cre8r Posted November 25, 2016 Share Posted November 25, 2016 Girlfriend tells me she sees this "young hot guy(a 10)" at a concert and asks if she could kiss him. After the first kiss, the guy says he could do better than that and they proceed to a 15-20 second kiss. Girlfriend didn't think I'd get upset about it because I've been a bit aloof in the relationship, admittedly she's right, but that's because I've been careful to spare myself any hurt. In the beginning of the relationship she sat naked on a male friends lap in a hot tub which gave me reason to be cautious. Throughout the relationship she's been telling me that she loves me and she does have "that look" in her eyes. Last night after she told me about the kiss at the concert, she couldn't understand why I'd be upset, as I proceeded to leave a few times, with discussions in between, until I eventually got out of there. I can't understand the tears and agony showing on her face when she could easily be so disloyal. I'm done with her for good, I feel guilty for getting her upset on one hand, but feel justified for my decision. I welcome any thoughts as I'm trying to understand how she justifies what she did. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
oldbutcurious Posted November 25, 2016 Share Posted November 25, 2016 Make your choice and stand by it...You can try looking for other girls. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted November 25, 2016 Share Posted November 25, 2016 Why would anyone not walk away from this? She's not relationship material Go dark completely dark 6 Link to post Share on other sites
DK_Casus Posted November 25, 2016 Share Posted November 25, 2016 She can't make you feel bad - only you can do that. If you feel bad about this kind of infidelity on her part - you either feel different or you're in for a world of hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
doyathinkso Posted November 25, 2016 Share Posted November 25, 2016 Well, in a nutshell, she is not your girlfriend. She's just jerking you around. Lose her number. Link to post Share on other sites
fenix Posted November 25, 2016 Share Posted November 25, 2016 Girlfriend tells me she sees this "young hot guy(a 10)" at a concert and asks if she could kiss him. After the first kiss, the guy says he could do better than that and they proceed to a 15-20 second kiss. Girlfriend didn't think I'd get upset about it because I've been a bit aloof in the relationship, admittedly she's right, but that's because I've been careful to spare myself any hurt. In the beginning of the relationship she sat naked on a male friends lap in a hot tub which gave me reason to be cautious. Throughout the relationship she's been telling me that she loves me and she does have "that look" in her eyes. Last night after she told me about the kiss at the concert, she couldn't understand why I'd be upset, as I proceeded to leave a few times, with discussions in between, until I eventually got out of there. I can't understand the tears and agony showing on her face when she could easily be so disloyal. I'm done with her for good, I feel guilty for getting her upset on one hand, but feel justified for my decision. I welcome any thoughts as I'm trying to understand how she justifies what she did. But....you are actually guilty, your gf sat in other mans lap while nude ... (she should not sit in another man lap... not even with cloths on...)she made out with another guy and she thinks you should not be angry... but...you are still with her.... you are guilty of anything that happens to you from now on in this relationship... if you put up with $hit like that you will keep getting it. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted November 25, 2016 Share Posted November 25, 2016 (edited) In the beginning of the relationship she sat naked on a male friends lap in a hot tub which gave me reason to be cautious. That shouldn't give you "reason to be cautious". It should give her reason to be DUMPED! Why on earth would you NOT dump someone who does that? She showed you exactly the kind of girl she was right there and then, and you accepted it, so is it really any surprise she has carried on being exactly the same kind of girl ever since? She can't understand why you're upset because you were such a doormat in the past, you've tolerated so much bad behaviour, now the one time you're actually sticking up for yourself she can't understand why she can't just get away with it like she did so many other times. Dump her and move on. Edited November 25, 2016 by PegNosePete Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 25, 2016 Share Posted November 25, 2016 I cannot fathom why you feel guilty. She isn't your girlfriend - she's everyone's girlfriend and she's making a total fool out of you. Don't ever talk to her again. