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Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy Being unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.

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Old 31st October 2016, 4:06 PM   #61
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Originally Posted by Power_Forward View Post
I don't know if you are male or female, but you obviously have never been in the position where you are a straight guy alone with a hot girl trying to have sex with you. You can sit there and judge me all you want and say what I should of done and how I have no self control, but when you are a guy in that situation it is like you can't even do anything. Your mind just overloads and you can't think right.
If you can't tell the difference betweeen right and wrong when they're is a hot naked girl in front of you -- this is a problem.

And an excuse. You can control yourself. You can walk away.
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Old 31st October 2016, 4:15 PM   #62
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[]

This isn't about rape. This about being a man and having a woman strip naked in front of you, enticing you with sex. You have never and will never be in that situation so you cannot understand what its like, and how difficult it is to walk away.
Just because we are women doesn't mean the tables have never been turned and we have never been totally mesmerized by a hot guy that wants nothing more than to seduce us. It can go both ways, it's not different because you're a guy and if you are thinking this way then there is something that didn't get learned right in you in regards to women when you were coming of age.

I also know several men who can can be complexity enticed by a hot naked woman and turn around and walk away.

Your reasoning here with that train of thought is an excuse.
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Old 31st October 2016, 6:59 PM   #63
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Again, just in case you missed what I wrote to you earlier this weekend, when it happened to me, I ended up making choices walking in on my fiance and my friend in my house that landed me in prison for 4 years.
I don't judge you for that. From what I've learned about evolution and how the mind works, you didn't have much of a chance. Sure, if you were a master of self control at Dalai Llama level proportions, maybe you could have walked out of the room without flpping your lid. But millions of years of biological programming were working against you in that moment, and all you could think to do was f**k that guy up, because that how our minds evolved. We learned about this very thing in evo biology. So all I'm asking is for a little reciprocity when it comes to understanding where I'm coming from. Just as you felt overwhelemed to want to do damage to the guy banging your fiance, so was I overwhlemed when this girl took her clothes off.

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The only care I actually have when it comes to you is that you or this girl don't end up getting hurt physically. What I did was monstrous, and I deserved everything I got. I used to be a really nice person, but once I snapped that day, there was never any going back. The next few minutes changed 3 people's lives for the worse. I can assure you it was not a yelling and shoving match that took place.
In some cultures you would not even have been punished. Some cultures provide a law that provides mitigating circumstances when a man walks in on his girl cheating. The law takes into account that the man cannot think straight and is blinded by rage in that moment. Is it possible you became a bad person not because of what you did, but because of how you thought about yourself according to a false morality imposed by society? I'm just asking.

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I have had hot women shake their tail feathers in my face many times over the course of my Fifty Two years but I never acted on it unless I and they, were single.
Were you alone in the room with them?

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What I and others bristle at is the appearance of you having any inability to understand the actual consequences of your actions, along with this girl. You both share in the responsibility, but since you are the only one writing about it and asking questions as to whether what your friend does not know will hurt him or not, That makes you the one we respond to.
I've tried to make it clear that I am well aware of the consequences. Being physically harmed, losing my apartment, losing my best friend - these are all real consequences that are in play. Not to mention causing psychological suffering and anguish to my buddy if I either tell him or he finds out.


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This situation will only get worse as it continues. You may think you may not have the will power to resist not screwing this woman, so do you really expect this guy to resist the urge to make your nose smell your ear?
I'm going to take steps to remove myself from this woman. I'm going to avoid her. First I'm going to unfriend her from FB. Then I'm gonna stay in my room anytime she comes over. (which actually I shouldn't have to do as I work to pay the rent but whatever, it has to be done.) And three when she asks why I'm avoiding her I'm just gonna say I don't feel comfortable around her anymore.

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The longer this goes on, the more likely the chances are that this guy is going to find out from somebody else who may or may not have all the facts and tell him in hopes you get hurt. An odd thought , I know, but there are people out there who do have a real affinity for having their Schadenfreude kick in, especially when it comes to matter so the heart.
The only one I can think who would be in a position to do that would be his GF. She is the wild card here. I'm still working out how to play it.

