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Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy Being unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.

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Old 30th October 2016, 5:41 PM   #46
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Originally Posted by salparadise View Post
Well, at least you know she's not on the verge of crying rape or anything like that. All you have to do is keep hittin' it and keep her smiling.
I don't know if that's the right course of action. The other people seem to be taking the morally absolutist approach that you mentioned. One interesting thing about that is they already know the whole story, so their anger and judgments are stemming from that knowledge. But if my buddy does not know about his, i.e. he is not in a place to get hurt, then is he really being harmed? The other guys on this thread will say "yes", but again that is coming from that absolutist position. The other way to look at it is if he never knew, he would never be hurt.

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It's not longer a practical problem –– it's an existential conundrum. Are you suffering from cognitive dissonance, or have you resolved it internally?
To be honest I feel really unsettle at this point. I have never been in a situation where I am totally out of control. I am someone who likes to make plans, take control of situations, and do the right thing. It disturbs me that I made every intention to confront and then take control of this situation, and then it backfires and I am powerless to stop it from doing so.


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And of course the question we really want to ask... was it good?
Everything else aside, yes it was. This girl is smoking hot - the kind when you go to the beach you walk slower so you can check her out. Her ass is really tight and thick. She's one of those girls that when you see her at the bar all you want is her grinding on you. When she did that in the living room it was rough sex - hard and fast. I felt really aggressive and angry towards her which was a new experience. The last time I had a GF was senior year in high school and it was more of a romantic type of situation. We didn't really do rough sex. But Friday night when that happened she was saying all kind of dirty stuff to me like pull her hair and spank her which I admit I did. And there was the effect of being high which added to the whole experience.

Last edited by Power_Forward; 30th October 2016 at 5:43 PM..
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Old 30th October 2016, 7:20 PM   #47
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I'm guessing from your username that you are a woman. So really you have no idea what its like to be a man alone in a room with a super hot girl when she is taking her clothes off. At first my brain was telling me to run out of the room, but I just gradually lost my willpower as the minutes went by. The level of arousal that I felt was uncontrollable when she did what she did. It's not like I conciously decided "OK to hell with it, let me have sex with her again". I felt like I was taken over and couldn't do anything. Ask a guy who has been in the same situation. He will tell you.
Oh Jesus. This is the exact same thought process that an unapologetic rapist goes through. I hope we can chalk this disgusting display up to immaturity and that we don't end up hearing about you on the news eventually.

You absolutely made a conscious decision to have sex with her and it's not ok. What YOU did is not ok.

You're a shi**y friend and you deserve the lousy karma that's coming your way.

Take some responsibility for yourself, you're not a child. You are capable of self control.

And again..if you truly think the blame is 100% on her then why won't you tell your 'friend' what happened so he can dump her? You're putting him (and yourself, since you clearly have no intention of stopping yourself from banging her until you get caught) at risk for STDs and unwanted pregnancy.

PA, you could and should have left the room and masturbated instead.
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Old 30th October 2016, 7:29 PM   #48
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Oh Jesus. This is the exact same thought process that an unapologetic rapist goes through. I hope we can chalk this disgusting display up to immaturity and that we don't end up hearing about you on the news eventually.

You absolutely made a conscious decision to have sex with her and it's not ok. What YOU did is not ok.

You're a shi**y friend and you deserve the lousy karma that's coming your way.

Take some responsibility for yourself, you're not a child. You are capable of self control.

And again..if you truly think the blame is 100% on her then why won't you tell your 'friend' what happened so he can dump her? You're putting him (and yourself, since you clearly have no intention of stopping yourself from banging her until you get caught) at risk for STDs and unwanted pregnancy.

PA, you could and should have left the room and masturbated instead.
[]

This isn't about rape. This about being a man and having a woman strip naked in front of you, enticing you with sex. You have never and will never be in that situation so you cannot understand what its like, and how difficult it is to walk away.

