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I'm the ex wife and mistress


Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy Being unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.

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Old 6th January 2017, 4:50 PM   #1
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I'm the ex wife and mistress

Well.. Here goes
I left my husband 12 years ago, we got married young and he was in the army, we lived abroad together and everything was great, moved home bought a house and it was all good, we then got new jobs, hardly saw each other and I got restless and had an affair, I left and he was gutted, he got with a girl I went to school with. We had a really bad divorce which took 5 years. He married her, they had a child whoís now 6. For 8 years he wouldnít talk about me, he wouldnít even hear my name been mentioned or be in the vicinity of a girl with the same name. 4 years ago he contacted me on social media saying that he wanted to put the past behind him, his wife knew about it and was ok with him putting it in the past.
We would message for hours on end for a couple of nights in a row, leave it for a couple of months and do the same again, it always starts off about every day life, but then gets steamy. Last year we met for lunch and had a long steamy kiss before leaving, then met for tea a few months later which ended up in having it in the back of his van.. It felt so natural for both of us. He wanted to meet and talk but I said no because I respect the fact that he has a child. We didnít speak for several months, then he messaged me again and it went back to the chatting.
He wanted to meet back in October but I cancelled at the last minute because I love him to bits, have always regretted the split and didnít want to get emotionally attached.
We didnít speak again until Christmas when I sent him his annual merry Christmas message, and the same for new year. He messaged me back on 2nd January, we messaged for hours until 2am, getting heated as always. He asked me to meet and on Sunday we met in the carpark of a shopping centre, I got in his car super nervous, there was a bit of conversation and then a knowing silence, the silence like you have when your a teenager in love for the first time. We got together at 16, and I know it felt exactly the same for both of us. After 2 hours of chatting like nothing had changed, he started to get really nervous and kept looking down at his hands, I could tell he was getting upset, and he knew I knew why. After 3 hours I left and we agreed to meet on Thursday, yesterday.
We went to a put after work and had a couple of drinks in the bar before sitting down to eat, we always speak about his wife and child and I really do care about his life, I absolutely love this bloke to death and would hate for him to be unhappy.
Heís always been honest with me telling me that I am the one that got away, and that he could never leave his wife while his son is still at home. He loves his wife I know that, but heís told me to my face that he wished things were different and that I was the mother of his children.
We spent hours talking, laughing and talking about how it should be.
We had had loads of really deep meaningful kisses, which he started the first time, and he kissed me the same as he did when we were married.
After 5 hours of having a great night I said I needed to go home and we agreed to see each other again but havenít set a date, but agreed it would be soon, we have also agreed to go away together in the spring for a couple of days.
We went outside and it was freezing, we sat in his car and looked longingly at each other and neither of us wanted to part.
He said that if I stopped it this time it would all happen again in 4 years, I asked why and he said that we are magnets that will always pull each other together.
So thereís my story bitch or not, you decide that. But please can you tell is this just a thing? Is it? We always tell each other that we love each other, even after sitting across from each other in court getting devorsed, as I walked I front of him down the corridor to leave he said I love you.
He has videos of us from throughout our marriage that he wonít get rid of and she knows nothing about, he still has our belongings in his new house with his ex.. All things that we chose together, and not anything we bought separately.
I would have him back in a heartbeat, and I would be the proudest step mum to his child given the chance.
Please tell me that he is only in this for sex and I will stop right here, right now, but I know this guy absolutely loves me, I am single, I have no children and no need to get out of a boring relationship, I am free to do what I want, and what I want is him.
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Old 6th January 2017, 5:18 PM   #2
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He doesn't love his wife. You didn't love him and dont except for the IDEA of being able to have him. You dont respect his child knowing that if his child or his mother found out about your meetings what it would do to the child and his family. You're both bored and tied up in a sweeping fantasy, trying to create a tragic love story that went sour the first time but will be destructive and ruinous this time.

This will end no differently. You both need to stop being selfish and you need to get out of his life and move on before you both wreck his current wife and family.

