iwontsettle Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 i feel pretty **** about it i really do cause i dont want to hurt her i dont know her. but i love him and we have connection were i could talk to him about anything. we were having a deep conversation this past weekend and he said i was always serious and would let go and just have fun but i was so scared to really open up to be hurt so i had a wall up. he is now with a girl he has been with he has been with maybe four months. three weeks after they became official he called me and wanted to sort out some issues we had and we ended up sleeping together that night and just this past weekend we hooked up again as his gf is overseas for a week. the really horrible thing that im not happy about is we had sex at her house as he is staying there in her bed. we talked and alot of emotional stuff for a good hour before anything happened and i really feel like when we get to a place were i can let go and let my walls down he will be the one. am i crazy. he says he really likes her and she is like his best friend but why would he come back to me and have these serious talks about everything if there isnt something still there i know there is Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 If you are 'the one', why hasn't he dumped her yet? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 he told me the reason we didnt go further into a serious relationship was only because the timing wasnt right and he wasnt ready From your last thread. Timing wasn't right and he wasn't ready but he still chose someone else. And he's still with her. Try to wrap your brain around that. You're an available and secure lay. That's about it. "iwontsettle" -- but you are. "Deep" conversations isn't a viable justification to stick around for a douchebag. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 i feel pretty **** about it i really do cause i dont want to hurt her i dont know her. but i love him and we have connection were i could talk to him about anything. we were having a deep conversation this past weekend and he said i was always serious and would let go and just have fun but i was so scared to really open up to be hurt so i had a wall up. he is now with a girl he has been with he has been with maybe four months. three weeks after they became official he called me and wanted to sort out some issues we had and we ended up sleeping together that night and just this past weekend we hooked up again as his gf is overseas for a week. the really horrible thing that im not happy about is we had sex at her house as he is staying there in her bed. we talked and alot of emotional stuff for a good hour before anything happened and i really feel like when we get to a place were i can let go and let my walls down he will be the one. am i crazy. he says he really likes her and she is like his best friend but why would he come back to me and have these serious talks about everything if there isnt something still there i know there is why would he come back to me and have these serious talks about everything if there isnt something still there i know there is -- Because . . . she is out of the country and he is horny . . . im not happy about is we had sex at her house as HE IS staying there in her bed. -- i dont want to hurt her i dont know her. -- YOU ARE in that bed as well. Walk around in her shoes for a bit and think about what a sh*t he's being to her. If he's cheating WITH you, did he cheat ON you? am i crazy -- No, just blind to the fact that the guy is blowing smoke up your ass to get laid and you're getting "high" off it . . . 5 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 (edited) Has he told you he is going to leave her and come back to you? If not, he's just blowing smoke and getting some strange while she's away. Don't feel bad for her because you are the one settling for crumbs. Edited October 26, 2016 by stillafool 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 He is a sleezy ball filling your head and hers with bull crap....even if he settles for you, he is just going to have some cookie on the side and cheat on you. He is a serial cheater. I can't believe you are falling for his game. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 the really horrible thing that im not happy about is we had sex at her house as he is staying there in her bed. I'll get to what I quoted in a moment. but I'll ask you a thing or two first Do you see how ironic your screen name is? Really you won't settle? You are doing the exact opposite. You settle for being fed a pack of lies. You settle for someone who has such little regard for someone he supposedly loves, that you are too blind to realize he will do it to you in a heartbeat? Doing it at his girlfriends house is the epitome of total and complete disrespect of another human being that you don't even know. I just want to share a tidbit with you about how people feel disrespected when stuff happens like that in their house, and the endless possibilities that can occur. 3 weeks before I was to be married I walked into my own house to find my fiance riding one my friends like a bronco. What resulted from the next few minutes sent 2 people to the ER and me to jail for 4 years. And I knew both of them all my life. I would not want to be you if she finds out. You best get out of this mess right now and cut off all contact with this guy. He not only allowed you to discard your own integrity, he may have put you in physical jeopardy. I doubt very highly if she does find out that this guy won't throw you under the proverbial bus, and she may seek to throw you under a literal one. I don't have a lot of sympathy for you, but hopefully you will save your own skin while you still have skin to save. Link to post Share on other sites
Nowty V Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 why would he come back to me and have these serious talks about everything if there isnt something still there i know there is I'm with the rest, especially what Redhead14 says. There is something there, and it's in his pants. That is all this is, you can allow yourself to be used and then flip out with some crazy scene. Or you can have some self respect and dignity and get the hell away from him and block him on all levels. He's a player and you're the played. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LostOnes05 Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 (edited) So you must not feel too bad about it. Not bad enough to cheat with someone, but to do it at her house in her bed....that's beyond disrespectful. So many single men out there that would treat you with love and respect, but you're clinging to a guy that doesn't want to have a relationship with you. He is merely using you for sex. Your deep conversations don't mean a thing. What kind of relationship (which is supposed to be built on trust) can you have with a man like that? If he can cheat on his "bestfriend" think of what he'll do to you. As a man, I'd never disrespect another man's relationship. Love isn't an excuse to cheat and what you have isn't love...it's the excitement of the chase, getting caught, etc. You can't justify what you're doing and it's just as much your fault for participating. I bet a relationship between you guys wouldn't last 6 months before either one of you cheated or you realized you weren't so in love. You don't know this woman. You don't know what makes her tick. You don't know what she'd do if she found the two of you in her bed or found out about the cheating. You should realize that people lose their lives for doing something like that. Is he worth your life? Edited October 26, 2016 by LostOnes05 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author iwontsettle Posted October 27, 2016 Author Share Posted October 27, 2016 3 weeks before I was to be married I walked into my own house to find my fiance riding one my friends like a bronco. What resulted from the next few minutes sent 2 people to the ER and me to jail for 4 years. And I knew both of them all my life. I get what your saying and i have thought about that, that she will want to kick my ass when she finds out. i feel like the situation you walked in on was alot worse as you were engaged and it was one of your friends you had known your whole life. My biggest issue is my self worth and i dont know how to fix it. some days i have the lowest lows and know that im alone because who would want to be with me but some days i am confident and strong and would never do what i did. i was weak and he had always felt like home to me so i craved that calmness but i dont know how to fix myself and my self worth:( Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 Well the first thing you need to do is stop sleeping with him. IF her wants to leave GF and get back with you, maybe you take him back, but that is a huge maybe. Next you need to get some counseling about your self esteem issues because you obviously have them or you would not be doing this to yourself or your actual BF. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 My biggest issue is my self worth and i dont know how to fix it. some days i have the lowest lows and know that im alone because who would want to be with me but some days i am confident and strong and would never do what i did. i was weak and he had always felt like home to me so i craved that calmness but i dont know how to fix myself and my self worth The first thing to do would be to disengage in behavior that fuels destruction of your self-worth. You can't fix it by staying where you are -- you are only continuing to devalue yourself. So pick -- your self-worth or him. Link to post Share on other sites
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