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 30th October 2016 at 8:11 PM.. Reason: rude ~6
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Old 30th October 2016, 7:38 PM   #49
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Excuses and a cop out

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[]

This isn't about rape. This about being a man and having a woman strip naked in front of you, enticing you with sex. You have never and will never be in that situation so you cannot understand what its like, and how difficult it is to walk away.
PF. You came here for opinions, you say, but when those don't yield what you were looking for as in, "you were enticed, seduced, entrapped etc " so you're all good, no need to confess and own up to stabbing your friend in the back, pun intended, you begin with the terminology of absolutist and rebuking the opinions you sought....you chose to do your buddies girl....you always had the ability to say no and you didn't. You sound a lot like those guys who'lll say, she deserved what i gave her because she should not have dressed the way she did. Better think long and hard about the direction you're headed.

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 30th October 2016 at 8:11 PM.. Reason: Edited quote ~6
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Old 30th October 2016, 8:05 PM   #50
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I don't know if that's the right course of action.
I was being facetious there, but it does seem like she might be wanting you to be her backdoor man. And given her assertiveness and your inability to resist, it's not an unlikely scenario.

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The other people seem to be taking the morally absolutist approach that you mentioned. One interesting thing about that is they already know the whole story, so their anger and judgments are stemming from that knowledge.
Yea, but they're absolutists. I don't buy it. I am a lot older than you and I can tell you from experience that life presents many situations (dilemmas) where you have to choose between two options that are both undesirable compromises. The absolutist thing works a lot better on a message board than it does in life. Life is all about making compromises, many of which have consequences, and they're often unknown consequences. It's not simple. Big picture perspective is valuable.

And another thing... the absolutists are telling you that you should be one-hundred percent selfless. That's just ludicrous. Nobody else is protecting your interests you have to consider both what is best for you and what is best for others. These will often be at odds.

However, in this situation they are probably not. If no one else ever knows what happened it will save everyone involved a lot of grief. The downside is that your conscience won't be clear, not that confessing would change that, and if your buddy's relationship doesn't implode on its own, you may face yet another ethical dilemma.

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But if my buddy does not know about his, i.e. he is not in a place to get hurt, then is he really being harmed? The other guys on this thread will say "yes", but again that is coming from that absolutist position. The other way to look at it is if he never knew, he would never be hurt.
Unless he marries her, in which case what he doesn't know could result in a lot of grief and heartache. But I'm not much of a believer in trying to change the course of the universe either.

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To be honest I feel really unsettle at this point. I have never been in a situation where I am totally out of control. I am someone who likes to make plans, take control of situations, and do the right thing. It disturbs me that I made every intention to confront and then take control of this situation, and then it backfires and I am powerless to stop it from doing so.
As you alluded in one of your other responses, given the circumstances it's sort of understandable that you were unable to resist. She initiated and you responded in the way you are biologically wired to respond. I think you should cut yourself some slack. It's almost like dangling a t-bone steak in front of a starving man and expecting him to say "no thanks, I empathize with cows."

But even if you're able to mostly forgive yourself for what happened once, then twice, you need to get square with yourself and be intentional about how you'll deal with it the next time. There's a difference between circumstances that caught you by surprise vs. being the guy who's banking his best bud's girl on an ongoing basis behind his back. While one is understandable, if not forgivable, the other would change the person you believe yourself to be. Life is messy isn't it?

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Everything else aside, yes it was. This girl is smoking hot - the kind when you go to the beach you walk slower so you can check her out. Her ass is really tight and thick. She's one of those girls that when you see her at the bar all you want is her grinding on you. When she did that in the living room it was rough sex - hard and fast. I felt really aggressive and angry towards her which was a new experience. The last time I had a GF was senior year in high school and it was more of a romantic type of situation. We didn't really do rough sex. But Friday night when that happened she was saying all kind of dirty stuff to me like pull her hair and spank her which I admit I did. And there was the effect of being high which added to the whole experience.
I've always said the real education you get in college is not from attending class and hittin' the books. There are other guys on these boards posting about resigning themselves to never knowing what it's like to have sex, or even kiss a woman. Be thankful you're not in that group.

She sounds like a real handful, and at what 19 or 20 years old? You should ask her if she has any single girlfriends with similar proclivities. Your only hope is to avoid being there alone with her. Every time you tell her, "this can't happen agin" it's like throwing down a gauntlet and she'll show you who's actually in control of the mating dance.

You need to buy your buddy a beer.
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Old 30th October 2016, 9:07 PM   #51
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I was being facetious there, but it does seem like she might be wanting you to be her backdoor man. And given her assertiveness and your inability to resist, it's not an unlikely scenario.



