Orije Posted June 30, 2016 Share Posted June 30, 2016 Hello everyone! So I am in a tough situation right now and i would like some guidance. Me and my girlfriend have been together for a year. If you weren't hear from my previous thread, my girlfriend was acting more rude and comparing me to other guys and started fights out of nowhere because i was more busy with my new job and tried to be with her as much as possible. I know it was wrong, but i had a gut feeling so i checked her phone and this best friend and her were talking about kissing and cuddling and skyping, but nothing was done yet. I got there before they did anything. I asked her at first and she said they were best friends then i read the texts and she started crying. She said that she didnt' know why she did it then said that he was there when i was not and i felt horrible. I didn't expect her to cheat. So i gave her a second try because i felt something, but it would take time for this relationship and trust to work. It has only been 2 weeks and its still hard on me and i have nightmares about it and what could of happened. I try my best to fight through it and i believe she was doing her best to make things good. Now she is texting me saying that lately there is no feelings in the sex and she isn't quite feeling it and i was honest and said it hasn't been that long since the incident so im still shocked and sad, but she is debating about breaking up so we don't waste each others time. I never broke up with anyone before and im really good with her family so this is tough on me. any advice would be nice. Thank you! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
frus69 Posted June 30, 2016 Share Posted June 30, 2016 Any advice? She dumped you, are you asking advice for moving on? Silly, you should have dumped her before she dumped you. Now walk away with your head high before losing all your face. She's done you a favor anyway. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Orije Posted June 30, 2016 Author Share Posted June 30, 2016 We are still together and i told her it will take me time to realize what i want cause this is still so much for me to process. Now she is upset that i brought up the idea of it and saying i don't know because of her saying she feels sex is sex and there isn't love anymore. Its extremely tough for me :/ 1 Link to post Share on other sites
frus69 Posted June 30, 2016 Share Posted June 30, 2016 We are still together and i told her it will take me time to realize what i want cause this is still so much for me to process. Now she is upset that i brought up the idea of it and saying i don't know because of her saying she feels sex is sex and there isn't love anymore. Its extremely tough for me :/ Oh She hasn't dumped you yet? Great, dump her ! I know it's tough but you deserve a girl who doesn't cheat/want to cheat when you are busy with life, when things are rough, when you aren't paying full attention on her. I guarantee this relationship wont last. Either she will cheat, or she will break up with you before she cheat( I suspect she already has feelings for that friend now). Sorry but you sound pathetic for saying "i need time to process but we are still together", 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Sparta Posted June 30, 2016 Share Posted June 30, 2016 (edited) OP do you love her you think you do. Then let her go if it's meant to be she'll come back to you. Do you want to look like a good guy, to her and everybody else. Then do the right thing let her go. You know this is the right thing. She's already gone she's already made her decision sorry you don't do it now it's going to happen sooner or later. Edited June 30, 2016 by Sparta 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted June 30, 2016 Share Posted June 30, 2016 *We are still together and i told her it will take me time to realise what i want cause this is still so much for me to process. Now she is upset that i brought up the idea of it and saying i don't know because of her saying she feels sex is sex and there isn't love anymore. Its extremely tough for me :/ *Sorry, but you're not really. Its over, but neither of you have been able to detach yet. If you walk away now, you get to walk away with *some* of your self-respect intact. Not much, but some. If you try to resist the inevitable, you will walk away feeling like a loser, because she doesn't want to be with you, but you couldn't accept it. "Rude and compares me with other guys." "Starts fights out of nowhere." "This best friend and her were talking about kissing and cuddling and skyping." "Now she is texting me saying that lately there is no feelings in the sex and she isn't quite feeling it." "She is debating about breaking up so we don't waste each others time." Her behaviour is saying only one thing: Its over. Sorry to be so blunt; sometimes its for the best. Take care. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Orije Posted June 30, 2016 Author Share Posted June 30, 2016 Thank you everyone for your replies, yes i understand the point this relationship is at. I am seeing her in a day or two so when we talk in person I will try my best to let her go. I expected and seen so much potential, but now its really tough for anything like that. Any advice on what to say or do about leaving things off? this is my first time breaking up with someone and it hurts i would have to do this. thank you 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted June 30, 2016 Share Posted June 30, 2016 Thank you everyone for your replies, yes i understand the point this relationship is at. I am seeing her in a day or two so when we talk in person I will try my best to let her go. I expected and seen so much potential, but now its really tough for anything like that. *Any advice on what to say or do about leaving things off? this is my first time breaking up with someone and it hurts i would have to do this. thank you *Retain your composure. Maintain your dignity. No great tsunami of emotion. Go NC. *No direct contact. *No sending or receiving of messages. *Block any means she might use to contact you. *No replies to anything that gets through your blocks. *No indirect contact through third parties. *De-friend or delete from all social media. *No monitoring of her on social media. *No 'little birds' feeding you news. *Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying. Take care. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Orije Posted June 30, 2016 Author Share Posted June 30, 2016 Hi guys update on the situation so I will probably be seeing her tomorrow and I have no clue what I'm going to do.she texted me this morning she would like to have a life with me and try to marry me and go on to even having a kid. It's throwing me around because a part of me says to let go and another says to keep trying.. Link to post Share on other sites