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We are just trying to save you from yourself. You may arrive at a point to where you won't be able to control the narrative anymore and expose yourself to someone who you have no idea what they are capable of. People handle learning of infidelity very differently regardless of the situation. So again, you stand a better chance of coming out of this in one piece if you act with some sort of contrition as opposed to throwing caution to the wind.
My plan now is to extract myself from this situation silently and with as little conflict as possible. I'm just going to fade out of view of her and my roommates and let this thing go by.
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Old 31st October 2016, 7:23 PM   #64
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I was being facetious there, but it does seem like she might be wanting you to be her backdoor man. And given her assertiveness and your inability to resist, it's not an unlikely scenario.
I'm not comfortable with this. I feel that Space Ritual is right, and eventually I will be caught in the act and it will not be good for anyone. I Also I don't feel right about being the guy who nonchalently is having sex with his BF's girl.



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Yea, but they're absolutists. I don't buy it. I am a lot older than you and I can tell you from experience that life presents many situations (dilemmas) where you have to choose between two options that are both undesirable compromises. The absolutist thing works a lot better on a message board than it does in life. Life is all about making compromises, many of which have consequences, and they're often unknown consequences. It's not simple. Big picture perspective is valuable.
I appreciate your perspective. This is my first real experience of being out of control in life. I guess it's all part of experiencing life and growing as a person. I am just used to life being clean and manageable.

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And another thing... the absolutists are telling you that you should be one-hundred percent selfless. That's just ludicrous. Nobody else is protecting your interests you have to consider both what is best for you and what is best for others. These will often be at odds.
This is very true.

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As you alluded in one of your other responses, given the circumstances it's sort of understandable that you were unable to resist. She initiated and you responded in the way you are biologically wired to respond. I think you should cut yourself some slack. It's almost like dangling a t-bone steak in front of a starving man and expecting him to say "no thanks, I empathize with cows."
It's a relief to have someone affirm what I actually experienced as not being abnormal or wrong. It was a disturbing feeling when she seduced me and I could not say no, the level of temptation was overwhelming. I don't think a person who has not been in that same situation can legitimately comment on it. It's like if a person was robbed at gunpoint and I said, "why didn't you just take the gun away from them and call the police?" There is a whole other level of emotions and psychological activity going on there As you say, very often it's not cut and dry.

I understand the reasoning of people like Space Ritual who are angry at me, and those who call me a ****ty friend, but the people on here who are likening me to a rapist? That's crazy. And the scary thing is, there are a lot of people on campus who think like them. They think every time a man and woman have sex then it's the man's fault, and he is always in total control, and the woman, even if she is out of control, is vulnerable and a victim in all cases. They don't seem to want to recognize that women are often the initiators and are the ones actively trying to seduce men, regardless of the circumstances.

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But even if you're able to mostly forgive yourself for what happened once, then twice, you need to get square with yourself and be intentional about how you'll deal with it the next time. There's a difference between circumstances that caught you by surprise vs. being the guy who's banking his best bud's girl on an ongoing basis behind his back. While one is understandable, if not forgivable, the other would change the person you believe yourself to be. Life is messy isn't it?
As I said to Space Ritual, I'm have made a plan to extricate myself from this entire scenario. A friend of mine from school is looking for a room, and my landlord is pretty cool, so he'll probably let him take over the lease and I can move out and find somehwhere else. I asked my Dad if he can spot me the extra $200 per month I need to get a one bedroom apartment and said he was fine with it. He doesn't like me living here anyway. He thinks it distracts me from school too much. With all that's been going on, I'm starting to agree with him.

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I've always said the real education you get in college is not from attending class and hittin' the books. There are other guys on these boards posting about resigning themselves to never knowing what it's like to have sex, or even kiss a woman. Be thankful you're not in that group.

She sounds like a real handful, and at what 19 or 20 years old? You should ask her if she has any single girlfriends with similar proclivities. Your only hope is to avoid being there alone with her. Every time you tell her, "this can't happen agin" it's like throwing down a gauntlet and she'll show you who's actually in control of the mating dance.
Yeah. I can't imagine going without sex. Wow. That would suck.
I don't know, there's plenty of cute girls at my school. I'm sure I'll find the right one for me.

