dazedandconfused17 Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 Hi all! I have a conflict on hand and I would really value some opinions on this. Excuse the length of the story please. My close friend recently got married to her college sweetheart. They are both each others first relationship and just got married in February. During their engagement my friend told me she was into one of his friends..I was very thrown off considering she was about to be married. I told her she needed to let this go and create distance from him and on the contrary she would have her husband invite him over more. About 3 weeks ago we were all out and we all got pretty wasted (me, my friend, her husband, his friends, and his friend she likes) and I ended up kissing him. She found out and lost it. She called me horrible names and says she doesn't want to be friends anymore and the whole ordeal. However, I do not feel bad about kissing him. We are both single and she is married, I mean is it not a bad sign that she is getting this upset over a guy that isn't even her husband? I don't think I need to apologize but she is becoming a bully and sending very verbal text with insults. I thought about going to talk to someone professionally but I figured I would come here first and get some opinions? Once again sorry for the lengthy message and thanks for reading Link to post Share on other sites
JustGettingBy Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 At first I was going to say to let it go as her confiding in you to 'get it off her chest', and the screaming as just drunken jealousy. However, since you said she's still really mad and harassing you, that's clearly unacceptable. Your actions: nothing wrong with two single, consenting adults doing anything of that nature. Important information: Does her husband know about any of this? If so, how much? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author dazedandconfused17 Posted June 7, 2016 Author Share Posted June 7, 2016 At first I was going to say to let it go as her confiding in you to 'get it off her chest', and the screaming as just drunken jealousy. However, since you said she's still really mad and harassing you, that's clearly unacceptable. Your actions: nothing wrong with two single, consenting adults doing anything of that nature. Important information: Does her husband know about any of this? If so, how much? Thats how I feel as well. We are both single adults who are more than capable of making our own decisions but her reaction to it has made me sort of doubt that at some time. As for her husband he knows NOTHING. It makes me feel terrible Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 She's not much of a friend, as far as I can tell, nor much of a wife for that matter. You did nothing to apologize for. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author dazedandconfused17 Posted June 7, 2016 Author Share Posted June 7, 2016 She's not much of a friend, as far as I can tell, nor much of a wife for that matter. You did nothing to apologize for. Thank you. Yes I got a similar reaction from my sibling as well. It is just so frustrating to deal with :/ Link to post Share on other sites
JustGettingBy Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 Thank you. Yes I got a similar reaction from my sibling as well. It is just so frustrating to deal with :/ I agree as well. She seems unable to accept reality. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MrMeh Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 Screenshot the messages and send it to her beloved "fiance". 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JS84 Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 So she's a ****ty wife as well as a ****ty friend. Maybe its time to kick thus friend to the curb and get classier ones? 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Var1ant Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 (edited) So she's a ****ty wife as well as a ****ty friend. Maybe its time to kick thus friend to the curb and get classier ones? I mean .. This. For sure. U did nothing wrong. Edited June 7, 2016 by Var1ant Link to post Share on other sites
Author dazedandconfused17 Posted June 7, 2016 Author Share Posted June 7, 2016 Screenshot the messages and send it to her beloved "fiance". Haha yea i've been tempted but I dont want to get down to her level. I think the truth will always come out Link to post Share on other sites
Author dazedandconfused17 Posted June 7, 2016 Author Share Posted June 7, 2016 So she's a ****ty wife as well as a ****ty friend. Maybe its time to kick thus friend to the curb and get classier ones? Yeah it is pretty sad how this has all become such a mess over such a simple thing. I've decided to cut all ties. It's very sad because we've been friends for so long but she doesn't seem to acting like a true friend anymore Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 Dazed Haha yea i've been tempted but I dont want to get down to her level. I think the truth will always come out You seem to have a conscience. your ex friend seems to be as low as they come, manipulating her husband so she can try to start an affair. You owe her nothing, but if you think anything of him as a person, send him that message and give him the truth and save him a lot of hurt. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author dazedandconfused17 Posted June 7, 2016 Author Share Posted June 7, 2016 Dazed Haha yea i've been tempted but I dont want to get down to her level. I think the truth will always come out You seem to have a conscience. your ex friend seems to be as low as they come, manipulating her husband so she can try to start an affair. You owe her nothing, but if you think anything of him as a person, send him that message and give him the truth and save him a lot of hurt. Yeah he's such an amazing guy and even before the kiss I would feel so horrible when she would be telling me she likes his friend and how hot he is..very uncomfortable 1 Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 Thats how I feel as well. We are both single adults who are more than capable of making our own decisions but her reaction to it has made me sort of doubt that at some time. As for her husband he knows NOTHING. It makes me feel terrible She not a good friend - and not a good wife. Forward her texts about her jealousy over you kissing this guy to her husband. He deserves to know about his faithless wife. