He is chatting to other girls on dating sites? [update 2016-06-13]

[Rainah]

What do you do if you have been with a guy for about 4 months who you met from a dating site, who you see maybe 2+ times a week, everything is going well or so you thought, but you find out he still goes on the dating site you met him from chatting/flirting to other girls, not sure if he meets up with them?

 

I created a 'fake profile' faved him on it and he started talking to me almost instantly with flirting and asking if I would fancy going for a drive some time.

 

I confronted him about it and he told me his account was hacked and its not him, when I said I don't trust him and basically go our seperate ways he was being rude and told me never to contact him again to begging me not to ignore him and he wants to be bf and gf still...

 

I hate to think I'm getting cheated on but my gutt feeling is telling me this isnt right.

 

We get on soooo well and I really thought the relationship was going awesome he seems like such a nice person, his sob story is that his previous relationships he has been cheated on so why would he do this to someone else? Or am I just being crazy and insecure?

 

Any advice apreciated, thanks.

[Zahara]

Of course his profile was hacked! A guy I once dated for awhile gave me that same excuse. There must be a handbook somewhere out there.

 

I think you already know deep down its lies. The fact that he gaslighted you -- which means when someone spins it all around and makes you doubt your truth/reality then he tries to get you to shut up about your concerns, ignoring it all and just expecting you to go go back to what it was - red flags.

 

Unfortunately, 4 months isn't enough time to really know who a person truly is -- in fact it's just about time when who they truly are start to emerge. It's not looking good. If after 4 months you're already dealing with anxiety and trust, you know the rest.

Edited April 24, 2016 by Zahara

[ExpatInItaly]

He's a liar and a pathetic one at that. He must think you're rather dim to feed you the "hacking" excuse. You are not crazy or insecure - you know what you saw. If he can lie about his profile being hacked, he can lie about his exes cheating too.

 

You found out he's not the guy you thought he was, and he was not invested in you. He was keeping his options open, and he got caught.

 

Get rid of him and find someone who values you. He doesn't.

[CarrieT]

You found out his true colors and - fortunately - did so relatively early in the relationship.

 

Time to bail out because you now see he is a liar and a manipulator, to boot.

[Space Ritual]

What do you do if you have been with a guy for about 4 months who you met from a dating site, who you see maybe 2+ times a week, everything is going well or so you thought, but you find out he still goes on the dating site you met him from chatting/flirting to other girls, not sure if he meets up with them?

 

I created a 'fake profile' faved him on it and he started talking to me almost instantly with flirting and asking if I would fancy going for a drive some time.

 

I confronted him about it and he told me his account was hacked and its not him, when I said I don't trust him and basically go our seperate ways he was being rude and told me never to contact him again to begging me not to ignore him and he wants to be bf and gf still...

 

I hate to think I'm getting cheated on but my gutt feeling is telling me this isnt right.

 

We get on soooo well and I really thought the relationship was going awesome he seems like such a nice person, his sob story is that his previous relationships he has been cheated on so why would he do this to someone else? Or am I just being crazy and insecure?

 

Any advice apreciated, thanks.

 

You only have 4 months invested which is it a lot of time and you found out he likes to cruise the sites.

 

Be thankful you don't have 4 years invested.

You already know the answer.

 

Run Away!

[Rainah]

Thanks guys, I feel sad because I felt we got on so well I had so much fun with him, I thought we had a good connection with one another. Tomorrow I'm going to go NC with him, I deserve better, I hope karma kicks him in the ass one day. This hurts I really enjoyed his company

[Dis]

Thanks guys, I feel sad because I felt we got on so well I had so much fun with him, I thought we had a good connection with one another. Tomorrow I'm going to go NC with him, I deserve better, I hope karma kicks him in the ass one day. This hurts I really enjoyed his company

 