I'm gonna move past this situation as I detailed. Thanks for your advice and bigger picture insights. You've been a voice of reason here in a challenging situation. Thanks.

Take her easy,
Dave
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Old 30th December 2016, 1:08 PM   #65
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hey guys,

first of all Happy Holidays to you all. Hope your staying safe while bringing in the new year. This is a quick update about whats been going on since I posted a while back about the situation at with my roommate and his girl. Some stuff has happened that has freaked me out, to be honest.

I moved out of the shared house I was in pretty soon after my last post. Got a place of my own which my dad's been helping me with. It's a nice one bedroom apartment, pretty modern and all that. It's awesome to have the peace and quiet and know I won't be disturbed by people doing dumb stuff in my environment (I haven't touched weed since I moved here - been hitting the books pretty hard actually).

Things had been going pretty smooth for a couple weeks, but then the girl in question started texting me again non-stop. "Where did you move to? Why won't you talk to me anymore? Why are you ignoring me?" All that kind of crap. I ignored it at first and she seemed to give up, until she physically showed up at my place. I was getting ready to go meet some friends and as I was walking to the door I hear someone knock. I open the door and its her standing there looking really upset. She starts going on and on about how I have been ignoring her, and she thought we were friends and all this.

I just told her to leave and that I had somewhere to be. She started crying and said that I was a "manipulative piece of sh**" and that she never should have hooked up with me. I said I never really wanted to and that I assumed it was just for fun, at which point she went completely psycho. She was still crying but was cussing me out and had this weird look on her face, like a mix between rage and sadness. I just walked to my car and got in and drove off. She stood there and gave me the finger and was still cussing at me.

So nothing happened for a few days after that but then my old roommate, her boyfriend, calls me and tells me he's really worried about her. he said she wouldn't stop crying and was talking about hurting herself. when I asked him why he said she told him something that he couldn't tell me, something about her past that made her hate herself and want to die. he then said she claimed that I made a move on her and that I had been trying to bang her, which I completely denied. he seemed to accept my version of events and asked me to be completely honest with him, which I said I was. There was no way for me to do anything other than deny what happened as trying to blame her would make the situation a lot worse. so I told him that it sounded like his GF had mental issues and that she needed help. he agreed with me and asked me to keep the conversation between us.

so that evening I was at home and I get the following text from her over and over again:

"LIAR. LIAR. LIAR."

literally about 40 times I got that same message. it was really creeping me out as it was obvious she had gone off the deep end. as I'm writing this I'm at my folks house back home for the holidays, this all happened a couple of weeks ago, and I haven't heard from this girl since. still, she seems to have come unhinged in a big way. I have half a mind to try and get a restraining order or something, seeing as she knows where I live. but she obviously needs help.

Last edited by Power_Forward; 30th December 2016 at 1:13 PM..
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Old 30th December 2016, 2:21 PM   #66
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Power,

Welcome back. I gave you an awfully hard time when you were here, and it was for a purpose. I'm sorry that it must have had the exact opposite result than it;s intention, because here you are again with a not so happy update.

So even after physically moving away, having her following you, this guy calling you up and basically calling your bluff and you again went to the default denial?

How come I am not shocked?

Our actions have a knack for following us wherever we go. I think you realize now that you can run as far as you want, but eventually things we do catch up with most of us.

Some people actually do get lucky and are able to run far enough from their problems to where it may be along time before they show up again. Your problem only took a short amount of time to return. And in worse fashion, because now you must be wary of the fact that this guy probably does not believe you, this chick is under the gun because she outed you and the web she weaved is collapsing. So throwing you under the bus even more so than she already has is in the not too distant future.

I would not put anything past this chick. You dipped the wick and then rebuffed her. That does not sit well, even to someone that is cheating on their boyfriend.

At this point when she sent you the text screaming "Liar Liar" at you, had it not occurred to you to lose this chick's number and your friend's number like forever?

I won't give you too much more grief, I am sure you probably never thought you would even come back here with anything but a virtual middle finger to us bitter folks who knew nothing.

