JasonRyleyScarlett Posted August 12, 2016 Share Posted August 12, 2016 (edited) I've been with my GF for 6 months now (both 18) and so far things have been great. I can honestly say I love her and we're really close and spend a lot of time together, however we each have our own lives and interests. Recently she has been talking to a mutual male friend of ours ALOT (Almost every day). We are both still at school and share said school with the friend. Both my GF and I know that the mutual friend has feelings for her. However she continues to talk to him over facebook and text even if I'm there with her, and occasionally he will skip class to hang out with her while I'm not there I have discussed with her how it makes me uncomfortable that she continues to talk so much to our friend to which she assures me there is and never will be something going on, so I drop the subject and swallow my pride. I asked her what sort of topics they discus and if she thinks it's sexual in any way. To which she said it was about his and her personal problems and stuff about her past (Which honestly she should be coming to me about.) (Quite complicated not being disclosed) To put my mind at ease I asked her to show me some of the messages they send to each other. She replied with "I told him I would keep it secret from everyone, even you" and apologized She has known this person for about the same amount of time she has known me but has only started recently talking with him, however some of the things she said SHE told him are things it took me months to be told :| It feels like she would rather protect his feelings than my own feelings Is it normal how often she speaks to this male friend? If so how do I deal with the insecurity, jealousy and anger I get when she speaks with him? Edited August 12, 2016 by JasonRyleyScarlett Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted August 12, 2016 Share Posted August 12, 2016 I've been with my GF for 6 months now (both 18) and so far things have been great. I can honestly say I love her and we're really close and spend a lot of time together, however we each have our own lives and interests. Recently she has been talking to a mutual male friend of ours ALOT (Almost every day). We are both still at school and share said school with the friend. Both my GF and I know that the mutual friend has feelings for her. However she continues to talk to him over facebook and text even if I'm there with her, and occasionally he will skip class to hang out with her while I'm not there I have discussed with her how it makes me uncomfortable that she continues to talk so much to our friend to which she assures me there is and never will be something going on, so I drop the subject and swallow my pride. I asked her what sort of topics they discus and if she thinks it's sexual in any way. To which she said it was about his and her personal problems and stuff about her past (Which honestly she should be coming to me about.) (Quite complicated not being disclosed) To put my mind at ease I asked her to show me some of the messages they send to each other. She replied with "I told him I would keep it secret from everyone, even you" and apologized She has known this person for about the same amount of time she has known me but has only started recently talking with him, however some of the things she said SHE told him are things it took me months to be told :| It feels like she would rather protect his feelings than my own feelings Is it normal how often she speaks to this male friend? If so how do I deal with the insecurity, jealousy and anger I get when she speaks with him? You have a problem, young man. If she is speaking "out of school" with him about personal issues and is being secretive with you about what they discuss with such a flimsy excuse, you are not crazy. In fact, what you have is a not so good girlfriend. Life is far too short to spend your time playing a "pick me dance" with a friend over a girl. You have your whole life ahead of you. I know you feel overwhelmed right now but don't. Again, you have your whole life ahead of you. Your best course of action would be to simply dump her. She is keeping stuff from you at 6 months out, that's not good. This has happened to many of us on this board at some point in our lives, and again I advise you the best way to get over it is to extricate yourself from the situation. Do not be a Plan B for anyone...ever. Good Luck...really, get rid of her Today or you'll regret it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JasonRyleyScarlett Posted August 12, 2016 Author Share Posted August 12, 2016 (edited) Can I ask what it is that makes you think she is bad? I really do love her and I would much prefer to work on it rather then just jump ship. The only contact she does have with him out of school is via either facebook or text. Edited August 12, 2016 by JasonRyleyScarlett Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted August 12, 2016 Share Posted August 12, 2016 I advice you to continue to swallow your pride. I as you say, the only way they connect is via text and FB, than you can set it as your boundary. If it develops, for example, if she hangs out with him after school, or double the amount of time they're in daily contact, than I advice you to end it. Yes, just to end it, and don't bother talking to her about it. Because if after she knows how you feel about it, unwilling to compromise, keep secrets with him from you, and yet decide to take things with him to a higher level, there's nothing to talk about. Just leave with 100% dignity. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted August 12, 2016 Share Posted August 12, 2016 Can I ask what it is that makes you think she is bad? I really do love her and I would much prefer to work on it rather then just jump ship. The only contact she does have with him out of school is via either facebook or text. That's the whole problem isn't it? You should be dating, having fun, being into each other, not posting on a forum, worrying about stuff and trying to "work it out". You've already lost if you're being needy, complaining about her seeing this guy, you complain and she's still seeing him!! Meanwhile this guy is posting up on her, telling her his problems, connecting emotionally, he's working her, and when she comes to you, all she gets is the jealous guy, asking about him. Stop chasing her man. Stop working on it. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you, so unless she's cool with you hanging out with other chicks, or you're cool with her hanging out with this dude, tell me why you'd expect anything less than what you want which is fair, normal and rational..for your girl to stop hanging around with another guy who's trying to bang her!