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Im trying to see if I'm being irrational.


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I know that I'm pretty much an "over thinker". I analyze everything. An issue that I've noticed me and my boyfriend are having is that he likes "alone time" more than I ever anticipated a guy would want while in a relationship. We've been together for 5 years and I agree that alone time is healthy but it seems like he wants to do EVERYTHING alone. The only thing that's gf suitable is going out to eat etc. (things of that nature). He likes traveling alone. He randomly planned this whole Friday through Monday weekend trip in Atlanta alone. He didn't ask me if I wanted to come. There's this big football game coming up between his old high school rivals and he didn't ask me to come. When I say that I do want to go, he makes it seem like I'm trying to tag along or that I'm not really interested. He thinks I only want to go so I can see what he's doing..which is NOT the case, I just genuinely want to spend time with him sometimes. I asked him to watch a TV show with me bc we both enjoy the show but he's never willing to wait for me to get home from work so we can watch it together. He watches it by himself. He doesn't understand why it's a big deal for us to watch it together. He likes doing his own thing I guess. But..it's starting to get a little annoying because it seems like he literally does EVERYTHING alone. He says he loves me and blah blah blah and I try not to stress him about it bc I know it's okay to get alone time sometimes but I feel like he takes that to a whole new level. I try to keep myself busy when he's out doing stuff but then it's like eventually we'll just be doing everything separately if it keeps going at this rate and what's the point of even being together then? I feel single sometimes. Idk if I'm over thinking again or if there is so validity in how I feel.

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Combined with your other post about marriage, I would say the writing is on the wall....

 

Your boyfriend has checked out of the relationship in such a way as to want to make you the person to end it. It is beyond passive-aggressive how he is treating you. He wants to be single and just doesn't have the balls to break up with you.

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Lois_Griffin

A good relationship is supposed to complement your life, not feel like some kind of absent afterthought that barely exists in your world. What's the POINT in engaging in that? You might as well be alone because you ARE alone.

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He has the best of both worlds, he is a single man, who answers to no-one and pleases himself, yet he has a nanny and housekeeper at home to look after his comforts and raise his child.

 

This is not a relationship this is an arrangement.

It may be an arrangement that you can live with, but it doesn't sound like it to me as it is making you unhappy.

I doubt he will change, as it suits him just fine.

 

There is space and there is space, the amount of space he wants is not normal for any man who is in a relationship and has a child.

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@CarrieT I thought about that and I've brought it to his attention but he repeatedly says that's not it. If I break up with him, he wants to get back together. It's confusing bc when I speak to him about separating, he doesn't want to ....that's why I was wondering if that's just how he is and I'm overthinking it or if that's normal.

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@CarrieT I thought about that and I've brought it to his attention but he repeatedly says that's not it. If I break up with him, he wants to get back together. It's confusing bc when I speak to him about separating, he doesn't want to ....that's why I was wondering if that's just how he is and I'm overthinking it or if that's normal.

 

He doesn't want to, as he will lose his child is my guess.

 

The problem here is that you and he have lost the bond that made him want to spend time with you.

He makes plans and he doesn't even consider you or your child in them.

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If I break up with him, he wants to get back together.

But why would YOU want to be in a relationship where you are treated like an afterthought?

 

Who cares what he wants. If you are not getting what you want or need in the relationship, then it is time to stop being a doormat, wouldn't you say?

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Well, I think it's time and leave him...alone. For good.

 

Of course he doesn't want to break up. For a lone-wolf like him, you're a perfect girlfriend, cause you barely exist.

 

Find yourself a life partner, not a casual friend with benefits.

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Why this is happening is because you are not communicating to him properly if at all about this. My guess is, this arrangement you allowed him to have for so long, he is suspicious why all of a sudden you want to change it on him. You are going have to be straight up about everything.....how you feel left out, alone, like he doesn't want to share his life with you anymore, like he doesn't want to be with you. Tell him your expectations, discuss it with him, he's not a mind reader.

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BTW after reading your last thread.....he is making every excuse in the book not to get married, and now this.....you have to wonder if he is slowing letting go.

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I realize this thread is incredibly one-sided and we don't hear what OP does "wrong", it's mostly what he does wrong.

 

That aside, from the list of the things he does do wrong, he sounds: 1, incredibly immature and 2, selfish. This isn't a relationship, you guys aren't even going out on dates, trips, spending good quality time together?

 

It seems to me like he's slowly realizing being "settled" with a family isn't what he wants. Which goes back to points #1 and #2.

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You guys were right. He went to Atlanta and cheated on me lol. I checked his phone when he got back so yea..pretty much done.

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You guys were right. He went to Atlanta and cheated on me lol. I checked his phone when he got back so yea..pretty much done.

Gosh how awful! so sorry it went down like that for you. Well now you know you are no longer wasting your time. Sorry for your loss :(

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Why this is happening is because you are not communicating to him properly if at all about this. My guess is, this arrangement you allowed him to have for so long, he is suspicious why all of a sudden you want to change it on him. You are going have to be straight up about everything.....how you feel left out, alone, like he doesn't want to share his life with you anymore, like he doesn't want to be with you. Tell him your expectations, discuss it with him, he's not a mind reader.

 

Stole the words right out of my mouth. ^^

 

I would not say he is necessarily checking out, despite what others are saying. Maybe he does not see that smile on your face enthusiasm to want to do things with him. Like a straight face "hey babe, lets watch tv together in 8 hours when you get home. yey." orr enthusiastcally "Im really excited about this new season of __ we should get some popcorn and crap food and watch it together!!!"

 

Ya know, guys read motives too. Are you wanting to do things with him to keep tabs on him? to validate your relationship with him? Or, cause you actually want to share your life and interests with him and get into his? See? Definitely a communication issue here. If you want to run, then run. 90% of people on these forums will tell you to do that all the time without asking deeper questions. I say at least sit him down and realllly talk with him first. Get to the bottom of things. There is pattern change, its off, I agree. Talk to him

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I say at least sit him down and realllly talk with him first. Get to the bottom of things. There is pattern change, its off, I agree. Talk to him

 

See the update, he is cheating.

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You guys were right. He went to Atlanta and cheated on me lol. I checked his phone when he got back so yea..pretty much done.

Woah slow down!

What specifically did you see on his phone?

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