Move on. It's a fantasy.

Last edited by fireflywy; 6th January 2017 at 5:24 PM..
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Old 6th January 2017, 5:29 PM   #3
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P.S. The bit about the wife knowing he contacted you and then you both messaging each other for HOURS at night is a bunch of B.S. Hes sneaking around his wifes back and telling you differently to draw you in;. you're being lied to and used.

Go find a single man, develop a real relationship with real probability of success, and leave the teenage "forbidden love" junk in the garbage.

Last edited by fireflywy; 6th January 2017 at 5:34 PM..
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Old 6th January 2017, 5:44 PM   #4
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I agree with fire

To be brutally honest you just have a way of screwing up this guys life each time you enter it. Dont get me wrong, he is as equally to blame as you for this new affair but didnt you get your fill when you cheated on him while married???

You're helping this man destroy his new life with his wife and child. His wife doesnt deserve this and you better believe she knows nothing about it

You should consider getting into therapy for your destructive relationship patterns....your unhealthy behavior has not only devasted your own moral compass but his too

Again, your both at fault but for gods sake, grow up and think about what your doing to his unknowing wife and innocent child

Tell him to get into IC too
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Old 6th January 2017, 9:42 PM   #5
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I know the affair 12 years ago was my fault completely, but in my defence I was 25 years old with a husband that worked long hours he'd get home and take his daily stress out on Internet gaming and ignore the fact that his wife was PHYSICAL ASKING for quality time and attention. I had a friend at work I confided in, we had 7-8 sexual meetings. When I left him, I left without having physical contact with the guy at work and lived single for 2 years.

Granted I don't have respect for his wife, no, but I do for his son, that's why this ends here.
Thanks for your comments, I appreciate both your honesty

Last edited by ex wife and mistress; 6th January 2017 at 9:44 PM..
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Old 6th January 2017, 11:18 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ex wife and mistress View Post
Well.. Here goes
I left my husband 12 years ago, we got married young and he was in the army, we lived abroad together and everything was great, moved home bought a house and it was all good, we then got new jobs, hardly saw each other and I got restless and had an affair, I left and he was gutted, he got with a girl I went to school with. We had a really bad divorce which took 5 years. He married her, they had a child whoís now 6. For 8 years he wouldnít talk about me, he wouldnít even hear my name been mentioned or be in the vicinity of a girl with the same name. 4 years ago he contacted me on social media saying that he wanted to put the past behind him, his wife knew about it and was ok with him putting it in the past.
We would message for hours on end for a couple of nights in a row, leave it for a couple of months and do the same again, it always starts off about every day life, but then gets steamy. Last year we met for lunch and had a long steamy kiss before leaving, then met for tea a few months later which ended up in having it in the back of his van.. It felt so natural for both of us. He wanted to meet and talk but I said no because I respect the fact that he has a child. We didnít speak for several months, then he messaged me again and it went back to the chatting.
He wanted to meet back in October but I cancelled at the last minute because I love him to bits, have always regretted the split and didnít want to get emotionally attached.
We didnít speak again until Christmas when I sent him his annual merry Christmas message, and the same for new year. He messaged me back on 2nd January, we messaged for hours until 2am, getting heated as always. He asked me to meet and on Sunday we met in the carpark of a shopping centre, I got in his car super nervous, there was a bit of conversation and then a knowing silence, the silence like you have when your a teenager in love for the first time. We got together at 16, and I know it felt exactly the same for both of us. After 2 hours of chatting like nothing had changed, he started to get really nervous and kept looking down at his hands, I could tell he was getting upset, and he knew I knew why. After 3 hours I left and we agreed to meet on Thursday, yesterday.
We went to a put after work and had a couple of drinks in the bar before sitting down to eat, we always speak about his wife and child and I really do care about his life, I absolutely love this bloke to death and would hate for him to be unhappy.
Heís always been honest with me telling me that I am the one that got away, and that he could never leave his wife while his son is still at home. He loves his wife I know that, but heís told me to my face that he wished things were different and that I was the mother of his children.
We spent hours talking, laughing and talking about how it should be.
We had had loads of really deep meaningful kisses, which he started the first time, and he kissed me the same as he did when we were married.
After 5 hours of having a great night I said I needed to go home and we agreed to see each other again but havenít set a date, but agreed it would be soon, we have also agreed to go away together in the spring for a couple of days.
We went outside and it was freezing, we sat in his car and looked longingly at each other and neither of us wanted to part.
He said that if I stopped it this time it would all happen again in 4 years, I asked why and he said that we are magnets that will always pull each other together.
So thereís my story bitch or not, you decide that. But please can you tell is this just a thing? Is it? We always tell each other that we love each other, even after sitting across from each other in court getting devorsed, as I walked I front of him down the corridor to leave he said I love you.
He has videos of us from throughout our marriage that he wonít get rid of and she knows nothing about, he still has our belongings in his new house with his ex.. All things that we chose together, and not anything we bought separately.
I would have him back in a heartbeat, and I would be the proudest step mum to his child given the chance.
Please tell me that he is only in this for sex and I will stop right here, right now, but I know this guy absolutely loves me, I am single, I have no children and no need to get out of a boring relationship, I am free to do what I want, and what I want is him.

