laka23 Posted August 14, 2016 Share Posted August 14, 2016 please read it all i need help! sorry for my english Hello guys, if you havent read my previous post, here it goes something quick. 2 year relationship with this guy, we are engaged now. He moved out of country 2 weeks ago because of work. I stayed here. I asked him about a girl i didnt like on FB that he readded when he moved (his dad wanted him to date her like a year ago, she lives where he lives now, so i just asked) he got really mad. I ended up apologizing. Then I realized he deleted all of our Facebook pictures, even our engadgment pictures, he untagged himself from mine. He removed our anniversary (Facebook told me) and he unfriended my family except for my mom. I told him again (about the pictures, not the fam) he told me I was controling him and that I was acting like a police. He made me feel so insecure. He texts me and calls me but not acting as sweet as he used to be with me. Then he told me it was his dad idea to not post picture of private life. I found out last night he created an instagram account (he didnt have one before) my like my best girlfriend picture from like 20 weeks ago (she is a model) and even tho she has recent pictures with me he didnt added me or even saying that he created an account. He posted like 9 pictures of him yesterday. alone. Then i got really sad. So i did something wrong. I logged in, into his instagram. I read a direct message he sent to one of his ex girlfriend say how are you babe... she read it and didnt reply at all.... What can i do? i cant tell him I hacked his instagram lol. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Amina.mora Posted August 14, 2016 Share Posted August 14, 2016 (edited) I dated a guy that Untagged himself in things. It was because he didn't want other women to see. Edited August 14, 2016 by Amina.mora 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted August 14, 2016 Share Posted August 14, 2016 please read it all i need help! sorry for my english Hello guys, if you havent read my previous post, here it goes something quick. 2 year relationship with this guy, we are engaged now. He moved out of country 2 weeks ago because of work. I stayed here. I asked him about a girl i didnt like on FB that he readded when he moved (his dad wanted him to date her like a year ago, she lives where he lives now, so i just asked) he got really mad. I ended up apologizing. Then I realized he deleted all of our Facebook pictures, even our engadgment pictures, he untagged himself from mine. He removed our anniversary (Facebook told me) and he unfriended my family except for my mom. I told him again (about the pictures, not the fam) he told me I was controling him and that I was acting like a police. He made me feel so insecure. He texts me and calls me but not acting as sweet as he used to be with me. Then he told me it was his dad idea to not post picture of private life. I found out last night he created an instagram account (he didnt have one before) my like my best girlfriend picture from like 20 weeks ago (she is a model) and even tho she has recent pictures with me he didnt added me or even saying that he created an account. He posted like 9 pictures of him yesterday. alone. Then i got really sad. So i did something wrong. I logged in, into his instagram. I read a direct message he sent to one of his ex girlfriend say how are you babe... she read it and didnt reply at all.... What can i do? i cant tell him I hacked his instagram lol. You don't trust him now and that's hard to recover. The fact is, that if a man or a woman wants to cheat, you cannot build a fence high enough to keep them from doing that. So, it's not worth the energy. You have two choices, you can leave it be and continue to observe him carefully and wait to see if it becomes clear that he is a cheater or you can bail now and save yourself the anxiety and walking on eggshells waiting for that day. You've opened Pandora's box for yourself by snooping . . . yeah, you might have a heads up, but you can't do anything with it. Well, you could, however, if you did tell him this you're just throwing gas on a fire that's already been started over him feeling controlled and under a microscope. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted August 14, 2016 Share Posted August 14, 2016 Since his behavior is not trustworthy since he moved then it's best to approach him to state that marriage isn't a good idea right now. He obviously wants to explore other women right now and if that were me he was planning to marry then I'd be ending it with him. He's not ready. He's not treating you as though you're the most important thing in the world to him. Let him go - you need a man that makes you feel safe and secure and loved and he's not that guy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author laka23 Posted August 14, 2016 Author Share Posted August 14, 2016 Since his behavior is not trustworthy since he moved then it's best to approach him to state that marriage isn't a good idea right now. He obviously wants to explore other women right now and if that were me he was planning to marry then I'd be ending it with him. He's not ready. He's not treating you as though you're the most important thing in the world to him. Let him go - you need a man that makes you feel safe and secure and loved and he's not that guy. Thank you, its hard but it is true. Even tho it hurts like hell! Ok, well. I asked. I even told him I knew about the direct msg. He got really angry! He told me its me and my insecurities again, that that instagram wasn't him, he didn't create it. He told me he can delete my family if he wants to with no excuses or explanations because that was his facebook. and I told him that this was not about social network but about him being different with me, about me feel I'm no longer a priority in his life. He told me he was going to delete me, and that this was about a picture and he hasn't say anything else to me... Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted August 14, 2016 Share Posted August 14, 2016 All of his behavior should indicate to you that he is not the man for you. Good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JewelD Posted August 14, 2016 Share Posted August 14, 2016 I dated a guy that Untagged himself in things. It was because he didn't want other women to see. Same thing happened to me. They try to make it seem like you're making too big a deal out of social media, but really they just want you to stop asking questions so they can continue to portray themselves as single. After our pictures and relationship status, and me, had been deleted from his fb, I found out he was sending messages to a plethora of women, including women he had already been with. Time to end this relationship. You're not even in the same country and he's acting suspicious? If he hasn't already, he will cheat on you if you stay with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Lorenza Posted August 14, 2016 Share Posted August 14, 2016 Looks like he is done... He is not invested into this relationship anymore and searches for a way out by gaslighting you and acting like he's single. Do yourself a favor and let him delete you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 14, 2016 Share Posted August 14, 2016 He's trying real hard to make you breakup with him....... 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author laka23 Posted August 14, 2016 Author Share Posted August 14, 2016 Thank you guys for all the advices! I know, I keep trying to make him realize that his behavior is not normal, but he keep saying that he gave me the opportunity to moved with him (I couldn't afford it) and basically he forgot about the Instagram (he went private) and he is not going to change anything. its so weird, how can I make him realize? its like speaking to a wall Link to post Share on other sites
