Morty Posted August 30, 2016 Share Posted August 30, 2016 So this last weekend has turned out to be one of the worst of my life. I started drinking on saturday at 4pm, mixing in marujana along the way and had me wind up at my girlfriends house at around 10.30pm. From here, things became a lot more fuzzy but I can remember elements of what happened. I went downstairs for a smoke with my gfs friend, a gay guy who i knew quite well. We often chatted and for some reason I decided to try kiss him in the state I was. Ive never done anything like this before, cheating or tried kissing another man. Unfortunately after I tried and was pushed off, I blacked out and remembered waking up in her bed a few hours later and being asked to leave by her friend. I was still drunk as all hell and had no idea what I was doing, I tried getting into the clubs at 3am only to be turned away. I knew I had tried to kiss him but had no idea why, my gf messaged me asking if i know what i did and i replied in drunken fashion. The next day i woke up with no other thought in my head but to go there and find out what happened. She wouldnt even see me, she cant even look at me now. All i get its texts and the last one said its over and she could never trust me again. She considers it cheating and that she doesnt think she could ever be in a relationship again. Im in love with this girl. She is it for me and I would do anything to get her back. I broke her and made her feel awful and I just want her to be happy again. I pray she only needs time to realise she feels the same but im scared if I wait too long Ill lose her forever. Help, someone please this is crushing me. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted August 30, 2016 Share Posted August 30, 2016 For starters, you have learned that you cannot handle alcohol. Since she wants nothing to do with you, learn the lesson and move on. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Morty Posted August 30, 2016 Author Share Posted August 30, 2016 @CarrieT So I cant handle my alcohol, does that mean i should move on from someone i love? Link to post Share on other sites
ksol9 Posted August 30, 2016 Share Posted August 30, 2016 Give her some time to cool down. You really need to start thinking about how your actions effect others. The drinking and smoking is where you should start reevaluating. You can show her how serious you are about loving her by first working on yourself. She may or may not take you back, but give it some time. Give her some time to cool off because right now she is angry is and is going through a slew of emotions. Then try to talk to her with a level head. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 30, 2016 Share Posted August 30, 2016 I don't know if there is any coming back from this. Not only did you kiss someone else, but you kissed a man. Assuming your girlfriend knows you as only heterosexual, this is going to be a big shock to her. She is probably so confused she doesn't know what to think, but I can guarantee you this hurts her like hell and makes her feel like she doesn't know you at all. Let her know you would like to talk to her if and when she chooses. And she might choose not to. But give her time and space to process this. In the meantime, you really need to think hard about what happened. Lay off the substances, ask yourself what went through your mind to kiss another person at all. Have you ever had any sort of attraction to men before? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Morty Posted August 30, 2016 Author Share Posted August 30, 2016 She says she knows im not gay and ive never had any feelings or attraction to the same sex before. Im giving her space and told her to talk to me whenever she needs. I have no idea if she ever will again but telling me theres no coming back from this just doesnt compute. I have met the girl i want to be with for the rest of my life and i know in my heart we will be together. I just dont want to give her too much space the she moves on to someone else who realises how amazing she is. Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted August 30, 2016 Share Posted August 30, 2016 Your only option is to wait it out and see what she decides to do. You've apologized and explained yourself I'm assuming. She may or may not choose to forgive you. If she does, stop drinking. For good. If she doesn't, leave her alone and consider it a lesson learned. Oh, and also stop drinking for good. Sorry dude but there's no miracle cure for drunken stupidity..you screwed up and you have to live with the consequences, whatever they may be. Link to post Share on other sites
JewelD Posted August 30, 2016 Share Posted August 30, 2016 She says she knows im not gay and ive never had any feelings or attraction to the same sex before. Im giving her space and told her to talk to me whenever she needs. I have no idea if she ever will again but telling me theres no coming back from this just doesnt compute. I have met the girl i want to be with for the rest of my life and i know in my heart we will be together. I just dont want to give her too much space the she moves on to someone else who realises how amazing she is. Alcohol is only partially responsible for what happened. I've gotten pretty drunk while I was in a relationship and acted a fool, but I didn't try to cheat. Especially with my partner's friend. Of a gender I wasn't attracted to. She's moving on and she needs to. You need to move on as well. If she was truly the one, alcohol or not, you would not be trying to cheat on her with her gay friend. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted August 30, 2016 Share Posted August 30, 2016 @CarrieT So I cant handle my alcohol, does that mean i should move on from someone i love? Morty. I am afraid it is out of your hands now. Sometimes people can come around and discuss things with a few days space...other times something even as awkward as this is a dealbreaker. Especially something like THIS. You really have a Mess O Potamia on your hands. I suggest you simply wait a few days and try to contact her again. Again, all of this is totally out of your hands I can only imagine of all the things a guy can do to his girlfriend, being sloppy assed drunk and trying to kiss another guy probably ranks only a little but below sleeping with your Girlfriend's BFF... Frankly I would not even try to come back from this one. I am a recovering alcoholic and drug addict with over 20 years clean and sober. I did some really messed up crap when I was wasted to the point of oblivion and lost a few friends along the way as a result. So I do understand somewhat your precarious position. However, just leave her alone for the time being. If she wants to talk, she'll let you know. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Morty Posted August 30, 2016 Author Share Posted August 30, 2016 Cant this be moved on together though? Cant she see that i have no desire to be with anyone but her? Why does no one think this can be saved.... Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted August 30, 2016 Share Posted August 30, 2016 You are making it all about you..... That is part of the problem that you face. If you smother her right now with a sniveling act you are liable to get kicked in the nuts by her. Dude we are trying to save you from adding on more drama to your already bad situation. If I were you, I'd really give her some space to let her reflect. You gotta understand that all of this now rests with her. I know it is probably hard to do, but it's all up to her to determine if the reward of continuing the relationship is worth the risk. You pretty much are at her Mercy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Morty Posted August 30, 2016 Author Share Posted August 30, 2016 You're right, i am making this too much about myself. Ill give her the space she needs but it doesnt mean im going to give up on this. This is something I will always regret doing but not saving something this special I will regret even more. Link to post Share on other sites
