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Married male coworker into me


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For over 15 months now a male married coworker has been interested in me. He has shown interest in me but hasn't said anything. I know he's married that's why. He tells his business to another female coworker with regards to his home life, he doesn't know it but she's using that information against him.

 

A new employee started about 5 months ago and noticed this guy was into me now she is using the information the other lady that the guy tells all of her business to to her advantage it's her good friend. I've noticed within the past couple of weeks she stays late on Fridays to be close with him. I know he's married but I have a strange feeling he and his wife are not together, not trying to jump on the guy but I'm at least waiting until I know for sure. While on the other hand this other lady is spending time with him.

 

I have a feeling he thinks I'm not interested but I am I'm just not a home wrecker.

 

This guy and I have had a connection for 15 months he tries to meet me in the hall, wears cologne - I smell it and it's good but I don't want to seem as though I'm flirting with him even though I want him to know I AM VERY INTERESTED.

 

What should I do? Tell him how I feel not knowing if he is happily married, separated etc. he is a great guy if given the chance I don't want to miss this opportunity.

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onemanband

dont waste your time he is married, you dont even realize how much grief you will cause if you get in a relationship with him, read a few post in the infidelity section then you can read first hand, the new worker is doing you a favor find someone that isnt taken

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He is a great guy you say? The potential to cheat and lie does not make a great guy. This isn't an opportunity but getting involved with a married man will be your worst nightmare. Get the fantasy out of your head. You're giddy about the attention you think you're getting from him but trust me, when he's going home to be with his wife while you're sitting at home crying, it's going to be a painful wake up call.

 

So, go out there and date men that are available. Don't go poking your nose in disaster. If you're not a home wrecker, stay away.

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Other people's men are other people's men.

 

If you want a man, find one of your own.

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What should I do? Tell him how I feel not knowing if he is happily married, separated etc. he is a great guy if given the chance I don't want to miss this opportunity.

 

For a start you need to know what his marital status is. Do not get involved in anything that just means easy sex for him and nothing for you - think ahead.

 

If he is divorced for a while and has no kids then he is just like any other single man.

If he has kids, he comes along with them and an ex wife forever - can you deal with that?

 

If he is separated, tread warily even without kids he may still be hung up on his ex, he may even still live at home, he may date you for a while, then decide you are not his ex and go back to her or realise he is actually now free and single, and dump you in favour of a playboy lifestyle with other women galore. Separated men can be loose cannons, you are never sure where they may end up.

 

Married men are often very bad news for any OW, heart-aches everywhere. His wife is awful, no sex, he is miserable, yet given the chance to leave...HELL NO!!!

Do not get involved in that one.

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Which company is this?

Sounds like a messy group of people.

 

Him having cologne on have nothing to do with you.

He is a MARRIED man. DOesnt matter what he do or say. Its a fact that he is

not available.

 

And seems like he is interested in not just you. Or should i say he is not into none of you. But maybe have issues in his marriage and try to find just a listen ear at work or maybe booty-call at work till things get better at home.?

This is why they say never share your marriage business with people. Specially if its not a professional to help your marriage.

You need to work on your self esteem and stop fantasizing about married man.

Mind with what your boss hired you for.

 

And if you see you cant be professional in this, then change job and move on.

 

If you wasnt this desperate for him i would say just tell him once to be careful with sharing his personal stuff at work with people. And then leave him and the whole mess for what it is.

But since you sound more desperate for him, i would say dont mind say anything.

Do your work and go home. Go date with single men that are not your coworkers.

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Why do you think he's into you? He may very well wear cologne because it's his wife's favorite & she sends him off to work with a smile (if you get my meaning) because he's wearing it. The fact that he pours his heart out to someone who is not you gives me the impression that his attraction for you is wishful thinking on your part.

 

 

A harmless flirt in the hall at work may be the extent of what he wants from you because it's an ego boost.

 

 

Since he's married & you are not a home wrecker even though you claim to be very interested in him, forget it. Unless he asks you on a date or for sex, assume he's 100% in love with his wife & totally faithful & limit yourself to professional interactions.

 

 

If you do think he's a nice person tell him that the person he confides in is breaking his trust & using that confidential information against him.

 

 

Also get your resume in order to get a new job before you do something embarrassing like have a few at the office party or happy hour & throw yourself at him.

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Double standards are still rife, so whilst he may get a rap on the knuckles for "dipping his pen in the company ink", you may lose your job or your professional credibility if you are seen as "easy" or a woman with loose morals stalking married men.