Oh hun, I'm so sorry, I know it hurts. But the other posters are right, he is a liar, there is no way to have a healthy relationship with one of these people. You would never be able to trust him again, and for good reason. There is no such thing as a relationship without trust. And four months is not that long. I was with one of my ex's for two and a half years, he lied the entire time....so yes this could have been worse. You deserve better and will get better. Pls pls block him and never contact him again. Let the healing process begin and be hopeful for the future

[BilleRae]

Thanks guys, I feel sad because I felt we got on so well I had so much fun with him, I thought we had a good connection with one another. Tomorrow I'm going to go NC with him, I deserve better, I hope karma kicks him in the ass one day. This hurts I really enjoyed his company

 

NC is a good course of action. I'm sorry this has fallen on you, especially because of the great connection. Remember men always like to "win" so the attention/flirty messages with other girls is definitely feeding into his ego. Maybe it's immaturity and maybe it's way to trying to keep an aspect of freedom in life. Either way it's not acceptable. He definitely projected when he got mad at you, classic defense mechanism.

 

Stay strong, you're worth so much more than what he has given you.

[Rainah]

I deleted his number and all his messages this morning, ive had a lot of fun with him, Im going to miss that

[ExpatInItaly]

I deleted his number and all his messages this morning, ive had a lot of fun with him, Im going to miss that

 

Every time you miss it, remember what he was doing at the same time - looking for other women.

[d0nnivain]

You are a smart woman who knows her own mind. You also have enough self respect not to put up with blatant lies like his.

 

 

You are a quality person so you will eventually find a quality partner.

 

 

Happy hunting.

[Space Ritual]

I deleted his number and all his messages this morning, ive had a lot of fun with him, Im going to miss that

 

Make your grieving period short. And take it for what it was...fun.

 

Your next relationship is right around the corner.

[Miss Peach]

You found out his true colors and - fortunately - did so relatively early in the relationship.

 

Time to bail out because you now see he is a liar and a manipulator, to boot.

 

Totally agree with this. It's good you found out relatively early and are going NC. I now it's not always fun trying to meet new guys but there are much better men that that one out there.

[Lois_Griffin]

Gosh, I'd hate to be SO important to hackers that they choose MY account - over the thousands of other accounts on the dating site - to hack JUST so they could sit around and write messages to people on my behalf. Why, I'm sure the reward for all that effort is SO well worth it.

 

I'd give this lying tool about 6 minutes of 'grieving' time before moving on. Even that might be too generous since you've already wasted 4 months on the liar.

[LoveRefreshed]

What do you do if you have been with a guy for about 4 months who you met from a dating site, who you see maybe 2+ times a week, everything is going well or so you thought, but you find out he still goes on the dating site you met him from chatting/flirting to other girls, not sure if he meets up with them?

 

I created a 'fake profile' faved him on it and he started talking to me almost instantly with flirting and asking if I would fancy going for a drive some time.

 

I confronted him about it and he told me his account was hacked and its not him, when I said I don't trust him and basically go our seperate ways he was being rude and told me never to contact him again to begging me not to ignore him and he wants to be bf and gf still...

 

I hate to think I'm getting cheated on but my gutt feeling is telling me this isnt right.

 

We get on soooo well and I really thought the relationship was going awesome he seems like such a nice person, his sob story is that his previous relationships he has been cheated on so why would he do this to someone else? Or am I just being crazy and insecure?

 

Any advice apreciated, thanks.

 

Everything was fine on his side until he lied about it assuming you never agreed on exclusivity. Lying tells you a dirt bag in either case, so screw him and move on.

[almond]

...he told me his account was hacked and its not him...

 

Lol seriously, anyone that is stupid enough to use such a ridiculous excuse is not worth worrying about.

 

What a dud.

[Rainah]

Just going to keep this short I don't want to get into too much detail, I broke up with him because he seemed distant, cold, heartless, kind of like he was seeing someone else, become too busy to text or answer his phone. He would not communicate. A part of me wants him back but a bigger part of me knows it will not work out and he is just too immature to handle a relationship because he has no communication skills.