Standard-Fare Posted August 30, 2016 Share Posted August 30, 2016 I'm kinda guessing this was not the first time your GF has seen you act like a drunken fool? If it was one-time fluke, completely out of character, I'd imagine your GF would be a little more forgiving. However, if this was simply the worst of a chain of negative drinking incidents, it's easier for me to see how she'd be shutting the door. Either way, I think she needs to see a true wake-up call from you - showing not only that you've recognized the error of your ways but that you're committing to turn yourself around. That would inevitably involve quitting drinking and seeking treatment for that. Not just "cutting down," not just changing what/how often/when you drink... but actually quitting, with a formal structure for support like AA or counseling. Of course, that's a step you have to take personally and not just for the sake of your GF. Are you ready for it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Morty Posted August 30, 2016 Author Share Posted August 30, 2016 I would be willing to quit drinking absolutely. But the thing is, this is the first time ive done something like this. Ive never been blackout drunk before and it has really put me off substances all together. There has never been a problem before but if quitting drinking is what it takes than im willing to do it. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 30, 2016 Share Posted August 30, 2016 She has her set standards, and if cheating is not tolerated by her standards there is nothing you can do about it. It's even more insulting that you attempted to kiss a guy that is a close friend of hers....you humiliated her in front of her friends. There is no going back. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 30, 2016 Share Posted August 30, 2016 Cant this be moved on together though? Cant she see that i have no desire to be with anyone but her? Why does no one think this can be saved.... Because we are putting ourselves in her shoes.....the damage is beyond repair. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Standard-Fare Posted August 30, 2016 Share Posted August 30, 2016 Because we are putting ourselves in her shoes.....the damage is beyond repair. Honestly, if it were me, and this whole incident were a real fluke in behavior—and I had absolutely no suspicions that my BF was secretly gay—I'd be able to find forgiveness, after giving the anger a few days (weeks?) to cool down. And I might even find some humor to the situation.** But if sloppy drunken mishaps were a regular part of my BF's routine that I'd grown tired of ... this would be the last nail in the coffin. ** OP, I don't say that to give you any false hope. I think you'll continue trying, and I understand why, but your GF seems pretty decisive here. Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted August 30, 2016 Share Posted August 30, 2016 Morty, nobody knows what the future holds. What we can tell you is that, as multiple people have said at this point, it is 100% out of your hands at this point, so trying to rationalize or bargain with complete strangers on the internet is useless and painful. The truth of the matter is that we don't know any more than you do about what she's thinking right now. Begging and pleading and stalking are not sexy qualities in a man (or a woman for that matter). Let her cool off and then ask to talk..calmly and rationally. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted August 31, 2016 Share Posted August 31, 2016 I think you should see a counsellor to establish why you felt the urge to kiss another man. I think you may be trying to suppress your sexuality. I had an old bf who had an "intrest" in men, but would never admit to being gay or bi. He's now married to a women but cheating on her with multiple men- don't be like him- He's a coward and a lowlife. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Morty Posted November 23, 2016 Author Share Posted November 23, 2016 So a nice little end to that sad dilemma i was in a few months back. Me and her have reconnected. It's not the same as it once was but I think it's better. Stronger. We aren't as dependent on each other now, it was practically life saving when she admitted she still loved me though. I felt so lost without her and went through some dark stuff. But if all that can happen and we can come back to each other full of love, trust and understanding, I cant see any reason this wont be forever. Thank you for all the advice everyone, some of it was comforting and reassuring, others had tough love to give but it was all very useful. I think the most important thing said was I was making it too much about myself and wasn't willing to change for me more than anything. Thats what Ive learned from relationships. Its amazing to have another person make you feel so good, but you can lose how you make yourself feel good in the process. If you're not happy with yourself than you shouldn't be in a relationship, simple as that. I barely drink anymore, cut out nicotine and caffeine and am back into exercising and doing things for myself. No ones ever truly happy with themselves. but when you're working hard and have someone who loves you reassuring you every step of the way and vice versa, thats the real meaning of life. Thank you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted November 24, 2016 Share Posted November 24, 2016 Glad to see a story that seemed so doomed at the outset turn out for the better. You probably have a lot more to be thankful for this holliday. Link to post Share on other sites
fenix Posted November 24, 2016 Share Posted November 24, 2016 ............ Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted November 24, 2016 Share Posted November 24, 2016 @CarrieT So I cant handle my alcohol, does that mean i should move on from someone i love? Some times it is best to not post Link to post Share on other sites
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