rubby8902 Posted December 24, 2016 Share Posted December 24, 2016 Hi I have a relationship for 2 years now with a really nice guy .Lets call him "Rayan". He is very supportive of me and treats me really well and I know that he loves me a lot.But recently we have had so many arguments and I tried to break off the relationship several times but he comes convincing me and we continued this.From my side I feel like that I have lost the spark the attraction and everything.He is a very nice guy but I just on't know.No matter how bad I treat him Rayan stays with me claiming that he loves me and sometimes it is suffocating..He is nice ,He is a really good guy but I don't know.We had this problem for over a year now Recently I had a new job and there is this new guy who is also very nice and funny whom I feel that I am attracted to.I don't know much about him and we even did not meet more than 2 times but I can't stop thinking about him.I have started fantasizing being with him sexually as well. I know I am being totally paranoid.I don't know whether this second guy likes me or not..At the moment I am very confused and exhausted. Please help. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HereNorThere Posted December 24, 2016 Share Posted December 24, 2016 (edited) You know EXACTLY what the RIGHT thing to do is. You break up with this guy. You think breaking up is going to hurt him worse than cheating on him and then breaking up with him? Do you care for him AT ALL? You may not be attracted to him anymore, but that's no excuse to be a monster. Being cheated on is a traumatic thing that changes some people forever. If you care about his emotional and mental health, do the right thing. It will hurt, but it won't destroy him and his future relationships like cheating will. Either way, the relationship is over. You just want to be selfish and force the end of the relationship instead of doing it the ethical way because you're being cowardly. The Universe has a way of paying you back when you do this, trust me. Edited December 24, 2016 by HereNorThere 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author rubby8902 Posted December 24, 2016 Author Share Posted December 24, 2016 I know..Thanks for your words.Its harsh.but thanx.I needed to hear that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted December 24, 2016 Share Posted December 24, 2016 You should breakup with your boyfriend before you persue anyone else. It sounds like the relationship has come to its natural end, anyway. Take care. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
umirano Posted December 24, 2016 Share Posted December 24, 2016 Uhh, yeah, you should break up with your BF. You'll respect yourself a lot more than if you cheat on him. It'll be a good experience. You'll feel strong and independent if you take things into your own hands instead of passively waiting for something to happen that drives him away from you. You want to be the strong and independent woman, right? Not the spineless cheater with no regard for an ex BF who has been nothing but nice to you? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
HereNorThere Posted December 24, 2016 Share Posted December 24, 2016 (edited) I know..Thanks for your words.Its harsh.but thanx.I needed to hear that. It's not something I've had the strength to post about on here and very people know the real story, but I had to break someone's heart earlier in the year. We just weren't right for each but she truly was a good girlfriend. I'm still dealing with the loss and wonder if I made the right decision. Hurting her was so painful for me because she didn't deserve it. A lot of my so called girl "friends" came out of the woodwork at the time and circled around like vultures, but I just couldn't even think about them. Truthfully, I was so hurt and upset with myself for hurting her, it took me while to date again. I've only had one quasi-relationship since it happened because I want to make sure I truly know what I want before I try again. Sometimes people grow apart or weren't right to begin with. It took me 3 times to finally break it off her. After the heat died down, I tried to be her friend but that just never works out. There was just no way we could continue to contact each other and have a healthy friendship. She was hurt, I felt an overwhelming amount of guilt (still do) but I know I made the right decision. I could have cheated or took comfort with one of those opportunistic girls, but I kept my integrity. I waited a while before seeing other people so she wouldn't think there was something wrong with her or that I left her for someone else. I know it's not much and I certainly do not deserve pity, but I did my best to mitigate the damage to her. We may not be talking now, but if she called, I would answer. She asked to meet up a few months after it happened and I did because I know she was seeking closure. I wrote a 3 page letter explaining what happened, why I needed my freedom for a while, wrote out her good qualities and let her know that I'd always be there as friend as long as she could respect the boundaries. However, I also let her know I couldn't talk everyday or continue to be a part of her day to day life until we had both healed. You can do it right, OP. You just know how painful it's going to be and you have empathy. You can do your best to lessen the blow, but hooking up with some rando is not it. You'll kill that guys self esteem forever. He's a good guy, it's the least you could do. Edited December 24, 2016 by HereNorThere 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted December 24, 2016 Share Posted December 24, 2016 Hi I have a relationship for 2 years now with a really nice guy .Lets call him "Rayan". He is very supportive of me and treats me really well and I know that he loves me a lot.But recently we have had so many arguments and I tried to break off the relationship several times but he comes convincing me and we continued this.From my side I feel like that I have lost the spark the attraction and everything.He is a very nice guy but I just on't know.No matter how bad I treat him Rayan stays with me claiming that he loves me and sometimes it is suffocating..He is nice ,He is a really good guy but I don't know.We had this problem for over a year now Recently I had a new job and there is this