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Space Ritual
For over 15 months now a male married coworker has been interested in me. He has shown interest in me but hasn't said anything. I know he's married that's why. He tells his business to another female coworker with regards to his home life, he doesn't know it but she's using that information against him.

 

A new employee started about 5 months ago and noticed this guy was into me now she is using the information the other lady that the guy tells all of her business to to her advantage it's her good friend. I've noticed within the past couple of weeks she stays late on Fridays to be close with him. I know he's married but I have a strange feeling he and his wife are not together, not trying to jump on the guy but I'm at least waiting until I know for sure. While on the other hand this other lady is spending time with him.

 

I have a feeling he thinks I'm not interested but I am I'm just not a home wrecker.

 

This guy and I have had a connection for 15 months he tries to meet me in the hall, wears cologne - I smell it and it's good but I don't want to seem as though I'm flirting with him even though I want him to know I AM VERY INTERESTED.

 

What should I do? Tell him how I feel not knowing if he is happily married, separated etc. he is a great guy if given the chance I don't want to miss this opportunity.

 

 

I'm not getting the whole "using information against him" angle. Seems like nothing is affecting his ability to have a go with at least one of your female coworkers at the moment.

 

Seems like your female coworker is more than happy to be the beneficiary of the info. Frankly it seems like they are keeping some information from you.

 

That being said, if I were you I would simply steer clear of this guy. If he is already messing about with one woman at work and is married, then that is something you do not want to get mixed up in. No person is worth potentially losing your job over. And someone will eventually lose their job over this guy if this is the case. You don't know what his real marriage situation is unless you talk to his wife. She may be unaware of any disharmony, which I would bet the farm on.

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stillafool

There's nothing for you to think about - he's married. He is just using the women at work for an ego boost. There are millions of single men out there to date. Don't stand in line to be someone's woman on the side.

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Take it from someone who has worked for a company for over 25 years.....stop gossiping with your coworkers, and never believe what you hear. Gossip/talking about others is rude and immature. You may not think about it, but it hurts people and you can end up looking like a tool. Just stay out of people's personal business.

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Thank you all for the advice, it cleared up a lot of what ifs.

I know most of you think I've flirted or done something to show my interest. I haven't done anything everything is still in my head - I haven't acted on anything nor will I until I know he is divorced.

Someone stated about him talking about his marriage to other people at work. Yes he is giving his private information to the wrong person. And she is using it against him by telling her friend the one chasing him. He is nieve in that area, and I just want to say stop.

 

The ego boost could be a great part of it.

 

Thank you all - just know I'm not a home wrecker and will not do anything to jeopardize my job.

Edited by ironcouch
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Donnivain,

 

I hope the opportunity presents itself for me tell him he IS giving personal info to the wrong person.

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Make the opportunity. Next time you see him whisper, Hey can I talk to you for a few minutes after work today? Meet me by my car. It's a ________; I'm parked in the ___ row.

 

 

Then tell him outside the building.

 

 

Just say something like I know you talk to so & so periodically. I just thought you ought to be aware that she blabs everything you say to her to the whole office. You might want to be more careful who you trust with sensitive info.

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D0nnuvain,

 

I hope it goes over well I'm the new one and not sure how long they have been friends. There's also slot of gossiping in the office so if it doesn't go well, I will truly have to find another job. It's very sad most of the people are over 40 and they gossip like teenagers. Nowadays you can't approach people and tell them something like this, they will either get offended or take it the wrong way.

 

And I can't help but say it's someone self serving - here's a a guy I barely know but hoped he would be divorced. But in the end I truly don't like seeing people taking advantage of someone.

Edited by ironcouch
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truth_seeker

A new employee started about 5 months ago and noticed this guy was into me now she is using the information the other lady that the guy tells all of her business to to her advantage it's her good friend. I've noticed within the past couple of weeks she stays late on Fridays to be close with him. I know he's married but I have a strange feeling he and his wife are not together, not trying to jump on the guy but I'm at least waiting until I know for sure. While on the other hand this other lady is spending time with him.

 

So this new employee is making moves on him? You think these two have something going on? Seems like a lot of gossip and not a lot of concrete answers.

 

If you like this guy, I suggest not speaking about it to other employees as they have their own agendas... find out for yourself if this guy is married or not, then go from there.

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truth_seeker
Which company is this?

Sounds like a messy group of people.