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted August 12, 2016 Share Posted August 12, 2016 You've told her how you feel and she carries on doing it. To me that means her friendship with him is more important than you are, so I personally wouldn't waste another minute with her. Just simply say, I'm not comfortable with my GF being so close with another guy, so it's best we leave it as us being 'just friends' too. There's plenty girls out there, so don't waste time with her. Relationships should be dead easy at this stage. That you're on a forum and talking about working it out speaks volumes. Your feelings aren't important to her. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Poutrew Posted August 13, 2016 Share Posted August 13, 2016 You do not have a real girlfriend. You also do not have a friend. The other guy is an orbiter and she knows it, and she doesn't give a bleep what you think about it. She probably gets ego kibbles from the situation and how it makes you feel. Once she admitted that she is keeping secrets from you, especially because she promised him, the relationship was officially over. She is placing him above you on the ladder of importance. You could ask her how she would feel if you had female friends you hang with when she isn't around, and you discuss your relationship and other secret things with them, things you simply can't tell her(so don't even bother asking), but really, why bother? You are young and there is an entire ocean of girls to fish for... don't bother playing psycho games with a manipulator. It'll just make you crazy. Just dump her and live your life. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted August 13, 2016 Share Posted August 13, 2016 secrecy from a bf or gf concerning opposite gender friends.... is never good........neither is cutting class to hang out with said friend......you should make it clear to her you arent comfortable and be open with her that she is probably going to have to make a choice.....and try and compromise i guess the best you can to be comfortable with her friendship with this guy......you should matter most...and thats it....deb 1 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted August 13, 2016 Share Posted August 13, 2016 secrecy from a bf or gf concerning opposite gender friends.... is never good........neither is cutting class to hang out with said friend......you should make it clear to her you arent comfortable and be open with her that she is probably going to have to make a choice.....and try and compromise i guess the best you can to be comfortable with her friendship with this guy......you should matter most...and thats it....deb This is the reason why you need to dump her. She is an attention addict and is letting the both of you compete for her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JDPT Posted August 13, 2016 Share Posted August 13, 2016 She's clearly intrigued by this mutual friend. He goes as far as skipping class to hang with her? I strongly believe that she has very little respect for you and the relationship all together. It's clearly perfectly ok to have separate lives, mutual friends, interests on and on and on, however, these are early signs that your gf and as clear and upfront she may be to you right now about being just friends, this will eventually lead to something more while in a relationship with you, I can almost guarantee this. I suppose is time to have a sit down with her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JDPT Posted August 13, 2016 Share Posted August 13, 2016 That's the whole problem isn't it? You should be dating, having fun, being into each other, not posting on a forum, worrying about stuff and trying to "work it out". You've already lost if you're being needy, complaining about her seeing this guy, you complain and she's still seeing him!! Meanwhile this guy is posting up on her, telling her his problems, connecting emotionally, he's working her, and when she comes to you, all she gets is the jealous guy, asking about him. Stop chasing her man. Stop working on it. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you, so unless she's cool with you hanging out with other chicks, or you're cool with her hanging out with this dude, tell me why you'd expect anything less than what you want which is fair, normal and rational..for your girl to stop hanging around with another guy who's trying to bang her!! amen to that Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted August 13, 2016 Share Posted August 13, 2016 When last did you laugh with her? I'm sure you can count the number on your one hand. She is not relationship material.She is an attention seeker. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted August 13, 2016 Share Posted August 13, 2016 Can I ask what it is that makes you think she is bad? I really do love her and I would much prefer to work on it rather then just jump ship. The only contact she does have with him out of school is via either facebook or text. I did not say she was Bad, good people do bad things. She just is not a good Girlfriend for YOU. Look, we can only advise you based on our collective experience. I would bet that based on what you told us that the vast majority of responders would tell you to bail on this girl. She is not really into you. If my GF gave me a "I promised to keep what I talk about with a friend a secret, sorry". I'd simply say, "I'm sorry you feel that way, have him come pick you up. Seriously pull your head out of the sand. If you chase her around wanting to work on this she will lose even more respect for you than she has already. If she does not respect your relationship enough to not keep secrets, you've had it. it's over and you are the last one to figure it out. This is not a Movie of the week where she has a Eureka moment and comes to her sense as the credits roll and you walk hand in hand into eh sunset, she is playing you like a fiddle. Get hold of yourself and refuse to accept being 2nd choice. Jesus dude! Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 14, 2016 Share Posted August 14, 2016 She has her head up her @$$ because she is so emotionally addicted to this guy. And like the other poster said, the dude is workin it to pull her away from you. The dopamine is flooding her brain....it's giving her tunnel vision. She doesn't see anything wrong because there isn't anything sexual going on. Emotional affairs are very powerful....she has lost sight of everything. Look up emotional affairs and let her read a few articles......it just might open her eyes. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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