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 25, 2016 Share Posted November 25, 2016 I cannot fathom why you feel guilty. He feels guilty because he spent the entire relationship being aloof and cool and acting like he didn't care about her or maybe even that he enjoyed seeing her with other men. I guess she was trying (vainly it seems and immaturely) to get him to fight for her and act jealous and stop her from doing stuff with other men. He didn't, hence the tears of frustration as she realizes he really doesn't care for her. What man who cared would let their gf make out with another man? The OP need to stay away from girls who go to extreme measures like this and court drama, and he needs to start opening up to girls he does really care about and he needs to forget the aloof and cool act. If not, one day he will scare away a decent woman and he will be back here like so many other men telling us all how he took her for granted, treated her bad and he never showed her how he really felt, but she was the "love of his life" and he desperately wants her back... unfortunately, usually far too late. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fenix Posted November 25, 2016 Share Posted November 25, 2016 He feels guilty because he spent the entire relationship being aloof and cool and acting like he didn't care about her or maybe even that he enjoyed seeing her with other men. I guess she was trying (vainly it seems and immaturely) to get him to fight for her and act jealous and stop her from doing stuff with other men. He didn't, hence the tears of frustration as she realizes he really doesn't care for her. What man who cared would let their gf make out with another man? The OP need to stay away from girls who go to extreme measures like this and court drama, and he needs to start opening up to girls he does really care about and he needs to forget the aloof and cool act. If not, one day he will scare away a decent woman and he will be back here like so many other men telling us all how he took her for granted, treated her bad and he never showed her how he really felt, but she was the "love of his life" and he desperately wants her back... unfortunately, usually far too late. :eek::eek::rolleyes::rolleyes: Definitely you need to be only in the female side every time.. only you can be at this girl side... wow. Op acted aloof because she sit NAKED in the lap of another guy!!! Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted November 25, 2016 Share Posted November 25, 2016 yeah, she has no boundaries at all. Not girlfriend material. Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted November 25, 2016 Share Posted November 25, 2016 Girlfriend tells me she sees this "young hot guy(a 10)" at a concert and asks if she could kiss him. After the first kiss, the guy says he could do better than that and they proceed to a 15-20 second kiss. Girlfriend didn't think I'd get upset about it because I've been a bit aloof in the relationship, admittedly she's right, but that's because I've been careful to spare myself any hurt. In the beginning of the relationship she sat naked on a male friends lap in a hot tub which gave me reason to be cautious. Throughout the relationship she's been telling me that she loves me and she does have "that look" in her eyes. Last night after she told me about the kiss at the concert, she couldn't understand why I'd be upset, as I proceeded to leave a few times, with discussions in between, until I eventually got out of there. I can't understand the tears and agony showing on her face when she could easily be so disloyal. I'm done with her for good, I feel guilty for getting her upset on one hand, but feel justified for my decision. I welcome any thoughts as I'm trying to understand how she justifies what she did. Wait... So you were both at a concert together, she spots some hot guy, ASKS you if she can kiss this stranger, she must have gotten a positive response from you otherwise why would she have kissed him, right? Am I reading this right? And if so, bad girlfriend behavior aside, WHY would you give her permission in the first place?? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kgcolonel Posted November 25, 2016 Share Posted November 25, 2016 Wait... So you were both at a concert together, she spots some hot guy, ASKS you if she can kiss this stranger, she must have gotten a positive response from you otherwise why would she have kissed him, right? Am I reading this right? And if so, bad girlfriend behavior aside, WHY would you give her permission in the first place?? MMB, I too saw this and thought a bit about it....if my GF asked this, the only reason I would have hesitated would have been, "does she want him?"...if so, then go be with him and I'm out.....I don't want a GF who wants to be with someone else.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author cre8r Posted November 25, 2016 Author Share Posted November 25, 2016 Michelle, no, I wasn't at the concert, she had told me what she had done. She"s said other things that would cause concern but I've never reacted, however I had to draw the line at the concert incident. But the real confusion is how could a woman do something like that get terribly upset at me breaking it off? She just can't comprehend the results of that action. Link to post Share on other sites