I have 2 suggestions...

1. Grow up

2. when thinking about any other suggestion you undertake, refer to Number 1.


What are you, 14???

you may not be age wise, but your emotional age is right in that neighborhood
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Old 7th January 2017, 3:03 AM   #7
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Your love story has a major flaw.

I see a pattern in your husband's behavior. He takes the women he's married to for granted and ask for excitements elsewhere. It happened with you, and now again with her. So you're in some kind of a tricky game - If you become his main wife, eventually he will search excitements elsewhere.

Why isn't he leaving his wife? If he loves you as you think, he should do something about it. But he doesn't. I believe you when you feel his love, but his love is probably depends on this current arrangement which contains hidden meetings and the thrill of forbidden encounters.
road likes this.
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Old 7th January 2017, 6:30 AM   #8
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Are you determined to ruin this mans life again and the life of his innocent wife and child just so you can play your games.You had him and couldn't be faithful,you are an adulteress and don't care about anyone as long as your needs are been met.You know he is infatuated with you so you decided to reel him in and you WILL dump him again when someone else smiles at you or shows you any attention.
Grow up!
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Old 8th January 2017, 10:31 PM   #9
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Just expose the affair to his wife.....doesn't she deserve to know? wouldn't you want to know if you were her?
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Old 9th January 2017, 11:01 PM   #10
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Things that don't matter:
-you were married to him first
-you are the one who got away
-he says he loves you
-magnets
-feelings you have for each other .

Things that matter:
-HE IS MARRIED.


Seriously. None of what you said means ANYTHING because he's married to someone else. So what if he wishes you were the mother of his kids (what a dick thing to say!)?? You're not. She is and he already said he's not leaving her while his kid is young (which is code for NEVER).

You can't always get what you want. Your time with him has passed. Unless he is willing to get divorced then you don't have a future here. No matter what the history is

Break free now. This is a mistake
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Old 10th January 2017, 2:35 PM   #11
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So he won't leave home for another 10 - 12 years at least.

Why not let the past be the past and move on. Right now you know that you're both capable of cheating on people you're married to. Perhaps that means you deserve each other.

Have some empathy for the wife who was trusting enough to let him to reconnect with you . Look where trust got her.

You had the option of divorce instead of cheating on him back then.

You say you've no respect for his wife? Why is that?
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Old 14th January 2017, 5:51 AM   #12
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I think you're grossly overestimating how great and easy a new life with him and his son would be. That boy likely will end up hating your guts and you claiming to respect him is ridiculous.

I think you both feed on the excitement of the affair, the what if, what could be. Once the cold hard reality of the second divorce and your second attempt at a relationship sets in, it's going to feel far less exciting. Both of your flaws are going to be back in a minute and nothing is ever going to change.
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