Please for your own sake just delete them both from your life and have no contact with either of them. It has gotten to a point where any other action regarding either of them should not be undertaken, because it will never go away.

Again, I'm really sorry you find yourself back here, but not surprised at all.

And please watch your back. The cat is literally out of the bag. It would not be beyond the realm of possibility for this guy to show up in the spirit of making amends and pounce on you when you least expect it. I know that all too well.
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The measure of a person is not based upon the words that they speak, but upon the choices that they make.
If they keep stabbing you in the back, then quit handing them the knife.

Last edited by Space Ritual; 30th December 2016 at 2:23 PM..
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Old 30th December 2016, 2:39 PM   #67
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he seemed to accept my version of events and asked me to be completely honest with him,

I would beg to differ, he didn't. He would not have felt he need to ask if he did.

Remember that his GF is tossing enough shade your way that he knows "Something" happened by now. What is unknowable is exactly what he knows, but what is probably knowable is that as manipulative as you say this chick is, he will ultimately believe her because he wants to.

Which means I have to reiterate that you probably need to be careful.

Dudes in situations who feel disrespected like he obviously does do not always think things through and tend to act out of emotion. I am living proof of this. Please for the forseeable future do not put yourself in a situation where you could be alone in a place where this guy might show up, or worse, show up with a couple of his buddies.

Sure I've chastised you, but I certainly do not want to see anyone get injured over things like this. Again, I know first hand about it so it's a sore subject.

Be careful
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Old 30th December 2016, 8:31 PM   #68
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Power,

Welcome back. I gave you an awfully hard time when you were here, and it was for a purpose. I'm sorry that it must have had the exact opposite result than it;s intention, because here you are again with a not so happy update.

So even after physically moving away, having her following you, this guy calling you up and basically calling your bluff and you again went to the default denial?
I know my friend pretty well. It didn't sound like he was second guessing me or had any doubts about my story. He seemed to genuinely agree with me that his GF was the one with problems, judging by her erratic behavior.


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Our actions have a knack for following us wherever we go. I think you realize now that you can run as far as you want, but eventually things we do catch up with most of us.

Some people actually do get lucky and are able to run far enough from their problems to where it may be along time before they show up again. Your problem only took a short amount of time to return. And in worse fashion, because now you must be wary of the fact that this guy probably does not believe you, this chick is under the gun because she outed you and the web she weaved is collapsing. So throwing you under the bus even more so than she already has is in the not too distant future.

I would not put anything past this chick. You dipped the wick and then rebuffed her. That does not sit well, even to someone that is cheating on their boyfriend.
Any rational person would not expect this to follow them around. She was the one who wanted sex, she was the one who kept initiating it, she was the one who told me it was "no big deal and to stop being such a baby". So I know I made a mistake, as I said, but this is not my problem anymore.

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At this point when she sent you the text screaming "Liar Liar" at you, had it not occurred to you to lose this chick's number and your friend's number like forever?
I deleted her off of FB and SC a while back. I don't have her saved as a contact in my phone anymore, but I still know its her number when she texts me. I don't want to block her, as I would prefer to know what level of craziness she is currently at so I can respond accordingly. Plus, if I ever need to go to the cops, the text messages from her will help my case.

