LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Romantic > Dating > Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy

Is he looking elsewhere?


Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy Being unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.

Like Tree18Likes
 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 5th January 2017, 11:19 AM   #1
New Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 5
Angry Is he looking elsewhere?

For the last 6 months, I have been in a great relationship. I've dated a bunch of jerks along the way so when I met my current guy, I never knew that this is how you should be treated. He is slightly older than me. I'm in my mid 30s, and he is in his mid 40s but despite the age difference, we have so much in common. We have never fought. We get along great, spend several days together during the week and when we aren't together we end up talking for hours on the phone. At a time when I wasn't really looking for anything, he came along and I have fallen for him.

I have been insecure in other relationships and had trust issues but I never felt that way with him. We have always been on the same wavelength, and he told me that we were lucky to have what we have because most people never find it. I have never doubted his genuineness or his feelings for me.

On NYE, we were in the car together and he was showing me something on his phone. While doing so a message popped up from Tinder. Not that I could see what it was other than a notification from Tinder. I immediately said what was that, and he tried to joke it off. But the thing is was that's it a new phone and he had the phone for less than a week so it was something he recently downloaded. Plus, we never met through Tinder so I have no idea why'd he be on it. I didn't talk to him that night about bc I didn't want to ruin the rest of our weekend together.

Up until this point, I've never doubted anything. We have talked about the future some and I really thought we were on the same page. I still haven't brought it up again because I am afraid what my happen now. I got heartbroken last year, and I wasn't prepared to get heartbroken again so soon. I am worried he isnt happy and that I have just been an option until something better came along. I don't want to be accusatory when discussing it but what else am I to assume?

I have been so sad when just last week, it was the happiest I've been in so long.
sarahndipityyy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 5th January 2017, 11:39 AM   #2
Established Member
 
VeveCakes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 2,667
Get on Tinder....start swiping. If you find him then you know hes on it. I think the answer is pretty clear though.
VeveCakes is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 5th January 2017, 11:41 AM   #3
New Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 5
He's on it. There's no denying it. But do I end things?
sarahndipityyy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 5th January 2017, 11:53 AM   #4
Established Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 7,031
I would have a casual, matter of fact, conversation and make a statement to the effect:

You know, Xname, I am really enjoying the relationship we have and would never do anything to jeopardize it and I don't have any active dating site accounts. That is not accusatory or contentious. It's a simply statement. And, then, let him talk. If he's defensive or dismissive or changes the subject, you tell him that you are uncomfortable about what you saw that day and if he refuses to delete, you tell him you're moving on.

Bringing this up isn't going to change his attitude or feelings, they what they are and it's better to know now than later.
Redhead14 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 5th January 2017, 12:11 PM   #5
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 488
Unfortunately the guy is a scum bag, move on.
Simple Logic is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 5th January 2017, 6:45 PM   #6
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 106
Talk to him about it. But he can't deny it because you saw the notification. On tinder, the only notifications you get are if you match with someone or you receive a message. Which means he's active.

Honestly I would end it. He's looking for something on tinder and number is that down the line he will cheat on you. So sorry, but don't ignore this.
PinkPampies is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 5th January 2017, 8:15 PM   #7
Established Member
 
smackie9's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Surrey BC Canada
Posts: 10,096
Why beat around the bush...have a direct, firm conversation. Say along the lines "Things have been great this past 6 months, BUT I cannot ignore the fact you are on tinder. I thought we were on the same page and were planning a future together somewhat. I already have suffered through a broken heart last time, and there is no way I am going to get ran over and played again. I want your honesty so I can have closure and move on".
__________________

You are a fool if you believe that having each others passwords = trust.
smackie9 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 5th January 2017, 8:27 PM   #8
Established Member
 
Space Ritual's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Chicago
Posts: 2,000
Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahndipityyy View Post
He's on it. There's no denying it. But do I end things?

Tinder is a hook up site geared for younger people. What the hell is a guy in his 40's doing on it? That's just plain nasty.

I am in my fifties and i date much younger women but I sure as hell don't have to go on dating sites to find them. I think this guy is having a proverbial mid life crisis.

You would do well to leave his mid life crisis to himself and his left hand.

I imagine somebody will be offended by what I said about us Swinging Seniors using Tinder, but come the hell on. Most of us in that age group did just fine before the internet and still do just fine in the internet age..WITHOUT going on meat market dating sites.


There should be an age limit for that stuff. Mayb an optical scan when you attempt to sign up and a screen flashes and says :


"Nope, you cant come in...you're a Wrinkledick"...LOL
__________________
The measure of a person is not based upon the words that they speak, but upon the choices that they make.
If they keep stabbing you in the back, then quit handing them the knife.
Space Ritual is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 6th January 2017, 12:45 AM   #9
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 649
He has an active Tinder account, so that is clearly a red flag.


There is a slim possibility that, like me, he downloads all apps to his SD card so when he gets a new phone all his apps are still available.


