LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Romantic > Dating > Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy

Message from a random guy saying he slept with my girlfriend


Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy Being unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.

Like Tree41Likes
 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 30th December 2016, 6:34 PM   #16
Established Member
 
Space Ritual's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Chicago
Posts: 1,882
Quote:
Originally Posted by unbeknown View Post
She asked me earlier about her Christmas card that I forget to give her (she likes to keep little mementos so I'm half tempted to take it tomorrow and just print off a screenshot of this guys facebook message to put inside, will be a nice touch to see her face drop when she sees it
LMFAO!

Oh man that would be delicious! I applaud your creativity in such a situation that has the potential to go totally tits up.

Have you decided how you are going to handle a confrontation, or just let it come to it's own conclusion?
__________________
The measure of a person is not based upon the words that they speak, but upon the choices that they make.
If they keep stabbing you in the back, then quit handing them the knife.
Space Ritual is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st January 2017, 12:08 PM   #17
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 98
So I confronted her today. Done what I said and printed out a screenshot of the facebook messages. She was so excited to open her 'Christmas card', the look on her face was priceless. She denied it. It took her a whole 1 minute before then admitting it once I dropped the knowledge of the personal facts this man knew about me. I feel sick.

We had had quite a big argument during the time she cheated, she came to mine and we made up, everything was fine. The very next day, after us making up, she goes and does this. I could maybe begin to understand if it was whilst we were arguing but we had made up and she goes and does something like this. It reeks of nothing but slut.

I feel 50% great and happy it's done but there's another 50% that feels lost and empty. Just like that it's over. I loved this girl and can't believe what she's done to me. We could have been so good and she's ruined everything over one night.
unbeknown is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st January 2017, 12:18 PM   #18
Established Member
 
BluesPower's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 1,707
I am sorry...

I am sorry...

Brother I know that this hurts. But better to find out now than later down the road.
BluesPower is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st January 2017, 12:22 PM   #19
Established Member
 
umirano's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Old World
Posts: 1,480
All right, the big finale took place. Was it as spectacular and satisfying as you hoped? Probably not, but it had to be done one way or another.

Now you have to clean up the mess that she left. Are you living together? If yes one of you has to move ASAP. Give her back her things and go complete NC. Otherwise she'll try to mess with your head to make herself look better. She'll try to blame it on you, as you already kind of opened that door by saying that you could understand the cheating if you were in a fight. I couldn't disagree more. Cheating is always "having cake and eating it too", there's no moral justification for it, ever.

Anyway, I hope you'll do the right thing (which is to make her disappear from your life, and you from hers) and move on. Best of luck and a happy 2017!
__________________
I don't read posts with full quotes > 10 lines.
umirano is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st January 2017, 12:58 PM   #20
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 98
Thanks all for the words.

It was satisfying for my own needs, felt like it was something I really had to do. I didn't allow her to talk her way out of it, I just wanted her to know that I knew about her sordid little affair and wanted to see her response in person.

I know NC will be difficult but you are right, it's definitely something I have to do. And I'm totally with you on no excuse for cheating. It was more so me trying to get my head around it, doing this to me the very next day after leaving my bed and making good on our argument to that, probably no later than 24 hours. She always had the choice and she chose to cheat.
unbeknown is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st January 2017, 1:30 PM   #21
Established Member
 
Space Ritual's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Chicago
Posts: 1,882
Quote:
Originally Posted by unbeknown View Post
So I confronted her today. Done what I said and printed out a screenshot of the facebook messages. She was so excited to open her 'Christmas card', the look on her face was priceless. She denied it. It took her a whole 1 minute before then admitting it once I dropped the knowledge of the personal facts this man knew about me. I feel sick.

We had had quite a big argument during the time she cheated, she came to mine and we made up, everything was fine. The very next day, after us making up, she goes and does this. I could maybe begin to understand if it was whilst we were arguing but we had made up and she goes and does something like this. It reeks of nothing but slut.

I feel 50% great and happy it's done but there's another 50% that feels lost and empty. Just like that it's over. I loved this girl and can't believe what she's done to me. We could have been so good and she's ruined everything over one night.
Well,

Sorry it turned out the way it did. Do not be too hard on yourself. And in reality, the guy who contacted you did you a favor.

What I think right now you need to avoid is seeking any type of closure with this girl. Sometimes when we plan out confrontations and they happen, we often are left wanting to ask more questions. Please just be satisfied that she denied it until she had no other option, ran to his bed the day after you made up, and probably was there before.

That is all you need to know. And let her be somebody else's problem.

Just imagine if you two had a long term lease on a flat or gotten married and had a kid together and she had done this?

Take all teh time you need to grieve the loss of your relationship. But by acting when you did, you spared yourself needless heartache and all the crap that comes with it when you don;t act.

So you did just fine, and you'll be ok.
Space Ritual is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st January 2017, 1:32 PM   #22
Established Member
 
umirano's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Old World
Posts: 1,480
Sounds like you'll be fine. Just keep your head up, never break NC, it's not worth it. This is a clear cut case. In a month or two you'll be proud of how you handled it with class.
umirano is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st January 2017, 4:11 PM   #23
Established Member
 
HereNorThere's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,528
Hey, man. I just wanted you to know - YOU ARE MY NEW PERSONAL HERO!! I see so many weak people continue to be abused in relationships and allow themselves to be gas lighted. You stood up for yourself and that's priceless.