Yea, but they're absolutists. I don't buy it. I am a lot older than you and I can tell you from experience that life presents many situations (dilemmas) where you have to choose between two options that are both undesirable compromises. The absolutist thing works a lot better on a message board than it does in life. Life is all about making compromises, many of which have consequences, and they're often unknown consequences. It's not simple. Big picture perspective is valuable.

And another thing... the absolutists are telling you that you should be one-hundred percent selfless. That's just ludicrous. Nobody else is protecting your interests –– you have to consider both what is best for you and what is best for others. These will often be at odds.

However, in this situation they are probably not. If no one else ever knows what happened it will save everyone involved a lot of grief. The downside is that your conscience won't be clear, not that confessing would change that, and if your buddy's relationship doesn't implode on its own, you may face yet another ethical dilemma.



Unless he marries her, in which case what he doesn't know could result in a lot of grief and heartache. But I'm not much of a believer in trying to change the course of the universe either.



As you alluded in one of your other responses, given the circumstances it's sort of understandable that you were unable to resist. She initiated and you responded in the way you are biologically wired to respond. I think you should cut yourself some slack. It's almost like dangling a t-bone steak in front of a starving man and expecting him to say "no thanks, I empathize with cows."

But even if you're able to mostly forgive yourself for what happened once, then twice, you need to get square with yourself and be intentional about how you'll deal with it the next time. There's a difference between circumstances that caught you by surprise vs. being the guy who's banking his best bud's girl on an ongoing basis behind his back. While one is understandable, if not forgivable, the other would change the person you believe yourself to be. Life is messy isn't it?



I've always said the real education you get in college is not from attending class and hittin' the books. There are other guys on these boards posting about resigning themselves to never knowing what it's like to have sex, or even kiss a woman. Be thankful you're not in that group.

She sounds like a real handful, and at what 19 or 20 years old? You should ask her if she has any single girlfriends with similar proclivities. Your only hope is to avoid being there alone with her. Every time you tell her, "this can't happen agin" it's like throwing down a gauntlet and she'll show you who's actually in control of the mating dance.

You need to buy your buddy a beer.
Do your male friends know that the price of easing your conscience is the cost of a beer? If so they must **** themselves every time you buy them a drink
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Old 30th October 2016, 9:19 PM   #52
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You just don't seem to be able to empathize with me and cannot relate to being in my situation.
Incorrect. I don't empathize with your actions and subsequent attitude at all. Why would I

Again, just in case you missed what I wrote to you earlier this weekend, when it happened to me, I ended up making choices walking in on my fiance and my friend in my house that landed me in prison for 4 years.

The only care I actually have when it comes to you is that you or this girl don't end up getting hurt physically. What I did was monstrous, and I deserved everything I got. I used to be a really nice person, but once I snapped that day, there was never any going back. The next few minutes changed 3 people's lives for the worse. I can assure you it was not a yelling and shoving match that took place.

I don't wish anyone to have to deal with someone like me when I was at that moment.

And no admittedly I can't see your point of view because I have never knowingly betrayed a friend or anyone I professed to love.

I have had hot women shake their tail feathers in my face many times over the course of my Fifty Two years but I never acted on it unless I and they, were single.

What I and others bristle at is the appearance of you having any inability to understand the actual consequences of your actions, along with this girl. You both share in the responsibility, but since you are the only one writing about it and asking questions as to whether what your friend does not know will hurt him or not, That makes you the one we respond to.

Not crapping where you eat and not banging your friends girlfriend is just common sense.

This situation will only get worse as it continues. You may think you may not have the will power to resist not screwing this woman, so do you really expect this guy to resist the urge to make your nose smell your ear?

You have a chance to avoid it by ceasing your activities and coming clean with your friend. The longer this goes on, the more likely the chances are that this guy is going to find out from somebody else who may or may not have all the facts and tell him in hopes you get hurt. An odd thought , I know, but there are people out there who do have a real affinity for having their Schadenfreude kick in, especially when it comes to matter so the heart.

We are just trying to save you from yourself. You may arrive at a point to where you won't be able to control the narrative anymore and expose yourself to someone who you have no idea what they are capable of. People handle learning of infidelity very differently regardless of the situation. So again, you stand a better chance of coming out of this in one piece if you act with some sort of contrition as opposed to throwing caution to the wind.