gorf Posted June 30, 2016 Share Posted June 30, 2016 Hi guys update on the situation so I will probably be seeing her tomorrow and I have no clue what I'm going to do.she texted me this morning she would like to have a life with me and try to marry me and go on to even having a kid. It's throwing me around because a part of me says to let go and another says to keep trying.. Yeah, but what you have to realize is women can also say this stuff on a day to day basis. Meaning, one day its marriage and kids, the next day its some other dude cause you are not fulfilling her every hope. At the same time, she might actually really be into you more than you think and she is realizing you might split and she's seeing what she will be loosing, sex aside. I'm not downplaying what she is up to. She might not have directly cheated (slept with the guy) but there is more to cheating than just getting in bed with someone. She's definitely headed down that road, and it sounds like she is keeping her options open.. for one reason or another. Maybe she thinks you are not interested anymore so she is setting herself up. At this point I would sit her down, tell her exactly what you are seeing .. and ask her why you are seeing these things. You are being jerked around with someone wanting affection from another guy, then spinning back and using big words to keep you around. If you don't want to break up, than you owe it to YOURSELF to know whats going on. Keep on her until she gives you an answer that matched what you see and hear. If she doesn't, and wants to hide stuff, then let her go. Hope this helps Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted June 30, 2016 Share Posted June 30, 2016 Ahh chief, so you've now discovered for yourself, chicks don't like a wet rag. You catch her cheating, then you forgive her and try to be a nice guy, what happens, she messages later saying she isn't feeling you. When you take a phone..and type out, I want to hug and kiss you and for you to take me around the back and *insert dirty deed here* you can't come back with I don't know what ow why I did that! Another dude is trying to bang your girl and your girl is saying I'm ok with him doing this!! You should have dumped her yesterday!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Orije Posted June 30, 2016 Author Share Posted June 30, 2016 I understand and i know i should have. She stopped talking to her best friend and was trying to make it work. She did demand my attention more, but that stressed me out because i was going through moods and busy with work. It wasn't until last night that she asked about feelings and that sex wasn't the same. I guess that was my drawing point. i was trying my best to heal and see if things will work, but my gut kept saying it wouldn't. We are hanging out today so we can talk and she texted me that she probably knows my answer. All i said was sorry and I will talk to you soon when you finish work. Its going to be painful because i was never on the end of breaking up with a person or what to say Link to post Share on other sites
Try Posted July 1, 2016 Share Posted July 1, 2016 i had a gut feeling so i checked her phone and this best friend and her were talking about kissing and cuddling and skyping, but nothing was done yet. She stopped talking to her best friend and was trying to make it work. she is debating about breaking up so we don't waste each others time. So here is what is going on with her. She and her male so called "best friend" have romantic feelings for each other that they were both wanting to explore. You found out so she was forced to cut contact with him. She still wants to explore those romantic feelings with this other man and needs to decide between you and the other man. She tried a power play with you by discussing her thinking about breaking up with you in the hopes that you would rug sweep and do the "pick me dance". After she got you to rug sweep, she would then ask you to trust her enough to allow her to see her "best friend" again that she misses so much. Thus she would be able to explore her feeling with the other man again, while still having you (cake eating). The truth be told, since she already has an emotional and romantic relationship with the other man to immediately fall back on, and you do not have anyone that you have been cheating with on the side, this breakup will at first be harder on you than her, but in the long run it is best for you to breakup with her, as she has taken this relationship too far down an unhealthy path. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Orije Posted July 3, 2016 Author Share Posted July 3, 2016 Update for you guys. So I was trying after we talked if there was a chance for a second try if we could work things out. It has been extremely hard and causing so much problems with sex and everything. I finally came out after how hard it was and said that I'm sorry but I can't that if what happened didn't happen then things would be a lot better but it is tough on me. She couldn't accept that I said that and wants me to call her tonight to talk it over. What should I say? I'm so lost Link to post Share on other sites
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