I know it doesn't seem like it now, but the confidence you've gained from this will help you in future relationships. You'll always know you have the power to leave and respect yourself. A woman can sense this about a man and it makes him more attractive.

Good for you, brother. If you ever decide to fly across the pond, I've got the beers waiting for here in Colorado.
__________________
"The problem with internet quotes is that you can't always depend on their accuracy" -Abraham Lincoln, 1864
HereNorThere is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st January 2017, 5:48 PM   #24
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by Space Ritual View Post
Well,

Sorry it turned out the way it did. Do not be too hard on yourself. And in reality, the guy who contacted you did you a favor.
You know what, she said to me she was going to tell me. I've never heard such rubbish in all my life. I keep imaging if this guy never told me. I'd be none the wiser and she'd be mugging me off years to come.

I guess I'm lucky we don't own a house together or have any kids.

Thanks all for the reassuring words!
unbeknown is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st January 2017, 6:38 PM   #25
Established Member
 
Space Ritual's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Chicago
Posts: 1,882
Quote:
Originally Posted by unbeknown View Post
You know what, she said to me she was going to tell me. I've never heard such rubbish in all my life.
Yeah if she was going to tell you she would have just broken up with you first and spared you the aggravation of having to figure it out for yourself.

As HereNorThere said, you acted. And although it didn't turn out the way you had hoped, You can walk away knowing you acted.

If you look around this forum you will see lots of people who come here thinking their situation is different, and that they can nice somebody back or even worse, blame themselves for the actions of their partner, claiming it was their fault that their partner or spouse had sex with somebody else.

Even when it is painfully obvious that their partner is up to no good, some people who come here simply refuse to do anything because they fear either being alone, or they fear a confrontation. And then they suffer and come back here and say "I wish I would have done something, I feel like a fool".

Glad you didn't twirl your thumbs and put your head in the sand.

You are to be commended for that.

As for your now ex, one would hope that she learned a valuable lesson, but she probably learned nothing.

Do yourself a favor and make her insignificant. Delete her from your life. If sh has anything of yours or you have anything of hers, arrange for a 3rd party to get them for you or for her. Do not even chance having any contact with her so you can limit the chance you will fall fo some sob story she is bound to come up with to attempt to assuage her guilt and add another round of excuses.

Th goal now is to reach a point of indifference toward her.
Space Ritual is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st January 2017, 7:10 PM   #26
Established Member
 
umirano's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Old World
Posts: 1,480
Quote:
Originally Posted by unbeknown View Post
You know what, she said to me she was going to tell me. I've never heard such rubbish in all my life. I keep imaging if this guy never told me. I'd be none the wiser and she'd be mugging me off years to come.

I guess I'm lucky we don't own a house together or have any kids.

Thanks all for the reassuring words!
I doubt it'd have taken you years Most cheaters get greedy and believe they're invincible. They start becoming careless and they get caught eventually. Some people put their partner on a pedestal and have a hard time spotting the signs, but most people eventually wake up.

But definitely lucky

Getting rid of a cheater, a great way to start a new year!
umirano is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st January 2017, 7:20 PM   #27
Established Member
 
HereNorThere's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,528
I'm on mobile now, but you can dig through my post on a few other threads about my story. I didn't catch your age, but in my mid twenties something similar happened to me. It didn't handle it quite as well you at first, dug myself a deep hole and laid there for a year. I decided to see a therapist, became really interested in psychology and learned A LOT about myself and human behavior.

You have a choice right now, OP. You can let the pain break you and turn you into a jaded loser who has to "mate guard" and be paranoid about women cheating on you. Like a self fulfilling prophecy, women can sense that kind of insecurity and look for a better branch to swing to

Or

You can be like me. Take a little time and devote yourself to self-improvement, figure out your sticking points, build on your successes as well as your failures, put some money, time and effort into yourself and have more options. Some people are just cheaters, period. There's evidence that it can be a genetic thing completely out of your hands. There's a certain dopamine receptor variant that makes people more prone to risky or novelty seeking behavior. Add that in with parental and family issues, lack of validation/too much validation, and these people are nothing more than ticking time bombs. The more you date, the more you research and stay on relationship forums, the easier it is to spot these people. I had an experience with a girl at the club last night that was trying to cheat on her boyfriend right in front of him! This crazy chick almost put my life in jeopardy because she wanted my validation. She literally put her hands in my pockets in front her bf. Whoa lady, I hate to sound sleazy, but tease me. I recognized the signs just in time to get out of the situation. These chicks are out there, man. Get your weight up so you'll be prepared in the future.

Last edited by HereNorThere; 1st January 2017 at 7:24 PM..
HereNorThere is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 5th January 2017, 8:34 PM   #28
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 5,308
What a cheater .... and if oral sex is important to her and she loves it (sounds like she does), then she should have left you instead of cheat on you.
sandylee1 is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
I just got a random message from an old ex! singme2sleep Breaks and Breaking Up 1 2nd October 2015 6:47 PM
2 months after...random message. peachpanda013 Dating 1 26th January 2015 1:05 AM
Random Text Message ediebrick Dating 4 5th July 2014 9:06 AM
Random Instant Message from ex??? HeartOfAPhoenix Breaks and Breaking Up 6 16th June 2011 10:24 PM
slept with random? fatty Coping 3 12th October 2006 12:28 PM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 1:28 AM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.