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where are these feelings coming from?


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I want to start off by saying I expect absolutely NO sympathy because I know things I'm about to admit weren't great....

 

I was kind of sort of seeing this girl. We met a few years ago we both work in the airport. I work for the airline she worked for a gift shop in the airport so it's not like we worked directly together. We had a mutual friend. He told me before that she mentioned to him that she had a crush on me. So she and I exchanged numbers. I'll be honest I didn't find her very attractive at first. She just seemed OK to me. I'm going to be very honest.... I only intended on hooking up with her. After a few months we did sleep together. She also failed to mention to me that she never had sex before....yes she was a virgin. She was 23 btw.

 

We didn't hook up like on a regular basis. It would be here and there maybe a few times a month. She developed deep feelings for me but honestly I didn't spend much time with her. Like I said we only hooked up maybe a few times a month. Whenever she'd text me I'd usually ignore it. If I seen her at work I noticed she'd do anything to get my attention like maybe dress nicer or come wherever I am to get my attention. We started hooking up more frequently but I noticed she'd only do it because she had feelings for me.

 

She eventually got a job at the airlines (we both work there now) ....Over time she started to become more attractive to me. We were hooking up for 2 years and all of a sudden Like everything about her just seemed to be attractive. Idk if I've never paid attention to her but she just seems so beautiful to me now. Damn near perfect. We started video chatting alot and we'd send eachother selfies and text all day. I started to visit her at her apartment frequently too. A part of me felt bad because I know she wanted more from me.... I wanted to play the field but it's something about her idk what it is.

 

She found out that I am dating another girl. They had a social media fight and I defended the other girl. Since then she seems very different.

I send her selfies every day on snapchat and she opens them and doesn't respond. Here and there she'll respond but only to ask me to leave her alone. I added her on snapchat and she has YET to add me back meaning i can see her pics but she cant see mine. I sent her a selfie on snapchat everyday last week and she only responded the last day and only to say that she'd like me to erase any pictures she has of me and that she wants to erase me....talk about a slap in the face.

 

Idk why I feel this way but it feels like I need her in my life. I'm so conflicted about my feelings for this girl it's crazy. I see her at work and she doesn't acknowledge me anymore. She smiles and laughs with her friends but never says anything to me. I really don't understand why I feel like I'm missing her. Initially I only wanted to have sex with her but it ended up being a 2 yr affair. Did I develop feelings? Am I getting nervous because she may be gone forever? Will she ever be my friend at least?

 

Look, I'm not proud but I wanted to be honest everyone makes mistakes

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Is it getting hot in here to you?? Seems like you preheated the oven to 450 degrees and neglected to tell her you were still inside...essentially your goose is cooked. I'm sure she was smart enough to realize you used her. She turned the tables on you and has socially rejected you. Rejection breeds obsession so now you want to know what these weird feelings you're having are.

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Scarlett.O'hara

You humiliated and rejected her with another girl, yet you still send her selfies and feel offended when she tells you to leave her alone. Do you see how selfish that sounds?

 

You seem to suddenly care about her more than you have over the past two years, but why? Is it wanting what you can't have or not having her as a "backup" anymore?

 

After reading what you wrote, I don't think you truly care about her, only what she can give you.

 

For that reason I think you should respect her wishes and leave her alone.

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Is it getting hot in here to you?? Seems like you preheated the oven to 450 degrees and neglected to tell her you were still inside...essentially your goose is cooked. I'm sure she was smart enough to realize you used her. She turned the tables on you and has socially rejected you. Rejection breeds obsession so now you want to know what these weird feelings you're having are.

 

So you're saying the fact that she is rejecting me is causing me to obsess over her?

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Why on earth are you sending her selfies at all? You're making a total arse out of yourself and she's probably having a good laugh at your expense with her friends. Seriously. What kind of guy bombards a girl with selfies? That's kid's stuff.

 

Leave her alone. She's not into you anymore.

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So you're saying the fact that she is rejecting me is causing me to obsess over her?

 

Exactly. She bruised your ego by telling you to scram, and your attempts to get her attention are you trying to soothe it.

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Why on earth are you sending her selfies at all? You're making a total arse out of yourself and she's probably having a good laugh at your expense with her friends. Seriously. What kind of guy bombards a girl with selfies? That's kid's stuff.

 

Leave her alone. She's not into you anymore.

 

I wasn't trying to bombard her. Before that's how we would talk or communicate with selfies to eachother

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What part of "Get lost, creep" don't you understand?

 

THIS! :bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny:

 

Anyway, dude, since you want honesty, I'll be honest with you: You are a jerk. Absolute total one, in all possible ways.

 

Now, get your ass up and start changing or else,you'll never find someone whom you can have a good relationship with. :cool:

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You treated her appallingly badly.

 

You don't deserve to have any kind of contact with her.

 

Do one thing right by leaving her alone.

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You treated her appallingly badly.

 

You don't deserve to have any kind of contact with her.

 

Do one thing right by leaving her alone.

 

So I'm admitting I was wrong but I'm not allowed to talk to her? What about herself. Blatantly ignoring me and then only responding days later by telling me she wants to erase me is very rude.

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So I'm admitting I was wrong but I'm not allowed to talk to her? What about herself. Blatantly ignoring me and then only responding days later by telling me she wants to erase me is very rude.

 

She has made it clear she doesn't wish to speak to you. Please don't embarrass yourself any further; just respect her choice.

