AnchordHeart77 Posted May 21, 2016 Share Posted May 21, 2016 (edited) So my bf of 2 months has been very upfront about his past and I appreciate his honestly. But recently I have been bothered by the communication he has with his ex-lovers. Now these two women he was not in a relationship they were basically f**k buddies, so it was nothing serious. I know during this time he had just be through a bad break up and needed to get his ex out of his system, so he found that cure in the bed of others. This happened about a year and a half ago. I know one of the girls has a bf and they both know about me, but it still bothers me that he is in communication with them on a some-what frequent basis. He says they just talk about general stuff and it is only occasionally. Now I know it was real bad of me and I do regret it but I did end up going through his phone because he seemed so vague about certain details. What I found out was that they were all in frequent communication, like if it were on a particular day the messages were back and forth without any time gaps except for when he was hanging out with me. They also talking about their past sexual history. I don't like to think my bf was flirting with them but there was a lot of winky faces.. I bothers me that he chatty with them, he seems like a happy normal guy but with me he is very different. He says its because he is comfortable in our relationship he can just be him. But it seems unfair that he can be one way with them (perhaps his better side) whereas I just get the more quiet chilled in person guy. He has reassured me not to worry and they are in a different country (thankfully), I also know they were pre-existing before we got together. I am an insecure person as I have been burnt in the past from a previous bf who used to secretly talk to other girls and was vague on the details and I am grateful my current bf has been upfront with me but i know guys will always be vague on the details. I don't like the idea that while talking to me he is talking to them. I would never ask my bf to stop talking to them but I just wished he was more caring and considerate to my concerns which he just seems to either sigh or roll his eyes at me. I have explained my past hurts to him but he doesn't really seem to care. Should I really be worried? Please help! Edited May 21, 2016 by AnchordHeart77 Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted May 21, 2016 Share Posted May 21, 2016 . t seems to either sigh or roll his eyes at me. I have explained my past hurts to him but he doesn't really seem to care. THAT is all you need to know about this guy. He discusses past sexual exploits with exes, well, set him free to do it in real. Not worth the insult ! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 21, 2016 Share Posted May 21, 2016 No you should not be worried. You should break it off with him because his boundaries are misplaced & then there will be nothing for you to worry about. I talk to EXs the few times a year I randomly bump into them. I don't call. I don't text them. They don't call me. We don't send Christmas cards. We have a polite 5 minute exchange when we see each other at work functions. That's it. Anything more is a problem. There is no need to keep the lines of communication open unless you share a child. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AnchordHeart77 Posted May 23, 2016 Author Share Posted May 23, 2016 (edited) So personally I believe looking at porn is cheating, I know many people will disagree with this as does my boyfriend but I have been burnt previously by an ex who had an addiction. I have explained to my boyfriend what has happened in my past and how hurt and betrayed I felt from what my ex was doing. My boyfriend said that he would stop looking at porn. In fact the other day when I asked him about it he said "I made you a promise didn't I?". I know he gets more frustrated when I continue to ask but I am very afraid of getting hurt. My boyfriend and I have a good sex life and when we first started going out we would do it all the time. Of late it has slowed down a bit due to life being busy and obviously those times of the month. My boyfriend doesnt seem bothered that we haven't had sex in a while and its nice to know that our relationship doesnt evolve around sex. The other day I went to look up something on his tablet and found all these porn sites. Suffice to say I was pretty upset. I checked his browser history and it was full of porn sites and also very recent ones. I didn't want to out right accuse him so I nicely asked again if he was looking at porn and he gave me a blunt 'no.'. But now I know he is lying... Why would my boyfriend promise me then continue to lie about it? Does he say he isnt worried about not having sex because he knows he can just turn to porn?? Is he not satisfied with our sex life? It hurts to know he can get off on other women. Does this affect what he thinks of me?? I'm more upset about him promising not to watch it then lying to my face about it Edited May 23, 2016 by AnchordHeart77 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted May 23, 2016 Share Posted May 23, 2016 Why would you date someone of such character.......he solves his broken heart by going out bedding different women and continues to talk about sexual things with one of them. He's not what you are looking for in a BF, he is what he is and you CANNOT change him. Dump this chump....get out while you can, it's only been two months....don't invest in this anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted May 23, 2016 Share Posted May 23, 2016 About the porn. guys don't look at porn the way you do. It's entertainment, no emotional attachment, feelings are not involved, it's just stimulation. Guys don't think of their SO any less or compare them to the images they see. Guys like variety, they are going to look at and fantasize about other women...it's the way their brain works, it's totally natural. To believe you are the only one they think of is a fairytale. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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