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Why is he jealous if we didn't date?

zenon

By zenon,
in Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy

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zenon

zenon

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I really liked this guy a lot and he seemed like a good person, so I hooked up with him. I'm pretty sure he knew I liked him, but he didn't make any moves whatsoever to date me, I was too emotionally unavailable and closed off to a dating connection anyway. We got into a big fight and it was clear we wouldn't hook up again.

 

Then he started dating these other girls, and trying to make me jealous (he even walked nearby me and made a big show of making out with a new girl....TWICE). I didn't care. But when either of them ended things, he didn't care if they came around him with new men. He still gets very angry when he sees other guys hitting on me, and once went so far as to try to boss me around telling me not to give one of my guy friends a ride home, or if I did that I need to come straight back after (as proof nothing would happen between us).

 

Why does he care so much what I do, but for the girls he put an effort into dating and spent quality time with, he doesn't care? He never tried with me.

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acsentu8

acsentu8

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I really liked this guy a lot and he seemed like a good person, so I hooked up with him. I'm pretty sure he knew I liked him, but he didn't make any moves whatsoever to date me, I was too emotionally unavailable and closed off to a dating connection anyway. We got into a big fight and it was clear we wouldn't hook up again.

 

Then he started dating these other girls, and trying to make me jealous (he even walked nearby me and made a big show of making out with a new girl....TWICE). I didn't care. But when either of them ended things, he didn't care if they came around him with new men. He still gets very angry when he sees other guys hitting on me, and once went so far as to try to boss me around telling me not to give one of my guy friends a ride home, or if I did that I need to come straight back after (as proof nothing would happen between us).

 

Why does he care so much what I do, but for the girls he put an effort into dating and spent quality time with, he doesn't care? He never tried with me.

 

#1. Your first sentence puts the nail in the coffin. You "liked" him, he "liked" you, you slept with him, he got what he wanted....on to the next prey.

Sorry to be so blunt, but until you LOVE someone and you know he LOVES you, I wouldn't expect a long term relationship with someone you hop in the sack with that quickly. Usually a man will lose interest (and he will wonder why he has lost interest) once he makes the conquest. He does not see you as "dating material". But I'm sure he has a crush on you, hence him trying to make you jealous with the other females.

I would be very wary of a young man that is THAT CONTROLLING and you are not dating. It sounds a bit psycho. Especially him demanding that you come right home. Really, it sounds narcissistic and psycho and could turn into a stalker situation. Do the research. Keep yourself safe. I'd completely cut it with him. My opinion only (45 yrs old and worlds of experience with traumatic relationship).

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zenon

zenon

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He knows some of my old friends, so he knows I don't sleep around. I stayed a virgin for a long time. He was the first guy I hooked up with. Also knowing him, I'm not sure he would judge a girl as not being dating material just because she had sex with him too quickly. I think he knows that's just one aspect of a person. I talked to some people we both know who actually asked him why he wasn't dating me, and they said other things. I think it had to do with my being in a bad place emotionally. I was kind of a depressed mess when we hooked up.

 

And he didn't demand, or get in my face, but he asked me not to give him a ride home and then said that he wished I would come back after. So he was controlling but in a civil way.

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smackie9

smackie9

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You were emotionally unavailable to him, and he got butt hurt over that because it's not something that ever happens with him. It's his ego is talking not his heart.

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zenon

zenon

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I do still want him. I haven't seen him in a while and have been thinking about him. But based on what happened, I have no grounds to reach out to him. I don't even know if he wanted me.

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Superchicken

Superchicken

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I do still want him. I haven't seen him in a while and have been thinking about him. But based on what happened, I have no grounds to reach out to him. I don't even know if he wanted me.

 

 

 

You claim to still want him. But say you don't get jealous. This seems strange, as one would imply that you cant have one without the other..

He obviously still has feelings for you, if he doesn't like guys paying attention to you.

The fact that he doesn't care about the other girls he dated, stands to reason you were and still are foremost on his mind.

However, I really wouldn't go so far as to say he's controlling, when you said "once went so far as to try to boss me around ".

We (Guys) have done some stupid (Man I can write a novel or three) things when we get attached to the opposite gender..

We even say stupider things, and then burry ourselves by dumber actions.

 

 

Maybe get together and see what you both want from each other, and see if there's a chance. If not, don't drag it on, just cut it. Mainly cause I don't want to read much more of this post !.. But I bet you will make me read more.

I like happy endings. Try and work things out.

 

 

Ted.

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