EdLover Posted May 22, 2016 Share Posted May 22, 2016 So, I need some advice on what to do. My girlfriend and I have been dating for eight months now and we are exclusive. I recently found out that she has reactivated her online dating profile. So, I'm asking advice on how I should handle this. Thoughts? Suggestions? Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted May 22, 2016 Share Posted May 22, 2016 Just call her out on it and ask her if she wants to simply end the relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted May 22, 2016 Share Posted May 22, 2016 Confront her and ask why... If she is not ready to be exclusive, than break-up and move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author EdLover Posted May 22, 2016 Author Share Posted May 22, 2016 I guess what I don't understand is we are exclusive (have been that way for a while) and we told each other we love one another a long time ago. I guess I'm just more confused than anything. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted May 22, 2016 Share Posted May 22, 2016 (edited) I guess what I don't understand is we are exclusive (have been that way for a while) and we told each other we love one another a long time ago. I guess I'm just more confused than anything. Feelings change. Perhaps her have. Talk to her. Remain strong and DON'T ask her what you did wrong. Ugh! So many men do and it just makes them look weak. Stand your ground! How did you find out? Edited May 22, 2016 by katiegrl 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author EdLover Posted May 22, 2016 Author Share Posted May 22, 2016 I have a friend that is on the same dating website and he saw her profile and told me. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted May 22, 2016 Share Posted May 22, 2016 I have a friend that is on the same dating website and he saw her profile and told me. Well since you both promised exclusivity, if her feelings have changed and she is not happy anymore, which it sounds like what is happening, then she needs to tell you without placing blame on YOU. I'd be pissed! And would confront her immediately. That's BS. Be prepared to walk. And again do not ask her what you did wrong or how you can be a better bf. She will lose respect REAL fast. It is nothing you did, after eight months her feelings changed. But she needs to tell you and not go behind your back and go online . Again I would be furious, and be prepared to walk! Stay strong! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author EdLover Posted May 22, 2016 Author Share Posted May 22, 2016 Well since you both promised exclusivity, if her feelings have changed and she is not happy anymore, which it sounds like what is happening, then she needs to tell you without placing blame on YOU. I'd be pissed! And would confront her immediately. That's BS. Be prepared to walk. And again do not ask her what you did wrong or how you can be a better bf. She will lose respect REAL fast. It is nothing you did, after eight months her feelings changed. But she needs to tell you and not go behind your back and go online . Again I would be furious, and be prepared to walk! Stay strong! That's what makes me mad. If something has changed, just be an adult about it and tell me instead of going behind my back. I'm staying strong! Thanks for your advice! Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted May 22, 2016 Share Posted May 22, 2016 (edited) That's what makes me mad. If something has changed, just be an adult about it and tell me instead of going behind my back. I'm staying strong! Thanks for your advice! What are you waiting for? Call her! God I could never wait on this stuff. I am an immediate confronter lol. But we are all different .... confront when you're ready. Good luck and keep us posted. Edited May 22, 2016 by katiegrl 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Shanex Posted May 22, 2016 Share Posted May 22, 2016 Unnaceptable for me too, especially doing it in your back (afterthought: yes she wasn't going to reactivate her profile in front of you). If for some reason she's tired of dating you, she might as well tell you and have a convo, instead of this. I'm tempted to say dump her, but I'd like a reason behind this. Also, how did you find out ? Are you still on this site too ? Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted May 22, 2016 Share Posted May 22, 2016 Unnaceptable for me too, especially doing it in your back (afterthought: yes she wasn't going to reactivate her profile in front of you). If for some reason she's tired of dating you, she might as well tell you and have a convo, instead of this. I'm tempted to say dump her, but I'd like a reason behind this. Also, how did you find out ? Are you still on this site too ? He said his friend is still on the site and found her. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 23, 2016 Share Posted May 23, 2016 Time to ask her about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Shanex Posted May 23, 2016 Share Posted May 23, 2016 He said his friend is still on the site and found her. Okay, missed that line. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 23, 2016 Share Posted May 23, 2016 I have a friend that is on the same dating website and he saw her profile and told me. How embarrassing. What are people thinking putting their pictures up on a dating site while in a relationship as if no one would see them. I cannot think of 1 good explanation. What ever BS story she may come up with like she felt neglected she should have come to you. Now the trust is broken. It would be a break up moment for me. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
