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In a Jam


Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy Being unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.

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Old 27th October 2016, 12:36 PM   #1
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In a Jam

Hello everyone. So I had a situation occur recently that is really weighing on my conscience. I don't know where to turn at this point. If you can give me some pointers on how to resolve this, I'm all ears.

I am a male, 20 years old, and I am a sophomore in college. I currently share a house with one of my best friends and another friend. Well anyways we're always hanging out here and partying, my roommates and their GFs, people from school, etc. My buddy's GF is over here all the time, whether or not he is here. She studies in his room and whatnot.

So one day I am at the house by myself just taking it easy as I don't have class that day, and my roomates are in class. About 1:30 my roommates GF comes over. She is my age about 20 yo. I say what's up and she goes into his room and closes the door, so I assume she is just studying or whatever like usual.

About an hour goes by and I get up and walk to my room to get something. As I'm walking down the hall my buddy's GF comes out of his room completely naked and passes me in the hall. She looks me right in the eyes with a big smile on her face and says "Hi!". Like that, and walked down the hall to the bathroom. I hear the shower come on and she starts taking a shower.

At this point I was really confused. I didn't know what to make of why she did that. She comes over a lot and uses the house but never walks around naked or anything. It turned me on, I will admit, but also it made me feel uncomfortable. So I just went about my business and walked back into the living room and went back to watching tv.

After about 10 minutes I hear her come out of the bathroom and go back into my buddy's room. I wanted to forget about the whole thing, but in my mind I could not stop picturing her naked. I got up and walked to my room and as I passed my buddy's room I saw her in there drying herself with her towel, again, totally naked.

I stopped outside of her room and was looking at her. She turned around and saw me and looked directly at me, but she didn't close the door, she just kept drying herself off, smiling.

At that point I went into her room and had sex with her.

It was pretty quick, about 5-6 minutes. Afterwards we didn't say anything, I felt really bad and left the room quickly and went back to my room. A couple hours went by and my buddy came back from class and I heard him and his GF talking. Later we all were hanging out drinking and everything seemed fine.

The more days that pass the more this bothers me. I don't know if I should come clean with my friend and tell him what I did, or just keep quiet about it. I don't know what good confessing this would do. My buddy's GF hasn't brought it up at all, she just kinda smiles at me when nobody is looking. It's weird. I'm worried that I will do it again and what might happen if my friend finds out. I'm an idiot, I know. But it you have any advice I could use it.

Thanks,
Dave

Last edited by Power_Forward; 27th October 2016 at 12:44 PM..
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Old 27th October 2016, 12:48 PM   #2
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My advice is to find a new place to live, and also make do what you can to make things right by confessing to the guy so that he knows the truth of his girlfriend, otherwise she might get him sick and such. Even if you waited until after you moved out to tell him, it would still be better than not telling him at all.
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Old 27th October 2016, 12:59 PM   #3
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My advice is to find a new place to live, and also make do what you can to make things right by confessing to the guy so that he knows the truth of his girlfriend, otherwise she might get him sick and such. Even if you waited until after you moved out to tell him, it would still be better than not telling him at all.
I'm on the lease here until May 2017. I hear what your saying. I just don't know if the consequences of telling the truth are worth it. I would probably lose one of my best friends, I would break up their relationship probably, although maybe not. Is the truth always worth it? I don't know.
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Old 27th October 2016, 1:15 PM   #4
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Well, you seem to only be thinking of yourself. The money you would still owe on the lease. Not wanting to lose a friend for yourself. Choosing sex over being an actual friend to him. And so on. If you only care for yourself then you would keep quiet in order to try to avoid the consequences. But if your character is important to you, then you should tell him. Because someone who cheats on their partner especially in such a way as you describe, is a sinister person who cannot be trusted.

For the sake of your friend then perhaps I could persuade you to tell him but to try to avoid the consequences to an extent still. You could tell him what happened, and that because he is your friend, you wanted to know if she would really cheat on him or not, and then you found out. But in order for this to fly at all you must tell him immediately. You could think of something that excuses why you waited such as that you wanted to wait until he wouldn't have anything big like an exam coming up or he wouldn't have to be around anyone, in case he would be very upset.

I know you seem to ask for advice for yourself but TBH I feel more for your friend so maybe consider a way to tell him the truth even if you do it in a way as to cover your ass a bit.
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Old 27th October 2016, 1:20 PM   #5
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I'm on the lease here until May 2017. I hear what your saying. I just don't know if the consequences of telling the truth are worth it. I would probably lose one of my best friends, I would break up their relationship probably, although maybe not. Is the truth always worth it? I don't know.
I find it funny you call someone a best friend after you have sex with their gf.

