Jump to content

Signs of cheating and forgiveness?


Recommended Posts

Hi All.

Me and my partner are in a long distance relationship and have been dating for 9 months.

He recently came to stay with me for a month, and during his time here I noticed a connection with one of his female friends.

He spoke cuter to her (hes typically cold) than he even did to me.

On top of it, he did not tell her about me. He says he did but there were too many signs that he didn't.

When she asked him why he was here, he said "Just vacation" (no mention of me) and he sent her the same pictures he sent me. (Idk why that hurt me). She would randomly video call him and tell him she missed him, and it started to bother me.

I was mature and talked through it with him. He promised it was completely platonic and said he spoke like that when he was pretending to be nice. He also mentioned he thought it was cute that I was a bit jealous.

Moving forward, after he went back to his home country, he offhandedly informed me that they had stopped talking because it bothered me so much. He said if he received a message, he would ignore it...he volunteered this information freely.

A few weeks later, he was sharing his screen with me and I saw a convo between them. I asked him what that was about and he said he completely forgot he told me they would stop talking, and she messaged him so he just messaged back.

I told him, accident or not, he had lied to me. He apologized and let me watch him "Block her" (He also volunteered this)

Now its a few months later, but I'm still having serious trust issues. We got into a huge fight yesterday and he said hes tried everything to get my trust back and I've pushed him as far back as he can go.

I'm afraid to break if off in case it really was innocent, but also worried I'll be just another girl who ignored the signs. I need outside advice....thanks.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Hi All.

Me and my partner are in a long distance relationship and have been dating for 9 months.

He recently came to stay with me for a month, and during his time here I noticed a connection with one of his female friends.

He spoke cuter to her (hes typically cold) than he even did to me.

On top of it, he did not tell her about me. He says he did but there were too many signs that he didn't.

When she asked him why he was here, he said "Just vacation" (no mention of me) and he sent her the same pictures he sent me. (Idk why that hurt me). She would randomly video call him and tell him she missed him, and it started to bother me.

I was mature and talked through it with him. He promised it was completely platonic and said he spoke like that when he was pretending to be nice. He also mentioned he thought it was cute that I was a bit jealous.

Moving forward, after he went back to his home country, he offhandedly informed me that they had stopped talking because it bothered me so much. He said if he received a message, he would ignore it...he volunteered this information freely.

A few weeks later, he was sharing his screen with me and I saw a convo between them. I asked him what that was about and he said he completely forgot he told me they would stop talking, and she messaged him so he just messaged back.

I told him, accident or not, he had lied to me. He apologized and let me watch him "Block her" (He also volunteered this)

Now its a few months later, but I'm still having serious trust issues. We got into a huge fight yesterday and he said hes tried everything to get my trust back and I've pushed him as far back as he can go.

I'm afraid to break if off in case it really was innocent, but also worried I'll be just another girl who ignored the signs. I need outside advice....thanks.

 

Read the bold parts again....Please walk away, He is a player and will have more then one lined up. You need a man you can trust and he is not that man he is a bum...

Edited by Redfisher
its early and i missed a word..haha
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

The red flags are flying high here.

 

Dump him, he is not trustworthy. No matter what the details are, that is fact, and lack of trust means any relationship is doomed.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

The thing is, the girl he was talking to lives in China, and he lives in Korea. On top of it, I have no evidence of him saying "Just Vacay". He says I could've misunderstood because they were speaking Korean, and my Korean is basic. He says he didn't send the pictures to her, but another friend. Moreover we spend every second together that he is not at school. He occasionally goes out with friends but not often.

But then there was a weird thing today, where he said he had to go to his school. I asked why and he said, "I have to check something. Like a document." (Really vague and suspicious...) But thats the only suspicious thing I've heard from him.

Link to post
Share on other sites

You are in an LDR with a man in another country?

 

How often do you see each other? Any end game plans,? He is going to move near you,? You near him,?

 

Honestly I don't know how people meet their physical needs in most LDRs

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
You are in an LDR with a man in another country?

 

How often do you see each other? Any end game plans,? He is going to move near you,? You near him,?