Because I also have a huge SD card I tend to forget about alot of my apps I no longer use and become like an app packrat so to speak.


He MAY get messages rarely and hasn't deleted the app.


Convoluted? Maybe. But I thought I'd throw it out there before you jump to conclusions.
bachdude is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 6th January 2017, 5:37 PM   #10
Established Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 335
Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahndipityyy View Post

For the last 6 months, I have been in a great relationship.

I've dated a bunch of jerks along the way so when I met my current guy, I never knew that this is how you should be treated. He is slightly older than me.

I got heartbroken last year, and I wasn't prepared to get heartbroken again so soon. I am worried he isnt happy and that I have just been an option until something better came along. I don't want to be accusatory when discussing it but what else am I to assume?
Im sorry this is going on, but unfortunately it just sounds like you met a lemon. Dating half a year, and he has a hookup app on his phone. Not even a dating or making friends app, tinder has a strong reputation now. Thats not where actual friends come from and statistically, not even solid lasting dates. You know that as well as anybody. I know you are not prepared to have your heart broken, but its the start of a fresh new year, and I wouldnt let this guy be part of it if I were you, thats just asking for heartache. I'd nip this one in the bud
gorf is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th January 2017, 3:53 PM   #11
Established Member
 
Disillusionment373's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: New England U.S
Posts: 1,699
Girl I'm so so sorry

I'm a little younger than you (30) but I have been through my fair share of heartbreaks and I cant imagine what it must feel like to finally have met someone, only to find out he's on tinder?!

Ok so like others have said, you obvi need to talk to him. I will warn you though....if you ignore this...it WILL blow up in your face later when you find out that yes in fact he is cheating (its only a matter of time if he isnt already) and you've invested even more time and emotion

Maybe its just me and my experiences being in relationships with cheating men but...if I were in your shoes...theres no way I'd stick around. I've been lied to and cheated on many times, I know how the song and dance goes and I wouldnt stick around for a repeat performance from some new guy. And lets just be truthful here, even if you did have a convo with him, its not going to change anything. He WANTS to be on that site, he probably WANTS to cheat, nothing you can do or say is going to change that. Dont proceed with this relationship thinking that he will change or that you wont get hurt. That would be foolish.

I know how these men operate. When you do talk to him he'll probably get defensive, or shut down, or gaslight you. Please know that when you are talking to a liar (e.g. your man) there is no way he's going to tell you the truth. But dont forget, you saw it with your own two eyes so dont let him talk you out of what you know to be the truth

He talked a good game, but now you've been given a gift. You can see his true colors now, and they're not going to change

If I were you, I'd high tail it out of there
Disillusionment373 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th January 2017, 4:05 PM   #12
Established Member
 
Disillusionment373's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: New England U.S
Posts: 1,699
Also want to add, if you talk to him and he says he'll delete the account. He isnt deleting it because he wants to, hes deleting it to get himself out of the hot seat. Then he'll create another account after some time has passed but he'll be more diligent in covering his tracks

End point: Talking to him wont change anything, it'll just shed more light on the POS he is
Disillusionment373 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th January 2017, 3:50 PM   #13
New Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 5
Just an update. I had planned on talking to him when we were together on Friday. Ironically, while we were together I received a message on a social media site asking how I knew him. She told me to be careful bc he cheated on her. I seriously can't make this stuff up. I don't know how she got my info but it was not a good feeling.

It sucks because I'm such a good person and I constantly get the raw end of the deal. It has made me extremely jaded towards dating. People constantly ask me how I'm still single and that I'm such a catch. It doesn't help that I'm apparently meeting all the wrong men.
sarahndipityyy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th January 2017, 3:54 PM   #14
Established Member
 
VeveCakes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 2,667
Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahndipityyy View Post
Just an update. I had planned on talking to him when we were together on Friday. Ironically, while we were together I received a message on a social media site asking how I knew him. She told me to be careful bc he cheated on her. I seriously can't make this stuff up. I don't know how she got my info but it was not a good feeling.

It sucks because I'm such a good person and I constantly get the raw end of the deal. It has made me extremely jaded towards dating. People constantly ask me how I'm still single and that I'm such a catch. It doesn't help that I'm apparently meeting all the wrong men.
Well the problem is you are ignoring all the red flags....he's on Tinder, yet youre still dating him?

Only one to blame is yourself. Gotta learn to NEXT these guys when you see the signs. Hard lesson I also had to learn myself.
VeveCakes is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th January 2017, 4:04 PM   #15
New Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 5
Quote:
Originally Posted by VeveCakes View Post
Well the problem is you are ignoring all the red flags....he's on Tinder, yet youre still dating him?

Only one to blame is yourself. Gotta learn to NEXT these guys when you see the signs. Hard lesson I also had to learn myself.
Obviously it's over now. It's not like I knew about tinder for a long time. It was a matter of days.
sarahndipityyy is offline   Reply With Quote
 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 9:42 AM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.