You didn't have to walk in that room, but you did. If I was he, I'd break your jaw. Not trying to sound all tough online macho man keyboard thumping away, but it'd be my honest reaction. That's not just one, but TWO deep betrayals.

My honest advice though still is to tell him, if you consider him one of your best friends, a best friends duty is to inform them of cheating of their SO. The rub here, is that man she cheated with is you.

I'd come clean to him ASAP, he may forgive you, or maybe he's a secret cuckold, who knows. If she comes forward first, she'll guaranteed throw you under the bus so fast your head will spin.

Being truthful and honest may feel like ****, but in this scenario a bit more than others it's going to be in your best interest to come clean.
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Old 27th October 2016, 1:30 PM   #6
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Boy, is she nasty

A lot of females now a days are just pigs, in one form or another. I mean, if they're not opening up their legs every Tuesday or Thursday, they are overweight and unkept. Geesh, I see the same thing with my student neighbors. The girls come and go like unpaid hookers on rotation.

That being said, I say shut up and never tell. He's an idiot to have his gf in an all-guy's place as if she was a dude too. I mean my 26yr old guy wouldn't have me around if his roomies were there and he pretty much did it cuz he didn't wanna treat me like "one of those" girls.

I mean how disrespectful of him to have her over so you guy can either see, hear, or infer that they're bumping uglies. Him and her are freakin gross. In other words, he already doesn't think much of her so you telling him about boinking her ain't gonna change anything. Shoot, he might invite you to take turns on her

Also, if you tell and he's dumb enough to have this pig on a pedestal, then till that lease ends, he and her will turn you into enemy #1.

Next time control yourself. BTW, maybe you need to go have a STD work up after that encounter.
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Old 27th October 2016, 1:36 PM   #7
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Boy, is she nasty

A lot of females now a days are just pigs, in one form or another. I mean, if they're not opening up their legs every Tuesday or Thursday, they are overweight and unkept. Geesh, I see the same thing with my student neighbors. The girls come and go like unpaid hookers on rotation.

That being said, I say shut up and never tell. He's an idiot to have his gf in an all-guy's place as if she was a dude too. I mean my 26yr old guy wouldn't have me around if his roomies were there and he pretty much did it cuz he didn't wanna treat me like "one of those" girls.

I mean how disrespectful of him to have her over so you guy can either see, hear, or infer that they're bumping uglies. Him and her are freakin gross. In other words, he already doesn't think much of her so you telling him about boinking her ain't gonna change anything. Shoot, he might invite you to take turns on her

Also, if you tell and he's dumb enough to have this pig on a pedestal, then till that lease ends, he and her will turn you into enemy #1.

Next time control yourself. BTW, maybe you need to go have a STD work up after that encounter.
My biggest fear is the roomie and his gf get into a fight and somehow OP gets the old fashioned 'he forced himself on me!' and has an explosive situation to deal with.

To OP:
Also, what if they end up heading towards marriage later? Would you be okay with this man marrying a woman who'd cheat on him?
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Old 27th October 2016, 1:49 PM   #8
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I would be concerned if they ever get into a heated argument or fight and she wants to take a kill shot at your buddy and tell him she F'd you. I just saw this scenario once again with someone close to me.
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Old 27th October 2016, 3:30 PM   #9
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Ouch this one is tough. We know not to sh*t in our own backyard yet it happens every so often. First and foremost, trust no one.. I've learned the walls talk, even though you can keep this a secret, the other members made a valid point "the kill shot" during an argument, the "his dick is better than yours anyway" stupid comments are likely to come up. Who would you rather get to him first? I worry if she does she will lie to lighten things up on her end.
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Old 27th October 2016, 3:46 PM   #10
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The right thing to do is tell your friend. Nothing more to it.

Who knows maybe they have an open relationship agreement you knew nothing about...if not the poor guy deserves to know his girlfriend will so easily and casually cross the fence...
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Old 27th October 2016, 3:59 PM   #11
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The right thing to do is tell your friend. Nothing more to it.

Who knows maybe they have an open relationship agreement you knew nothing about...if not the poor guy deserves to know his girlfriend will so easily and casually cross the fence...
She was rather cavalier about the whole thing. No coyness at all. I brought up the cuckold thing because of just how obvious she was about it.

I dunno if this was a driveby posting by the OP, but yes he should tell him.
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Old 27th October 2016, 4:36 PM   #12
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My biggest fear is the roomie and his gf get into a fight and somehow OP gets the old fashioned 'he forced himself on me!' and has an explosive situation to deal with.