Good Luck
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If they keep stabbing you in the back, then quit handing them the knife.

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Old 30th October 2016, 9:24 PM   #53
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Do your male friends know that the price of easing your conscience is the cost of a beer? If so they must **** themselves every time you buy them a drink
LOL Thank God I have been sober for over 20 years. The price with me would have been a Case of Hacker Pschorr Weiss
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Old 30th October 2016, 10:00 PM   #54
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[]

This isn't about rape. This about being a man and having a woman strip naked in front of you, enticing you with sex. You have never and will never be in that situation so you cannot understand what its like, and how difficult it is to walk away.
For the third time, if you believe you're completely innocent, why won't you tell your friend?
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Old 30th October 2016, 10:17 PM   #55
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@salparadise when did the OP say he was starving? Is that the case OP? Are you not able to seal the deal with ANY other girls so you had to settle for this one sleazy chick whose only attraction to you was your proximity?
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Old 30th October 2016, 10:19 PM   #56
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Interesting thread here. This very young man is in the midst of learning very important life lessons as he morphs into the "type" of man he will become. It's unfortunate that he will have to learn the hard way instead of listening to the excellent advice and words given by those who are more experienced. But,... sometimes that's just the way it goes.

Personally, I can understand the reasons the poster did this the first time. The second time however, I think he was really hoping for it to happen again. I also I bet there WILL be a third time...and at that time he will have truly crossed over to become a POS with out conscious that will deserve every bit of repercussion that comes his way. Why? Because he doesn't own up to any responsibility for this situation.

Keep passing the blame buddy. And be sure to come back in 20 years and tell us about your affair ...or maybe about how it felt finding your wife bangin' your friend.

This thread should have been called "the making of a dirtbag". I have no sympathy for him.
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Old 30th October 2016, 10:27 PM   #57
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Interesting thread here. This very young man is in the midst of learning very important life lessons as he morphs into the "type" of man he will become. It's unfortunate that he will have to learn the hard way instead of listening to the excellent advice and words given by those who are more experienced. But,... sometimes that's just the way it goes.

Personally, I can understand the reasons the poster did this the first time. The second time however, I think he was really hoping for it to happen again. I also I bet there WILL be a third time...and at that time he will have truly crossed over to become a POS with out conscious that will deserve every bit of repercussion that comes his way. Why? Because he doesn't own up to any responsibility for this situation.

Keep passing the blame buddy. And be sure to come back in 20 years and tell us about your affair ...or maybe about how it felt finding your wife bangin' your friend.

This thread should have been called "the making of a dirtbag". I have no sympathy for him.

Yep. It's said the road to hell is paved with good intentions. I think the gravel in that road is the justifications and rationalizations we place in it by our actions. Remember, even Adolf Hitler started out life as an innocent little baby.... sigh , perhaps part of growing up is realizing that all actions we take in life have inescapable consequences, as I am positive this she-devil is about to teach this young man...
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Old 30th October 2016, 11:48 PM   #58
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Remember, even Adolf Hitler started out life as an innocent little baby.... sigh
I brought up Godwin's Law on another thread this evening. It didn't even take 2 hours come to fruition

This thread has everything but Popcorn vendors ,a horse drawn Calliope, and an Organ Grinder (not to be confused with the literal Organ Grinder that OP has been having sex with). LMFAO!
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Old 31st October 2016, 2:14 PM   #59
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note from moderation: noting a few members posting argumentative posts that are unproductive to the threadstarter's topic, we've deleted those posts and ask that members focus on the threadstarter's situation and not each other's opinion. Thank you. ~6
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Old 31st October 2016, 2:23 PM   #60
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oh my god OP...a little self control on your part is needed...ok a LOT of self control.

Next time she comes over lock yourself in your room and stay away from her.

Or, tell your friend his GF likes to walk around naked and it makes you uncomfortable. I'm sure that will make him at her at least.

I honestly wonder about this girls mental health...shes what, 20? Like she is pretty desperate to be shoving her ass out like that begging for sex with her bfs best friend.

Im disgusted by every angle of this story.

Better hope and pray she isn't pregnant buddy or your on the Maury Show next season.
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