 

Honestly I don't know how people meet their physical needs in most LDRs

 

We met a few months ago and will meet again at the end of next month. We are speaking about moving in together when I start Uni (Next year)

We usually spend around 3 months together when we meet.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Moreover we spend every second together that he is not at school.

 

How could you spend every single second together when you're in a long distance relationship?

 

This girl isn't just "a friend." If she was his friend she'd know exactly who you are. I think he's playing you. Big time.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
How could you spend every single second together when you're in a long distance relationship?

 

This girl isn't just "a friend." If she was his friend she'd know exactly who you are. I think he's playing you. Big time.

 

We skype call literally 24/7, Even when we sleep. This is also something he volunteered.

He keeps assuring me she does know about me, he even made his profile picture to have both of us in it.

I keep saying "If only I could talk to her, I wouldnt feel so threatened"

But he says hes done with even talking to her because of the huge problem.

Not to mention, me and her have a language barrier.

Link to post
Share on other sites

If you want to keep trying to convince yourself that it's ok to continue with this dishonest person, then go ahead.

 

You posted about your suspicions but when you got replies about him being a liar and being more involved with her than you realize, you keep defending the situation and telling us you're connected to him via Skype 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year..

 

I'm not sure what you're looking for since you keep defending him and making excuses for him.

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
If you want to keep trying to convince yourself that it's ok to continue with this dishonest person, then go ahead.

 

You posted about your suspicions but when you got replies about him being a liar and being more involved with her than you realize, you keep defending the situation and telling us you're connected to him via Skype 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year..

 

I'm not sure what you're looking for since you keep defending him and making excuses for him.

 

 

What Louis said. But, and I am sorry if the language I am going to use is not to your liking, so be forewarned: You are connected to him via Skype 27 / 7. This other woman is connected to him via their sex organs. The school he said he needs to go to was probably where their daughter is going and the administration needed both parents there for some reason. You are just the Motel 6 that he parks his Volvo in when he is away from his real family....:(

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
If you want to keep trying to convince yourself that it's ok to continue with this dishonest person, then go ahead.

 

You posted about your suspicions but when you got replies about him being a liar and being more involved with her than you realize, you keep defending the situation and telling us you're connected to him via Skype 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year..

 

I'm not sure what you're looking for since you keep defending him and making excuses for him.

 

I know that you're right. I'm fighting it hard. Because you know...its just easier to hope I'm wrong.

I'm convinced, and now the fun part is catching him and throwing it in his face. Revenge is sweet.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I know that you're right. I'm fighting it hard. Because you know...its just easier to hope I'm wrong.

I'm convinced, and now the fun part is catching him and throwing it in his face. Revenge is sweet.

 

Not really. If he is bold enough to lie to you about his relationship with her, he isn't really that concerned about what you think or feel. He's also able to pull the wool over your eyes and he can surely do it to her too. What do you feel you would gain from "catching" him?

 

Him having a profile picture of the two of you doesn't mean a lot, because he can restrict who sees it. Also I wouldn't be surprised if this woman doesn't live in China at all.

 

Just delete him from your life. He will know why. And it will be on the next side-piece.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Not really. If he is bold enough to lie to you about his relationship with her, he isn't really that concerned about what you think or feel. He's also able to pull the wool over your eyes and he can surely do it to her too. What do you feel you would gain from "catching" him?

 

Him having a profile picture of the two of you doesn't mean a lot, because he can restrict who sees it. Also I wouldn't be surprised if this woman doesn't live in China at all.

 

Just delete him from your life. He will know why. And it will be on the next side-piece.

 

I told him we were breaking up. He kind of freaked out and asked why. I told him and he further freaked out. He said I could have her skype/line id, he said I could message her, he showed me his messages to her and the fact that he hadn't talked to her since the 3rd of the fifth. Should I still continue?

Link to post
Share on other sites

No you shouldn't continue.

 

If you continue, you are letting him know that you don't believe you deserve better and that you won't demand better for yourself. Stand up for yourself, block him on every avenue possible and wash your hands of this moron.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...