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Please for your own sake just delete them both from your life and have no contact with either of them. It has gotten to a point where any other action regarding either of them should not be undertaken, because it will never go away.
I've done my part I feel. Should I keep running and hiding? I would have to move again, which I don't want to do. I have a 6 month lease on this new place lasting me to the summer and a somewhat hefty deposit. At the end of the day I feel I shouldn't have to be ashamed and afraid, especially in my own apartment. I am thinking of showing her that I mean business. Maybe next time I will show her my HK .45 which I keep for protection, just tell her that what she is doing is harassment and I am within my rights to defend myself.
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Old 31st December 2016, 1:21 AM   #69
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So first you come here and announce that you are banging your roomie's GF and when people here suggested you stop, you claimed that you cannot stop...just go back and read your responses. Now you claim she's gone psycho. I think you got what you deserved, so I'm grabbing some popcorn and looking forward to the next episode of Psycho:The Power Forward edition.
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Old 31st December 2016, 10:50 AM   #70
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So first you come here and announce that you are banging your roomie's GF and when people here suggested you stop, you claimed that you cannot stop...just go back and read your responses. Now you claim she's gone psycho. I think you got what you deserved, so I'm grabbing some popcorn and looking forward to the next episode of Psycho:The Power Forward edition.
you seem to be a little confused. I suggest you go back and re-read my previous posts. I didn't come on here to "announce" anything. I came looking for advice in a diffifult situation. I then took that advice and carried out logical, rational action by moving into my own place. And now this girl is basically stalking me, and it's clear that she has mental problems.
but that's my fault too I guess, cuz I'm a man and it's always the man's fault, no matter what.
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Old 31st December 2016, 11:30 AM   #71
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Yes, you should definitely threaten her with a gun. Awesome plan.
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Old 31st December 2016, 11:40 AM   #72
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Yes, you should definitely threaten her with a gun. Awesome plan.
hey, I don't threaten anybody, never have either. but if she attempts to, or does, enter my home without my permission, all bets are off. that's all I'm saying.
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Old 31st December 2016, 3:41 PM   #73
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hey, I don't threaten anybody, never have either. but if she attempts to, or does, enter my home without my permission, all bets are off. that's all I'm saying.
And to know all this blowback came when you innocently poked her willing veejay with your weenie...who woulda thunk it? From quickie sex with your pals squeeze at the beginning of this thread, to lying, running, craziness, to now saying you gotta gun... and aren't afraid to use it. Oh wow. Dude, I wanna nominate you for being the poster child for not letting sex organs rule your life. Parents can tell their kids your story late at night when the kiddies want to misbehave, and all that. Seriously, I just hope at this point you don't wind up serving 10 - 20 for manslaughter...
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Old 31st December 2016, 4:26 PM   #74
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am thinking of showing her that I mean business. Maybe next time I will show her my HK .45 which I keep for protection, just tell her that what she is doing is harassment and I am within my rights to defend myself.
Power,

Please reconsider this.

You so randomly bandying this about with the Heckler and Koch business is disturbing, and I don't think you understand the consequences of even brandishing a weapon in front of someone, let alone for a situation you so willingly helped to create.

I didn't understand the consequences at one time either. I have done some really vile stuff to people in my life including using weapons on them but in no case was it done in a defensive posture nor did I threaten to do so beforehand. I just did it. And nothing good ever happened to me as a result of those either..

I could use any excuse in the book, as in where i grew up, bad neighborhood, high crime area, etc.

The fact of the matter is that I was just an Arsehole

And you are being one too, but you are young enough now that you don't have to stay one, but all that stuff about potentially threatening a chick with a gun if she doesn't leave you alone is you not really understanding what happens when you cross a rubicon like that.
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Old 1st January 2017, 7:17 AM   #75
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Power,

Please reconsider this.

You so randomly bandying this about with the Heckler and Koch business is disturbing, and I don't think you understand the consequences of even brandishing a weapon in front of someone, let alone for a situation you so willingly helped to create.

I didn't understand the consequences at one time either. I have done some really vile stuff to people in my life including using weapons on them but in no case was it done in a defensive posture nor did I threaten to do so beforehand. I just did it. And nothing good ever happened to me as a result of those either..

I could use any excuse in the book, as in where i grew up, bad neighborhood, high crime area, etc.

The fact of the matter is that I was just an Arsehole

And you are being one too, but you are young enough now that you don't have to stay one, but all that stuff about potentially threatening a chick with a gun if she doesn't leave you alone is you not really understanding what happens when you cross a rubicon like that.
I appreciate your concern, but I live in an open carry state, so "brandishing" is not really an issue. If I have my firearm holstered at my side then there's nothing nobody can do. on top of that we have stand your ground laws here, so if she tries to physically assault me, especially in my home or with a weapon, then the law is on my side.

and that is the key difference: self defense with a firearm is not illegal. but what you did IS illegal. I'm not talking about threatening or assaulting anyone, let alone doing something more. but if this girl is mentally unstable, which she seems to be, and if she continues to escalate this situation, then I must then check that escalation to protect my own life. otherwise I may end up like Travis Alexander.
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