 

She works in either a bar, gym, tanning salon or High School cafeteria. :D

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truth_seeker
Take it from someone who has worked for a company for over 25 years.....stop gossiping with your coworkers, and never believe what you hear. Gossip/talking about others is rude and immature. You may not think about it, but it hurts people and you can end up looking like a tool. Just stay out of people's personal business.

 

The office is a lot like High School. People talk and like to stir it up... jealousy, drama... if I worked at your company, Smackie, I'd probably get fired within a month. I'd be too tempted to screw on a desk. :D:bunny:

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truth_seeker

I hope it goes over well I'm the new one and not sure how long they have been friends. There's also slot of gossiping in the office so if it doesn't go well, I will truly have to find another job. It's very sad most of the people are over 40 and they gossip like teenagers.

 

This is sounds like a terrible place to work. What a toxic environment. Even if he is divorced, and you two hook up, then what? The whole place will know and it will make it even worse with everyone talking about it.

 

I think you should bail on this job and find employment somewhere else. If you really like this guy and he is not married anymore, give him your contact info, after you quit.

 

From what you've described, all of these people sound very bitter and jealous. No way you can trust anyone there. You shouldn't confide in anyone as they will turn on you. Just get out of this place ASAP.

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  • 2 weeks later...
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:eek:

Fellas!! What is the deal.

 

There is a guy at work, he a security guard. He can see all spots of the building. More than often I walk in and he is at the same cross point as I am.

Just today, two things happened.

1. he spoke to three other ladies and not me, the then says another girls name and says hello and not me.

 

Later

 

2. I'm coming in the door again he comes from around the corner and meets me and walks in front of me and doesn't speak, I try to walk slow so I don't catch up to him, I turn the corner he is in front of me, he then is suppose to go through a door but turns around passed me and doesn't speak.

 

last week he sees me coming out of breakroom he comes from his post and is walking close behind me walking almost on me.

 

Fellas? what does all of this mean? You may think this is a high situation no, we are all over 35 in a work environment. Guys I need some help. What is this guy thinking?

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privategal

You can just be imagining it, he could be playing cat-mouse flirty games...who knows, its really just a guess.

One thing is for sure though, I think a man who is polite, who knows how to smile, be respectful, and have enough decency to have a direct, genuine conversation and how to approach a lady would make the best partner.

If he plays games with just the friendly getting to know you basics then he likely is overall immature, will always play games, and is just not going to be worth your time in a healthy relationship.

Also Ive observed quite a few security guards over time...I see a red flag here as they often flirt with all the pretty girls coming in and out...they use their post just to girl watch and flirt.

Dont take the bait if hes trying to be cute and talking to every girl! Its not flattering to you anyways.

You want the guy who sees only you.

Raise your standards.

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My guess is he doesn't know you, or finds you unapproachable hence he never speaks to you, or he actually never notices you at all, or he is doing his job and finds your behaviour suspicious...

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Have known this married man at work, one day I walked in another department and I could hear him talking to a lady that is nothing but a gossip. They have both been there together for years so I know there is a "friendship" (I'll get back to that word in a minute). I heard him tell her about his wife and a lot of personal events in his marriage and home life. Just that little bit I heard I couldn't believe he would tell his business like this.

About 6 months ago a new girl came over which I found out was get best friend.

 

Ok this is where you guys are going to judge me. For a year he has been doing this to impress me and always in the same places where I am. I know he's married but wished he wasn't. I wouldn't flirt because of my religion. But there was emotional flirtation going on - up until the new girl came. I noticed she would stay late on Fridays when he stayed late and her presence around him more frequently.

 

The issue. The information he is giving this other lady about his home life I believe she is telling her best friend so she can find her way in and get him if you know what I mean.

 

My issue I want to alert him about what I think is going - meaning he thinks he is telling this lady his business in confidence but she is telling her friend so she can manipulate the situation. Even though I wish he could be mine I still fell protective over him. I hate these snake women.?

 

I noticed about a week ago his actions me have completely stop. My gut feeling is that something may have happened with him and the other girl.

 

Why do I care you ask? I'm hoping and praying he is not that guy. He claims to be a Christian which I am mostly concerned about. I can wish to have him but will be very disappointed if he crossed the line in temptation with that &@$ well that snake. If I want him I would hope he would do the right way. I know wishful thinking on my part.

 

So my problem is how do you a person he's been confiding in that they may be using his information against him.

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