discontent.

Otherwise you will soon start ****ing other guys and your marriage - which you clearly don't want to 'trapped' by - will be over.
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Old 8th January 2017, 3:26 AM   #6
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To add, sex won't be all that exciting with a baby needing your focus, killing your sleep, a drop in hormones, etc.
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Old 8th January 2017, 3:43 AM   #7
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What the OP clearly means by "Experiencing life" is "Experiencing life as a single women free to **** every guy in sight". She now has a baby and a provider for it so this current relationship has achieved its biological aims and can be dispensed with.

Even if she doesn't **** this 'friend', she will be soon cheating with someone...
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Old 8th January 2017, 3:56 AM   #8
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I must admit to becoming quite addicted reading threads since I joined LS. I find the excuses and rationalizations that women employ to justify wanting to **** a hot guy highly amusing. I love my husband/ boyfriend so very much but some magical force beyond my control is forcing me to hop into this guys bed and suck his dick. He is inattentive... He is boring... I feel life is passing me by... etc etc. Just cant be honest enough to admit they just want to **** hot guys. That would mean they would have to confront the fact they are simply shallow and selfish creatures.

Last edited by Whitestar; 8th January 2017 at 4:01 AM..
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Old 8th January 2017, 4:09 AM   #9
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Why a "one time thing" ?

I would like to ask the OP why she thinks that after ****ing this male friend it will never happen again. She is clearly attracted to him and the sex will probably be fantastic with all the excitement of "cheating". Then why on earth would will she want to stop and limit herself to her "boring" sex life with her husband ? This is simply not logical.

If my wife of 6 years gave me a free pass to **** a hot college girl on my street while she was looking after our 6 month old baby I'm pretty certain it wouldn't be a one off thing....
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Old 8th January 2017, 1:27 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Apple Orchard View Post
I put this in the cheating forum because it was the closest I could find. My husband and I have been together for almost 6 years been married for about 3 months and we had a baby 6 months ago. I'm only 22 years old so we started dating at 16. Because of this we never got a chance to "experience" life. We recently started making friends with this couple whom I have known for many many years. I haven't been close with them until now but I have known the male for a very long time. These past few weeks we've been hanging out, we've both noticed some serious sexual tension. I love my husband more than anything in this world and I want to be with him and raise my kids with him. I feel our sex has been a little dull and I've read a lot of forums and I get a lot of 50/50. I've brought up this to my husband how I want to sleep with this guy just once and he is not mad at me or anything. He at first said yes and then the next time he saw this guy he got jealous. He keeps going back and forth with how he feels about it. I don't have feelings for this guy and a part of me thinks releasing this will help our relationship. He's 100% okay with me sleeping with someone else but the fact that this guy is our friend is what bothers him. He'd be okay with a random stranger which would honestly scare me very much for obvious reasons. I guess I'm just getting your opinions on what you think of it. Just getting this off my chest to my husband has started to help. And I know for a fact if this situation was reversed I would not care at all if he wanted a one time thing with his wife. I would trust her more than a random stranger, I guess it's a territorial thing with guys. I do want to do this with this guy a lot and I'm pretty sure he feels the same way. I know it would be a one time thing and I have no feelings for him. So what do you guys think??
I have seen this behavior end to many marriages.
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Old 10th January 2017, 3:34 PM   #11
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It's not a damn territorial thing. It's called loving your wife to the point it makes you sick to think she would be with someone else she is close to.

You can not honestly say you have no feelings for this other guy. It won't be just sex. That is what is tearing out your husbands heart, the one person you are supposed to love with all your heart. I guess you don't.

By the way, what does the OM's wife think of all this?
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Old 10th January 2017, 3:46 PM   #12
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Interesting....But reading between the lines, it's pretty clear there is an emotional connection with you and this other guy. If it was simply about sex and experience you would be open to different guys, your not, your interested in this particular guy.

This will end your marriage,. No doubt about it. You may have already damaged it by having the conversation past him saying no, and insisting it be with this guy.

Open marriages never work unless both are equally interested, that isn't the case.
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Old 10th January 2017, 4:06 PM   #13
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Bad idea....on so so many levels. 3 months into marriage? oy...
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Old 10th January 2017, 5:05 PM   #14
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This is a terrible idea, OP.

It would a totally different story if you and your husband were poly-amorous, or swingers. But you're not, and your husband is not on board with this. I can nearly guarantee that this will destroy your marriage if you actually go through with it.

The very fact that you think this would somehow help your marriage tells me you are being (willfully) naive. This isn't just about sex; my guess is that you have a full-blown crush on this other man and I cannot imagine how much that hurts your husband. How does his wife feel about it?

I think you are playing with fire and will get burned in ways you can't even predict. You've been married 3 months and are already trying to convince your husband to let you nail your friend. Not a good sign for the viability of your marriage.
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