Author laka23 Posted August 14, 2016 Author Share Posted August 14, 2016 He's trying real hard to make you breakup with him....... I do believe that somehow... I don't want to be the one to do that, I just don't... is there any chance to make him realize that he is in a wrong behavior? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 14, 2016 Share Posted August 14, 2016 I participated in your other thread, OP. How many more hints do you need before you really understand that he's not in love with you and not invested at all? He's already looking around for other women. Chances are he's already cheated, and is looking to do so again. It's over. He won't realize it's "wrong" behaviour because he doesn't care. You keep tolerating it, so nothing is going to change. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 14, 2016 Share Posted August 14, 2016 (edited) I participated in your other thread, OP. How many more hints do you need before you really understand that he's not in love with you and not invested at all? He's already looking around for other women. Chances are he's already cheated, and is looking to do so again. It's over. He won't realize it's "wrong" behaviour because he doesn't care. You keep tolerating it, so nothing is going to change. Exactly this. Actually, two other threads. The responses will always be the same... The question is, will you listen to the advice? Edited August 14, 2016 by BaileyB 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 14, 2016 Share Posted August 14, 2016 Thank you guys for all the advices! I know, I keep trying to make him realize that his behavior is not normal, but he keep saying that he gave me the opportunity to moved with him (I couldn't afford it) and basically he forgot about the Instagram (he went private) and he is not going to change anything. its so weird, how can I make him realize? its like speaking to a wall You can't. He isn't invested in this relationship. He wants you to break up with him. The writing is on the wall! Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 14, 2016 Share Posted August 14, 2016 I do believe that somehow... I don't want to be the one to do that, I just don't... is there any chance to make him realize that he is in a wrong behavior? If he were in love with you he woud not be doing the things he does. Why can't you see that? Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted August 14, 2016 Share Posted August 14, 2016 Thank you, its hard but it is true. Even tho it hurts like hell! Ok, well. I asked. I even told him I knew about the direct msg. He got really angry! He told me its me and my insecurities again, that that instagram wasn't him, he didn't create it. He told me he can delete my family if he wants to with no excuses or explanations because that was his facebook. and I told him that this was not about social network but about him being different with me, about me feel I'm no longer a priority in his life. He told me he was going to delete me, and that this was about a picture and he hasn't say anything else to me... So in other words he didn't answer your question and shifted the blame and focus to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Trinity_84 Posted August 15, 2016 Share Posted August 15, 2016 Sounds like he's gaslighting the **** out of you to get you to break up with him. A coward's way out. Do you really want to marry a "man" like that? I hope the answer is an emphatic "NO!" He's already checked out. Pull the plug, save some dignity and move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted August 15, 2016 Share Posted August 15, 2016 Thank you guys for all the advices! I know, I keep trying to make him realize that his behavior is not normal, but he keep saying that he gave me the opportunity to moved with him (I couldn't afford it) and basically he forgot about the Instagram (he went private) and he is not going to change anything. its so weird, how can I make him realize? its like speaking to a wall I keep trying to make him realize that his behavior is not normal -- His behavior is normal for a man who is disrespecting his fiancé and likely cheating or looking to cheat. how can I make him realize? Sweetie, he knows exactly what he's doing, you don't need to make him realize anything. You need to realize that he's a coward and a sneak. He thinks he's pulling the wool over your eyes. Stick the knitting needles up his . . . You pick up the ball of yarn and tell him you're moving on and that you wish him well with his new job and his future. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett.O'hara Posted August 15, 2016 Share Posted August 15, 2016 I'm really sorry but it sounds like you are about to be dumped. He is systematically removing you out of his life and hiding any social media trace of your engagement which suggest to me that he has already met someone else and is trying to appear single. He is also turning it all around on you so you are the bad guy which will make him feel justified when he finally dumps you for being "unreasonable". Sadly, there is nothing you can say to make him accept responsibility for his deceptive behavior. He doesn't want to be the bad guy who cheats on his fiancee then dumps her, but makes no mistake, that is exactly what he is doing. The writing is on the wall, I don't see you finding a happy ending with this guy, certainly not if you have to lower your standards like this. I know it must be incredibly painful and confusing to deal with this, but I think you need to start disengaging yourself from him and preparing yourself for the possibility that his heart is no longer true to you. Look after yourself. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ashy555 Posted August 16, 2016 Share Posted August 16, 2016 OH what a D***...... Any man who deletes you from his profile to look single is looking for a way to cheat. I knew a guy for a few years and then one day he started messaging me on Facebook. We messaged on and off for a few months. One day we planned to meet but he didn't reply to me. Apologized later and kept trying. I stopped replying to him as i wasn't invested at all. Two weeks later a girl(who i thought was just a friend) posted on his wall some 'breakfast ideas'. She commented saying 'lucky he has a girlfriend who can'. I went to her profile and heaps of pictures of them going back a year which he had untagged. Safe to say they broke up about a month later. He was not that into her and was probably messaging a mountain of other girls. Just get rid of this guy. If he hasn't cheated. He will as he is clearly trying. Link to post Share on other sites
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