To OP:
Also, what if they end up heading towards marriage later? Would you be okay with this man marrying a woman who'd cheat on him?
Then the OP should send her a 'cover your butt' text or email where he says something like 'hey, what we did was hot, but I can't do that to your bf and let's make sure it doesn't happen again'. But just becareful in the wording. He should start out by complementing her and getting her to text something that shows it was consentual (ie, her texting "Yeah, I liked you too"), then drop the hammer on her that it shouldn't happen again. Then he needs to save those texts to cover himself in case she wants to pull a fast one on him...
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Old 27th October 2016, 6:17 PM   #13
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Thanks for the advice guys. I have read all of your responses.

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Well, you seem to only be thinking of yourself. The money you would still owe on the lease. Not wanting to lose a friend for yourself. Choosing sex over being an actual friend to him. And so on. If you only care for yourself then you would keep quiet in order to try to avoid the consequences. But if your character is important to you, then you should tell him. Because someone who cheats on their partner especially in such a way as you describe, is a sinister person who cannot be trusted.

For the sake of your friend then perhaps I could persuade you to tell him but to try to avoid the consequences to an extent still. You could tell him what happened, and that because he is your friend, you wanted to know if she would really cheat on him or not, and then you found out. But in order for this to fly at all you must tell him immediately. You could think of something that excuses why you waited such as that you wanted to wait until he wouldn't have anything big like an exam coming up or he wouldn't have to be around anyone, in case he would be very upset.

I know you seem to ask for advice for yourself but TBH I feel more for your friend so maybe consider a way to tell him the truth even if you do it in a way as to cover your ass a bit.
I see what you're saying. My viewpoint is that it's almost more selfish to confess what I did rather than keep it a secret. I'm kinda screwed either way. If I sit my buddy down and confess, he's gonna go loco, I know he will. He's not gonna see it as a friend "doing the right thing", he's gonna see it as me making a move on his GF, which I really didn't do.

Confessing paints me as the initiator, the one who made it happen, which I don't feel is true. She is just as guilty as I am, she enticed me. I didn't set out to have sex with her. But still, she can play the victim and spin it back on me real easy, and he is likely to believe her over me.

Second thing is that if I don't tell, you guys are right, she has it in her arsenal for the future, a secret weapon. The way she smiles at me like I said, it's not a nice kind of smile. It's more of a sinister smile, like "haha you can't do anything can you?" like she has control over me and enjoys it.

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Then the OP should send her a 'cover your butt' text or email where he says something like 'hey, what we did was hot, but I can't do that to your bf and let's make sure it doesn't happen again'. But just becareful in the wording. He should start out by complementing her and getting her to text something that shows it was consentual (ie, her texting "Yeah, I liked you too"), then drop the hammer on her that it shouldn't happen again. Then he needs to save those texts to cover himself in case she wants to pull a fast one on him...
I don't like this idea because it leaves a paper trail. Right now it's just my word against hers and I can deny it if it comes down to that. But if I send a text she has evidence and can make me look like the bad guy if she ever decides to tell on me.

The thing is, she is hot. She knows she is hot and she knows I think she is hot, and also has my buddy wrapped around her finger to a large extent.

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You didn't have to walk in that room, but you did. If I was he, I'd break your jaw. Not trying to sound all tough online macho man keyboard thumping away, but it'd be my honest reaction.
Thanks for the comments. I found it really hard to walk out of that house in that situation. Logically, I wanted to, it didn't feel right, logically. But just seeing her naked like that, it was like I couldn't do anything. I just went to his room and it happened.

And I understand your feelings of rage. I have felt them too as a guy thinking a GF might be cheating on me. We go insane thinking about it, which I why I am even more hesitant to confess.

Quote:
My biggest fear is the roomie and his gf get into a fight and somehow OP gets the old fashioned 'he forced himself on me!' and has an explosive situation to deal with.
This boxes me in even more, the more I think about it, the more I see it as impossible to come out clean or even decent if I let this get out. It could be bad, in more ways than one.

I'm going to try and do what Gloria25 suggested about the text but just in person. I will talk to her and try to say how much damage this would do and that we have to keep it a secret.

Last edited by Power_Forward; 27th October 2016 at 6:28 PM..
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Old 27th October 2016, 6:45 PM   #14
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Oh I get it, it's a ****ty situation. As the man you still have to 'initiate' so she can easily pin you with that.

Potential ruined friendships, relationships and housing situation. All this mess for 5 minutes of fun.

I detest cheating in the deepest way, probably my old scars flaring up. Normally I'd say you have to do the honorable thing, but maybe it's better to take the path of least damage. Hard to call since I'm not living it.
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Old 27th October 2016, 6:55 PM   #15
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Oh I get it, it's a ****ty situation. As the man you still have to 'initiate' so she can easily pin you with that.
yeah you know how it is. especially on college campuses these days with obsession with "obvious" consent and all that. guilty before being proven innocent. this girl is kinda crazy too, I don't know what she might do.
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