OatsAndHall Posted November 25, 2016 Share Posted November 25, 2016 This is flat-out infidelity and is a deal breaker for me. I would have called it off with her if she was naked in a hot tub with other guys, much less sitting in one of their laps. I would have walked right up to her, in front of everyone and said we're through and walked away. Please learn from this experience and move on. There are boundaries that you absolutely do not cross if you're seeing someone and she did it twice. You got yourself involved with a woman with some serious issues, my friend. Don't make the same mistake again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted November 25, 2016 Share Posted November 25, 2016 Michelle, no, I wasn't at the concert, she had told me what she had done. She"s said other things that would cause concern but I've never reacted, however I had to draw the line at the concert incident. But the real confusion is how could a woman do something like that get terribly upset at me breaking it off? She just can't comprehend the results of that action. Okay, then why did you say "...asks if she could kiss him"? Who did she ask then? Link to post Share on other sites
Author cre8r Posted November 25, 2016 Author Share Posted November 25, 2016 She had gone up to the guy she kissed and asked if she could kiss him. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted November 25, 2016 Share Posted November 25, 2016 Okay, then why did you say "...asks if she could kiss him"? Who did she ask then? I read it as she asked the other guy if she could kiss him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted November 25, 2016 Share Posted November 25, 2016 I read it as she asked the other guy if she could kiss him. Ah, okay. Got it. Well, I'm with the camp who says you need to give your head a shake and even bang it against a wall about feeling guilty. She's a train wreck and by all accounts, the worst representation of a girlfriend. Run and don't look back. Cheers. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted November 25, 2016 Share Posted November 25, 2016 I'd say a high schoolish drama queen, with possible insanity issues. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 25, 2016 Share Posted November 25, 2016 I welcome any thoughts as I'm trying to understand how she justifies what she did. ^^^Which is what I actually answered, the OP wanted a female prospective here. :eek::eek::rolleyes::rolleyes: Definitely you need to be only in the female side every time.. only you can be at this girl side... wow. Op acted aloof because she sit NAKED in the lap of another guy!!! I did not take the giri's side here, which you would know if you actually read and understood my post - unless you consider extreme, dramatic and immature to be desirable traits... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Art.at.Heart Posted November 25, 2016 Share Posted November 25, 2016 I welcome any thoughts as I'm trying to understand how she justifies what she did. She already told you why Girlfriend didn't think I'd get upset about it because I've been a bit aloof in the relationship Now, her problem here is that she did not try to get that sorted out instead of doing something like this. She could have done some reassurance so that you would be less aloof...or she could have broken up with you instead of remaining in a relationship where she feels undervalued. Nonetheless, that's her justification. BUT there is no denying she told you that to get a rise out of you. One of YOUR problems is that you get into relationships with the aloof approach. I get it. I've been hurt. Probably each and every member on this forum has. However, having been on both sides of this, I can tell you that it is pretty hurtful being with someone who can't show that they give a damn. I know you think you're sparing yourself pain (and after this episode, are you really?) but think of how that affects the other person too. Your BIGGEST problem is that you stayed with this girl after her sitting on another dudes lap naked. I fully believe that - whether she is aware of it or not - part of her shock at you leaving is that you drew the line at a 15 second kiss instead of her sitting naked on another guys lap in a friggin' hot tub. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author cre8r Posted November 25, 2016 Author Share Posted November 25, 2016 Excellent insight, excellent post Art@H. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cre8r Posted November 25, 2016 Author Share Posted November 25, 2016 Some may find this odd but the hot tub incident didn't bother me as much as her uncontrolable urge to make out with a stranger. Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted November 25, 2016 Share Posted November 25, 2016 Some may find this odd but the hot tub incident didn't bother me as much as her uncontrolable urge to make out with a stranger. Well you can't drop that one without giving us more insight as to why that is. Link to post Share on other sites
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