rocket100 Posted April 27, 2016 Share Posted April 27, 2016 Hi, I'm new here and after some advice/someone to listen...whatever. I feel I need to get this off my chest. So here goes, bit of an essay... I've been with my girlfriend for coming up to a year. Things have been great, and she's currently pregnant with twins. Basically, to cut a long story short, she's always been really secretive with her phone and hides it away mid text whenever I walk in the room. Either that or she sits across the room so the phone is away from me and is constantly on it. I mean constantly texting people. I probably shouldn't have done it, but I checked her phone and what I found has screwed me up. It turns out she has a few people who she's either never met in person, or has known for a while but has never slept with. But these conversations go into great detail about what she wants to do with them and they want to do to her. Now, some of these converations happened before we met, which is ok, we've all done that. But what is really bothering me is that she met a guy on a bdsm website 10 years ago and they still say how they'd meet up and have sex with each other 'without falling in love'. She's been in contact with this guy for 10 years, having these conversations all throughout her previous marriage too. Theyve6never met (they live a long way from each other), but they keep making tentative arrangements. If she tells me she's going away for a couple of days somewhere, what the hell am I going to think? I wish I never read her phone. I'm worried and probably over compensating and I'm very aware of that. But I don't know what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted April 27, 2016 Share Posted April 27, 2016 they still say how they'd meet up and have sex with each other 'without falling in love'. Let me ask you one thing. If she found a message on your phone, talking to another woman, saying you wanted to meet up and have sex, and making "tentative arrangements", what do you think would happen? Would she be on an internet forum asking what she should do? I guarantee she would not. She would kick you out so fast, she'd have to FedEx your shadow back to you. You need to tell her that this kind of thing is NOT ACCEPTABLE in a committed relationship and that it ends NOW. Then you need to explore why she feels the need to seek attention and sexual satisfaction (even if only through text) from others. Don't let her turn this around into a trust/privacy issue. That is what cheaters always do. Yes, you snooped on her messages but you found out that she was doing much, much worse. Deal with her cheating, then deal with your (totally justified, as it turns out) lack of trust. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted April 27, 2016 Share Posted April 27, 2016 Why can't you simply end this relationship? If it were me... I'd sit her down and say "I don't trust you......you're very secretive with your phone and I can't be in a relationship with someone I don't trust" "My gut tells me something else is going on with you, so continuing in this R is a waste of both our times" simple... end of story. You don't need to say any more thanthat or she'll turn it all round on you for an invasion of her privacy. Don't even bother telling her what you saw. She's a serial cheat and won't change. If she tries to convince you she's sincere .... then ask to see her phone. She won't have deleted the stuff if she has no idea you've seen it. Link to post Share on other sites
pushmug Posted April 27, 2016 Share Posted April 27, 2016 im so sorry but i dont think this is okay at all.... you should tell her how you feel . ask her why shes doing it?? Link to post Share on other sites
Poutrew Posted April 27, 2016 Share Posted April 27, 2016 At this point I am assuming you think the twins she is pregnant with are yours? Why? You don't know what else is on her phone... but I'd bet she is also texting guys she is meeting up with in your own city. When she says she is going shopping and comes back after 4 - 5 hours with just a single bag with a few items in it, what has she really been up to? My friend got wind of his wife's cheating by getting suspicious she wasn't just getting groceries. He checked the receipt which showed the few items were purchased less than an hour after she left the house. The milk was still cold even though according to the receipt it had been sitting in her car for 5 hours on a sunny day... He GPSd her car, and pretty easily found out the truth... they are divorced and he is a happy man. Many people on this forum will tell you to trust your gut on these matters. Your brain will block out the trauma to protect you, but your gut will tell you the truth. Me thinks your gut has spoken... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted April 27, 2016 Share Posted April 27, 2016 Confront her, tell her what you know and get a paternity test to see if you are actually the father. Get couples counseling if you wish to make it work or dump her. IMO it's just possible she would be better in a open relationship or join a swingers group. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted April 30, 2016 Share Posted April 30, 2016 Man up now and confront her. No emotion just say what lead up to you looking at her phone. She needs to stop contact with these others. If she does not leave. Get 50/50 custody of your kids and find a women that is into you and not 5 other guys at the same time. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted April 30, 2016 Share Posted April 30, 2016 Hi, I'm new here and after some advice/someone to listen...whatever. I feel I need to get this off my chest. So here goes, bit of an essay... I've been with my girlfriend for coming up to a year. Things have been great, and she's currently pregnant with twins. Basically, to cut a long story short, she's always been really secretive with her phone and hides it away mid text whenever I walk in the room. Either that or she sits across the room so the phone is away from me and is constantly on it. I mean constantly texting people. I probably shouldn't have done it, but I checked her phone and what I found has screwed me up. It turns out she has a few people who she's either never met in person, or has known for a while but has never slept with. But these conversations go into great detail about what she wants to do with them and they want to do to her. Now, some of these converations happened before we met, which is ok, we've all done that. But what is really bothering me is that she met a guy on a bdsm website 10 years ago and they still say how they'd meet up and have sex with each other 'without falling in love'. She's been in contact with this guy for 10 years, having these conversations all throughout her previous marriage too. Theyve6never met (they live a long way from each other), but they keep making tentative arrangements. If she tells me she's going away for a couple of days somewhere, what the hell am I going to think? I wish I never read her phone. I'm worried and probably over compensating and I'm very aware of that. But I don't know what to do. You should be thankful you read her phone, You didn't invade her privacy. You invaded her secrecy. Plus you really don't know who she has met in person or not slept with. Are you going to trust her telling you she hasn't? lol Only a fool would, pal. Before confronting her go see a lawyer. especially if she is claiming you being the twins father. You better get your ducks in a row. Dude, if I were you I would demand a Paternity test if she says you are the father. I would be willing to bet you aren't. Link to post Share on other sites
Hughes101 Posted May 3, 2016 Share Posted May 3, 2016 Don't even have the talk. Just calmly tell her it's over and walk. Dont show a scrap of emotion. This will ultimately be the most hurtful way to get dumped. The talk will give her a chance to rationalise things in her mind... let her suffer the same way you have. she's royal #@$!ed you over and she doesnt deserve an explanation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted May 3, 2016 Share Posted May 3, 2016 Sorry but did you know she had BDSM tendencies? Were you aware of her membership on a BDSM site? Link to post Share on other sites
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