new guy who is also very nice and funny whom I feel that I am attracted to.I don't know much about him and we even did not meet more than 2 times but I can't stop thinking about him.I have started fantasizing being with him sexually as well. I know I am being totally paranoid.I don't know whether this second guy likes me or not..At the moment I am very confused and exhausted. Please help. It will be hard for your boyfriend to compete with your fantasy of banging a guy you've met 2 times. Yeah that's powerful stuff especially when you've tired of Rayan whom by your own admission, you treat him poorly on a continuous basis. It really has to b painful to you to walk all over Rayan time and again knowing he loves you and is willing to put up with it. But I understand, it is always hard to pull back from such a sweet gig, You have two legged puppy that can walk and talk and will come back even after you whack him with a newspaper. So yeah good for you! You will just have to find out for yourself. Maybe after you get crapped on enough times by enough guys you'll learn that puppy, for all his faults was probably about as good as it was going to get. So please just let your puppy down easily before you take him to the Kill Shelter. Who knows, maybe Sarah McLachlan will show up just in time before Rayan gets the gas and sing the Angel song and save him, of course with a few donations of 63 cents a day. That should absolve you of any culpability in breaking his heart. Sure he may be crushed, but hey you have dreams to chase and guys to bang and get dumped by written in your stars, so don't let such trivialities as Rayan the puppy dog stand in your way. All for a guy you've met 2 times...ah the magic of Christmas....LMFAO 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author rubby8902 Posted December 25, 2016 Author Share Posted December 25, 2016 Thank you.. I know cheating is not an option..May be I just need a little space.I am not going to do any thing about this crush I have.We all are humans and I have come to realize that what I am doing is not fair to Rayan.I have to either break up with him or be the girlfriend he deserves.I have decided to stay by my self for a little time.I feel guilty for being attracted to a random person but also I have realized that if I am not attracted to Rayan anymore then this is also not going to work..All I need right now is a little space and some fresh air.Not any guy.. So thank you very much for your comments.Merry christmas.! Link to post Share on other sites
umirano Posted December 25, 2016 Share Posted December 25, 2016 May be I just need a little space.I am not going to do any thing about this crush I have.We all are humans and I have come to realize that what I am doing is not fair to Rayan. I think this is an excellent way of going about things. Merry Christmas! Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted December 25, 2016 Share Posted December 25, 2016 Thank you.. I know cheating is not an option..May be I just need a little space.I am not going to do any thing about this crush I have.We all are humans and I have come to realize that what I am doing is not fair to Rayan.I have to either break up with him or be the girlfriend he deserves.I have decided to stay by my self for a little time.I feel guilty for being attracted to a random person but also I have realized that if I am not attracted to Rayan anymore then this is also not going to work..All I need right now is a little space and some fresh air.Not any guy.. So thank you very much for your comments.Merry christmas.! Code for after a woman does the new BF and then decides the her old BF was better she goes back to him. Then when the old BF finds out what she did with the new BF she tells the old BF it was not cheating we were on a break. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
bachdude Posted December 27, 2016 Share Posted December 27, 2016 Thank you.. I know cheating is not an option..May be I just need a little space.I am not going to do any thing about this crush I have.We all are humans and I have come to realize that what I am doing is not fair to Rayan.I have to either break up with him or be the girlfriend he deserves.I have decided to stay by my self for a little time.I feel guilty for being attracted to a random person but also I have realized that if I am not attracted to Rayan anymore then this is also not going to work..All I need right now is a little space and some fresh air.Not any guy.. So thank you very much for your comments.Merry christmas.! Ruby, why do you need space when you say in this very post it "is also not going to work"? Why do you have trouble ending this relationship? You may think it is easier on him but you are actually breaking his heart in a slow painful manner instead of getting it over with quickly. Do what you know is right and stick to it this time. Link to post Share on other sites
CommittedToThis Posted December 27, 2016 Share Posted December 27, 2016 Do the right thing and let "Rayan" go, you are clearly not into the so-called relationship so let it, and him, go. Or, keep seeing male co-workers behind his back, but realize "Rayan" may be doing the very same thing behind your back, and realize this is your lot in life. All the best with your decision. Link to post Share on other sites
breakupthrowaway663 Posted December 27, 2016 Share Posted December 27, 2016 I'd argue you've already emotionally cheated on your boyfriend. Time to end it with your current relationship. And if you truly want to learn, don't pursue the crush. Take some time for yourself. You've been with Rayan for years. Bouncing into a new relationship allows zero room for personal growth. Figure out your needs in a relationship. It doesn't sound like you know what they are, and are simply not ready for commitment. Spark is going to come and go after a few years. That's life. Committed love is a different kind of love. Link to post Share on other sites
AmandaDiane Posted December 28, 2016 Share Posted December 28, 2016 Easy fix! Break up with Rayan. You don't love him, it's not fair to keep him around like that. Once you do this, you can do whatever you like to do with this new guy at work. Don't cheat on Rayan! Let him go nicely! Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
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