I've been with my partner for a year and a half and a year ago he met two of my closest friends at a festival. One friend is considered universally hot and the other is less conventionally 'hot' but still attractive.
I've known my partner for 12 years (he was a colleague then friend at a distance), and also have known my attractive friend for 20 years.
My partner got very drunk that night and my attractive friend rubbed her butt over the fire which my partner's face told me he found a turn on (i know his turned on face of course). It didn't bother me as he was drunk and i just thought, 'ah blokes' and i would kind of expect any man to appreciate a beautiful woman/sexy woman objectively and no doubt my other friend had she done the same, would've gotten the same reaction.
I'd assumed though that at knowing them for just that short day/night, that he wouldn't have gotten to know either of them very well and make a superficial judgement on both. As time went on though, i realised that from seeing them both together, that my attractive friend was his type rather than my hot friend. I haven't had this intuition about him with any of my other friends who are all attractive.
So anyway, months down the line, we were sitting eating dinner and i don't know how my friend came into the conversation but he got all serious and said how, 'she's got something (looking like he was about to cry and pointing to his chest), really special, she's so genuine, cares about everything she does and is so natural'. What he likes most about people is genuineness and naturalness. It's like the thing he regards the highest. It was the intensity of feeling with which he said it that threw me.
I was a bit reluctant to bring her up again after that but then again i didn't want to pretend she doesn't exist, shes my best friend. Months later she told me she was relocating nearer where we live. I told my partner. He got this happy goofy look on his face and said he was happy for me. Did she need a place to stay while sorting herself out. I said our place was a two bedroom, no couch, and we have his two kids over a lot. He said, 'we could move to a bigger place'. I was like wtf (inside) lol
)) So i kinda probed and asked if he would be happy for any of my friends and family to move in with us a while and he said of course but that he knew she was a hard worker and wouldn't intrude (he knows nothing about her work ethic or job situation - she was unemployed for a year when he met her although that was circumstances not her fault). He also then back tracked and said, 'be careful though i know what it's like living with friends and it can get annoying after two weeks'. But i didn't forget his initial enthusiasm.
They have a lot in common (which neither know as they barely know each other), and have similar outlooks on things and i think if he knew her better, he would like her more and more. His initial first impression was already really positive but in a way that seemed more intense than objective and he hasn't spoken so positively about any of my other friends/family.
There was also a time when i did her a favour (2 hours detour after a 5 hour trip to give her new flatmate keys while she was on holiday). My partner was annoyed at the detour and kept saying, 'i hope the flatmate knows the trouble you are going to for her' and i said 'it's my friend i am doing the favour for' but at no point did he get annoyed at her as he did this anonymous person for the inconvenience. And it wasn't even her that had inconvenienced us, it was my friend (i don't mind but he seemed to go out of his way to not blame her and yet he felt annoyed enough to blame the other girl). So i said, 'if it were my hot friend, (who he wasn't keen on), who had asked me this favour you'd be blaming her right now'. He smiled and said, 'yes probably'. I said so how come you don't blame (my attractive friend) . He replied that she was a lot more genuine and wouldn't put me out unless she could help it (even though i had said she hadn't replied to any of my messages asking to rearrange this thing so i could do the trip an easier way). In fact my hot friend is a lot more s*** hot when it comes to organising things.
I said, 'you seem pretty taken with my attractive friend'. And he said he wasn't it's just that i seemed to gel with her better than the other girl and that it had only happened a few times in his life where he'd met someone he felt was so genuine as her. I suppose what bothered me was that i don't feel he compliments me with the same intensity or passion so to speak.
On the other hand, his pet hate is to be judged. And my attractive friend makes everyone feel comfortable while he felt under the microscope with my hot friend who asked him some tough questions to see is she thought he was good enough for me which i thought was endearing. He is very black and white about people. Love or hate. But i've never heard him be this emphatic about anyone in a positive way, and if it was just superficial comppliments about looks or passing compliments about anything else, i wouldn't care, but it's like he goes into a different mode when talking about her.
I am very passionate about certain things that my partner is not, and my best friend has the same take as him (unbeknown to them).
I know my relationship is relatively good, and i do love him, but what matters to him most in a relationship is how he feels about the other person, and after all we have been through and i have supported him with, it feels strange that someone he's met only twice, has made such a deep lasting impression on him. Someone i don't want to feel uncomfortable with him being around and she's really important to me. And yet i feel that if they spend more time together, his feelings for her will only deepen, and i just feel sick at the thought of having to go through this as i cannot organise my time and activities so they don't see each other which i honestly feel i have already done.
I don't feel my friend would reciprocate. For more than one reason. However, it's not really the point. If she had strong feelings for him and vice versa i would have to step aside, it means he's not for me. I know any partner i have will always find other women attractive physically and personally but like he said about her, this is rare.
If anyone has any insight they'd like to share or perspective i'm open to hearing opinions. At the end of the day i think i have to let them be around each other and if it still really bothers me in that, there are more compliments or a bond forming between them that i feel left out of then i'll have to consider that but i am scared to as i already feel like i know what will happen.