 

She's not being rude - she's being smart.

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So I'm admitting I was wrong but I'm not allowed to talk to her? What about herself. Blatantly ignoring me and then only responding days later by telling me she wants to erase me is very rude.

 

Pardon???

What part of "You lying cheating ......, you just used me for sex, knowing full well I loved you", do you not understand?

That is what she thinks of you, why would she ever want to speak to you?

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Pardon???

What part of "You lying cheating ......, you just used me for sex, knowing full well I loved you", do you not understand?

That is what she thinks of you, why would she ever want to speak to you?

 

Because I've recognized my mistake

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So I'm admitting I was wrong but I'm not allowed to talk to her? What about herself. Blatantly ignoring me and then only responding days later by telling me she wants to erase me is very rude.

 

You get what you give . . .

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You're the kind of person who makes the whole friend with benefits thing what it really is : one person wants a relationship, the other wants sex. Now you're getting the backlach : after realizeing she was used for sex, she's giving you the cold shoulder, and she is totally in her right, because you treated her bad.

 

As for the feelings , you would be completely inhuman not to care or feel something with a person you've been having sex with for years.

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Because I've recognized my mistake

So she is supposed to put it all behind her as if it never happened, just because you recognised your mistake?

Have you any idea of what you did to her here?

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GorillaTheater
So she is supposed to put it all behind her as if it never happened, just because you recognised your mistake?

Have you any idea of what you did to her here?

 

 

"Sorry I ran over your dog and left him to slowly die on the side of the road while I blithely continued on my way. My bad. You can bet I learned MY lesson.

 

 

So we're still on for lunch, right?"

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"Sorry I ran over your dog and left him to slowly die on the side of the road while I blithely continued on my way. My bad. You can bet I learned MY lesson.

 

 

So we're still on for lunch, right?"

 

That's not fair.... that's completely diff

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You're the kind of person who makes the whole friend with benefits thing what it really is : one person wants a relationship, the other wants sex. Now you're getting the backlach : after realizeing she was used for sex, she's giving you the cold shoulder, and she is totally in her right, because you treated her bad.

 

As for the feelings , you would be completely inhuman not to care or feel something with a person you've been having sex with for years.

 

If that's the case then she should recognize that I do care for her. But she believes I don't. But she stuck around for years. She's very sweet usually and normally would talk it out. It's inhuman for her to just ignore me because I know she cares

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GorillaTheater
That's not fair.... that's completely diff

 

 

Point being, you did something pretty crappy to this girl. You knew she was emotionally involved but didn't care so long as you were getting yours.

 

 

Now that you recognized (allegedly) that you f*cked up, you seem to have this expectation that she should be cool about it. You're still wrapped up with your feelings and expectations and still appear to have zero empathy for this girl and what she's gone through.

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Because I've recognized my mistake

 

Let me ask you this then. If you murdered someone close to you and got away with it for 2 years, and during that time you kept hanging out with that persons friends and family. And then finally you admit it to them after someone finds evidence you can't explain... So you admit you did it... Does that mean that the slate is washed clean and you can go back to hanging out with everyone and pretend it never happened? Or is that bat**** crazy?

 

You're absurd for treating this girl like a booty call for 2 years, dating someone else, then embarrassing her by taking the girls side you were dating. And you think that now just because you realize it was a messed up thing to do, she should get over it and send you nudes via snapchat everyday like before? What planet are you living on?!

 

And it doesn't sound like you even stopped seeing the other girl yet!? Do you still have a gf right now? If you do.. Then there's no one on this forum who can give you advise because you haven't matured enough to develop the trait called "common sense" that's needed in order to make things right or learn from your mistakes.

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OP, you're looking for someone to validate your behavior. It ain't gonna happen. Keep treating women like this and you will find yourself with an ugly reputation and alone for the rest of your life looking at a past that is filled with remorse and regret when you finally come to maturity.

 

In addition, what may happen at some point, is that you will meet a girl you really, really do like, who knows your history (because women talk and Facebook is forever), and will lead you down her garden path and then dump you . . . karma is a bitch.

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Let me ask you this then. If you murdered someone close to you and got away with it for 2 years, and during that time you kept hanging out with that persons friends and family. And then finally you admit it to them after someone finds evidence you can't explain... So you admit you did it... Does that mean that the slate is washed clean and you can go back to hanging out with everyone and pretend it never happened? Or is that bat**** crazy?

 

You're absurd for treating this girl like a booty call for 2 years, dating someone else, then embarrassing her by taking the girls side you were dating. And you think that now just because you realize it was a messed up thing to do, she should get over it and send you nudes via snapchat everyday like before? What planet are you living on?!

 

And it doesn't sound like you even stopped seeing the other girl yet!? Do you still have a gf right now? If you do.. Then there's no one on this forum who can give you advise because you haven't matured enough to develop the trait called "common sense" that's needed in order to make things right or learn from your mistakes.

 

 

 

OK what I did to her is FAR FROM murdering anyone in her family. And yes im still seeing the other girl. But obviously I'm not happy. If I were would I even care about this girl?I have common sense. How many guys that have done this actually admit they screwed up? At least I'm being honest. She never tells me how she feels anymore. Before she'd always say things like "you know I want more" "stop wasting my time" but she continued to have sex with me years afterwards!! So she should take some blame as well. Just ignoring me is immature

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