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author dazedandconfused17 Posted June 7, 2016 Author Share Posted June 7, 2016 She not a good friend - and not a good wife. Forward her texts about her jealousy over you kissing this guy to her husband. He deserves to know about his faithless wife. Its a very unfortunate situation. Thank you so much guys for all your input it really has made me feel better. I knew I did nothing wrong but her words are just so hurtful and actually had me doubt myself for a bit. Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 Dazed, Don't doubt yourself. You said he is an amazing guy. If you believe that then help him. You will feel better than when you find out she is cheating on him after they are married. If you were in his place, wouldn't you be eternally grateful to someone who told you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author dazedandconfused17 Posted June 7, 2016 Author Share Posted June 7, 2016 Dazed, Don't doubt yourself. You said he is an amazing guy. If you believe that then help him. You will feel better than when you find out she is cheating on him after they are married. If you were in his place, wouldn't you be eternally grateful to someone who told you. Yes you are right. I would hate for him to go through any hurt. He's such a nice guy and really doesn't deserve it. Thank you for the advice I really appreciate everyone's input Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted June 8, 2016 Share Posted June 8, 2016 Dazed He's such a nice guy and really doesn't deserve it. Thank you for the advice No he does not deserve it and she is not a real friend, which you already know. You do not need to thank anyone. You have recognized an awful situation and can do something about it. i guarantee if you really feel this way about this guy who is about to get whacked, you will feel better when you know you helped him avoid what is in store for him. Do it and thank yourself for being a kind and empathetic person. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dazedandconfused17 Posted June 8, 2016 Author Share Posted June 8, 2016 Dazed He's such a nice guy and really doesn't deserve it. Thank you for the advice No he does not deserve it and she is not a real friend, which you already know. You do not need to thank anyone. You have recognized an awful situation and can do something about it. i guarantee if you really feel this way about this guy who is about to get whacked, you will feel better when you know you helped him avoid what is in store for him. Do it and thank yourself for being a kind and empathetic person. Yes I have sent him the message just now. It is very nerve wrecking! I'm waiting any minute now for a text from her insulting me some more. Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted June 8, 2016 Share Posted June 8, 2016 Dazed, You are the good guy here. Just ignore her . Any consequences she brought on herself Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 8, 2016 Share Posted June 8, 2016 I agree this is extreme considering she chose to marry his friend, so she probably shouldn't be married. But before blowing off her tantrum entirely as unreasonable, ask yourself if this is the first time you're appropriated one of her friends or interests. I am someone who hates it when people do that. I have recently seen a friend of a friend be cut off by both of us because she began living with my friend's ex, and it's been well over a decade since they were together, but this woman who did it has had a long pattern of going after every single guy either me or my friend was ever interested in, so it was like the final disrespect. There are problems because drama will often ensue due to the talking and all. I mean, it will humiliate her if you talk to this guy about her and tell him confidential stuff. So it's not like there's NO reasons for this to be sensitive. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted June 9, 2016 Share Posted June 9, 2016 Personally I wouldn't have sent that message. I think I would have probably just kept out of it and walked away. If he asked why we no longer spoke then I would tell him and show him the messages. But its done. You haven't done anything wrong. But be prepared to ignore a heck of a lot of abuse from her now... Be prepared for him to no believe you. Be prepared to not see his mate again. Good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 9, 2016 Share Posted June 9, 2016 I know it is a weird situation with your friend lusting after her husband's friend, but of all the guys in the world why would you choose to kiss this one? Why would you as her friend, knowing how she felt about him, decide to go after this guy? Of course it is highly inappropriate for her to have such feelings but I can see why she is mad, and now you have probably ruined her marriage, by telling her husband... Of course as a single person you have technically done nothing wrong, but if you had told her in confidence about your crush and she went out and kissed him, how would that make you feel? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 9, 2016 Share Posted June 9, 2016 I think it's in poor taste for you to kiss him unless you were already crazy about this guy yourself (which it doesn't sounds like you are). I also think you were too quick to throw her under the bus after being long term friends. Personally, I find your behavior more disturbing than hers. Link to post Share on other sites
insert_name Posted June 9, 2016 Share Posted June 9, 2016 [sarcasm] Yeah shame on you OP for having the nerve to be free and single and get involved with a guy your MARRIED 'friend' covets as her own. You need to sort your moral compass out, you awful person, you. Whatever were you thinking.... [/sarcasm] 9 Link to post Share on other sites
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