sadand Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 We are both 20 and we have been dating for 3 years. My boyfriend has been emotionally cheating on me with a girl he kissed when we were on break a year ago. They text all the time and she admitted she had feelings for him. He's told there's nothing going on but she sent me the texts and he sends her stuff like "i wish she were you", "When you text me I'm more excited than when my girlfriend texts me", "I think about you all the time", etc.... I know they could be fakes but it was his number. I feel like an idiot and I know I have to dump him. I just don't know how to break up with him. How can I deal with losing this important person in my life and being alone? He just doesn't seem like the kind of guy who would do this. He's always been supportive and attentive and loving. I don't know how to be without him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 Looks can be deceiving......when they emotionally cheat, they have pretty much have already left the relationship. Just tell him what you know, and it's over....pretty simple. There is never a "good" way to breakup with someone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sadand Posted February 4, 2016 Author Share Posted February 4, 2016 I don't have any friends to help me through this. I only have him and that scares me to break up with him and have no one 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HereNorThere Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 He doesn't seem like the kind of guy who would do this, yet here we are. Breaking up is easy, sticking to no contact is the hard part. I think you're in denial about his cheating, but that doesn't make it less heinous. And it's naive to think that it's just "emotional." Guys don't write messages like that without getting some. Those text messages are enough to warrant breaking up. I can't believe he actually dissed you in a text! Can you imagine the laughs they must have about you behind your back? You can bet they have been very, very cruel and make you the butt of their jokes. He's cheating, disrespecting you to other women and constantly lying. What more do you need to call this off? Is he going to have to stab you? Give you an STD? There's not a whole left on the list because he's been as bad a partner as you could be without inciting violence. You need to set your boundaries before you get into a relationship. That way you will make the right decision before your mind is clouded with emotion. Since you obviously didn't do that, you need to start setting them now. Cheating isn't your deal-breaker, so what is? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 You have us here for support.....just have to ask for it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 Please take heed of this: Life should never be about just one person. Life isn't meant to be about just one person. You need other people to interact with, to reach your full potential as a human being. Why do you not have any friends? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sadand Posted February 4, 2016 Author Share Posted February 4, 2016 I just don't know what I'll do once we break up. I'm not very popular and I don't have any friends to help me with this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sadand Posted February 4, 2016 Author Share Posted February 4, 2016 I never connect with anyone. I've tried to make friends so many times and they either don't reciprocate the effort or we don't have anything in common Link to post Share on other sites
HereNorThere Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 What you're describing is called co-dependency and it's not healthy at all. What will you do? You'll live life the same as you always have. You'll get over the break-up, start spending more time with family and friends and working on yourself. Eventually you meet someone new and the cycle starts again. You're young, so get used to it. Love is not all puppy dogs and rainbows. There is dark, ugly side and we all have to go through it sometimes. It's just a part of life. Staying with a cheater because you're afraid of being bored is a new one for me. I've heard lots of excuses, but that one is pretty rare. I'd rather be bored and alone instead of the emotional roller coaster of dating a cheater. YMMV 1 Link to post Share on other sites
strugglinghubby Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 We are both 20 and we have been dating for 3 years. My boyfriend has been emotionally cheating on me with a girl he kissed when we were on break a year ago. They text all the time and she admitted she had feelings for him. He's told there's nothing going on but she sent me the texts and he sends her stuff like "i wish she were you", "When you text me I'm more excited than when my girlfriend texts me", "I think about you all the time", etc.... I know they could be fakes but it was his number. I feel like an idiot and I know I have to dump him. I just don't know how to break up with him. How can I deal with losing this important person in my life and being alone? He just doesn't seem like the kind of guy who would do this. He's always been supportive and attentive and loving. I don't know how to be without him. You might place him as important in your life, but he clearly doesn't think you're important enough to treat you with respect. Is that how you want to live the rest of your life? With someone that doesn't respect you and is willing to treat you this way? You deserve better than that, you will have no problem finding someone that will treat you the right way you deserve to be treated, leave his ass. Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 Sometimes in life it's all too easy to become reliant on one person. Friends drift away or we move & become isolated. NEVER allow a man to treat you badly because of FEAR!! When you dump him he will grovel, lie & make excuses. NO!! If you had been married for a decade with kids I might encourage you to work through this but at your age? NO! This should be the 'honeymoon' phase. He should be loving & cherishing you. He should be PROTECTING you from cheap girls like her NOT encouraging her to be mean about you!! Let me confess...I've always been a cereal dater! I've never spent much time alone & single...I wish I'd been different! Why don't you have a think about things that interest you, reading, cooking, politics, social issues, charity etc & join a local group? Make some new friends & grow yourself. I'm shy. It's only hard the first time you have to walk through the door. This is the time in your life to set & be sure of your boundaries as another poster said. Be a lady who will NEVER tolerate cheating, lying, abuse, being taken for granted.... I promise you that your life will be better for it Dump him & never look back! DON'T fall for the tears!! No self respecting woman should tolerate being treated so badly by an immature, user like him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sadand Posted February 4, 2016 Author Share Posted February 4, 2016 I can't be sure that I'll find someone else. I just don't believe I will at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sadand Posted February 4, 2016 Author Share Posted February 4, 2016 I completely understand all that and I want to believe I can make it on my own but I'm too scared. I don't want to end up miserable and he made me so happy all the time before I knew this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sadand Posted February 4, 2016 Author Share Posted February 4, 2016 I'm afraid of being alone. Not bored. I'm scared I won't find anyone else and that I'll be sad forever. Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 We've all known the fear! Please believe me. You will be sad. You will mourn the loss of this relationship. Now's the time to find a support system, new friends, new interests. You'll have plenty more boyfriends, that's part of growing-up. I don't think women should even think about marriage until their late 20's!! Enjoy yourself. RESPECT YOURSELF!! Please don't get stuck with some cheat just because you're frightened. Read around these forums & see the nightmare that some women are living!! You're 20, believe me it's way more terrifying when you're 50!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HereNorThere Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 I'm afraid of being alone. Not bored. I'm scared I won't find anyone else and that I'll be sad forever. As long as you're still female, you never have to worry about being alone. Spend about 10 minutes on a dating site and you'll see exactly what I mean. If you were a reclusive male, you fears may be warranted, but you aren't. The only way you'll be sad forever is staying with this guy. He will continue to hurt you over and over because he doesn't respect you. Wouldn't you rather be alone than be with a jerk? I honestly think I like being single more than I do being in a relationship. Once you get past your co-dependency, you'll see what I'm talking about. You're young and your heart will be broken many more times throughout the years. People you love will betray you, people you love will die, and many other bad things will happen to you. It's better just to accept it now and move on. You can't spend your time being scared of life. Don't make this worse than it already is. You came into this world alone and you will die alone. Get comfortable with yourself because it's the only relationship that will truly last. Link to post Share on other sites
RySant Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 and that scares me to break up with him and have no one But at this point, you already have no one. What you have is only an illusion. Sometimes, we need to take our path on our own so that we'll get more insight as to what we truly need and deserve. This is where we are being asked to be courageous. Have courage for yourself. You don't deserve to be treated this way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sadand Posted February 4, 2016 Author Share Posted February 4, 2016 He's still very present in my life. We spend a lot of time together. He texts her in his free time. I just don't know what to think because he still acts the same with me. He doesn't feel disconnected or absent Link to post Share on other sites
Author sadand Posted February 4, 2016 Author Share Posted February 4, 2016 He doesn't know I've seen the texts. He still acts the same and we see each other all the time. He isn't distant or absent. He doesn't act like the relationship is over and that he's with the other girl Link to post Share on other sites
HereNorThere Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 It looks like you have 2 choices: leave or stay with a cheater. I'm guessing you are going to with "stay with a cheater" because you haven't even confronted him about the text. He knows that you won't stand up for yourself, so he can cheat all he wants. It's very simple actually. Link to post Share on other sites
Robratory Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 He's still very present in my life. We spend a lot of time together. He texts her in his free time. I just don't know what to think because he still acts the same with me. He doesn't feel disconnected or absent What do you mean you don't know what to think? You should think it's simply unacceptable. If you're in a committed relationship, I'm sorry, but you can't have close friends of the opposite sex. Nobody likes that, and most people don't accept it. Nobody should have to accept it. You should ask yourself why you have not acted decisively. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
loveflower Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 but she sent me the texts and he sends her stuff like "i wish she were you", "When you text me I'm more excited than when my girlfriend texts me", "I think about you all the time", etc.... I know they could be fakes but it was his number. I feel like an idiot and I know I have to dump him.. are you sure the texts were authentically from your bf? what if they were indeed fakes? Link to post Share on other sites
Author sadand Posted February 4, 2016 Author Share Posted February 4, 2016 I don't know. I haven't confronted him about them yet. I'm afraid of the answer. I wish it would go away to be honest. I don't want to believe that he did. Link to post Share on other sites
RySant Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 I don't know. I haven't confronted him about them yet. I'm afraid of the answer. I wish it would go away to be honest. I don't want to believe that he did. Your being afraid will dig your own grave, girl. In this world, especially in the dating world, you have to know when to stand up for yourself and fight. You just can't make yourself be blind about stuff and be blindsided in the future. What happens if one day he'll tell you that he'll leave for her? You got cheated and you got dumped. I am not saying to leave him, but I believe you should confront him, and demand the truth. From there, you should decide the right thing for yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sadand Posted February 4, 2016 Author Share Posted February 4, 2016 Yeah I know. What do I do with myself if I dump him? Link to post Share on other sites
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