truth_seeker Posted May 23, 2016 Share Posted May 23, 2016 She is preparing to move on. For her the relationship is over but is holding on until she meets a new guy she can jump to... Women plan break ups well in advance. If your girlfriend breaks up with you tomorrow. That means she had it planned out for a couple of months. I'm sure you're in shock and not ready to end it... but you should. Very disrespectful for her to be sneaky and being active online. I would end it with her and tell her: "It's over. I met someone else on match.com" lol. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Methodical Posted May 23, 2016 Share Posted May 23, 2016 I've never used OLD websites, so my suggestion may not be helpful or apply, but here goes...be smart when you confront her. Don't tell her upfront how you found out bc she may use that info. to her advantage. Ex: (Her response) A friend asked me to check out her profile and give my opinion on the info. pics, etc. she posted. If that truly is the case, she'll spill, but if not, you'll have unknowingly supplied her with an escape route that seems plausible. You want and deserve a straight answer. Link to post Share on other sites
truth_seeker Posted May 23, 2016 Share Posted May 23, 2016 I've never used OLD websites, so my suggestion may not be helpful or apply, but here goes...be smart when you confront her. Don't tell her upfront how you found out bc she may use that info. to her advantage. Ex: (Her response) A friend asked me to check out her profile and give my opinion on the info. pics, etc. she posted. If that truly is the case, she'll spill, but if not, you'll have unknowingly supplied her with an escape route that seems plausible. You want and deserve a straight answer. This is good advice. People, especially, sneaky, back-stabbing ones, are always looking for an excuse and an out. The trick is not to give them one. Ask her if she's happy and wants to continue seeing you. Put the pressure on her to give her straight answers and not spin it on you. I wouldn't be surprised if she gets defensive and uses it as a means to break up with you and say it's your fault it's over. Nevertheless, she breached your trust by going back on the dating site behind your back. You have to end it. Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted May 23, 2016 Share Posted May 23, 2016 Who cares what she says or what she can use to her advantage. Her profile is up on a dating site. Have friend send a screen shot of the active profile first so you can print it up and give it to her. Along with a box of the crap she left at your place then bounce. I wouldn't even bother talking to her. There is absolutely no reason for someone in an exclusive relationship to log into their dating profile and enable it or create a new one. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
truth_seeker Posted May 23, 2016 Share Posted May 23, 2016 Have friend send a screen shot of the active profile first so you can print it up and give it to her. Along with a box of the crap she left at your place then bounce. I like this! Leave a box of her things at her front door with a print out of her active dating profile on top of the box. Excellent way to end it. Link to post Share on other sites
Zapbasket Posted May 23, 2016 Share Posted May 23, 2016 I second getting a screenshot of her profile from your friend before confronting her. Otherwise, she'll likely deny it, or it will give her a window to come up with all kinds of cockamamie excuses. I don't know that you can recover your relationship from this. Even if--and it's a big, big if--she has valid excuse for reactivating her profile (and I cannot imagine what excuse could be remotely valid), you will never fully trust her, and for good reason. I can understand forgetting to take down a profile especially if you were on multiple dating sites. But showing any activity on that profile especially eight months into the relationship is just too suspect. Maybe if she got a message from someone on the site that showed up in her email inbox and reminded her that she still had a profile up, and so she logged in to try to take it down but somehow couldn't manage to do so owing to some technological glitch.... But if she said that, would you really believe her? It would be difficult, for sure. Such a bummer. Sorry you have to go through this. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted May 23, 2016 Share Posted May 23, 2016 I am sorry to say I predict you will be dumped in about a months time. She is emotionally checking out. I do think that you deserve to know though so if I were you I would tell her that you saw her profile was active as you were helping someone else out with their profile and they showed you hers and wanted to know how to approach her... Keep it light and casual and just say I thought you got rid of that ages ago? Then shrug it off. Link to post Share on other sites
Jabron1 Posted May 23, 2016 Share Posted May 23, 2016 She is preparing to move on. For her the relationship is over but is holding on until she meets a new guy she can jump to... Women plan break ups well in advance. I was thinking 'branch swing' too. Don't even bother talking about it. You're not going to get any sense out of her. Start considering your options. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted May 23, 2016 Share Posted May 23, 2016 There is absolutely no reason for someone in an exclusive relationship to log into their dating profile and enable it or create a new one. I am in an exclusive relationship and I still have a dating site username, to use the forums. But my profile makes it VERY clear that I am not single and not looking and am only there for the forums. Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted May 23, 2016 Share Posted May 23, 2016 Does she know your friend? If not maybe he could send her a message and see what her response is. If she might know him though, that wont work. I'd be 95% sure she is checking out, but yeah there is a small possibility she has a valid reason to be on there - very small. Which site is it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author EdLover Posted May 24, 2016 Author Share Posted May 24, 2016 Thanks for all of the messages and advice. Here is a quick update: I have not confronted her yet. But, long story, I have learned that she is not a paid member of the dating website and therefore can not send or receive messages. So, I am just formulating what to do as I learn more information. Link to post Share on other sites
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