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Smart woman, dumb decisions..sorry, long one


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Hi,

 

So let me start off by saying that I think I've already made up my mind but because I tend to overanalyze everything to the extreme I need unbiased opinion at the risk of looking niave and desperate.

 

So I've known a male friend of mine for 25 years and he and I dated initially many years ago but I ended it because he didn't want more kids down the road, he had 3 at the time. To be clear I didn't want more kids at that time, just eventually. I had none at that point. So we lose touch and reconnect after my divorce 7 years ago and started a friends with benefits relationship. I preferred it actually because I wasn't ready for another commitment. Meanwhile he ended up having another 2 kids in that time we hadn't spoke. So for the majority of the last few years or so we were just friends with benefits. Always used protection, etc. even talked to each other about our dating nightmares, etc.

 

At some point he stayed with me because he needed to get back on his feet after a job loss, this was his idea. He ended up not finding a job and after 6 months and we agreed it was time for him to move out. During this process though he's professing his love and how he would move but really wished that I would consider a relationship once he got his life back on track. I wasn't feeling it, but again we stayed friends just this time there were no benefits. Fast forward 6 months later it comes on social media that he'd had yet another child. I was shocked, called him and he was like a dog with his tail bw his legs only bc that entire 6 months prior he had been trying to convince me to be in a relationship with him.

 

So anyway, baby turns out to be by his crazy ex whom he'd claimed for years he didn't mess with anymore. His excuse: he was at a mutual friend's get together, drinking, she came onto him, his ego got the best of him, ohhh and I wasn't dealing with him so it just happened.

 

I literally didn't talk to him even with his continued efforts for just short of a year. I ended up letting it go and we resume our friendship again, why u ask bc aside from all the other b.s. we actually got along and had genuine, laugh so hard you cry, talk about hopes and dreams, our families know each other, etc. type of relationship. So it was easy and a comfort to fall back into and up to this point I didn't want more I just didn't appreciate being lied to.

 

So that was that, fast forward to this year, we're cool no drama, etc. and come this summer he professes that he truly wants to settle down and be with me if I want it too and timing or something I was feeling like I wanted a relationship. I thought with him at the time. We agree and start functioning as such and then one day he uses my tablet to go on social media and I just happen to get on and realize that he didn't log out of his account. just dropped in my lap so to speak. So I take it upon myself to look in his inbox..keep in mind this is maybe a month or two after we make our relationship official and he tells me that he is not and won't be involved with anyone else. He's got 4 or 5 different conversations going with diff females about things that a taken man would not be discussing. So I go off on him and call him out, he minimizes it and basically says I'm overexaggerating and that it's not what it looks like. I'm pissed but he claims that these women hadn't accepted that he was moving on yet and I guess because our relationship status was so new I accepted it.

 

Fast forward 2 months later, I got an std from him. It was treatable and gone now so no issues but I know for fact for the last couple of years during the on and off times I had only been with him and I have always been on top of my health status in getting tested regularly like clockwork. The diff this time was that bc we were being fully committed that we didn't feel the need to use protection, dumb and lesson learned on my part, so I go off and confront him. He takes 100% blame but says that it must've been dormant for months bc he hadn't messed with anyone in the 4 months we were supp to have been monogamous officially. I told him he was full of it and since then I've just backed off a bit, I personally feel like I can't trust him. The last item is that 2 weeks ago I saw a pic of his ex with one of his shirts on. I know it was his bc he wore it to my house a month before.

 

The relevance and other piece to this is that he and I live 2 hours away from one another, so that just adds to all of he above.

 

But let him tell it all the above doesn't mean he's cheating.

I'm a divorced, single mother and I left my ex bc he was disrespectful, mean, a bully, and verbally abusive. I also didn't want that as an example for my child. I for some reason can not do the same when it comes to this man with all his kids, his constant need for me to show up for him emotionally all the time, but yet he really is barely there for me physically for sure and even somewhat emotionally bc he dismisses everything like I'm being overemotional and calls me paranoid.

 

Btw he has 8 kids by 4 women. None since we became a couple but still. I'm just tired of the b.s and resentment is festering bc I really felt like and thought and still hear this man claim how much he wants us to all be a family which is what I wanted for my child but then there are constant red flags.

 

This man is the only man other than his dad and my family that my child has been around that I've dated, no1 else in 6 years.

 

I believe I've had enough of th b.s but it's only been 4 months technically, and that std really could've been dormant and maybe she did just happen to randomly find his shirt - all of which sound like a crock of garbage to me but I just need someone else's to tell me this. I know it already, just need someone who doesn't already know me to tell me like I would tell any of my friends. I know it's not the being alone thing bc I've done it before. I'm educated, own house, own car, nice paying job, child very well taken care of but this man has this hold for some reason but I believe I'm done.

 

Anyway, thanks.

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8 kids to 4 women says it all really.

 

Sounds like a crock of garbage to me too. You should never speak to this joker again.

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Omg this guy is a douche bag....Get some respect and toss him in the trash.

No job, 8 kids 4 different women.....chatting up girls on facebook...You do not deserve this one bit.

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His poor behavior+your bad choices = disaster.

 

I'm sorry you are in this predicament but, you need to take care of yourself before you lose everything.

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I'm a divorced, single mother and I left my ex bc he was disrespectful, mean, a bully, and verbally abusive. I also didn't want that as an example for my child.

you divorced your husband for lack of respect any yet tolerate a worst form of disrespect !!!!

it seems like you are addicted to this guy. stay awaaaaaaaay from him

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GunslingerRoland

Go see a councilor and find out why you are so willing to let this mean treat you like garbage again and again and it keeps you coming back for more.

 

 

Calling your decision making in this matter dumb, is highly overrating it. Dumb is going on a second date with someone you have red flags from. Doing it on and off for 25 years is self destructive.

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