 

 

Last week I messaged after not talking to him for a week just to see if there was a chance we could patch things up

 

 

Me:

Is there any possiblity of getting back together or no chance in hell?

Him:

Lets juat give it time, dont put any pressure on. Im still manic at work on 9days staright

 

 

Today this is what he said in our conversation

 

Him:

Hows guy hunting

Me:

Its ok

Him:

Cool found anyone

Me:

No

Him:

Talking to anyone new

Me:

No

 

Then later he said this -

 

Him:

Wud u rather i didnt message?

Me:

Up to you I dont mind

Him:

Ok i wont then as u dont mind lol

Me:

If thats what you want

Him:

Was being nice but ok

Me:

I was respecting what u feel comfortable with

 

 

I really don't understand why he asks me if I am guy hunting, he asked me last week also the same question, I hate keeping my hopes up, I have a gut feeling I am looking too much into what he is saying in hopes of rekindling the relationship but I doubt that will happen, after today I am just going to be done responding to him because it hurts wondering if today will be the day he will eventually say he misses me and wants to fix the relationship. I'm so lost

Edited June 3, 2016 by Rainah

[Stage5Clinger]

Those text conversations are awful. How does that type of interaction make you feel? Made me feel ****ty just to read it.

[Rainah]

Made me feel like crap which is why I kept the conversation short, I don't know the purpose of his questions or attitude

[Stage5Clinger]

Made me feel like crap which is why I kept the conversation short, I don't know the purpose of his questions or attitude

 

Not worth it you need to block him.

[RecentChange]

Honestly, it sounds like you BOTH have poor communication skills.

 

That text exchange - so vague, no real answers, no real statements, just a bunch of shoulder shrugging essentially.

 

How long were you dating? Did you tell him WHY you broke up with him, and how you REALLY feel?

 

I understand that you are guarding yourself - but where is that going to get you? Either walk away, tell him you two are done - or TELL HIM how you really feel.

 

This "I don't know, I don't mind" stuff... so wishy washy. If you want to hear from him say "Yes, I was hoping to hear from you" if you don't - tell him "sorry, I am moving on, if you do not have time for me, I think that would be the best for both of us"

[Rainah]

Thanks, I just didn't want to keep pushing it by asking if we will get back together

[Satu]

Exchanges like that just make everything harder.

 

He just wants to know that he still has a hook in you, because it boosts his ego.

 

 

*No direct contact.

*No sending or receiving of messages.

*Block any means he might use to contact you.

*No replies to anything that gets through your blocks.

*No indirect contact through third parties.

*De-friend or delete him from all social media.

*No monitoring of him on social media.

*No 'little birds' feeding you news.

*Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying.

[fixing]

I think the answer is in your thread title. 'decoding'.

 

If you are having to resort to decoding text messages from someone you were once in an intimate relationship with then it has gone sour.

 

Honestly, you asked him straight up did he want to get back together with you and he more or less said (my decoding) 'na, not right now, im feeling out this single life, but, maybe I'll change my mind in the future'

 

Block him and honestly move on. You deserve so much better.

[privategal]

"Hows guy hunting"???

Disrespectful omg...no no no.

How about "Dear x, been really crazy at work but I miss you and so sorry I haveny written more, I miss you and want to spend time with you and talk about things, can you get together this weekend"?

On the other hand...."any chance of getting back together or no chance in hell" ugghh...girl...that sounds AWEFUL...desperate too.

Do not text or answer his texts.

Boyfriend material takes control, pursues you, makes you feel wanted, doesnt leave you questioning.

This is a dead end road.

Theres no desire or chemistry.

The text exchange was painful and made me yawn while cringing.

Its just a mismatch.

Work on YOU though.

No way you ask a guy..what you asked him.

If he is blowing you off or texting in a boeed passive way when he feels like it with no substance, no real questions..myshhh ummm NO THANKS! Ewe! This is the worst.